Mahara Wayman [00:00:00]:
Welcome everyone to another episode of the art of badassery. I am so excited today to introduce my guest as she is a true powerhouse of inspiration and empowerment. Donna Meador, whose last name echoes Better, is a certified women's empowerment coach, and holds a doctorate in dating, making her an expert in relationships and personal growth. But her journey to this remarkable point in her life was not without its challenges. Donna is a recovering widow, and it was through overcoming adversity that she found her strength and resilience. but that's not all. Donna's accomplishments are nothing char short of awe inspiring as a five time internationally best selling author, speaker, and winner of the prestigious Forbes Raleigh 2020 power couple of excellence award, she has repeatedly proven she's a force to be reckoned with. Her creativity and vision also shine through as the co creator of the TV show, the matter effect, where she continues to impact the lives of helpless individuals. And if that weren't enough, she is the brilliant mind behind the SMART dating academy. helping people navigate the intricacies of relationships with wisdom and grace. Donna's roots trace back to Nutley, New Jersey, where she grew up surrounded by close knit community of about a 100 kids on her street. Those formative years gave her a sense of blessing and shaped her journey toward greatness. While she never imagined her extraordinary path during high school, life eventually unveiled its mysteries, leading her on a journey of personal development, self improvement, and an insatiable thirst for understanding. Her unstoppable passion for making a difference in people's lives blossomed. And today, she sits before us as a beacon of inspiration. So everyone joined me as we delve into the depths of Donna Meters story. a tale of resilience, growth, and unwavering determination to impact the world positively. Donna welcome. It's an absolute honor to have you are on my show.
Donna Meador [00:02:10]:
I think it's more of my honor. Anybody who writes a book and has a title in there or a chapter saying, naughtyy girls don't get dinner? Well, It the the pleasure and the honor is mine, Mahara. Thank you.
Mahara Wayman [00:02:22]:
Oh, it's funny when you said that, I'm like, oh, that sounds like my book. Oh, that's That's my story. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So, folks, those of you that are watching are gonna see, first of all, that we other than she's white and I'm not. We're a lot alike. When we met about 4 weeks ago, we just broke into laughter. When Zoom opened up when we saw German You're a lot like me. And, there's gonna be a lot of laughter today, but there's also gonna be some really profound conversation because we've already touched on it before. Donna, talk to us about your obsession today and where it came from.
Donna Meador [00:03:02]:
I I'm happy to talk to you about my obsession because I can't stop talking about it, Mara. And isn't it funny how life sort of rebuild it backwards? Like, my obsession today is a result of my experiences that I've been through. Isn't that the case with all of us? And if we're lucky and we recognize and acknowledge and understand that the adversity we go through can catapult us into a place that we never thought of going, and that's the same. No different for me. Same for me. and my obsession is helping women who are later in life. And I'm gonna say that means anytime after any any age after thirty, right, who are looking for love in all the wrong places who don't understand their value when it comes to personal relationships. There's a lot to be discussed when it comes to business? How much are you getting paid? Are you getting paid the same amount as your male coworkers? But I was always just hooked on the the intricacies of the relationship aspect, and I did not understand my value. in a relationship, sitting at the table, what I brought to the table, I didn't understand it. And so like a lot of people, I had a starter marriage It came and left very nicely within 5 years. Then I had about a chronic fatigue. We won't get into that. And when I finally, decided to get back out there and date, I was forty two years old. What do you do? And I'm in Manhattan, New York, by the way. What do I do? What do I do? How do I get out there? And, boy, is that scary? You know, talk about putting yourself on a shelf and going, I'm here. Anybody anybody? And you feel like everybody's walking past you. That's a very vulnerable place to be for a lot of women at 42, especially. Right? You're going back out there going now what? Okay. So I did that, Jordy. It took me 3 years of figuring out well, the 1st year was, why am I dating? I'm not having fun. There's something wrong with this picture. I read all the books, Mahara. I studied dating. Like, it was a college course. That's why I say I have my doctor in dating. which is and by the way, I trademarked that. I went out there and figured it out. I studied. I read all the books. I interviewed women. I talked to people on subways, buses next to them on in a restaurant. I mean, I've just chatted and talked my way because I couldn't figure out. I wanted to know how to have fun regardless of the outcome, and I came to find out Everybody wants the same thing. Nobody wants to be alone. Right? So I broke it down. I broke the code. And that's why I created my smart dating,
Mahara Wayman [00:05:56]:
workshops and master classes because I got it down. I took the formula and I have it down packed. what was what were some of the things that you learned that were a big bit of a surprise to you? Like, so I pictured you on the subway talking to somebody, and I could just see you going, Oh, gee, that makes sense to me now. Who knew I was gonna learn from this little old lady sitting beside me? Oh, yeah. What are some of the things that you learned that were a surprise?
Donna Meador [00:06:21]:
A big one was, and this, to me, still holds true today, and I recently had a workshop and I asked the ladies in the room, and they agreed with me. So we're going back now to 20 something years ago. the big at that time, and it's a big uh-huh to people today are when you are dating, you'll see you're on a dating app. Now I know you're married, so you're not on dating apps. And I don't know when the last time you were, if you were ever on a dating app, Mohar. But if you're out there dating, dating app is another way to meet somebody. You could meet them at a single dance, a social event. You could meet them, on a blind date. and the rule of thumb for somebody you haven't ever met before, when you date, the first three dates If you don't wanna see each other again, whether it's them or you, you don't it does not require a conversation. We do not need to break up. This is not a relationship. Well, I know. Right?
Mahara Wayman [00:07:26]:
Interesting.
Donna Meador [00:07:28]:
Now I've gotten pushed back from that, but at the end of the day, when the women have gotten comfortable with understanding what I'm saying to them. They know what they say, tell me, you're 100% right. 100% right. You do not you're not in a relationship when you have a date with somebody 1, 2, or 3 times. That's not a relationship. That's a date. And it works both ways.
Mahara Wayman [00:07:54]:
And I'll tell you why my mind is blown because the the little girl in me that was raised to be, speak when spoken to, be nice, be proper, what I'm, you know, I'm, I'm hearing that that would be mean of me not to tell him. Thank you for your time. or thank you for the coffee or thank you for the yes, Jonah. But the flip side of me, the the new the now grown up girl who is, you know, self proclaimed badass, understands a 100%. But it's just interesting that the minute you said it, I still had that feeling of Oh, you're gonna get in trouble. That is so naughty. That's not naughty.
Donna Meador [00:08:40]:
Well, I hope it's naughty. I want it to be naughty. No. So, yeah, it does make sense. Now here's the thing. I agree with you. If we were back, 40 years ago, 30 years ago, it would have been rude. It's not rude. It's the way the system works now. There is so much reaching out on apps, texting people. It it's just a different world. Now I'm not saying you don't thank somebody for taking you out at the moment. Okay? And if you want to and I always when I first started dating, I always went out at least twice with somebody unless I got a terrible feeling the first time. But you'll be surprised at how many times somebody will ghost you first. That's called ghosting. Right? They will ghost you first. because they're not feeling it. And this is a way for you to understand this is not personal. Dating is not personal. This title of this book that I wrote started to write in 2004 and published it 10 years later in 2014. occurred on a date. I was on a date with a a guy, a nice, nice guy, and we were talking about why do people get so upset when you don't call them back? Or why don't why do they think, you know, why don't they understand that it's not personal? And I said, no, it's not personal. And at that moment, the title of my book was born before a word was written.
Mahara Wayman [00:10:10]:
I love that, but here's the thing. so much in life is not personal. And one of the things that I work with my clients so much about is this idea we we all, myself included, take everything personally, It's about me. The reason that person across this room at this party has is cross eyed It's all about me. I -- Right. -- walk in some way. I'm even a guy. Right? I'm so proud of you. That's so good. But it's true. So I love that you brought that up and Folks, just so you know, as always, I will be dropping into the show notes links to purchase that book and anything else. anything else juicy of hers that you need to know and join. So don't don't fret. The information will be there for you. Okay. So you wrote the book.
Donna Meador [00:10:58]:
You sat it took you 10 years to write the book, or you had the experience immediately started. Yeah. It took me a few years to write it. I always tell people I stopped the when I stopped writing the book about 3 years in when I met my late husband. I stopped the research. And so then I, you know, at that time, it was not affordable to to publish books to Mahara. It was a big endeavor. And so by the time I was ready to publish it, I found a way to do it and and just a few short years later, a way to actually do it affordably. It wasn't I wanted a print book. It was I didn't want it just digitally, and it things became more affordable. So I was able to actually print it in 2014. And right now, it's gaining more min momentum, which is amazing to me. I'm like, Wow. That's so cool. Why? Because I'm I'm now an expert. I have all these years under my belt. And by the way, I never saw that guy again. He never called me. and it was fine, and it wasn't personal. And we had a nice time that night, and I thanked him for dinner, and he paid for dinner. That's another thing that people get hung up about in our day and age. I have women who tell me, well, I don't know if I if I let them pay, then they're gonna expect sex, or they're gonna expect something. And I say, no. No. it is a way to find out where a man's values are. If he's an alpha male, if that's what you're looking for, like, That's the way you allow Amanda stepping to who he is. It's just as important, Mahara. Women, and I'm sorry we were sold a bill of goods in the seventies. Okay? And I'll tell you something right now. This is the first time I'm gonna actually say this publicly. I had my last master class, my last dating smart dating boot camp, I came to find out that the women in the room, and I had them from thirty years old to 82, okay, that the the almost unanimously the their viewpoint was I don't necessarily need a man to take care of me. but I want a man who wants to take care of me. Listen to that. Let that sit for a second. because what were we I I'm getting chills. What were we told in the seventies eighties? We we can bring home the bacon. We can fry it up in the pan. We don't need you. and full circle x amount of years later we're saying but I don't want that. I want a man to wanna take care of me. Wow. That
Mahara Wayman [00:13:36]:
is very upsetting.
Donna Meador [00:13:38]:
I know. I feel like crying. I do. I but I'm so happy for the real understanding of this for women.
Mahara Wayman [00:13:44]:
it's one of those it's like a it's like a fairy tale that isn't so much fun, but you can't seem to get out of it. you know, we've we've created this. I can do be anything. Desire. but there are still so many things that are blocking. Some some of these things are so deep seated. They're generational. Yes. and it's hard. It's hard to even recognize them. Well, that's the first step. Right? Yeah. Until it slaps you in the face or until something tragic happens or Anyway, I love that you are doing this work.
Donna Meador [00:14:22]:
is that your first is that your only book? No. You've done more. talk about some of the -- Well, I I I've I've written other books. They're collaborating books, and every chapter in any of the books I've written, and they're all on my Amazon, author central page. talk about dating. Talk about relationships because I I I It I weep at the thought that we got up and ran in the seventies to accomplish this career thing, which I think is beautiful, and we didn't take any time to focus on the the basics, the foundation of our entire life, which is relationship driven. Now I will tell you, I am a strong woman. I'm a badass. I'm a strong woman. I'm independent. but I will tell you with my now husband now because I did get remarried. I went back to my own book and read it again and figured out what I did so good the first time. I want to do it again. I am stronger and more powerful with him. Okay? And this is what our more women understand. Nobody's telling you to stop work and stop creating. I'm saying, find that piece and you're a 100% correct, Mahara. I have been to mediums, clergy, psychics, NLP, all, you know, all kinds of ways to release the story that we have going on that our subconscious is driving that ship, right, and to release it so I can step into my fullest potential. Absolutely.
Mahara Wayman [00:15:57]:
I love it. I think one of the things that I I know, my children, I have 2 girls, 2, and they're almost 20 and almost 25. And the underlying principle that I have I hope have that I've taught them is, you matter. And I'm wondering if you found this in your own work that so many times, despite our smile, our, the language that we use deep down inside, there are some wounds that are so deep that we don't realize A great relationship with somebody else will flourish once we have a great relationship with ourselves. 100%.
Donna Meador [00:16:37]:
Yeah. I set out on a personal development journey that lasted, first of all, so going on, but it was pretty deliberate and lasted at the time, probably 20 years. And I'm so grateful for that journey. And and and and it was during my chronic fatigue years, so I just turn because here's the thing. I'm all about taking responsibility, who we are, and what we're about. I'm not a victim. I'm not about to blame others. I don't care what the scenario is. So I dig deep. I get into my subconscious, work with NLP, or hitting it, whatever. works per person, and clear away clean the path, clear it away so you can walk on that path nicely without having to jump through hoops and over and so forth. And then we are in a moment of allowing allowing to receive love and abundance of health, wealth, and happiness. Right? That's a beautiful place to be.
Mahara Wayman [00:17:30]:
Why is it so hard for us though? Because even very recently, I had a conversation with my coach, and she said to me, we'll disclosure people talk about being vulnerable on the air, but she said, Listen to yourself. Are you willing to accept abundance in your life? And I'm like, What do you mean? I pray for it all the time. And she's like, I get that, but are you willing to actually accept it. And I didn't have an answer for her because I, I, I felt, and I realized in that moment what she was saying, was that The universe gives you what you are ready for and what you're capable of and what you're and what you're
Donna Meador [00:18:14]:
you know, it's open armed. If you -- So we're we're all in we're all in, we're in a law of we're in a world of attraction. and god and the universe will give us what what we believe we can have. because it's all coming down to the feeling of it. Right? That's what Dreamboards are about. That's what, you know, Doctor Joe Dispenza, feelings of what we are calling, but he takes it he takes it and makes it scientific. He shows you scientifically why it works. Abraham Hicks shows you, you know, on the spiritual realm, why it works. And, I just had another quote I wanted to give you because I said, oh, so when people say to me, How did you find love two times in a room? I mean, really? Most people can't find it once. and I said, and there's a longer version, but the short version is, I focused on what I wanted, not what I didn't want. and I live my life that way, Mahara. I live my life that way.
Mahara Wayman [00:19:16]:
So powerful. One of the things that was said to me in in a course that I'm taking, and It took a while. The first few times I heard it, I didn't quite understand it, but I wasn't going to admit that. Now, I understand it. which is life happens for us, not to us. And I think when you understand that, then life is completely different. And I on other podcasts, and I've said this to to clients, is that I now choose to picture my life as There's this plane. I I'm in a purple room. I live in Alberta, Canada, but there's another plane that's happening at the exact same time and I'm surrounded by love and light. I'm surrounded by by my ancestors, by my angels, by spirits, and they want the best for me, and they are constantly putting things in my in my this played for me to see and recognize, and I'm working really hard to see it. So when something happens that doesn't quite work for me, I no longer point the finger and go, what an asshole? That guy is really, you know, this person or this situation, I go, oh, what am I to learn here because somebody went to a lot of trouble to or to orchestrate that lesson for me. I don't wanna learn this lesson again, so I better better just sit down, take a breath and learn it now. Well, and co co collaborating, and there's no mistakes
Donna Meador [00:20:34]:
in life. The week, we we magnetized each other. We we are co collaborating here, Mahara. And, when I when I feel like there's a little bit too much white noise around me because people are talking and things are happening, and I need to get as soon as as soon as I feel that I'm not feeling good, even if it's off this much, because you know what will happen if an autopilot's off this much. Right? If they're off a quarter of an inch, they're going in a different direction. Right? So if when I recognize, acknowledge, and understand that I'm off kilter for whatever reason. I take a deep breath and I go literally sit in the grass. I get my ass in the my badassery in the grass so that I can get centered and honed in again. because I don't wanna make any decisions from a place of not feeling good. I wanna feel great about whatever I'm gonna respond to. Okay? So, yes, life happens for us all the time every day all day long. And it's just a matter of our be going to acknowledge it again, going from victim mode to to, to victory mode. Right? My reality, people say, I mean, you better look at reality. I said, I look at the reality of love every single day. I look at the reality of appreciation every minute.
Mahara Wayman [00:21:58]:
That's the world I'm living in. One of the most powerful things that I learned from, Gabby Bernstein, was she invited us to look at our life through the lens of love. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I have been changed since that because when I'm feeling, stressed, angry, pissed, afraid, all of those things, I just take a deep breath, really, I mean, I try to be very mindful of the breath and everything. And I I I re look at the situation through a lens of love, and it's a whole new movie. It is a whole new movie. Good girl. Good for you. In that movie. Oh my gosh. Those are my favorite color purple. you know, it's all it's it's just different. and I love that you've brought in so many of these really powerful, spiritual understandings and practices to the dating world. I wanna go back to some to your smart dating. You mentioned it earlier. I was a little bit gobsmacked when you said you've got people from 30 to eighty 2.
Donna Meador [00:22:58]:
Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:23:00]:
The eighty two year old wants to date. Yeah. I love that so much. I can't even stand it. And I feel badly that I love it because I shouldn't be shocked by that, but you know, 82 is really that's kinda towards the end of your life. Well, you would think. Maybe. I mean, maybe not.
Donna Meador [00:23:22]:
Well, and good for you. And I, you know, you you know, you're you're right on Mark. I think it's I think that's a message that needs to get out there. We don't just shut down because we we start gaining some years. We we what we're gonna wither and go away, and we listen. We how many it wasn't long ago when we used to think sixty was old? Okay. And I'm 64 now having the time of my life with an amazing man who does nothing but lift me up daily. helps me to see the person I am every day, and I help him see the person he is every day. And so I were about bringing intimacy back into relationships. My smart dating class, again, is talk about building it backwards. Right? the smart dating class came because I started to realize I had a system. I mean, I found love two times in a row. So what did I do? So I had to sort of back up and go, okay. What did I do? I did this. I did I mean, I had to start documenting, and I have a whole whiteboard with post its on it, with, you know, moving those things around, trying to figure out. And I came up with the system, and it's called the Smart Dating System. It's a formula. And, and I just am recently getting I only had my first, my first I'm getting so excited. My first Smart dating boot camp about a few months ago, I'm getting ready to launch another one. And so, like, in 2 weeks, I'm gonna do a master class, which is a free 1 hour taser. Let them see if I'm the person for them. Let them see if I can help them because dating is not as organic as we'd like to think.
Mahara Wayman [00:24:56]:
I think we -- I I want you to go. I want we gotta talk about that because there's this this And it's all about finding ballots, because what I was gonna say is there's this misconception that if you, you know, just Say what you want. Ask for, you know, just put it out there. You'll if it's meant to be, it'll be. But what I just heard you say that there's a formula to dating, and there's there's, you know, there's a there's a way to do it. Right? That's kind of the opposite to that. And I wanna hear more about that. I wanna hear more about that. Right now? Right now? Right now. Well, you know, well, just sort of the background, though. I don't want you to give away any secrets, but -- No. No. It's okay. And the reason I the reason I say it is that my experience, I am happily married. I've been married for 26 years, I think. I'm not very good with dates. but my boyfriend before my husband -- Okay. -- broke up with me, and I wasn't devastated, but I was kind of like bummed. because I thought, no, I'm in my late twenties. I'm already ready. I thought, what the hell? And I remember my mom said to me, bless her. She said, you know, sweetheart, you may not it may not be for you in this lifetime that you're going to be married. but that doesn't mean you can't have a happy life. And my first reaction was anger. How could you say that to me? I wanna be married. You're supposed to say, you know, screw that idiot. You're the best catch out there, but she didn't. She was very realistic. She said, look, just because you don't get married doesn't mean you can't have an amazing And when I calm down, I realized what she was saying. And 2 weeks later, I met my husband. Of course. Of course. It's it's that kind of a if I hadn't met him, I know I would have wanted to learn how to meet him. Sure. Yes. If you can't get naturally, the way things work out, then there is, there is a way to go about it. So can you give us like an overview of that belief?
Donna Meador [00:26:52]:
I would love to because I can't shut up about this stuff. Are you well, you were in your twenties when you met your husband.
Mahara Wayman [00:26:57]:
Yeah. Late twenties. Late twenties. Perfect. And you were in college, getting out of college? No. I was, I was, I'd only, yeah, I wasn't in college. I was just working. Okay.
Donna Meador [00:27:11]:
So I I dated at that time, when I was younger and I met my first husband, and it was all there. I didn't know the system. didn't know there was a system. and so I just sort of took what came. Right? And for me, it was, we we We went into it, and then we went out of it all within 5 years. It was all very nicely laid out, very simple. No tears shed. It was amicable and fine. And as I started to regain, the first time I'm going back out there again at 42 after the sickness and all that, I realized I was in a different world. Right? I'm like, this is 15, 20 years later. What now? What next? Okay. And so that's when I started to read all the books and couldn't figure out why why I was so frustrated after every single day. I was frustrated. I was not having a good time. I was disappointed. I would sip I was desperate. I was sitting by the phone waiting for the text messages to come through. And so I started a journey to to learn how to be happy regardless of the outcome, and that's where I'm at today. And that's where the and that's what it's about. So am I telling women they have to be married to be happy? No. I'm saying if you're out there and you're dating and you're not having a good time, or you're you haven't met your special someone or you're, you just don't know what to do. that's then I'm your girl that I that I because I got you. I got this. You know, it's like, I got now am I am I matchmaker? No. I'm not matching anybody up. I'm just bringing forward awareness for you to see when you're meeting somebody you really resonate with and when you're not. get rid of the stories. And I don't I don't have NLP qualifications, but I do refer out, I'd say, Look, this now, if you've got a story going on about this and that's why you can't do that. Find a way to release it. Go to so and so check-in with me if you want a referral. Like, I just constantly because it's all about that. If you're not happy with yourself, how in the world can you be happy with somebody else? But the stories I hear, well, I don't want anybody to tell me what to do. I don't want anybody to take over. I don't need them to be in charge, and I'm going story story story. Right? Because I've got more freedom and more independence
Mahara Wayman [00:29:41]:
and more ability to create more of what I wanna create because I'm with an amazing man. Thank you for sharing that. And I, I love that you shared that with us. What I keep hearing, not only in your world, but also in mine, Personally, and in professionally is this idea of storytelling. Why for the love of god, are we telling stories for the most part that don't work for us? That's a shitty story. Stop telling it. Yeah. No kidding. Amen. But I'm curious. So what's what's k. That's I do wanna know about that, but I wanna tie that into, have you always been this badass? Because I'm wondering if when you were in high school, you realized you were badass, or if you had great dating experiences when you were younger, you know, or a young woman as opposed to, a middle aged middle. I'd like to think I was badass. I no. I was a girl scout till I was a senior in high school. I was a nerd.
Donna Meador [00:30:35]:
I, you know, didn't kiss boys until I was, you know, near 1718.
Mahara Wayman [00:30:40]:
I -- We're authentic. because really -- Oh, yes. K. That's that's the thing because I think it's the it's our authenticity that propels us forward to make the decisions that work for us. Yes.
Donna Meador [00:30:54]:
Yes. I was very genuine. I didn't know how to be otherwise. I still don't. The bud did I know about dating? No. I didn't know about dating. Here's what I did know. I had a fabulous first two boyfriends. amazing, really wonderful boyfriends. My first one loved him to pieces, and I had to break up with him. Why? because he wanted to get married, and I knew I had to go out and figure things out. I couldn't I didn't see myself getting married at 18, 19, or 20. I had to sew my oats. I had to know what I who I was, what I was about. And then my second boyfriend was ten years older than me, and I really loved him. We went out for a long time, but I wasn't ever seeking marriage against you. I wasn't thinking marriage. Now here I am, 4 years with him. He's ten years older than me. So he's taking marriage. I wasn't thinking marriage, and so that had to be cut off when when he said to me, I'm gonna ask you to marry me in 6 months. I started figuring out how many more months I had to be free. That's not what you're supposed to be doing. he's a great man. I'm sure he's still a great man, but it was not for me. The timing was not right, but I will tell you when I went out 42 and finally figured out I didn't know what I was doing and I was going out with these guys and I was sort of compromising with myself. I said, you know what? Stop. Let me think. Let me sit back and think. What did I love about my first two boyfriends? Let me conjure that up again. And so then I started to sift and sort inside my heart and figure out, well, I like this and that. So now I'm studying my intentions.
Mahara Wayman [00:32:41]:
You know what else you were studying? What comes to my mind is that We mirror. We attract what is in us. Yes. In fact, what things that we don't like. They piss us off and we attract things that we love. So I think it's brilliant that you had the put spot to go back and question. What did I love about those boyfriends? Because really what I'm hearing is this is what I loved oh my gosh, I was easygoing. I was open. I was honest. I was authentic. I was bad ass. I was kind. you know, whatever whatever it was, it's a great way to check-in on what what matters to you. And one of the first things I I talk about with my clients always is Let's get clear on your values. Because so often, and I think, especially in the dating world, women get caught up in other people's expectations, and this is I'm answering the societal values of what a woman should be, not what I think I should be, for example.
Donna Meador [00:33:38]:
Beautiful. You know, one of my biggest badass moments was and and, of course, the audience now knows that I've been widowed. And when I went out to date again, I read my book, and I locked in on the journey. Now I don't have to censor my words. Do I hear? So when I decided to get back out there, and it's a longer story, and it will be in my TED Talk when I do that. But my story when I get on stages, is pretty interesting. and this is where the badass comes in. Okay. So I was 8 months numb. So I wasn't looking for sex. wasn't looking for intimacy. I was dead inside after my late husband passed. And, I thought everybody got that way. I come to find out that's not so that there are people who literally need to have sex right away, like snap snap snap. There's actually a term for that. It's called the Wid Ho. just so you know. Yeah. So that's a real term, and I was not a widow. I had no objection to being a widow, but I just wasn't. I was turned off. I was sad. I was really struggling. And so 8 months, after his passing, I'm finally starting to get up and move around a little bit and get back into my world, you know, of routine. And I go to a business meeting, and I'm walking around the room and I'm shaking hands and I'm saying hello and I encounter a man I'd never met and never saw again. and right there as we were shaking hands on the spot, tingles ran through my entire body. Holy Crap Mahara. I got turned on in a business meeting. My heart started to pound. My fingers got sweaty. I thought for sure. everybody in the room was looking at me. And I was so excited, like, driving home. I was, like, so excited because, like, my body was alive again. and then I stepped in the house, and then I remembered that my husband was gone. So this is where I help widows understand their path and to be okay with it and to how to work through it a little bit. It's amazing. And so 4 months after that, because I was thinking now after I, you know, I had a tantrum that night. Right? I had a tantrum. I'm like, I'm so upset, but the next morning, I woke up. I said my body had woken up. I was grateful. What am what now? What next? What am I gonna do? I start going through the the apps. I start looking through the dating app. I'm trying to figure out because now my body's alive, and I got it eats some loving. You know what I'm saying? So I had a plan I'm gonna keep my, you know, my heart out of it, but my body in it. You know what I mean? So now I'm moving forward trying to figure out how to make that all happen. That took about 4 months, but that's okay. And so, like, on dating apps, and you brought up something at the very beginning podcast, and I just wanna show you something if I can. I'm gonna wrap it around to a loop, right? You said at some point in time, people think you can just sit there and wish for stuff or hope for things or feel good about anything that's gonna come to you. When we truly understand the art of the art of allowing, when we understand that, It's powerful. Now, so here I am, I'm looking on my dating app, and I store all of a sudden I get this idea. Wow. I loved my late husband, but what would I like today? I mean, I'm ten years older. I've got 10 more years of knowledge, 10 more years of understanding, 10 more years of wisdom, so what does Donna want now? And it came to me like that. And I said, oh, I want a man with depth. My late husband was wonderful. He didn't have depth. He was a off the boat Italian, very black and white. He was valuable. He was amazing. He cherished me, which is what I wanted, when I got married to him at 50. And now I was 60 or inching towards 60, and I was like, I want somebody with death. and 6 months later, when I should have been on a, ship of a mentor, because I had researched this, Alaska and Cruise I wanted to go on with one of my mentor one a mentor that I follow. Instead of going on the cruise, I had a date with a man named Jeffrey. and he would become my husband. Never saw him coming. And I kept saying to him, you do understand I'm dating multiple men. I'm not interested in looking for love. I'm not any against kept smiling at me and not. He knew on the second date he would spend the rest of his life with me, and it took me a little longer. I think it was another week. and then to deal with the feeling and the emotionalism of how do I how do I decipher that I'm in love when I'm in love already? Like, how do I fall in love, but I'm in love already? And so this all, again, prompted the talks, prompted me, I'm a writer. I'm a creative writer. I want to make these words tangible for women to understand that loving another does not replace anybody. And I'll tell you, and my husband would tell you that my late husband and my now husband and me, we all live very nicely together. Okay? We live in harmony There's no anger, there's no, he doesn't ever feel like he's, in competition. It's a beautiful thing. Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:39:29]:
What a fantastic story. And there's so much in that story that I that I love, and I I'm sure our listeners will see it as well. And I think one of the the one of the most beautiful things that I am resonating with and hearing you is, you gave yourself permission to feel and to grieve. You lost a beautiful man. And then you paid attention when your body said, I'm ready. The body was telling you something. And, you know, on some level, you and that man had made a pact in another lifetime, I'm gonna help you navigate back to feeling whole and loved as a woman, right? So I think it's beautiful. But this idea that Time is a construct, right? There's a lot of guilt that widows may feel that I haven't grieved long enough. I haven't been alone. I haven't suffered enough. I loved him enough in death. to to justify bringing in somebody new. And you have managed that, and you've navigated that, and you you do with such an effervescence of love and light and and excitement. It's wonderful to listen to. But what are your clients? What are some of the things that your clients struggle with the most? is it this idea of people will talk if I start to date too soon? People will call me a widow, which, by the way, I've never heard of before. But, you know, it's there's no right or wrong. It just is. But -- Right. -- what do your client say is is one of the things that they struggle with? It's a it's a wonderful thing. I mean, uh-uh, I don't just,
Donna Meador [00:41:05]:
serve widows. I also serve divorcees or single women who've never been married. And, and I never heard of that either. And if I didn't become a widow and end up in a Facebook group of widows, I would have never heard the group. In fact, their widows and widowers are called WIDS. generic term. So I would say across the board, whether they're withered or not, they're Biggest are coming from the realization that they do have a story going on. Like, the because I say to them, why do you think you're not dating? What is that about? Why do you think you're not? Why aren't you dating? Right? Why are you here with me today? And then what I hear, and then through the process of the of the boot camp or the course, is that they have a story going on. And then I help them diminish the story, to help them see it a little differently. I'm not an NLP expert. Are you, certified now?
Mahara Wayman [00:42:02]:
I'm not a certified NLP. I'm certified in the master method coach. So I I help my clients through somatic, emotional, mental, behavioral, and and whole other thing, bunch of things, but not not a not NLP.
Donna Meador [00:42:15]:
Okay. And and and a lot of helping people readjust their story. Right? I mean, that's real. Isn't that the case for you too? I mean, your people, it's because they have a story going on. And by the way, doctor Joe Dispensa says, 50% of the story we tell ourselves isn't even accurate.
Mahara Wayman [00:42:32]:
Oh, I bet you it's even more than that. It's even more than that. Isn't that something? Yeah. It's it's terrifying, actually. What what else what is also terrifying is that despite the fact that we all, you know, we speak, we we speak our native tongue, whether it's English or French or Spanish, whatever our natural language, native languages so many of us don't even use the words to tell the story accurately. So the mere fact that we are using language that isn't the correct language either diminishes or exacerbates the story one way or the other. Like, it's it breaks my heart that even I can say this, sorry, children, it breaks my heart that when I use certain words, you look at me, like, you don't know what that word means. Like, How do you not know the word heretofore? How do you not know that word? Who grew up knowing that word? I don't know that word. They're like, because we don't read those crappy books, mom. Right? Happy books are classics, actually.
Donna Meador [00:43:32]:
You're right. You know, kids are all rated.
Mahara Wayman [00:43:35]:
Yeah. But that you know what I mean? Like, we get so used to saying, I'm stressed. I I'm this. I'm not. Versus I'm lonely. I'm afraid. I'm disappointed.
Donna Meador [00:43:46]:
And I would even go a step further. Why? Because my quote, cry when you need to laugh when you can. How did I meet love two times in a row? by focusing on what I wanted, not what I didn't want. So I actually live a pretty literal world. In fact, my now husband's pretty good at catching me. when I say things, I'm not gonna say I'm stressed. I'm sad. I'm I'm gonna say, wow, I I'm looking forward to feeling better. I'm looking you know what? I'm gonna go sit in the grass. I'm gonna put my head on that luscious pillow that I love so much because I want to shift my energy. Everything we attract is based on our energy. Not what we say, That's why Dreamboards people feel like they don't do anything because they're not attaching it to it emotionally and feeling it. You see? So it's so, yeah, I mean, listen. We live in a different what I'm gonna say now is probably what our grandparents when we were growing. I mean, that we I ain't walked fifteen miles to school. You know? Now we get on Zoom call.
Mahara Wayman [00:44:45]:
I had 4 Zooms in a row when I was your age. Yeah. That's
Donna Meador [00:44:51]:
so good. Oh, that's so funny.
Mahara Wayman [00:44:56]:
oh my gosh. Where are we? I this this conversation is so amazing. What is one thing that you would tell a young woman in her late teens or early twenties. about herself and how the how the relationship she has with herself may relate may end up affecting her dating.
Donna Meador [00:45:18]:
Is there any couple jewels that you would say to a younger person? It's really interesting, because I'm gonna tell you no, and I'll tell you why. when you were 15 or 20, did you want to hear stuff like this? I mean, they're on a jury. So so let me reframe. Yes. If they're wanting to hear it. I'm all about speak. So I love my nieces and nephews grandkids. And when they get to be an age where I can actually talk to them, that's me. Like, I'm all about that. Like, I love the little babies. catch it. And then I hold them for 3 minutes, and I wanna give them back because when they get right, when they get older and I can talk to them, now we we can get into a relationship.
Mahara Wayman [00:46:00]:
Okay. I I'm gonna rephrase the question because I love that. Good good call out. If a young woman came to you and said, oh my goodness. You've got a doctor in dating. I'm interested in dating. What's some advice you would give me?
Donna Meador [00:46:14]:
And by the way, I get that all the time. I get it all the time when we go out to eat because my husband is always loving on me publicly and he said, my wife's an Internet. You know, she's the best seller, and she wrote a book on day. And she's a dating coach. And so I'm always getting that. And so I always say, start with my book. start with my book. You've gotta have a place to start. You know? You can see the the limbs I climbed out on and fell off a few. you can start to realize that dating isn't scary. You can you can learn to laugh it yourself. Right? That's where it comes from. You've gotta start to figure that out. and that I always tell them, follow me on Facebook. You'll get nuggets there because I wanna ease people into the understanding that there is something better for them out there and especially when they become better. For them --
Mahara Wayman [00:47:01]:
What I what I love so much about everything that you're saying is this understanding which may be a brand new understanding for some of us that dating doesn't have to be about finding a guy to marry. dating can be about connection, honest connection, laughter, love, great food, great wine, great friends. It's not If it leads to that, then that's what you're looking for. Beautiful. but it doesn't have to be all that and then some. It can just be a beautiful time for 2 hours out of your life of a 100 years where you you know, clicked glasses with a with a beautiful person.
Donna Meador [00:47:42]:
Yeah. You're getting to know somebody you don't know. Yeah. You get enjoy them, you might want just some companionship. My mom widowed at 86. My dad passed a few months before I married my now husband and, I let my my mother was my maid of honor. It was so sweet. And, another badass movement, my late husband gave me away. So I I walked into the restaurant set up, you know, withholding him. And then my now husband walked up the aisle and I got to say goodbye to Pietro and put him on the table and And for me, now for some people, that was a little bit appalling. For me, it's also right. and that's what what being genuine is about. That's when you're a badass. When you do what you feel is right, regardless of what people are saying around you or whatever white noise is going on. And then you allow yourself to just be the person you were meant to be. And so, my mother tickled this tickles me because I'm my parent for married 65 years. my mother has a gentleman friend, and she's ninety. Now he would love to get married and move in together. She said, no. No. No. No. I wanted a I wanted a date. I wanted a date. I didn't want marriage. I wanted a date. And we were, as her children, of course, wanna make sure she's safe, but she knew him 40 years ago from and my dad knew him. So they were just reunited. They have a nice companionship, a nice friendship. They Get on the phone a couple times a day. Listen. They're each other's generation. Who else is gonna be able to relate with that? So we're thrilled, you know, that mom has a friend and we like Jim, and he's a great guy. And and you know what? She she could never marry him. Right? I mean, she just they're just two different worlds they live in. But, you know, when you get to be 90, it's more about who's driving, who can drive, who can't drive. You know, it's all about that stuff.
Mahara Wayman [00:49:45]:
that's so what a fabulous story? It is cool. It's really cool. Okay. So let's let's do a quick recap of everything that we have touched on to see if there's more that you'd like to share with us and the listeners today. So we've talked about that you were kind of a nerd when you were younger. We weren't really into dating, but you were you've always been very authentic For those of you that know me and listen to the podcast, badassery is all about being authentic. Right? So, yeah, it's it's so that's number 1. You married, your first husband, and it was sweet until it wasn't, but then it wasn't even that bad. 5 years in, out. No tears. No fuss. You met a wonderful man Pietro, super Italian guy. He was exactly what you needed and wanted in that moment. He lived a full life, and he left. And again, at 52, you were a widow. or you were divorced and 52 you were a widow, and you decided to get back in the game. And you, and I wanna be very clear about this, you were very clear on what you wanted in a man. And to some of you that follow, or a practicing manifestation. That is a that's a necessity. You will not manifest what you're not clear on because the universal will not want to give you. So you were very clear on what you wanted, and I know from how manifesting works that you really connected with the feeling that it would bring you to be spent time with this man. And lo and behold 6 months later, you met him. you have written an amazing book a long time ago, but it's it's gaining momentum. And I, as I mentioned, I will put the the in the in the show notes how you can get the book. Tell us a little bit more about your smart dating, because I've heard you say master class boot camp, course, and I wanna make sure that I understand the difference between them. It it's a wonderful thing when you're a creator,
Donna Meador [00:51:46]:
and, people listening to this podcast are probably entrepreneurs. So they will relate to me when I say to them, I'm working with a storytelling coach who's also assisted me with creating programs. And my first program so I did my first I did a first beta program a few months back, which was, a boot camp. It was 6 days in a row, an hour a half each day, and I had twenty five people in the room. And, you know, they did have access to recordings and so forth. So then when I got done with that, I realized Oh, I gotta build something out. Right? So then I extracted from that and made a master class that I'll be doing, when I do the master class, it's 1 hour. It will be no charge. It's free. I'm giving them my time with little snippets of who I am, what the store, what it's about, see if I'm a good fit for them and vice versa. And then I and then I went deeper on the course. So I've got, you know, I've got this 3 part master, smart dating, master class boot camp, and course, figured out how to go because people are gonna wanna go deeper and we can always go deeper. can always go deeper. I didn't get to talk about sex and all kinds of stuff in the earlier glaze, right? And now they all voted. They don't wanna see it 6 days in a row. They'd rather see it 1 day a week for 6 weeks. So so I said, okay. You know, you you wanna listen to the people, right? So my my avatar, my target audience are women, professional women, professional women, divorcees, widows, never been married, who are looking for love in all the wrong places, just wanting to figure out how to do it. There is a system It's a really simple formula, but people don't think about it. We don't think about dating the way we thought about anything else we did in our life. Isn't that amazing? I mean, there's a way to ride a bicycle. There's a way to go swimming. Right? There's things you have to do to stay afloat. Right? Same with dating.
Mahara Wayman [00:53:45]:
Oh my gosh. I love it. I love it. I love it. I want 1 more nugget from you.
Donna Meador [00:54:00]:
Right now, I'll give jewels to the audience because I just I love you, Mohara. I just think you first of all, I think you're beautiful. I think you're a man. And I really I'm like, look at her with that great hair and that beautiful smile and gorgeous skin, holy mackerel. If you're not watching the video, go and watch the video because you can see what Mahara looks really. I'm not just saying that. I just assumed oh, you were striking as soon as I turned on the video. So that's really cool. I'm gonna give your audience the ABCs of dating. and I'm not gonna go deep. I'm just gonna lay it out there so they can understand this this is like a basic formula to dating. A is to allow allow only those who ensue to pursue. Oh, think about that. What does that mean? Pick only those that want to be with you. Okay? That's a. b, blindfold. When you date with your eyes closed and you're dealing with your feeling rather than your sight, you will be able to see more clearly. It it yeah. That's a boom. Yep. That's how I always dated. I dated with my eyes closed. People would say to me, could you go out with that person? Because I shut my eyes and I felt, and that's what would make the the determination for me. Doesn't that feel good? Oh, that's so good. That's a big nugget. I hope you wrote that down, ladies, and c is for connect, and you only connect on a date with somebody if there's at least 3 days out because 3 days out is, emphasizing value. Your value. If you're ready right away, what does that say? You're not that valuable. You're not that valuable. You're not busy. nobody wants to be nobody's not with you, you know, nobody's with you. And so the the ABCs of dating right there, the allow, the blindfold, and the connect 3 days only, the 3 days out are paramount to sifting and sorting so that the so that you can recognize and magnetize your prints in a pond full of frogs. boom.
Mahara Wayman [00:56:21]:
Boom. Boom. She's a writer, folks. That's beautiful. And you know what? Donna, there's so much that I loved about that, that I loved everything that you're saying. Beautiful energy. We are gonna do this again. Well, just so you know, in case you didn't know that I'm gonna invite you back again. But I'm sure everyone that's listening has picked up some seed of wisdom, some pearl of wisdom, but underneath all of that, ladies and gentlemen, you deserve to be happy in your in life. Whether it leads to marriage or not, that's not that's that's neither here nor there, but the bottom line is give yourself permission to be yourself with joy and grace. and and allow Mr or Mrs. Perfect to come into your life because you deserve that happiness. And please check out all of Donna's great offerings because she knows her shit pretty clear to me, that you've been through you've been through some tough times, but you've made the you've made the decision to learn from you've created some great body of work for us to learn from you as well. I can't thank you enough for joining us today. Those of you that are listening, thank you for your support. I hope you like this conversation. Let me know it in, in DMs and comments and feedback on this episode and anything else that you've got for us. My name is Mahara Wehman, and as always, this has been the art of badassery. We'll see you next week.
