Mahara Wayman [00:00:41]:
Welcome to the art of badassery podcast where we celebrate individuals who embody strength, resilience, and fearless pursuit of their passions. Today, I'm so honored to have Emily Pasnak-Lapchick as my guest, a true embodiment of the art of badassery. From a young age, Emily's unwavering love for animals and determination to stand up for their rights shaped her into a compassionate force to be reckoned with. She grew that passion into a desire to fight social injustice. Emily's journey took an exciting turn as her fascination with the ocean, and marine life grew. Inspired by her childhood favorite movie, The Little Mermaid, she set her sights on becoming a marine biologist fueled by her deep connection to the ocean's mysteries. Emily worked for years in the human rights arena for UNICEF USA and others. Today, she embraces her career as a social impact coach and consultant. Empowering individuals who strive for social change. Her commitment to guiding others through career transitions breaking cycles of burnout and nurturing self compassion epitomizes the true essence of badassery. Beyond her professional pursuits, Emily finds joy in various artistic endeavors. She immerses herself in drawing, coloring, and reading fantasy novels intricately woven with social justice themes and featuring strong diverse protagonist. Her love for experimentation extends to craft in unique cocktail mixtures spending hours perfecting elaborate meals and embarking on creative hobbies like Crochet. In the true spirit of badassery, Emily fearlessly embraces life's adventures. Whether enjoying the beach, relaxing in the hammock, or indulging in her love for arcades, she brings a contagious energy that inspires those around her. Get ready for an empowering conversation today as we delve into Emily's resilience journey. Her commitment to social impact, and her unapologetic pursuit of life filled with compassion and creativity. This episode is a testament to the art of badassery in its truest form. Emily, welcome to the show. I'm so excited to chat with you today.
Emily Pasnak-Lapchick [00:02:54]:
Thank you so much. I'm excited to share this space with you, and I really need you know, I need you to write my bio from now on.
Mahara Wayman [00:03:01]:
Bio. Absolutely. I'm happy to share that with you. So, Emily, earlier on, we talked about some key moments in your life that have led you to where you are today, and I'm wondering if we could start there. What do you think was 1 of the first transformational moments in your adult life? That led you to where you are today? Tell us about that.
Emily Pasnak-Lapchick [00:03:25]:
That's a great question. I when I was an undergrad, I when I was an undergrad, I took a course on the issue of human trafficking, and I took it because I and when I was younger, I had learned about -- being forced into armed conflict and thought I would learn more about that, but I was really exposed. At this time, human trafficking was not something that most people were talking about or was well known. And when I was exposed to that issue and having grown up with parents who were very social justice oriented and being opposed to those types of issues all the time. I was really shocked to learn the extent to which that was happening and began a a relentless pursuit of under understanding, you know, who was working on these issues, what were the types of actions that could be taken around it, and ultimately landed at an internship at UNICEF USA, which transformed into a full time job to build an a national awareness and advocacy program from the ground up on the issue of trafficking. And It was also unique for the organization because at that time, UNICEF's a huge international organization and very complex And within the US, they do fundraising education and advocacy around children's rights. And most of the focus at that time was really focused on issues impacting children in other countries. But when we looked at the issue of human trafficking, we wanted to Be sure to talk about how that was impacting children in the United States and connect that with to what was happening around the globe. So it was a really interesting citing experience because in building that, we both had to kind of learn and survey the field and integrate our own sort of knowledge and figure out where our unique value add was. And, also, you know, within the internal dynamics of the organization, make a case for why for the first time the organization should be speaking about the the way that these issues were impacting children in the US as well. And ended up being a really successful campaign. We were able to, you know, work with a lot of different diverse stakeholders. We were able to represent a global campaign that UNICEF was doing around ending violence against children as well and have her own spin on it. And I was able to grow in so many different ways of that organization, wear so many different hats. And I really felt such a deep connection to a sense of purpose, -- felt a deep connection to passion. I was working both with community members and and students and volunteers and community organizers, and I was also sharing stages with folks whose books I had read in college, which felt really surreal at the time. But I think that that diversity of experience, especially at such a young age, was really, really impactful and powerful for me.
Mahara Wayman [00:06:15]:
What an amazing experience. I I can't even imagine. I'm so curious though because you touched on how it felt to be part of this global organization and you you you know, way that you grew as a professional, I'm curious if that experience opened your eyes in a different way and how it may have affected you as a young woman of privilege in so much as, you know, you're where you were at in that moment. Was there any sort of a growth that you could ex that you could share with us that was more internal rather than --
Emily Pasnak-Lapchick [00:06:54]:
I'm getting chills listening to question being asked, I think so much of the growth was internal. Learning I mean, a lot of learning around the position of power and privilege that I had and the influence and responsibility that came with that. Also, a lot of learning. I was also as as part of that, part of the first cohort of a global citizenship fellows program. So at that time, I was part of a cohort of other young nonprofit leaders growing in their careers who were advocating on issues in different cities around the country, And I learned so much from the other fellows in that program who had really diverse different experiences. And as that program evolved, we started kind of pushing the boundaries of what was happening internally as well around you know, issues of race, issues of privilege, gender dynamics. I think there's a lot of yeah. There's there's so much internal growth that's hard to even kinda crystallize or describe what it was. I think also the exposure at such an international organization to, like, so much cross cultural collaboration happened and so much kind of having to understand the cultural context that I was working in and that the constituents who we were serving were working in and also understanding how that cultural context was completely different when we would be speaking to colleagues in a different office or even a different region of the world. And understanding the different ways. Like, when it came to human trafficking and child protection, 1 of the things that I really loved about UNICEF was they are very intentional about the cultural context and are intentional about hiring staff who within countries who have grown up within that context, understand the cultural context, and I think that was a really important exposure for me at such a young age to understand within the realm of social impact. Like, how certain people can be positioned and how that has an impact and influence over the the effectiveness of programs, the effectiveness of interventions, and also being thoughtful. I think 1 of the other things I know now I'm not talking as much about internal change, but I think in in having that exposure to how UNICEF runs their programs, the internal changes that, you know, I was able to understand was really being thoughtful around the the places that I positioned myself and the spaces that I entered and also the amount of space that I intentionally took up or took a step back in order to create space for others who were more you know, had a lived experience or had a stronger expertise in that area. Could be at the forefront of the decision making as well.
Mahara Wayman [00:09:51]:
Okay. Thank you for sharing. I'm getting goosebumps because what I heard And please correct me if I if if this isn't quite on track. But what I heard was, apart from all of the there was a myriad of amazing opportunities for growth and running within this organization. But 1 thing that stuck out for me was recognizing, number 1, that clarity is everything. And it sounds like this be being willing to ask questions and learn from all of the divide diverse communities and stakeholders. That comprised this this endeavor was key. But then there's an a component of being intentional. The company itself, UNICEF itself, is very intentional about what they wanted. And to me, clarity and intention go hand in hand in all areas of life. So does that make sense to you that you really understood and learned, wow. You gotta be clear, and there's power in intention. And I think you know, you and I are both life coaches. Many of we see or I see in my business that many people go through life without either clarity or intention. And you learned at an early age how powerful it is to have both.
Emily Pasnak-Lapchick [00:11:04]:
Yeah. You're absolutely spot on. And I, again, got chills as I was receiving that from you. And I think it you know, even from a young age, I've I've like, as a kid, I was always called -- very quiet and shy, which I kinda hated because what was actually happening is I was being very introspective and thoughtful and observant like, really observing the environment I was in before engaging in it. And I think that hearing you describe that as well, that That experience was almost embraced and mirrored within the context that I was working in and being able to to have that observation, take in the environment I was in, take in the different cultures that we we were working with and be able to then be intentional about how we designed programs from there. And I think you're spot on that that I think there's a sense of almost, like, urgency within our culture that sometimes doesn't allow the thoughtfulness to take place, doesn't allow the intentionality to take place. And creates this, like, muddiness so that the clarity isn't always there because we're always going, going, going.
Mahara Wayman [00:12:15]:
Wow. I could have said that better. It's so true. I actually really struggled to slow down and ask myself. What I was thinking. And I still do sometimes, and I get triggered, and I'm like, I go off. And I'm like, it's free. Just be totally present, be totally mindful. But that's another that's another episode. We'll we'll have to get together again and just -- I'm curious though you had almost a decade in that arena. Where did you go to next?
Emily Pasnak-Lapchick [00:12:46]:
So I yeah. After working at UNICEF for a long time, I mean, it was, again, really impactful. And I I often question, like, where am I possibly gonna go from here? Because I did feel that deep connection to passion and purpose and really felt a very supportive environment I was working in as well. I actually got an advertisement on Facebook for a graduate program, and I I really never wanted to go back to school because I loved being involved in the in the community and being engaged and doing work that I thought was impactful. But the graduate program was a 9 month intensive, and it was really hands on, not as theoretical. It was a brand new program on social innovation. So I decided, you know, at a point where I was kinda trying to figure out what I would do next, I thought that would be a great opportunity to take everything that I had learned take a step back. And in the hands on nature of the program, we were gonna be actively designing interventions and potentially, like, thinking about new programs we could create testing assumptions. So that was where I went next, and it was a lot of learnings, a lot of really interesting experiences as well. And after that, I had you know, I really wasn't was trying to be really intentional about working having my neck phase of my career work on something that would address the root causes of many of the issues that I care deeply about. And, actually, the reason I was initially to human trafficking was because it was connected to gender inequality. It was connected to racism. It was connected to poverty. It was connected to immigration. So many issues that I cared about. So I I wanted to try to work on the root causes, and I I found it very difficult to find organizations or companies that had that same intentionality and a combination of maybe a little bit of my stubbornness, but then also I think me trying to make a bit of a career pivot. I ended up being unemployed for 8 months, and it was a really, really difficult period of my life. A lot of my you know, having had such an amazing experience at the beginning of my career, ton like, almost all, probably, of my self worth and confidence and belief in the value that I added was deeply interwoven with my career identity. And I went through this long period of, you know, wondering, like, who am I without my career? Am I you know, are all the skill sets that I thought that I had not actually here if I'm not advancing in interviews? So it was a lot of a lot of questioning of myself and a lot of questioning of my worth. And I didn't realize it at the time, but that period in my life was really important and pivotal for me to detach my self worth and detach my value from my career and be able to understand that I have inherent worth than I have inherent value. And I contribute to the world in a lot of ways out side of my work.
Mahara Wayman [00:15:47]:
Wow. Such an amazing I almost think profound recognition because I'm not sure if you realize this, but you started off by sharing 1 of the things that the grad program was gonna do would give you an opportunity to test assumptions. And a few months later, you're unemployed. And lo and behold, whether you realized it or not at the time, you were actually being tested on your assumptions. The assumptions that a skill set is only valuable if it's in place, if it's actually being, you know, part of a part of work. Or your value is so tied to your career that if the career isn't happening in that moment, your value dissipates. So just I just wanted to highlight that because I think that was really interesting. Folks, if you haven't heard me say this already, I say it quite often. Life happens for us, not to us, and the universe will always bring us what it is that we need in that moment to learn. And I think this maybe 1 example of that. Does that resonate with you at all, Emily?
Emily Pasnak-Lapchick [00:16:50]:
Absolutely. I had not made that connection before, and that's why I love having these conversations, and sometimes it's difficult to talk about that because it was not a fun period of my life, but it the meaning making of it I think is so important. So I appreciate you adding to my own understanding of that experience.
Mahara Wayman [00:17:08]:
You are very welcome. But I think it's it's really important because so many of us have grown up being told, get a job. Get a good job. Do this. Be this. Look a certain way. Because if you don't, then you're not you know, you haven't made it. You're not successful, and I want the best for you. And I truly believe that our parents you know, with all of the greatest intentions, shared things with us that really made it tough. And sometimes it's not even in the career. Sometimes it's in the personal, you know, field or avenue of your life. Like, you know, find a good man. Know, get married, have a find a man with a good job. All of these things, these attitudes, these these instructions that really now we know, and I'm in my late fifties, like, that's, like, the worst thing you coulda told me. So so many people, I think, can relate to this experience. So you let's go back. You were unemployed for 8 months. You had a lot of questioning, a lot of challenges and concerns around who am I, what do I contribute to the world, and what did the last 10 years mean if I'm now here? What happened after that?
Emily Pasnak-Lapchick [00:18:22]:
Yeah. First of all, I just wanna second everything that you said around the narratives that were fed and the -- expectations that were fed and how much work and intention it takes to undo those and break out of those. So yes to everything that you said. And then after that period of unemployment, you know, I had a few kind of, like, side jobs and stuff to bring in money, but I eventually signed a a contract job to start that ends up getting extended, but it was at a very well respected international human rights organization, and it sounded like a really cool opportunity. They were under new leadership, and we're looking to to do a strategic redesign of the grant making that they were doing to be more equitable and more inclusive. And so for me, I would you know, it was all in that sounded like a really cool opportunity, and I was able to use some of the skill sets I had learned in grad school around team and center design to hold and facilitate that process for the team. And, you know, I think, again, there were a lot of learnings there, but there the team that I was working for had the previous leadership. I think they had been really, really burned by the previous leadership, had been under a lot of transition, And it ended up being you know, with the confidence nosedive that I had taken in being unemployed this situation didn't reinforce it, but just kinda added to it in different ways. And the space that I was in just really wasn't kinda healthy or, fruitful for my inner world and the way that I felt about myself. And I did I think because of the experience of being unemployed, I you know, at that organization, I had great benefits, great pay. We had, like, really fun art nights and sushi making nights, and were a lot of things that were really great about the the organization and, like, the benefits that were offered. But at the end of the day, the work that I was doing was just not fulfilling, and the environment wasn't nurturing to me. And, you know, fast forward a few years into that, The pandemic hit hit, and a former colleague reached out and was now coaching and asked if I had ever wanted to work with a coach. And I left at the opportunity because I was at a point where I really didn't recognize myself. Like, I was kinda shut down. My sense of passion was totally dissipated. And that was a lot of it was related to work, but it had completely bled into my personal life. And, you know, I've just wanted any any type of support I could get to work past that. And I was also really interested, you know, at that point, my partner and I were considering moving back to Florida where we both grew up and he had gotten remote work through his organization. So I was thinking about what's an alternative career that I could have and actually wanted to explore how coaching could be a potential path for me. And in that experience, I I described it as, like, I had mud just caked all over myself weighing me down. And in the process of being coached, it was like, you know, shoulders started raising up. My posture changed. The mud started cracking, and eventually, it was all washed off. Through this process of reconnecting with my values, of coming home to myself, remembering who I was, remembering what energy -- me, remembering what was meaningful to me, and very quickly into that experience, realized, wow. If this is a space that I can hold for other people to experience their own version of transformation, their own coming home to themselves, then that is absolutely what I want to spend my time doing.
Mahara Wayman [00:22:06]:
Now that is that is badass, and I love the way that you just you described it. I got such a visual But, really, getting back to yourself because we are all intrinsically badass and amazing right from the get go. But I before we jump into that and and what you do today as a coach, I wanna touch on this understanding how easy it is for us to feel disconnected from ourselves. Because to your point, it doesn't matter how great the outside stuff is. If we have wounds on the inside that are not tended to or are tended to in the wrong way and they and they get bigger and bigger, the unhappiness is there, the feeling of disconnect is there. And I'm wondering if you could just touch on that for a little bit. When did you first notice that you were beginning to feel not yourself in this role, in this you know, this job that you had that seemed like it was gonna be so good. Because I think many of us recognize it years later. So I'm curious if you could share some of the red flags that that you can say were red flags now after the fact.
Emily Pasnak-Lapchick [00:23:20]:
It's a really interesting question. I think the first thing that popped into my mind is I was ignoring my intuition and my gut. I think that my intuition and my gut were having, like, sending up the red flags, like, you're you're not happy. Like, this is not you know, the what's important to you is not the benefits. It's not the salary is not these, you know, extracurricular things that you get to do. Those are great, but you're, like, you're not fueling yourself. I was feeling drained all the time. So I think, you know, 1 part of that is, like, when you when you do sense yourself when you sense your intuition in your gut, what I ended up doing was, like, burying it because I didn't want to hear it. I had been unemployed. I'm finally, you know, making an income again, I'm finally even still engaged in the field that I wanted to be in. So I really buried all that because I, you know, I just wanted to have a break, honestly. And I think there are I do believe there are periods of our life where we might need a job that doesn't give us everything that we want, but gives us a break so that we can actually heal a little bit and focus on some other things And I think in some ways, that job allowed me to do that because I didn't have as much of an emotional tie to the work all the time, I was able to do a lot of healing for myself on some PTSD that I experienced and other things outside of work. So I think that you know, there are periods that are it's okay to feel that way, and life is ebbs and flows and ups and downs. So I don't think it's always about, like, getting out of that. But I do think, you know, when you're gonna get it to a point where you're feeling a little bit fed up, then start figuring out how can I tap back into my intuition? What are I think 1 of the most helpful exercises for me was understanding -- what drained me and what energized me. And when I started thinking about the things that energized me, It was being able to exercise my creativity. It was being in really meaningful and mutual relationships with folks. Both in my personal life and at work. There's 1 other thing that I'm unfortunately forgetting. But I remember when I had that clarity in those realizations. And then I looked at my job, and I was like, wow. I don't have opportunities for any of that. I had that realization, and I think that was a light bulb moment for me. And even as I was I couldn't exactly leave the organization at that time. 1 of the things that I did was look for opportunities to do that more. So we actually had a union at our organization, and someone had reached out to me to see if I would be a union representative. And I immediately signed up for it because that was an area where I could be in community could be working and advocating with and for other people. There was more like creativity and engagement around that, and that was, like, 1 of the most meaningful parts of my work there was that role. So I think even if you don't have the opportunity to completely leave a a position or relationship or job at that time, Like, if there are even small ways that you can start to cultivate that again because then when you start acting in that way, you're drawn to it and you're, you know, you're actively pursuing it, and those opportunities start to become a little bit more clear for you.
Mahara Wayman [00:26:42]:
What a great example. And something that you said I wanna touch on, which I think is really powerful, is It is okay to feel these way. It's okay to feel all of these feels. What I what I say to my clients is if the feeling doesn't work for you, don't live there. Right? I think it's ridiculous to pretend your feelings aren't hurt when somebody calls you a bad knee. Right? If if you hurt, you're hurt. But you don't have to attack your your worth to that. And so that's a that's a great learning for you. And, also, again, we talked about clarity is sometimes we forget what it is that we love and what what what fills our cup. And so great advice. So all of you badasses out there If you're in a tough situation, take a breath, ask yourself what do I want more of, and find a way to get it. You may not be able to leave that job, for example, but you may be able to find a way to fill your cup if it's if it's getting a little depleted in whatever area that is. So that was a really good follow. Thank you so much. Okay. So you found yourself a coach. You realized that this was hauling. This you know, this was quite magical for you. Talk to me about or talk to us about what it is that you do today. We wanna know more.
Emily Pasnak-Lapchick [00:27:55]:
Yeah. So I I do both coaching and consulting work, and most of the folks that I work with are engaged in some form form of social change or have a values alignment around social change. So lots of folks from nonprofits, on --repreneurs. We're a couple of entrepreneurs. And within the coaching realm, a lot of what I do is around porting people around career clarity and career transitions. 1 thing that I always say to folks is, like, I'm not here to help you with your resume or your cover letter. I'm here Like, what what I'm going to do is, like, help you reconnect with your values, reconnect with what energizes you like we just talked about. And have that set the foundation so that you can make these intentional decisions around what you wanna do moving forward. And also, -- dissipate this false distinction between life and career, because folks come saying I wanna work on my career. And I also say, well, we're going to talk about things that are that you're experiencing your life too because they're completely interwoven. They're completely interconnected. And like I was just talking about, the way that my, you know, my own experience at work was influencing my personal life, that's a really false separation, and I believe that strongly. So the work that I do as a coach is holistic on you as a being. And career can be the focus of our work, but what we're gonna talk about is, like, what is the life that you want for yourself? How do you want your life to feel? Who do you want to be surrounded with? What like, do you want to do when you're, you know, when you're waking up? How do you wanna spend your time? And sometimes for people who have been very career oriented, I had a client earlier year who has been so like, her identity is so deeply tied to her career, which I can obviously relate to. And she said, I wanna spend my free time differently. I said, great. Well, what do you wanna spend your time doing? And she said, I don't know. I've never thought about it. So part of it is just creating that space for people to explore what it feels like to play in a different space, to show up differently, to show up more authentically, to show up as their bad ass self. And, you know, start to also release some of those expectations and narratives and everything that's piled on to us from parents and society and messages we receive every day that we need something else to be worthy or we need something else to be good enough and really unpacking and dispelling that myth and having people connect deeply with themselves, with what's important to them, and then start to build their life and their career around that.
Mahara Wayman [00:30:35]:
So beautiful. Honestly, I just love that. I think I I know I also have clients that don't know what makes them happy. They've been unhappy for so long. And I love what you said about giving people permission. I think you may have phrased it a little bit differently, but I think live coaches many of us work on this premise that we give our clients permission to to experience whatever. I took a course on how to dream, and I took it kind of tongue in cheek because I'm like, I've been daydreaming all my life. I know how to dream. But the truth is I didn't because I got into the habit from a very young age of classifying my daydreams as that'll never happen but it's a fun story to imagine. And, like you, I'm also very creative. But what I learned fairly recently was I can dream, and I can dream intentionally about what I do want what I plan to have happen. And there's a difference, and there's a very subtle difference, because all my life I daydream Well, let's be honest, I was gonna marry George Clooney. You know? Why not? Of course, that didn't happen, which is good because I I love my husband. But I I kept everything as a story, not as something that I it was possible for me to achieve. And I'm only just now understanding really understanding how the universe works. So I love that you give your clients permission to dream and you help them really just play because, honestly, that's what life can be like. It can be play. Of course, we wanna earn an income course, we wanna feel fulfilled in our careers. But, really, the work does start on the inside first, and I really commend you for recognizing that and for working on that with your clients. I'm curious. What's 1 of the biggest ahas that you've had as an entrepreneur in your current position?
Emily Pasnak-Lapchick [00:32:27]:
Well, first, I just wanna say, you know, your husband must be very fall to have, you know, filled an alternative to. And I think that that's also a really beautiful story to tell about you know, the day the day dreaming versus how do we actually put intentionality into making those dreams become -- become reality. And that, yeah, that space to just the 1 thing I talk about with my clients is, like, just try it on. Like, almost like an out try on the hat, try on the sweater, try on the jacket, try on the shoes, whatever, and see how they feel. You don't have to commit to anything. But just having it be that playful interaction. In terms of the biggest that is That's such an interesting question. I I feel like my life is filled with us. That's an entrepreneur. I I here's 1 that here's 1 shift that I've made in the last 6 months, that's been really impactful for me. So going back to you know, we talked earlier about, like, urgency and that kinda go go go cold And I think as an entrepreneur and a business owner, there's an endless list of things to do. There's always, you know, there's always a to do list. And sometimes that can feel really overwhelming. And sometimes, you know, between the the client sessions that we're having, which, of course, is the, you know, the most fun part of my day, the part that I that's why I do what I do. And then all the things that come with running a business, I was finding myself feeling, like, a little bit constricted, kind of exhausted, and, like, I didn't the The 1 of the reasons I wanted to become an entrepreneur was to be able to exercise that creativity all the time, and I really felt like I had been kinda losing that or just didn't have space for it. So this year, actually, I started once a month doing what I call a spaciousness day for m. Is my nickname. And it's just a blocked off workday where I still do work, but I have no particular agenda. And I let my energy take me through and flow through the day. So sometimes, I just do a bunch of administrative things. A lot of times, what I do is these ideas that I have, these daydreams that I've had, I actually have space to then work on them. And, like, you know, put together like, build them out, flush them out, design them, think about, you know, just just like, draw them out in a very intentional way. And I also the full day is for me. So even after work, I take time to take myself out on a date, continue doing that, sometimes draw, but just give myself that space. And that has been such a gift for me and created such a change in the way that I relate to myself and the way that I relate to time and the way that I relate to my business. So I think that I feel like that was a buildup of I don't know if it was, like, a singular but it was a buildup of something that I really felt needed to shift, and then I just decided to take action and experiment with this. This could not have worked, and it might not always work for, you know, forever. But for now, it's been this this really beautiful experience for me to have. And I think that that's the larger theme is that some like, everything's an experiment, And just, again, try things on, try things out. And if they work if they don't work for you, then, you you know, you don't have to continue. And if they do, then that's great. And you've had this wonderful learning about yourself and what works for you. So for me through that, I'm I'm learning how much spaciousness and slowness is important for my creativity and my productivity as well.
Mahara Wayman [00:36:19]:
Oh, so powerful. I remember I've read it many times, and people have said it in different ways. But in order to go forward, you actually have to slow down. You know? And and in order to quantum leap, you actually have to slow right down and be so fully present. Now not to get to woo woo or to go off topic here, but it is a beautiful thing when we give ourselves permission to be these amazing spiritual beings that are having a human existence. Because when you do, anything is possible. And I'm liking it as you were talking. I I liken it to what it was like to be a kid. I have children that are not grown, but I remember watching them. And they were so happy anything was possible. Like, 1 day, they were gonna be this, and even you. And when we talked about your bio, you dreamed of being a marine biologist that, you know, children, for the most part, dream really well and the life revolves around them because for the most part it does. Right? They are the center of our existence. As they get older, as we get older, we often forget that. So I think it's beautiful that you've brought that back into your world. Excuse me. I've given yourself permission to just just live and experience and and check out that space. I have a visual of you pulling an idea out of the air and pulling it down into your world and saying, okay. Today, I'm gonna give you some space. Just like an idea bubble. That's kind of how I put my creativity is I can't figure it out, I put it up in a balloon to the universe, and I asked the universe to send it back to me when I'm ready for it. And I got the same visual when you were saying that as well. It's so cool. It's so cool. So wow. So many amazing tidbits about being badass today. So I wanna thank you for that. 1 thing that I that is very clear that was threaded all the way through our conversation was this understanding that the answers are all within. And true badassery isn't about being anything other than yourself. Such a hard lesson for many of us, especially women to learn through all of the reasons that we've talked about today. But you've really managed to exemplify that the journey can be incredibly beautiful, sometimes painful, but for the most part, when we can say, I need a break. I need time. I need a lollipop. I need to draw. I need to go for, you know, a bike ride or Whatever it is that you need, trust that because your your instinct, your gut is telling you something. Is there anything that you can share with with our audience today on what you do on a regular basis as well as what you just shared with us. But anything any small little tidbits for helping to feel bad ass? Because I wanna make sure people walk away with that with as much little nuggets for themselves as possible. So what do you do on a daily basis to feel bad ass?
Emily Pasnak-Lapchick [00:39:10]:
I I have so many things I wanna respond to about what she said, but but I will stick to the question. Though the give you permission. You can respond to what -- Well, 1 just 1 when you're talking about children, there's 1 moment in my life, and I was I think I was in my mid twenties when this happened. But I don't even know where we were. We were at a pool somewhere, maybe at a hotel. And I was with my mom, And there was this little kid who it couldn't have been a light pole, but it was something like a pole near the pool, and they just started spinning around it. You know how kids will do that? And my mom you know, we're we're both sitting there and watching and smiling, and my mom said, when do we stop spinning around the pole? Mhmm. And she said, when do we like, she said that's that's self awareness. When do we -- become we stop doing that because we become aware of what other people think of us, and we're worried about those judgments. So when does that happen?
Mahara Wayman [00:40:11]:
Great question.
Emily Pasnak-Lapchick [00:40:13]:
Yeah. So, like, I think that's a powerful question for us to ask ourselves and and a point of reflection, when did I stop spinning around the pole? Whatever that was for you, when did you stop that version of self expression, that version of, like, carefreeness that just felt so true to you. Because, you know, along the way, whether it's an interact with an adult or a painful experience or a series of those, you know, that part of us can get covered up and kind of buried in order for us to fit into the expectations that others have of us. So I think that's a powerful I always remember that moment, and I think that's a powerful, almost, like, point of inquiry for for any of us to think about.
Mahara Wayman [00:41:01]:
Very true. The minute that we understand judgment, we are probably in it. In fact, I would argue that we From personal experience, I have been in judgment most all of my life. Well, I think we all have. I didn't recognize it until I went into coaching, which was a huge moment for me. I mentioned this in another podcast. I was really blown away by how do I phrase this? I was blown away by the shackles I put on myself by being in judgment of others, and myself. And it was very challenging for me to go in to to be in this learning environment when I got certified as a coach. As a mastery method coach, I remember sitting there going, oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Like, how did how did I how am I only just learning this now? How come nobody told me this before that when I judge, I hurt? I always grew up thinking that it's important to judge because that that sending a statement, I stand for this. And if I stand for this and you don't, then I'm better than you. And I was only hurting myself. That is another whole podcast people. I'm not gonna go down that road today. But thank you for sharing that that memory of your mom. What the other part of the question was what are some little things that you do daily perhaps to help you feel bad at us?
Emily Pasnak-Lapchick [00:42:34]:
This is a great question. Thank you. By the way, I would can't wait for that podcast on that top because it's so so true, and there's so much there. 1 thing I I think, you know, it's interesting sometimes even my friends since I've started doing this work, we'll say, like, you're so brave. You're so courageous. Like, you how do you do these things? They're so scary. And I'm like, I I experience fear on a daily basis. Like, fear is a normal experience. Anytime we're doing something new, it's a physiological response. So in thinking about the daily actions, you know, 1 of the things that I am constantly working on is what is my relationship with fear. Where does fear sit in you know, if I'm in a car, where is fear sitting? Is it in the driver's seat? Is it in the passenger's seat? Is it taking a nap in the back? Because it's present. Fear is present. And and oftentimes when we're doing things that are meaningful and important for us, fear is present there too. It's that when something so important to us, we're able to easily move through the fear so that we can, you know, step into that bravery or that courageousness and do whatever it is that we're aiming to do. So, you know, when it comes to, especially, like, personal growth, and breaking out of the expectations of others is very scary. Like, that is, you know, that's something that creates a lot of fear because you might let other people down. You might you know, there's so many things that you're gonna you might experience judgment, all these things, but Understanding, like, that being true to yourself and overcoming the fear of whatever it is, disappointing others' judgment, all of that's gonna happen anyways. It's always gonna happen anyways. So understanding that and being kinda playful with the fear. I have a mentor who talks about, like, how do you how do you dance through the fear, and I love that image. Because there's a playfulness there and, you know, acknowledging and accepting that -- fear is a normal thing to experience that it's going to show up and expecting it to show up and then being intentional around how you wanna respond to it and how you wanna engage with it, I think that is something that that creates that badassery. Like, that intentional relationship with fear and how you want to respond to it is is such a powerful exercise and just thing to play with all the time.
Mahara Wayman [00:45:04]:
Oh, so beautiful. And so true, the relationship that we have with all of our emotions is very telling. And to sum up a lot of what you've said today, Emelina, I just wanna thank you so much. I've loved this conversation. But to sum it up, you know, giving ourselves permission to ask questions, to get clear, to be intentional with our with our jobs, with our thoughts, with our activities. To give ourselves permission to be childlike in the wonder of discovery and swinging around that bowl, if that's, you know, whatever that means to you, but also recognizing that fear has a purpose. And it doesn't have to control us in a bad way. That doesn't have to control us at all. And 1 way that you found is to look at your fear with a sense of humor. And I think Susan David also talks a lot about fear and how, you know, courage is actually walking with the fear. You don't try to ignore it. You don't push it down. You just say, hey. Let's go walk. I see you. I hear you. Come on. Let's figure this out. All beautiful ways to reframe how we look at the things that hold us back the most. Emily, this has been an amazing conversation, and you are absolutely badass in my books. And I officially am inviting you back for another 1 because I do think that we could have really great deep dive on judgment and how it can work for us or against us. Everyone, my name is Mahara Waymond. This is in the art of badassery with my very special guest, Emily, and all of your information will be in the show notes Emily, because we do want people to connect with you, reach out and find out more about this amazing work that you do and how you can help them in their their career or in any of the work that they're that they're doing. Thanks very much, everyone. We'll see you next week.
Mahara Wayman [00:47:01]:
Thank you for tuning in to the art of badassery. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and gained valuable insights to help unleash your inner badass. If you found this podcast helpful, please leave a rating or review on your favorite platform. Your feedback not only helps me improve the show, but it also helps others like yourself discover the podcast. Until next time, keep embracing your authenticity and living life on your terms. Here's to you.
