Mindfulness When You Need It The Most (Connecting the Dots)
Apr 09, 2021
Have you ever found yourself, all of a sudden, angry, scattered, and unfocused? If you are anything like me, then you answered yes in all caps!
The truth of life today, for most of us, is that we are approaching one year of life being upside down, backwards and inside out - all at the same time! Throw in the fear and uncertainty of a global pandemic and the loss of a job or career, then the chances of the above-noted feelings making their way into your existence are pretty strong.
Hello, stressful days!
Here is how I can be feeling in that moment of stress:
- Butterflies in my stomach
- Tightness in my chest
- Heaviness in my throat
- Headache
- Accelerated heart rate
Often if I get caught up in the incident that prompted those feelings, I begin a self-dialogue of negativity that perpetuates those feelings. And so starts the dreaded and vicious cycle.
The frustrating thing is that I am usually aware that I am heading towards a slippery slope but still cannot put on the brakes. Why is that? Let's explore.
Firstly, I have to acknowledge that, on some level, I need those feelings to fulfil a role I have chosen for myself at that moment. Note, I am not by any stretch an expert but have read about and believe that I subconsciously choose to take on specific roles to fulfil a need (victim, persecutor, rescuer). I am not astute enough to fully understand the why's behind that. However, I have learned a couple of tips that help at the moment.
Suppose I can tune into those emotions and ask myself pointed questions to understand why I have those feelings. In that case, I know I stand a better chance of navigating the experience to a better outcome.
One of the things I do is pinpoint what I am feeling and where I am feeling it. Then I ask myself what brought these feelings on? Next, I typically ask if there may be an underlying issue/emotion causing the feeling. What's going on, Mahara? Sometimes this exploration goes layers deep!
For example, I may yell at the kids when I go into the pantry and see that someone has left the lid of the cracker box open, so whatever crackers are left are now stale. When I pinpoint what I feel, where I feel it, and what may be an underlying issue/emotion, I usually find that what I am upset about has nothing to do with a few stale crackers. Seriously Mahara, get over yourself! I have realized that I could be fretting about work, or my weight or any other myriad of stresses that make up my daily life.
Questioning yourself this way is an example of being mindful. It can help navigate a disappointment, challenging situation or the flare-up of anger I mentioned at the start of this blog.
The trick, however, is finding the motivation for introspection when you are in the throws of such strong emotions. Ya, that's a tough one for sure. But you know the saying, "Being miserable is hard, being mindful is hard, choose your hard." Well, I'm not sure that exact wording is the saying, but you get the idea.
I was interviewing a very courageous woman yesterday, and we were discussing the power of connecting the dots in our lives. That is an excellent way to look at this idea of striving for mindfulness when you need it the most so we can understand ourselves better and connect the dots from one emotion/experience to the next.
If getting to the heart of the problem is too complex a prospect, I will sometimes settle for just calming down. Again I begin with pinpointing what I am feeling and where in my body this feeling is manifesting itself. Then, I consciously slow my breathing, close my eyes and picture that body part in a calming white light. I often repeat an affirmation at the same time. My standard over the years has been, "In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole and complete."
* Thank you, LousieHay! 
Once I have calmed down, then I expand my awareness of my surroundings. What do I see or taste? What am I hearing or smelling? This simple exercise helps to ground me in the present moment (mindfulness) and is a beautiful way to return to my current reality and acknowledge the good things in my life (gratitude). I may put off the deep introspection for another day, and that's ok.
To recap, when you find yourself in need of calming down, for whatever reason, doing these few things can help;
- acknowledge the physical feelings
- choose your hard
- ask your self pointed questions
- check on all your senses
- use a favourite affirmation
Last but certainly not least, permit yourself to let it go and move on with your day. You are, after all, a perfect child of the universe doing your best.
- Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life, Insights, Hay House 1984.
