Mahara Wayman [00:00:06]:
Welcome to the Art of Badassery, where I explore what it takes to live life on your own terms. Break free from the status quo and unleash your inner badass. Whether you're a rebel at heart or simply seeking inspiration to step outside your comfort zone, this podcast is for you. I'm your host, Mahara Wayman, and each week, I dive into the stories, insights, and strategies of those who have mastered the art of badassery and are living life to the fullest. They smile when no one is looking.
Mahara Wayman [00:00:41]:
Welcome to the art of badassery. I'm your host, Mahara Wehmann. And today, I have the pleasure of chatting with the amazing Amanda Wallingsford. She is the CEO and founder of Align And Embody Coaching. Her journey from Colorado to the East Coast and now settling in Texas is truly remarkable. From earning a full scholarship to Vanderbilt University where she majored in human and organizational development, to her 13 years at a non profit in San Diego supporting at risk youth and becoming a marriage and family therapist she has shown unwavering dedication, but it doesn't stop there folks. Amanda has expanded into life coaching and authorship. embracing personal growth and helping others. Her love for water activities, dance, and painting embodies the spirit of creativity and exploration. Joining us today as we uncover her inspiring story and learn how to embrace our journey of self discovery. Welcome to the art of badassery, Amanda. I'm so happy to have you on the show.
Amanda Wallingsford [00:01:45]:
Thank you. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to get this chance to talk with you and to support you.
Mahara Wayman [00:01:53]:
Aw. So for those of you that don't know, Amanda and I have been we were in a course at the same time. But this is the first time really that we are getting to chat with each other 1 to 1, and I've already, in the pre show conversation, learned so much, One of the things that Amanda shared was she's had some very challenging opportunities for growth in her life. And, Amanda, I'm wondering if you wouldn't mind if we sort of go back in time and start with one of the one of the things that happened to you where you said by your admission was the beginning of some major change and challenges.
Amanda Wallingsford [00:02:33]:
Yes. Absolutely. And I love how you frame that opportunities for growth. And when we we spoke, how pain can bring growth. And and I am living proof of that. So rewinding to one of the most significant events in my life is losing my biological father to suicide when I was nineteen years old. And he was in and out of my life. I loved him very much. but our relationship was inconsistent and then found out that he took his life. And immediately after that, I had already had a history of exposure to suicide. But immediately after that, I really went into let me study it, let me understand mental health, why how did this happen? I I really got in my head. I got very intellect and academic about it. That was my way of coping. And about 2 years later, my body had gone into full blown the full blown major depression, anxiety. And at the time, we didn't know it because it wasn't a thing. But, really, what had happened is I had been going experiencing PTSD. But we didn't have those terms. We didn't have the symptoms named didn't know what it looked like. But as an example, I was about November I'm not sure which year. Maybe 2000. No. I'm not sure. I had lost £30 in 1 month. from no appetite, from anxiety, depression. I mean, I just it it I I just nosedived and started my healing journey but didn't know how and so hit a couple bumps in the road and to the point of some passive suicide attempts and self injury. and the last time that it really hit rock bottom, I actually think about this full disclosure. I asked god, should I still be here? And I I was still here, and so it was a commitment from that point going, I don't know why I'm supposed to be here. but I'm gonna figure out how to get better. I had taken a semester off in from college and started going to intense therapy, things like that, but I started my deep, deep healing, and growth journey. which is, as you probably know, is a constant journey, but that's when it was the messiest, the Ichiest, the hardest, but I had decided, okay, we're gonna figure out how to put all these pieces back together.
Mahara Wayman [00:05:40]:
Wow. So so powerful. Thank you for sharing that story with us, and I'm I'm so moved by your courage because to your point, you were very young. You know, I think when when I was a teenager, I thought when you're twenty oh my god. You're an old woman. Right? And now I'm in my late fifties, and I'm like, oh my god. What was I thinking? Really, very young when you were terrible tragedy. Would you mind talking a little bit more because you you use the phrase passives to assign? It's the first time I've heard it, and I learned it because there may be people listening that it's tweaked tweaked a little bit of interest in them. So can you just talk a little bit more about what you mean by that phrase? Yeah.
Amanda Wallingsford [00:06:29]:
There so there's a kind of passive and active. It's kind of the two terms that that we call it in the mental health field. And passive is more I've got an idea. Maybe I'm gonna do this. So I had taken a ibuprofen. That's not a lethal dose. I I just wanted to sleep. I wanted escape from pain. So it was more of a kind toying with it, but not necessarily wanting death. Whereas active is very my goal is to. end my life. And and at the crux of most people, it's I actually wanna end my pain. That's it regardless of which type. But there's just more. It's kind of the the modality. So, you know, taking a non lethal dose of something, but just to fall asleep. But there's there's suicidal suicidal thoughts in there. but it's not to the point of, say, as such as as my father using a weapon. that was very clear active suicidal action.
Mahara Wayman [00:07:46]:
So I'm curious when you were going through this phase were there others that recognized it in you, or was it your studies, your self studies that recognized it? Oh my gosh, I love that question.
Amanda Wallingsford [00:07:59]:
because it was my studies. There was not there was nothing around me telling me what was happening. It was I was reading a book. I was in adolescent development class. And I'm just reading, you know, academically reading, oh, there's a symptom of depression. There's a symptom of depression. I'm like, oh, no. oh, I've got it. But then it was, like, still my high performing. No. I'm fine. I'm gonna power through this. PTSD wise, could only heard of it in one class, a different one, only in veterans. There there was almost nothing about PTSD that I had no idea I was experiencing flashbacks. I was experiencing hyper vigilance. I did not realize. Even as a trauma specialist, they did not realize it was PTSD till probably 10, 15 years later. So, yeah, it was definitely an academic thing because mental health just it I mean, you've lived through it where mental health has made leaps and bounds exposure.
Mahara Wayman [00:09:05]:
absolutely it's actually kind of interesting because just the other day I was chatting with one of my children and I I was a bit dismissive about the University of Google. And I was like, sweetheart, you know? I really would prefer that you just could you just book an appointment and go to the doctor? And she's like, you do know that the doctor's gonna google it too. Took me back, took me back, and I went, oh, okay. And then she reminded me that something very important in in our lives came up because of her she's a she's studying psychiatry. Okay. And it came up through her googling and through her studies, and it was a a highlight to me and my behavior. So I had to concede that, okay, Google wasn't all bad, but we are talking about mental health so much more. And I'm so glad that that you took and I don't wanna say took the bait, but that you took the opportunity to study. because I truly believe we are, you know, spiritual beings having a human existence and that's tough work. and when we step up to do the learning, it does get easier. And whether the signs come are very overt somebody knocks you over the head and says, read this book, or there's a little niggle of intuition. Read this. Talk to this point. you know, turn around. Go back into the store. Whatever that is into it, we have the opportunity for for some peace at the end. So I love that you took advantage of that. So 2 years after your biological father's passing, you hit rock bottom, you were in studies, you began to realize that you needed some serious help. what what next?
Amanda Wallingsford [00:11:01]:
So so I took the semester off. I went to a psychologist about two times a week, and I thought, how is this dude gonna help me? It was very flat affect. Very serious, but he started me on my journey with cognitive behavior therapy. understanding how our thoughts influence our emotions and our behaviors. And spend a lot of time with my parents because I also have my adoptive dad who is my dad, and then my mom spent a lot of time with them, spent time with friends again from high cool when I because I had gone back to Colorado. Started, I guess, I would say learning about what self care meant, what it looked like. doing more art, dance, things like that. And then I went back to Vanderbilt, finished my senior year and graduated.
Mahara Wayman [00:11:57]:
and
Amanda Wallingsford [00:12:00]:
my continued therapy there. I've I've basically been in some form of talk healing or interpersonal healing ever since. I do really well with that. So I've done therapy. I've I've hired coaches. I've done group therapy. I do really well with meeting with people, whether one on 1 or together to be able to process out loud and so gathering techniques, but also to just have that space held for me. So I'd say those are the major points that that happened in my healing journey after that.
Mahara Wayman [00:12:39]:
I like that you brought up this idea of group and having space help you because one of the things that I've always felt was that humans need other humans. Yes. Yes. I'm a group I do group coaching, and I know. I see. I witnessed the miracle and the magic of just sitting with people, whether it's on Zoom for the last few years or in person, there is magic when the energy of humans, they come together for for a common purpose. And even if it's to sit in silence and just say I see you -- Mhmm. Mhmm. Tears are flowing down my face. People have looked at me and said I see you. And it is visceral. I've had such a visceral reaction to that acceptance.
Amanda Wallingsford [00:13:31]:
Yes.
Mahara Wayman [00:13:32]:
Yes. I'm like wow, they see the real me not not the mom that's struggling, not the entrepreneur that's lost, not of the teenager that's in a new, you know, teenager from a different country that's struggling to fit in, they see just the human being, and and there's magic in that. Why think it has taken us so long as a society to embrace this? Because when I where I am today, I even said it to my children, right, and they've said to me, why didn't why weren't we taught this in school? And I'm like, I don't know. it's curious that as a as a society, it is we're, what, 20,023. And right now, we're just really getting into the meat of what it is that we need to people. Why do you think that is?
Amanda Wallingsford [00:14:21]:
I think there's so many cultural components. That's what first comes to mind. If we look at maybe the cultural component at least in the United States, for example, that the top value is live the American dream. And the American dream often includes being dependent, be a high achiever, just keep your, you know, like, it keep focused. And in that can come some isolation. If we're trying to always get to the top and we get kind of told that it's you know, the messages that I've gotten, several times is you can just do you can do and be whatever you want, but that means just yourself. It's not in community. And so I don't know if that came from competition. I don't know if it came from
Mahara Wayman [00:15:20]:
territorial
Amanda Wallingsford [00:15:22]:
dominance. I don't know. But it there's definitely a lot of cultural components that say the way to do this is to do it yourself, to be independent versus autonomous in community. You can be autonomous, but e and be in community and be in with others.
Mahara Wayman [00:15:45]:
Yeah. I agree with all of that. The other thing that comes to mind and just so you guys know when I ask questions, I'm like, oh, that's a good question. I don't wanna have to come up ahead.
Amanda Wallingsford [00:15:55]:
I do the same thing. My mind was
Mahara Wayman [00:15:58]:
somewhere along the line, we accepted that worthiness was found outside of us.
Amanda Wallingsford [00:16:05]:
Oh, I love that. Yeah. Absolutely.
Mahara Wayman [00:16:08]:
We And like you, I was raised in Canada. I'm from Jamaica, but I was raised in Canada. And I grew up with this idea that I had to get the gold ticket, get the product number percentage in order to be to be valued. And, you know and let's be very clear. I grew up in a beautiful family, lots of love. I'm the youngest of 4, laughed, had friends, very privileged, and yet I still felt that that I wasn't quite there yet if I were raised, if I didn't have the great job, if I didn't a degree. Yeah. And it's perpetuated for lots of different reasons. Mhmm. Finding now in where I'm at as a as a life coach and an author and somebody like you that's done done all the deep work is, oh my god. worthiness is intrinsic. Mhmm. I was given life. I'm worthy. Mhmm. There's nothing else I need to do. The mere -- exists proves that I'm worthy. Yes. It is it's a hard it can be very difficult for people because like we've said, both of us, we've been raised in a society that values the outside. Mhmm. Get a good job, marry the good husband, or have a good husband, raise nice trouble, and yet -- Yes. -- many of us for lots of different reasons have this emptiness inside. So the work that you do is amazing. I would love to hear more about the 13 years that you spent San Diego. And how -- Okay. -- really kills your cup and propels you to where you are today.
Amanda Wallingsford [00:17:46]:
Yeah. Absolutely. I knew from a very young age, and, actually, I can I can kind of combine with what you were just talking about worth and then the direction into my career. So my worthiness wound came from my biological father not being around. and and I internalize that there must be something wrong with me. And I battled that by being a high achiever doing the all the outside stuff. But there was something that I also saw within him. I saw a wound, and I had deep empathy from a very young age. I didn't know what what it was. but I could feel empathy in others that I could see that they were struggling. And so I I would say from the age of about twelve, I knew I wanted to be a helper. I knew I wanted to be a counselor of some sort. And because I could even see in him, even though I internalized as a child that there was something wrong with me, I knew that the root came from his own worthiness wound. And so that's where when I went to Vanderbilt, I chose Vanderbilt because of human and organizational development, and under that had health and human services and child and adolescent development. And so started my social service career there at a runaway shelter. And then when I moved to San Diego, I got hired. It took took a couple of jumps to I did some residential treatment with youth, but then got to this amazing nonprofit in San Diego called SBCS. And started case management there. So worked with at risk youth, and San Diego has a phenomenal philosophy on assisting youth, which is always family and community focused. And that to support a child, we need to have everybody involved. And so the programs I worked with all of them were either at risk for entering the juvenile justice system, or they were already involved in the in the juvenile justice system had already committed some kind of crime and been charged with it. And so I I did multiple programs. I helped with a runaway shelter. I helped run a girl's empowerment. I am trying to remember what it was called, wings, but it was Girls case management. Did a whole bunch of stuff, and one of the best pieces of advice I got in undergrad was Go do the work and then decide what you wanna do as far as licensure or, like, kind of more of your in the career. And that's when after doing that work, I decided that marriage and family therapy was the best route for me. So then I went back to grad school, got that degree, got that license, and currently still do therapy, but also have the coaching on the side.
Mahara Wayman [00:20:58]:
Well, before we jump into talking about your book and and the coaching that you have now, I wanna go back to your working with these kids. Mhmm. Think of a time or or an example where you learned something profound by working with these children?
Amanda Wallingsford [00:21:17]:
I'm curious. Oh gosh. I've learned so much. I I I learned so much. There's so much that that we as service providers get. back. The it and and I think even as coaches, like, we get so much more than what people might think. What I would say working with the youth is that really stuck back sticks out to me, excuse me, is This is it's a concept I put in my book, but that We all have survival strategies. We have been wounded in some way, and we seek to get to cope through that wound, to survive through that wound. And so we create these strategies to do the very best we can. That's all we're doing. And so it's whether it's a youth or it's the parent that's parenting that youth that got in trouble. I worked with a lot of families who 1st generation Mexican Americans and their families had desired, we're gonna bring our child over to the United States give them the very best, and they would have to work 3, 4 jobs to make ends meet. So then they were kind of absent in the home And instead of make a judgment of why are you not in the home? It's looking at they are trying to survive the best they can and help their children survive the best they can. So really developing even a deeper empathy and understanding for the human experiencing condition and that every one of us is really just innocently trying to get through life.
Mahara Wayman [00:23:16]:
That is such a powerful lesson. And it reminds me of I had a guest on recently, and she was talking about internal family systems. Mhmm. I just finished a retreat where we talked about where we talked about, you know, the stories that we tell ourselves and how My partner coach refers to it as we have a board of directors, and they all have a role. But the bottom line, what I hear from what you're just saying Internal Family Systems, Board of Directors, is that we everything we do, we are doing as a way to survive. Whether it works or not, that's a that's like level 2 of the question. Yeah. Yeah. we are doing what we the best that we can with what we have in the moment. Mhmm. Yeah. Many of us when we reach adulthood, is that we've created stories from childhood that worked for us then, but no longer worked for us. But we're so used to the story, we're so used to the behavior that we don't question it. Yeah. I'm sure that you found this as well that sometimes the stories just come up. You don't even know if you're saying it. until you take a moment to sort of wait a sec. What did I just say? What's the moment? And that's a lot of what we do as coaches is invite our clients to just sit with our feelings. because they're not wrong. But the secrets behind in the see in the feelings, like, the project is in the power behind that feeling or that emotion or those words that you're saying. So I love that that that experience sort of solid solidified that for you. It also brings up this idea of judgment how easy it is for us to live in judgment of others. And Mhmm. Less than that must have been, and I'm sure continues to be as wow. I'm only hurting myself. Mhmm. Person or by judging myself. Right. Right. Yeah. So much so much growth in that. So 13 years of due. Now you've moved on to something a little bit different. Can we talk about where you're at today?
Amanda Wallingsford [00:25:25]:
Yes. Absolutely. Let's see. I moved to Texas here 9 years ago, I think. And I went into a nonprofit right when I moved, and then I went into private practice with therapy. I had kind of vaguely heard about coaching. You know, what is this? What do people do? I'd heard of, you know, fitness coaches or health coaches And then, as you know, Alissa, who runs the institute for coaching mastery, actually went to graduate school with her the very 1st year. that we were in graduate school. And so I had seen her stuff. And I'm like, why did she how did she get into coaching? What's this about? And so I started looking at kind of her style and start looking at when would we use a therapist versus a coach and then start looking at that for me because I had already done many years of therapy and different there's so many different modalities in the therapy world to, like you said, IFS. I hadn't learned about that till a couple years ago. I had already talked thought about the survival strategies, and then IFS kind of gave some more concrete names to it. So in the last couple years, I've been developing kind of how I want to approach coaching and what my focus would be. And like you said earlier, it's a group coaching program is is where the meet is in my coaching program. Because what I ended up doing was joining Alyssa's program, and I felt the power of being in community like I had never felt before. And I had run groups. I had run therapy groups before, like, for the teens. I had been in group therapy as I had mentioned to you before we got on the call, and I know that this is a totally different topic, but I had lost my infant son 3 years ago due to a genetic condition, I went directly into group therapy. After that, my husband and I both did. And so felt the power of group and which has then combined with Alissa's program. has told me that my next way of serving is to bring people together. But also in those in in that time after losing my son, I got this idea to write a book. And that also then I have just finished it. I mean, it's We are within 1 month of getting it in print. I'm waiting on testimonials and the final edits to the internal layout. but really wanna be able to serve through. I had combined all these tools that I've been using over the years for myself and others. and wanna be able to serve in a much broader sense by saying here's some tangible stuff you can do. for yourself, and we didn't we we didn't mention this yet. The book is called embody your worth. So it's all tools to own being a badass, to own that you were born without conditions, you were born beautifully, completely worthy, and it's not about what you achieve. It's not about what you do. It's that you are deserving already of a a a life you dream of.
Mahara Wayman [00:29:15]:
oh, I can't wait. And I do wanna jump into the book a little bit more, but before we do that, let's talk a little bit more about the difference between therapy and coaching. Yes. -- mind. You're the perfect guest to to talk about that and really explain to our listeners exactly why you feel they complement each other if in fact you do feel that way. But really just give us a just give us explain. Yeah.
Amanda Wallingsford [00:29:44]:
Yeah. Therapy is generally we're we're looking at struggling with something big internally inside that might bring out mental health symptoms such as depression or anxiety. and trying to get the body, the mind, the emotions to a optimal baseline baseline functioning. That's that's gonna be a lot of the people who come to therapy. They're they're struggling. They're not functioning as well as they used to. and they want to get back to being able to live a day without a panic attack. Wanna be able to sleep well at night being able to manage stress. So that and then there's also a lot of looking past stuff going look going towards the past? How did this come to be? How what's the root of this? Coaching is gonna be more around I am at my baseline or even higher, but I wanna get even deeper and higher to my fullest capacity, to my next goal. And coaching is different in the sense that there's a little bit more accountability and structure on kind of action plan versus exploration. You and I are both trained to go inside, go deep, but we don't stay there. It's a touch. It's like, okay. That's where it comes from. Let's come back to to the now. and figure out how do we put our puzzle pieces together to that to get to that next level. I love that you use the word compliment because they really can complement each other. It doesn't have to be a one or the other. I have done that where I've used both where I go to my therapy, and I'm like, okay. Let's go back to that memory when I was seven and I was so heartbroken, and I need to really release the trauma from that situation. and then use a coach to go, okay. I am rocking it, but that little worthiness story is getting in my way. because I'm not showing up as fully as I can,
Mahara Wayman [00:32:02]:
if that all makes sense. Perfect sense, and I'm very visual. So as you were explaining, what I saw was somebody they travel up to a certain point of quote normality or where they can function. and have the ability to view themselves without the pain because spot, then they can also view themselves a little bit higher for elevated plates without the pain. Oh, I love that. Yes. The way of Yes. We're gonna get to that place, but first, we gotta get you here. Mhmm. Mhmm. Recognize your potential what it is that you want because I know, even from personal experience, there was a time when I didn't despite my creativity, when somebody said to me, what do you dream about? I didn't have an answer. Mhmm. And that to me was first of all, I was gobsmacked. How do I I mean, I've been daydreaming all my life. But I recognized in that moment that I wasn't being asked, what do I daydream about? Because to me, there's a difference. A daydream is something that's to play with. It's like, a favorite book that never is going to happen because it's just a it's just a story versus what the dream that I have for myself. And I think when the human condition is such that you can't see the dream for yourself, you need to get there first. You can't ask somebody down here. to daydream of people life when they can't even conquer they can't even articulate what that looks like. So Definitely, I see complimenting both. So thank you for your description of that. Absolutely. So I'm so excited about your book. I've written a book. I know what goes into writing. Mhmm. Probably proud of you. I just wanna say that. I am proud of you for taking an incredibly painful moment, your son's passing, and recognizing that this is yet again an opportunity for growth and not only for your own growth but a chance to really share an effect you know, literally hundreds of thousands of people when they read this book or when they hear your story. Can we talk a little bit about when you realize that your son your son's passing or your son's birth was more powerful than what you felt in that moment?
Amanda Wallingsford [00:34:37]:
Yes. My son you know, it it's an interesting story in the sense that At 11 weeks, they found fluid in his nucleofold, which is that in the neck. It's not a good thing when they find fluid there. And we were told that day in the plainest of words your child is going to die within a week. and they gave us this one doctor gave us options. They handed us pamphlets. of if we wanted to terminate the pregnancy, but they didn't know what the the fluid was for. And so we said you know what? We wanna wait because it was it was a substitute doctor that day. We wanna wait to get the ultrasound specialist back in, and he's here. So, no, we're not gonna move forward with. terminating this. Well, lo and behold, I have a son who made it to birth. He we in the in those weeks, he was born, I think, at 34 weeks. And in that time, we discovered he had what's called Newnan syndrome, and it's a genetic condition that really ranges from nothing's wrong with you to everything's wrong with you. heart defects, things like that. And he we knew he had a heart defect in utero. but we didn't know what that was gonna look like when he came out. So he made it. He got here, and he was here for 98 days. But what that Newnan Syndrome did that made him not survive was his lymphatic system. and the lymphatic system is very hard to understand, but it's basically allowing fluid to move throughout your body. The way his body was is it's all dead ends. So instead of, like, blood going back to the heart, for example, it just kind of reached dead ends and had to somehow come out. So he unfortunately got very sick, and we had to decide that it was time to let him go. and that that was the best thing for him. It was the most heart wrenching day but I will also say it was also the most beautiful day. To ever experience too, I do the best thing for him, but also it created my true belief in heaven that he was gonna go back to be with God. And in his most innocent, beautiful form, And in that moment, even my husband and I, we we knew we were gonna be okay. We were gonna get through it. And so I started exploring how did I know I was gonna be okay compared to when I lost my father. and it was because I knew that I had really discovered my place on this earth. And I thank him that There's a song, and it says now I'm forgetting the words, of course. But I hope all the all the better parts of me come out because of you. And that's kind of how I wanted to handle it is I we have very much grieved. We have done a lot of healing and honored our grief, but I also wanted to then share with others how do you get to this place of feeling at peace while saying goodbye to your child and being have you know, choosing to live even with that in my history. What's your son's name? His name is Ashton.
Mahara Wayman [00:38:45]:
What a brave beautiful soul.
Amanda Wallingsford [00:38:48]:
He is.
Mahara Wayman [00:38:50]:
He is. Amanda, thank you for sharing that story with us.
Amanda Wallingsford [00:38:55]:
So welcome. Thank you for holding it and hearing it.
Mahara Wayman [00:39:01]:
Oh, so brave. So Your book is called, embody Your Worth. So so aligned with my message of being badass. will tell a little story that and another guest actually alluded to this as well is the word badass has a different connotation for different generation. And there are, you know, my mother-in-law really struggles with that word, and and she goes, I just don't understand why you would use that word in your marketing. Like, really? Who wants to be a badass? People don't And it was so interesting because the old me before taking all of doing all the work would have and gotten very defensive. And the new me said, wow. That's so interesting. Why do you say that? And I referred to it as being a generational because she grew up. She's a little bit older than me, obviously, and she grew up in a generation where bad asses were bad. Right? They didn't care about anybody else. They didn't care about authority. They were referred at everybody. They had tattoos everywhere, and, of course, I have a tattoo now. But, you know, it was just a different idea. And and today, I embrace the idea that being a badass is just being yourself, whatever that is in all of your glory. And that includes embodying your worth not just thinking it in your heart or wishing for it or praying for it, but absolutely standing up and saying hello! Hello. I'm here. How lucky are you to know me? I'm here. Be of an obnoxious nature, but have it be a real recognition we are all children of the universe, god's spirit, source whatever word resonates with you, and we are all here for a reason. And I heard something in a podcast, Wayne Doctor. Wayne Dyer, his children one of his children were talking about that they learned from their father that a lifetime can be full, is full even if it's shorter than we want. So every lifetime is a full lifetime. and I think that ties into this idea of embodying your worth. Your worth isn't determined by how long you are on this earth. Your worth isn't determined by how much money you make or how what you look like. Your worth is embodied within the time frame that you choose to be here on this earth whether it is 98 days and what Ashton Hat for 98 years. You know, time time is something that we put on our lives as as you the person that, you know, the the the group, the time frame that came up with with the clock, I don't know. I don't know if that if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Yeah. Yep. We revolve that the sun revolves around to the earth, and we we create a time, but it can really it can hold us back, and it can be very constraining. So I love the fact that you have taken all of the stuff that you've learned starting with going back to when you were a little girl to the pain of your father's death by suicide. to all of the children that you worked within the families that you worked with to the loss of your son, and you've turned it into something amazingly beautiful. when talk to us a little bit more about the book, how did it when did you get the idea to write it? How did the idea of the title come to you?
Amanda Wallingsford [00:42:42]:
I love those questions. So when you know, I I I was so surrounded by love after Ashton left and having conversations and and even somebody saying, I I am shocked at how well you're doing. And it was a genuine, like, I'm doing well. I'm not faking it. I had started going back to work full time and but really balanced taking care of myself that did not get neglected. And so I just became really curious. Like, how am I okay? I just I I was shocked, honestly, because of how much deaths prior because there's a there's a few other ones that I've experienced, but how much death and grief had really rocked my core before in my life. And so I just did a lot of brainstorming I wrote down a bunch of ideas. How did I get here? And then I put it for some reason, I put it in a PowerPoint, and I don't know why, but I sat down with my mom and we, like, arranged, okay, how would the chapters go? because I I think this is coming out to be a full book.
Mahara Wayman [00:44:01]:
I did a lot of exploration.
Amanda Wallingsford [00:44:03]:
on titles and lot of playing around. And then one day, I don't know from where, but I just got Okay? It's embody your worth. I think that was maybe 6 months after Ashton passed that this was about not just talking the talk because I had learned for years when I was younger. Smile. Be happy. Just do this to love yourself. just these I call it I refer to it as toxic positivity. What you know, and if you've heard of that, I would assume. And I wanted it to be beyond just this kind of nice little manual that's if, you know, you could easily do this. I wanted to really get into how do we walk the walk of embodying our worth instead of just kind of the the blanket statements of just put a smile on your face. And if you believe you're worthy, you're gonna be worthy. You know? So brainstormed, basically, my top strategies, the the most influential things that I I mapped out two stages of my growth. And so, like, cognitive behavior therapy is I mentioned it in there that that was learning to understand how my thoughts, so I've got a chapter on understanding your thoughts and how that influences your sense of worth. And so I think -- Oh, so much goodness.
Mahara Wayman [00:45:33]:
much goodness. Congratulations. So we expect this in print within a month?
Amanda Wallingsford [00:45:39]:
I I think so. I everything's done on my end. So little bit of external, you know, waiting for the layout to finish their stuff and And then on endorsements that I wanna be able to include. But, yeah, it I I can't I as you see, I have a huge smile on my face. I am when you were talking about earlier, you know, judging, I am my biggest critic. as as so many of us. And I it's not gonna be good. It's not gonna be good. What if it's not good? What if it, you know, and all that? And this final product after editing and, you know, writing a book and all the steps that go into it and does this make sense? Does it not? Is it gonna land? Are people gonna judge it? And doing so much inner work even around that that at this point, I love the book. and I know it's gonna be meant for the people it needs to be meant for.
Mahara Wayman [00:46:38]:
I am so excited. And to your point, my goodness, I I've told the story before, I don't think on the podcast, but when I I self published my book, and I was on the front lawn and getting ready to press the button. And it took me a couple hours to actually press it. And when I did press it, I burst into tears and I sobbed all afternoon. And all of the fear, all of the all of the I love that word. All of the angst that I had navigated through. just came bubbling up to the surface and I just wept. And I ended up asking myself a lot of questions just like you said earlier. I wanted to highlight that, guys, for those of you that are listening, when in doubt, get curious because curiosity is your path to everything that you want. Get really crystal clear on why you acted that way, felt that way, said that thing, did that thing, Just just get curious without judgment. I am saying it's easy because it's saying that, you know, oh my god. You did that because you're a bitch. or you said that because you're selfish, but really just continue the questions to get curious about why because if you have the courage to get curious, you will it'll be like a beacon. And I like it to being surrounded by angels that are just waiting for me to get it. and the minute they're like, oh, thank god, Maharra. Got it. Okay. There was something else to work with them. So I love that you said that you got curious. I love. It sounds like you've laid the book out really well for us to learn from it and I cannot wait for it to come on. So folks listening, don't worry. By time this episode airs, the book will be published. I'll have a link for you to buy it in the show notes. We are so excited to support you and Amanda thank you so much for all of the stuff that you shared I do I I would be remiss if I didn't ask you to share with us your definition of being badass. just so we can link it to the podcast. And along with that definition, if you can share even one thing that you do on a regular basis that helps you to connect with that part of you, that inside part of you that is so solid and so strong. I would love it if you could share that with us as well. Absolutely.
Amanda Wallingsford [00:49:11]:
You know, my my idea of a badass is so in line with why you're even doing the work you do, and that is to be unapologetically yourself. And and that doesn't mean let me just be a jerk unapologetically. It means If you are hurting, name you're hurt. Talk about it. Let it be there. We get so many societal messages of stuff it back up. Put it back down. You know? Stop crying or whatever. If you're hurting, own it, be with it. If you're feeling joyful, Go play with it. Go let it be there. And know you know, own your strengths, own what makes you special, own what makes you tick because we need everybody here. There is no one right way. There's no one right person. We need everybody to really have a beautiful and fulfilling world and community. And then as far as one thing to do, I was just this is interesting. I was just decided to do a new vision board the other day. And the very first thing I found and it just it it it made me laugh because it is so me. It says the best project you will ever work on is you. And so if you can do one thing is see yourself as this beautiful project that really can through doing the work can reach a sense of peace, can find joy, even amidst pain. but that work for your project on yourself is gonna look different. So it could be coaching. It could be therapy. It could be reading. could be groups, you know, whatever it is, and there's no wrong or right way. I call it in my book your healing toolbox. find whatever is gonna help you and put it in your toolbox. And that changes, as you know, sometimes changes. We go through a season of wanting to be in community. We go through a season of wanting to be more intellectual and learn why do we function a certain way So whatever whatever it is, just keep committed and keep committed to yourself to your life, to your growth. and that's what I would say.
Mahara Wayman [00:51:43]:
I love that. And what vision that I got as you were talking was I know for me, sometimes I just wanna laugh. And now that, you know, I have grown children, but I remember when they were little, I was like, oh my god, you're so easy to please. Like, I'd buy you these these beautiful fancy toys and yet there you are in the kitchen cupboard playing with old, nasty pots and pans. But I think, you know, find the kid in us is is a great, and that's what I got from what you said was, you know, Ask the questions, do the work, do whatever needs to be done to make you feel good and to remind you that you matter because no one way is the only way. No one way is correct. The other vision I got from you from what you were saying is life is a tapestry. Every threat is important. Every person, every feeling, all of it weaves together to make this beautiful life. and it can be beautiful amidst the pain. And that would be really powerful when you shared that. The work that we do, you and I as coaches, you as a therapist, as a mom, as a friend, all of those things, it is possible to smile amidst devastating pain. You don't have to be defined by the pain only.
Amanda Wallingsford [00:53:05]:
Yeah. And it again, it doesn't have to be a one or the other. You know, I think about the days that we celebrate Ashton's birthday and Ashton's angel day. We grieve, and we also throw a party, and we go visit a zoo. You know? Like, we allow a flow between whatever emotion. And if we need to pull over and sob, we do that. And then we go see those animals at the zoo. You know? It's like you said, all of it is is welcome and all of it really is what when we embrace all of it and and give permission for everything to be there, we learn how to to flow through and dance through it.
Mahara Wayman [00:53:50]:
So so beautiful. Amanda, I can't thank you enough. I have loved chatting with you and I look forward to doing this again. For those of you that are listening, we welcome your feedback. As always, I will drop into the show notes all of the ways that you can connect with Amanda and, of course, purchase her amazing book that I know is gonna really change lives. I feel so honored to have had this time with you. And thank you again for listening to the art of badassery. We'll see you next week.
Amanda Wallingsford [00:54:18]:
Awesome. Thank you.
Mahara Wayman [00:54:25]:
Thank you for tuning in to the art of badassery. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and gained valuable insight to help unleash your inner badass. If you found this podcast helpful, please leave a rating or review on your favorite platform. Your feedback not only to be improve the show, but it also helps others like yourself discover the podcast. Until next time, keep embracing your authenticity, and live in life on your terms. Here's to you.
