Language Is Powerful; Choose Your Words Wisely
Apr 09, 2021
"Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never harm me." It may be an adage, but that does not make it right. Words can harm and often do, especially when it comes to self-talk.
Let's clarify what I mean by self-talk. Psychology Today Canada states that "self-talk, combining conscious thoughts and unconscious beliefs and biases, provides a way for the brain to interpret and process daily experiences." Another way to look at it, it's the stuff we tell ourselves automatically and often before we can stop ourselves. The truth is that we speak to ourselves constantly and often in a derogatory way.
The challenge is that we may not mean everything we say to ourselves, so we do not pay much attention to what we are saying or how often we say it. However, the problem with that is that the brain is literal and works to create the reality you describe. What truth are you telling your brain to make? Your brain is always listening, and language is powerful, so choose your words carefully.
When you say to yourself, "You idiot!" in the middle of a self-deprecating tirade, you are perpetuating a falsehood. Take a step back and think about the situation. By the way, the definition of the word "idiot" according to Webster's Dictionary is "a foolish or stupid person." I don't think you are foolish or stupid. You may be brilliant but find yourself in an awkward or unknown situation and made a mistake. That doesn't make you an idiot. It makes you human. It shows you learning or, at the very least, you have created a situation where you can learn something.
Don't throw away that opportunity for growth!
Here is the million-dollar question: With the inherent stresses found in life today, does your self-talk support you or work against you? If you think negative self-talk has the upper hand, then here are a few simple ways to combat that when you find it happening:
- take a few calming breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth
- next, isolate the thought
- change the thought to something more accepting and positive
For example, "I notice I'm feeling like an idiot, and I see where I made a mistake." That may sound unnatural but try it. Rephrasing the sentence removes the idea that you are the "feeling" in your entirety, thus lessening the impact. It's ok to feel foolish but don't tell yourself or others that you are foolish. Notice the difference?
Here are a couple more examples to which you may relate.
Negative
No one cares about my opinion, so why bother to give it?
Positive
I have an idea, and my voice matters.
Negative
I haven't a clue what's going on, as usual.
Positive
I need clarity on this, and that's ok. Asking questions shows I care.
These exercises may feel cumbersome at first, but it is one way to start managing your well-being and change your negative self-talk.
I know this sounds too easy to make a difference. However, positive self-talk has proven benefits for overall health and happiness. You may not notice a difference overnight, but it is worth the effort, and over time can affect real change for you in your daily life.
If you are curious about how much your self-talk affects your well-being, take this short poll. It's a quick way to get to know yourself a little more and help determine your overall well-being.
Self-Talk
On a scale of 1-10, with one being hardly ever and ten being all the time.
- How often do you find yourself feeling anxious or stressed in the day?
- When feeling anxious or stressed, do you typically feel better by the end of the day?
- When feeling anxious or stressed in the day, do you take time to understand why?
- Does your understanding of why you are feeling anxious or stressed include looking at self-talk?
- How often have you tried to change your self-talk?
If you are not happy with what you have just learned about your well-being or have questions about how you can manage your self-talk in general, please reach out to me at [email protected].
