Mahara Wayman [00:00:06]:
Welcome to The Art of Badassery, where I explore what it takes to live life on your own terms, break free from the status quo, and unleash your inner badass. Whether you're a rebel at heart or simply seeking inspiration to step outside your comfort zone, this podcast is for you. I'm your host, Hara Wayman, and each week I dive into the stories, insights, and strategies of those who have mastered the art of Badassery and are living life to the fullest. They smile when no one is looking. Hey, everyone. Welcome to the art of badassery I am so excited today because I have the pleasure of introducing a remarkable individual whose journey through life is as diverse and dynamic as the world itself. Relitsa spasova's upbringing is a story of constant evolution as she embarked on a continuous voyage of self discovery. Born in Bulgaria, Relitsa's life traversed continents from a young age. Her adventure began at the tender age of three, when she left her home country, subsequently making her home in various corners of the globe, including Canada, the US. And the Caribbean. Education has been a vital part of her journey. She pursued her studies in Canada, graduating from Sardis Senior Secondary and later obtaining her undergraduate degree from the University of British Columbia. Her academic pursuits then led her to the shores of Aruba, where she attended medical school. Relitsa's dreams, much like her experience, have been wonderfully diverse. At different junctures, she dreamed of being an engineer, an architect, and a psychologist, showcasing her boundless curiosity and passion for understanding the world from multiple perspectives. Today, Relesa finds herself nestled in the picturesque landscapes of British Columbia, where she lives, works, and indulges in her favorite pastimes. She's also a certified Mastery Method coach, offering her clients one on one and group programs. She helps individuals unlock their potential, overcome obstacles, and create meaningful life transformation through her coaching. I'm so excited to talk to her today because Relitsa is a true global citizen, a lifelong learner, and a beacon of vibrant energy in everything she undertakes. Welcome to the show. I am so excited to actually sit down with you.
Ralitza Spassova [00:02:31]:
Thank you so much for having me. I've never heard my life showcased in such a beautiful way, so thank you for that. It's great to get to know myself through your story. Oh, you're very welcome.
Mahara Wayman [00:02:44]:
And it's so interesting because truthfully listeners I've known relates for a couple of years now, and it wasn't until I sent her the form to fill in that I learned some of these things about her. And I'm like, I didn't know that. I didn't know that. So I want to thank you for filling that out so fully to know a little bit more about the fact that you studied medicine, and yet here I know you as a coach. So when you think back to, first of all, walk us through this studying of medicine and where that led you.
Ralitza Spassova [00:03:17]:
To yeah, that's a great point to start at. And I think I would have to start when I was in Canada, probably around the age of four or five, digging through books to figure out what to look at when my parents were super busy and I was just on my own. I grew up as a single child and so at one point, instead of pulling the Disney books, I pulled open one of my mom's textbooks. So she had to redo her entire nursing degree when we moved to Canada. And I remember looking, it was a huge textbook for surgical instruments and procedures. And I remember looking at it and there was a face of a boy who was born with some sort of facial anomalies and there was a before and after picture. And I remember being so enamored with the idea that surgery could help him to feel normal again, right? And so that in and of itself. And I think my mom being in cardiac surgery, she was a nurse for open heart surgery that really gave me a depth of appreciation of what's possible, what humans are capable of doing, the fact that a doctor can save a person's life, that they can change the trajectory of someone's life. So at one point I remember thinking, I'm going to be a plastic surgeon and I'm going to be like Robin Hood, I'm going to do boop jobs here in North America and I'm going to take that money, I'm going to do Doctors Without Borders across the world. That was sort of my vision. At some point I became realistic and I let go of that vision of medicine and I started to kind of do the things that are more logical and practical. And now as a transformational coach, looking back, I realize that realism is one of those things, that it's one of the biggest lies that we're told in life. But at the time I didn't know it. And so my path back to medicine, it was interesting because in high school I was very much into biology, I was into chemistry, I was really good at school. Everything came super easy, I didn't have to study very hard. And then university hit and I realized that I was a very visual auditory learner. So if I paid attention in class, which I always did, because I was always curious and interested in what was going on, I would be fine. But university came and it was like a 10th of what you need to know is taught in class and the rest isn't a textbook. So very quickly realized after first year my grades were great, second year not so great. My parents separated when I was in twelveTH grade and that really hit me. In my second year, I also had a relationship that my very first relationship of four years. I thought it know, fall in love, you get married, you do the thing. We weren't on the same page. We were very young, and yeah. So I think at that point, with my grades declining and with everything that happened, I realized that I won't be able to go to medical school in North America, because you needed a 4.0, and you needed hundreds of hours of volunteer work, and I was working to tie ends together. My parents were busy chasing boyfriends and girlfriends, and the times that I felt I needed the most, they didn't think I needed them because I was in university. I was doing well. Everything was good. It looked good on the outside. And so my calling back into medicine really happened when I graduated eventually from UBC. And it was funny. I'll never forget this conversation I had with my dad. I was sitting at Starbucks, and I remember I was applying for pharmaceutical sales, medical sales, all these positions, because I had a background in optical sales. And I remember him saying to me, can I curse on this podcast?
Mahara Wayman [00:07:16]:
Of course.
Ralitza Spassova [00:07:17]:
Okay. I remember him saying to me, you know what, Relitza? You can take that bachelor's degree. And he's like, you can wipe your ass with it. He's like, what's your plan? What's your next step? Because everyone's got a bachelor degree, and you're not going to get a position that you're looking for with just that. So at first, I didn't believe him. I was working with a headhunter. I had an interview at Stem Cell Technologies. I went from the first interview to the second interview to the third one. I thought that was mine. And then just to find out that they hired someone with a master's degree for an entry level position, getting paid peanuts. And I realized my dad was right, that my bachelor's degree wasn't going to get me that far, that it's very limited what I could do with it, and synchronistically, and I didn't realize this was a beautiful synchronicity at the time. One of my friends who was studying at SFU, he was studying physiology, said, I'm going to go to the Caribbean and do med school. And I just thought, isn't that such a cool path to go down, that if med school here in Vancouver is not going to work out for me? I had completely shut that door. It was not even an option in my mind. And so when he said that, and he said, do you want to come with me? I think you'd be a great doctor, I said, Actually, yeah, I would love to do up. He ended up working for the Canucks, so he didn't go. So I actually ended up going by myself to Aruba. I had never been there before, but, yeah, it was a very quick and easy yes for me, because it was always my calling to study medicine. And I knew in that moment when he said that, I was like, yes, that is the answer. That is the way. That is the unstuckness first of all.
Mahara Wayman [00:08:59]:
I love that story and got to love Dads. What did your dad think about your decision to move to Aruba, though?
Ralitza Spassova [00:09:08]:
It was a big question mark for both my parents, I think, growing up. And I recently realized that growing up, my parents haven't been those people who I wanted guidance from because they just didn't know. They didn't know how things work here. They came from a very different place. They were born and raised in communist Bulgaria, and the way that things worked here in Canada, they didn't know any better. And so I think there was a big question mark around what happens when you study there. Is the school accredited? Of course it was. I had done my research, but I only knew what I knew. Right. And so fast forward ten years. When I went back to teach, I had a lot of these answers for students, and that's kind of when I was the Dean of Premed. And teaching them all of these things about where you're starting, where you're going, what the plan is, how challenging it's actually going to be, the number of exams, when you should start studying. Nobody knows when they start going down the path of medical studies that it's going to be such a journey, such a long and intricate journey. And there are no guarantees, there truly are no guarantees that anyone will ever practice clinical medicine, but especially studying internationally.
Mahara Wayman [00:10:20]:
I was just going to say it's interesting that you say that, because from a layperson's point of view, I'm like, oh, my God, you study medicine and you become a doctor and then you work your ass off, and then you make a difference in the world and you never see your partner, and then you die. I have this vision that medicine is all in. First of all, it costs a bundle because it's so many years of study. Then not only then, there's this emotional cost and a mental cost and your time cost. So it's just interesting that you say that you finally realized that, wow, this isn't actually the dream that I thought it was going to be. It's quite different.
Ralitza Spassova [00:10:58]:
Totally. It is quite different. And it was a major investment. I didn't qualify for provincial loans because it was international and because the school wasn't around for more than ten years. I had to get a professional line of credit, and my mom co signed it. And that has been my biggest kryptonite and my Achilles heel through this process. And I know we're going to talk about those challenging moments in this conversation, but it was it took a lot. It took a big commitment. Definitely. For me, it was a knowing, it was a calling that I answered, knowing a lot less about callings at the time. I just knew it was the right thing for me because of the way it happened. So I guess I have been attuned to my calling and the way that things drop in and staying with my spirit. I wasn't as aware at the time of it, but I would say that was one of the main reasons I trusted it and I went with it. My mom, of course, was beside herself when they dropped me off. And it know, a small island. It's very well developed. It was safe, but you never know it's so far away, right? The place, the hotel that the school set us up at, it wasn't the Ritz Carlton, so naturally, she had her concerns. And so, yeah, I think it was more of a process for her than it was for really. As soon as we landed in Aruba and the doors of the plane opened, I stepped outside and I smelled the air, and I was like, I'm home. This is it. The heat, the sun, the ocean, all of it. It was divine. It was perfect. Flying in and just knowing that I've landed where I belong.
Mahara Wayman [00:12:42]:
So beautiful. I have that feeling every time I fly home to Jamaica. There's a smell, there's an essence, there's an energy about it. What I'm curious about, though, is you've mentioned trusting, listening to your gut, knowing that this was your calling. What didn't you know? But you went ahead anyway, because part of being a badass is recognizing the fear and acting anyway, like holding hands with it and going, what didn't you know that you can now say, wow, I didn't know this, but I was willing to. Does anything come to mind?
Ralitza Spassova [00:13:17]:
Totally. Yeah. For me, it's definitely the guarantee of you're going to end up practicing clinical medicine, because there was a percentage and IMGs match much less easily than people who study in Canada and the United States. And so Canadian medical graduates, I think, have, like, a 98% match rate, because once you get into clinical medicine in Canada or the US. Your clinical rotations are basically set up where most people are applying. Or you could set up electives around Canada and the US and other schools that you would like to apply or hospitals that you'd like to do residency. So I think what I didn't know is there was no guarantee that I was going to be chosen for residency. There was no guarantee that I was going to go and do really well. Right. Medical studies are a whole other beast. There was no guarantee that I was going to do well on the exams. There's so many licensing exams that I didn't even know about going into it that I make sure that I taught my students about. But it's just something that I feel like with more awareness and more preparedness, people can actually look forward to it and really plan ahead rather than kind of be a little more reactive. And I think that's what I've noticed in the world of healthcare and just in the world of education in general, where we're more reactive than we are proactive. And even in life as a life coach, those are the things that if there's something to prepare for, I would say it's the journey and just to trust and that those things are going to figure themselves out. I truly believe that life happens for us, and I think I've always had that in the back of my mind, but it hasn't been something that's consciously present for me. And it was still what gave me the permission to say yes. With all of the unknowns. There were so many unknowns. Where am I going to live? Who's going to be my roommate? Is it going to be safe? Am I going to find friends? Am I going to be able to have a work life, study life balance? I had always been working since I was 16. What am I going to do without having a job there? Because it would be illegal to go to school and work there. So what am I going to do for money? How am I going to be able to enjoy a little bit of time that I have to myself? There were so many unknowns, and I think for me, the how is the trusting? And we talk about this all the time in coaching, about trusting, but there is a sense of naivety to it, for sure.
Mahara Wayman [00:16:02]:
Well, I think in any aspect of life, there's a sense of naivety, whether it's business or school or relationships. You meet a great person, you're like, oh my gosh, this is going to be the best relationship ever. And a year later, you're like, what did I see in that idiot? Like, seriously? So naivete is a beautiful component of being human. I'm curious though. You went to Aruba. How many years were you there studying?
Ralitza Spassova [00:16:27]:
Yeah, I was there studying for two years. So it's two years of theoretical studies, and then you go back to the US and Canada to do clinical studies. So I did my clinicals in Texas for a year and a half and then Atlanta, Georgia, and then came back to Canada to do some electives up here because I essentially wanted to come back here and be an Obstetrician Gynecologist. And yeah, that was my calling, my path. I was sure that's what I was going to be doing.
Mahara Wayman [00:16:53]:
So all you badasses out there. Sometimes the best laid plans go sideways and just we can be assure as shit that this is what we want. But the universe has other ideas. What happened next?
Ralitza Spassova [00:17:06]:
Oh, my goodness. What happened next? Well, I met my ex husband. My husband at the time. I fell in love with a man around the right time that I wanted to have a child. He also wanted to have a child. We did. We had a love story. It was a short lived love story, but we decided to get married. We had a beautiful wedding in his parents backyard. I had my son. 2014, the same year that I graduated and decided to take a break from medicine because I really wanted to honor being a mom. I didn't want to be that parent that wasn't there for my child. And so I dedicated some time off. I stayed home for a year and a half, and I thought I was going to lose my mind. We were in the United States because he was studying at Howard, and so we were living in Maryland at the I just I remember, you know, I don't think it was postpartum depression. I really just think it is the path that we follow. You have to recreate yourself when you become a parent, and I think there's not enough of that normalization of that process that you are stepping into a totally different world. And I wish I knew how important community was at that time, and I wish I had stepped outside of the home to make more friends, to be open to those things. But it felt like so much work just to get my son. And he wouldn't sleep. He didn't sleep. He woke up every two to 3 hours. My pregnancy was a gem. It was such a gift. But the first year and a half was tough, and so I didn't have a lot of that energy and concentration and focus to think about myself, to prioritize my needs. It was all about what does my partner need and what does my child need? And so I really feel like I lost myself in that moment. And I didn't have this urge to recreate myself. I didn't have the energy. I didn't have a mentor. I didn't have the community. My family was in Canada. We were in the States. His family's in Georgia. We're in Maryland. And so it was a very lonely journey at that time.
Mahara Wayman [00:19:25]:
Yeah, something that I'm sure many of our listeners can relate to. We step into the expectation of society. Okay, I'm studying. I'm really smart. I have an idea what I want to do for a living. I've fallen in love. I've got married, and I have to take care of the kid. But what about all of the stuff that to it? And I know that it's 2023, but women are still going through this where we question, am I a bad person for wanting to go back to work? One of my other guests actually said the same thing. She's like, this is not on. I love being, but I really have my own dreams. I really want to be separate to that. So you have a young child. You're in the States. You're in a brand new marriage. Where did you take your medical knowledge? What happened next with medicine and the idea of being an OB GYN?
Ralitza Spassova [00:20:17]:
Yeah, so that's a really good question, and it's kind of exactly what you said happened. I was home. I was on Facebook at one point, and I saw a video of Aruba, and my heart jumped out of my body. For the first time in a year, I felt something. And it was excitement. It was that calling. It was, I'm going to do this, and I just knew. So I reached out to my neuro teacher at the time, became the dean now. And even at the time when I was studying for my board exams, I asked him, I said, can I just stay in tutor for a while? Can I teach while I'm studying for the boards and just stay for a little longer? And he said, If I give you a job now, you're never going to do residency. He's like, you're never going to get licensed. Get out of here. But when you get your degree, call me back and we'll talk about teaching. And so that was my moment, and I knew that was a calling. And so I emailed them and I said, hey, are you looking for teachers? Because I got my degree like you said, and I'd love to teach, I have my son, I want to spend more time with him, but I really want to apply myself. And I was looking for research positions in the US. And anything that I could have done with my degree, but without a license to practice, and there really wasn't much. And I faced the same challenge when I came back in 2020, came back to Canada to be with my family. I thought, let me find a job for now, see how it goes being here, couldn't find anything with a medical degree. $200,000 later, and it's as if you just have a bachelor's again. And so it was a big wet towel in the face. So when I got that vision of going back to Aruba, when I heard that calling, and I got so excited about it, so alive for the first time in a long time, I knew I had to go. So it was so easy. It was such an easeful process. I sent an email, I said, I want to come teach. They said, Great, we're looking for teachers. A month later, I was on a plane with my son and we moved in. And that was it. And that was my passion of teaching. And my passion of coaching really got, I think, solidified in that process, because I not only taught medical school, when it came time to taking my son to school, we looked at all the different schools on the island. And the Montessori program was at an international school where they spoke English, and they were looking for a life science teacher. So again, life kind of just opened doors. As I trusted the process, I knew I wanted him to go to a Montessori school. I thought it was amazing. I had just started learning about it when I was looking for what kind of daycare to put him in, and that was it. And again, I trusted that so I went from teaching medical school. I now taught high school as well. I created a health class, which was actually all based around things like ikigai and passion and purpose and making vision boards. I would get all of my students, med school students that were 50 years old or high school students that were in 7th grade, all of them. The first class was about making a vision board and me wanting to get to know them and for them to get to know themselves. And so looking back now, I realize I've always been a.
Mahara Wayman [00:23:30]:
Say. It sounds like you've always been a teacher. You've always had this ability to bring out in others things that they need to know. But I think we skipped over something. So you go back to Aruba with your son. What about your.
Ralitza Spassova [00:23:48]:
Married? Well, he came for about a month. So our original plan and I know you asked me what were one of those pivotal moments of being a badass that really stood out to me. And this was it. We had a plan. We had a vision of how our life was going to be. He was going to graduate from occupational therapy, open his clinic. I was going to do residency. At that time, we'd have more stability. We hire someone to take care of, to help with my son and our son. And at that moment, it was last semester, and he said, I'm going to leave school and I'm going to open a restaurant. And I just thought, Are you fucking kidding me? I didn't put my career on hold. I didn't do all of this for you to open a you this is a joke, right? I really thought he was kidding, but no, he was serious. And so when I said, you know, I'm going to go get a job in Aruba to teach, because the positions that were available in the US for me, they didn't even cover the cost of childcare, so it just didn't make sense. And he, you know, you have this position wonderful, totally supportive of it. So he came out to Aruba for about a month when we moved there, and, yeah, decided to come back to the States after that to continue his journey of opening a restaurant or whatever he was going to do. A few months after that, I called him and I said, this isn't a marriage. This is not working. I don't know that it ever did truly feel like a marriage, a union, a co creative experience that I now believe exists. And I am holding out for that. But at the time, I thought it was the right thing to do, to get married and to co parent our son and do our best. And we had a plan, and it looked like a logical, sound plan. And so, yeah, when that turned to shit, I just basically said, well, let's take matters into my own hands. And yeah, he was very supportive of me teaching, of me taking our son and staying there with him. And that's kind of how it happened. It was one of those processes that just flowed. The responsibility was off his shoulders, and I think that's why he was just that supportive.
Mahara Wayman [00:26:13]:
I think that's wonderful, but I can't help. I keep going back to the cost of getting your degree and not pursuing a Master's or residency in Canada or the states. Was there any level of guilt around that because of the money that was invested to get the education? And I'm just curious because as the child of immigrants, my family immigrated to Canada when I was ten, a little bit older than you, but the same idea of, we've got to work extra hard, we've got to make our place and give back. I'm just curious what, if anything, was going through your mind when you realized, I'm actually not going to pursue that. I'm going to do something a little bit to the side. Was there any level of guilt?
Ralitza Spassova [00:27:02]:
Yeah, 100%. I think I always had it in the back of my mind that I was eventually going to circle back and do residency and get licensed in practice. Even to this day, that still exists as an option one day, if it calls me again, it's not completely off the table. But for me right now, I know the calling into healthcare to serve from a transformational coaching perspective because it's so powerful and healthcare needs it, the burnout in healthcare, the system, all of that needs it in terms of that, yeah, I still feel the pain. For me, the way the guilt was served was more through the manipulation and the blackmailing and the gaslighting from my mom and the co signing and how could you not follow through and get licensed and do residency and do all the things? I felt more of a guilt around the fact that I really felt like there was something wrong with me when I was studying for my exams. So in medical school, I self diagnosed with Add, and then I went to four different physicians to try to get the diagnosis and get some kind of help. All four of them told me, you're too high functioning, you don't have Add. And so I thought, well, what the hell's wrong with me then? Why can't I sit through a nine hour exam in pin drop silence and make sense of what I'm reading? I can teach the material better than any of my teachers ever could, but I can't sit through an exam and do well, something's wrong, something's not right. And I think it was that. It was the guilt of not being able to perform on an exam to show my ability on paper, which depended. My career depended on that. And so it was more around, there's something wrong with me that I didn't know about. I invested all this time and. Energy and money, and there was definitely that guilt of not being able to follow through.
Mahara Wayman [00:29:12]:
What a story so far. I'm curious. I want to know two things that you've learned about yourself just up until now in telling the story, because there's so many amazing examples of badassery and being authentic and true to yourself. But what do you think are one or two of the biggest things that you learned about yourself up until that point?
Ralitza Spassova [00:29:33]:
Yeah, definitely trust yourself. Trust, like, I wish I had a fairy godmother or a coach when I was in school. It's definitely trust yourself. Like, trust your gut. Really listen to that gut. Honor that gut instinct. That knowing. I definitely took many opportunities to learn. I wouldn't call them risks or mistakes or bad choices because I believe that everything happens for us. And I really believe that every experience that we have is meant to teach us and grow us. But I would definitely say, had I honored my intuition more, I probably would have had a more easeful path in life. I think I wouldn't have gone through as much of the really traumatic heartache that I did had I listened to more of nature, gone a little bit more with the flow, trusted the resistance when it was showing me that this isn't the type of resistance you overcome. This is resistance of misalignment. So I think had I known what alignment feels like back then, I probably might have had a more easeful path. And with that being said, I'm really grateful for all of my experiences because now I really get it. I really get the struggle of being in an extremely toxic relationship. I get the struggle of what divorce feels like. I get the struggle of having parents that don't support you. I know intimately what having adult Add feels like and trying to continue on without that diagnosis, feeling like there's something totally wrong with you and being denied and rejected in every single way that you try to receive help, but just knowing. So I think it's that is trusting my intuition and being more adamant about my truth. I think that's one thing now that I can say, I don't have to fight for it anymore because I just know it. And it's never a question of does anyone else believe me of my truth? It's more, I know my truth, and I could care less if they do or don't. I'm following my truth.
Mahara Wayman [00:31:57]:
Such a beautiful realization. And for those of you that are listening, many coaches, all of the coaches that I know, and of course this is what I do for a living as well, is we can empathize because most of us have been there. We've lived it. We've questioned, we've looked back and gone, what the actual fuck was I thinking? How did that transpire? How did that work out that way? So I love that you are so open to your growth and questioning. But I am very curious. How did you realize that what you were listening to was actually your truth versus another pipe dream? Or another daydream? Maybe pipe dream wasn't the right word, because I too have had lots of dreams throughout my life. I wanted to be a marine biologist. Then when I realized how much work it was going to take, I backed out. Like, no, I can't do that. But I'm just curious because I think many of our listeners, we all have dreams, but is it a dream or is it truth? Can you pinpoint any time in your life when you went, okay, I know the difference now I get it, share it with us?
Ralitza Spassova [00:33:04]:
Yeah, I love that question because I think it's a process. So for me, a lot of times there are clarifying moments where I speak my truth and it comes out and it's almost poetic and I don't know what I'm saying, but it sounds right. For example, like medical school, someone asked me after I graduated, why did you study medicine? If you're so holistic minded, why didn't you go into Naturopathy? And I always used to say, well, you have to be in it to change it. I didn't know what that meant, but now I do. Quality improvement in healthcare. I support physicians and healthcare teams to do that work, to change the healthcare system, literally, is what's happening in BC right now. And I work for that. So I think a lot of it is when wisdom comes through, is to really trust that. And the other point for me is angel numbers were a really big sign for me. I started seeing 1111 222-33-3555, and I think that's where I tapped into the magic of our world and how things really work. And those synchronistic moments, those happy coincidences that most people get once in a while, like those fleeting moments, those started to become an everyday experience. Now I count on them. I know they're going to happen. Everything becomes a path of flow and ease and it's just magical. Yeah, exactly. That feeling right there, that's the truth chills. I call those the truth chills. So I know that when I'm speaking to someone as their coach, and when they find their truth, I'll tell them that's it. I get those truth chills. That's what I call them.
Mahara Wayman [00:34:54]:
It reminds me, thank you so much for sharing. And what you said made me think because I've had those experiences where stuff comes out and it sounds so good. I'm like, yeah. And what I think it is, is that's my spirit guide like, that's my higher self speaking. When I learn to just shut up and relax, the stuff comes out. So for all of you listening, if any of you have had that, just stop in the moment and just smile, because that's the real you shining through. And I believe that's our goal on Earth. Right? I think we are spiritual beings having a human existence. And when we can quieten the noise and the guilt and the fear and all of that stuff that we experience as humans, when we can quieten that and sit with the knowledge that there is always more to us, then the more comes through. And sometimes it comes through after real drama and tragedy and challenge. And sometimes for some of us, it comes through just when we skin our knees. Like everybody has a different path. But I think it's really powerful that you recognize that you do have a story. And with your permission, I'd like to talk a little bit because I am so fascinated. I'd like to talk a little bit about your vision for blending, your coaching that you have studied for with the medicine that you teach, because I'm from BC, and I totally appreciate well, I'm Canadian as well, that there's so much lacking in our medical system. But the reason I ask is I believe that coaching can blend into anything and make it better. So can you talk to me a little bit about that and your vision for that?
Ralitza Spassova [00:36:34]:
Because I think it's absolutely, yeah. Thank you. Yeah, absolutely. And that's, again, one of those callings. As soon as I recognized that I've always been a coach, and I thought to myself, like, healthcare, coaching, what's next? What do you want from me? Basically was the question to my spirit, my soul's, calling to God, the universe, Mother Nature, whatever you call that divine force outside of us that drives that really drives us in these moments of alignment. I heard that up to health, which is what I registered my business as, is going to be the standard of health care. So the same way that we joined ICM or any other coaching program to get certified, I've visualized, I've seen it, I know it's going to happen eventually. And this is putting the horse before the carriage a little bit because it's not something I'm really usually choose to speak about. So this is the inside scoop, guys, so keep it quiet. But it's really certification to train healthcare professionals to actually take learn coaching skills, apply them in their own lives, practice with each other, and then bring them into healthcare. So I feel that there are ways that we interview patients which really pathologizes. It really maintains the disease instead of getting to the root cause and tries to support healing that feels aligned for the patient. And so that's where I think as we bring coaching into healthcare, as more and more people start to practice the skills of coaching, of motivational interviewing, there's a lot of brief action planning that's taught in healthcare, and still it's not always applied. And so I think with those skills and with those tools and with the personal transformation that people have to go through as they learn to coach each other and themselves, they will start to see the shifts that happen, and it'll just be evidence based in their own life. And that is, I think, at least the vision, the calling, is that's the way it will transform in my lifetime. And that's kind of what I'm called into. So if there's anyone listening that's out there that has a similar calling, or you got the truth, chills about any of this, if there's a passion of yours that you feel needs to be served, I'm very much in the co, creative, collaborative space to make this real. I know I'm not going to be doing it on my own. And it's not an ego thing that it has to be mine. I would love to collaborate with anybody who is also feeling that calling to bring coaching into healthcare. We've seen how powerful it is. I mean, we know people in the program who have gotten over many autoimmune or different conditions through coaching, through healing those childhood traumas, through healing those misbeliefs, those misguided beliefs that once you're sick, you're always sick. You have to take a medication for life. Like, there's so many opportunities to change our life that as humans, we are so committed to our suffering and our limitation that we don't see as tangible options. And they're actually really simple changes that someone can make in one session that changes the entire course of their life. And that is the power of coaching. And that is what I'm being called to bring, to support, to make evidence based as well. All it takes is numbers and research, basically, to make it evidence based. So that's what I'm hoping for.
Mahara Wayman [00:40:32]:
So powerful and truly now that I'm a coach myself. Well, first of all, I think everybody needs a coach, right? It's not about you have to have a big problem to have a coach. But I think especially in the healthcare industry, because I have been very fortunate, I have never been given a diagnosis that was a life threatening diagnosis. But I can only imagine that when someone is dealing with an illness, there is that much more need for self forgiveness, for understanding not only how your body is working physically, but how your body is working emotionally and mentally. Because we're not just a physical being, right?
Ralitza Spassova [00:41:17]:
Totally.
Mahara Wayman [00:41:18]:
Our body is our temple, and shit happens, and we catch diseases or we stub our toe or we have accidents, but every time I think the body is affected, our mental state is also affected.
Ralitza Spassova [00:41:34]:
Yeah, how could it not?
Mahara Wayman [00:41:36]:
Right?
Ralitza Spassova [00:41:36]:
How could it not? And not only that, but the spiritual that you mentioned is so powerful, right? And I think that's exactly what's, to me, what's missing in healthcare. And the way you started the conversation with I believe we're spiritual beings having a human experience. If you were to say that to most physicians, they'd call you batshit crazy and slam the door in your face, right? Because we don't talk about that in healthcare. We bypass the spirit completely. We don't count it as part of wellness.
Mahara Wayman [00:42:07]:
So I have to ask, do you see a melding of the Eastern and Western philosophies on medicine? Because my understanding is that Eastern medicine is much more spiritual based and energy based. And full disclosure, I went to an Ayurvedic practitioner in my twenty s and it blew my mind. Of course, I have since forgotten. That was 35 years ago. I've since forgotten everything I learned. But I've never felt as good as when I followed his dictates based on my dosha, my energies, where they were. He checked my eyeballs, he checked he asked me about my dreams, looked at my tongue. He did a couple of things that were seemed like Western medicine, like a doctor would do. But for the most part, it's based on a completely different platform. And I have never felt better in my life. So I'm curious, do you see them melding?
Ralitza Spassova [00:43:05]:
I think it's already happening. I think it's different. It's political, for sure. And I don't want to speak on the politics, I'm not interested in that. But I do think that all human suffering is because of our division. And so I believe that if we're going to reach a state where something works well, it takes that. It takes that yes and mentality, right? Yes. Western medicine is wonderful. We need the firefighters to put out the fire. We need the medications to put out the fire, to put out the huge symptoms that we're experiencing. But you can't just take away symptoms and expect to function well. You have to get to the root cause of what's causing the problem to begin with. And most medications simply don't do that. So to me, it's a yes and yes, medications are absolutely necessary. You have strep throat, you have a bacterial infection. Don't go try to treat it with, like, praying and meditating. It's not the way it works. Now, did you get strep throat because you were outside of your energetic pattern and your body's immune system was weak and therefore you got ill? Well, yeah, that's a conversation we can have. But when the fire is there, you don't just watch your house burn. You put out the fire. You try to rescue what you can. You get back to health and wellness and then you build it up again. And so I do think it definitely requires and that's where I've been pulled to study more of the Eastern medical traditions. Even ancient medicine through elders, I think is extremely important to honor. And that's kind of where we're moving towards, I think, a little bit more in healthcare, at least openly in BC, at least to honor that elders did what they did. They knew what they were doing for their people at their time. And so I do it's a yes. And for me, we have to figure out an algorithm to which one works when. Let's put out the fire, and then let's dive into what caused this. What is the root cause, and how can we get to balance rather than illness, right? How can we prioritize more the person? How can we prioritize more their community? How can we prioritize more them living in alignment? Because when you're living in that alignment, every physical body wants movement. When we feel stuck and stagnant, we need movement, but we don't know that that's what we need, right? When we're tired, we actually need water. We don't need another shot of coffee, but we don't drink it because we're just trained as humans to choose our suffering. And so I think it's relearning really simple things like move, drink more water, very simple things of the human condition. Trust your body, right? You know when you need rest, honor your rest. Because if you don't, if you're high energy, high energy, high energy all the time, we know the laws of the universe, of duality, you're going to end up going down, right? Bipolar, cyclothemia, it's all ups and downs, ups and downs. It's extremes, but that's just how our world functions. And so I think it goes back to cosmic law, universal law. All of these things are it's all one and the same. It's just truth, right? And ignoring one truth because the other truth is better just doesn't make sense, right? That's like one religion is better than the other when we're really just saying the same thing.
Mahara Wayman [00:46:28]:
So much great wisdom here, and I couldn't help but see a parallel as you were describing a medical experience, I couldn't help but drawn a parallel to my own experience on my journey of personal discovery. Put out the fire, but then get to the root cause. So figure out why you self sabotage. Of course, let's not self sabotage. You get fired. But let's go a little bit deeper to figure out why you think that behavior serves you. So such parallels between what you studied originally and what you're currently doing. And so I want to thank you for your explanation of that and your beautiful melding of the two philosophies, because I think that's what the world needs. Can you give a few? You've mentioned some already, but I'd like to just touch on them again. What can our listeners do to help them feel closer to their story or closer to their truth? Because that is the essence of being a badass, is that we are honest about who we are, what we want, and how we're feeling. But what are some things that you maybe do on a regular basis? Tips that you can share with the audience?
Ralitza Spassova [00:47:41]:
Yeah, thank you for that question. I think that's a great question. To me, it's truth. It's being able to honor your own truth and speak your truth with confidence. And I think that's really hard for most people. I think most people in our world and my experience from coaching and my experience just in life has been people prefer to lie to themselves and therefore lie to the people in their life because they think that the truth would be ill received. Or they think that the truth would hurt someone or they think that their truth will cause a disservice to either themselves or someone else. So for me, it's always coming back to your truth and knowing that honoring yourself will actually always serve the people around you. And I think that's something that I wish I knew much younger, that prioritizing myself is the least selfish thing. It is the most selfless thing you can do is to fill your cup and pour from an overflowing cup. That's what that means. When you're tired, rest. Don't push yourself to do the 30 other things you have to do. Get your kid, let's take a nap together. Kids could always use a nap. If you're tired, they're probably tired, right? Or give them a book to read while you take a little rest. If it's safe, obviously ask for help, ask for support. That's one thing. I think, especially as women, we have this and especially as modern day women, we have this pride around doing it all. I used to wear my super mom cape so proudly, and I realized that it's ridiculous that I am burning the candle and not at both ends, at like ten ends. So I think for me, it's really honoring your body, honoring your needs, honoring your desires, prioritizing taking care of ourselves. Slowing down is really difficult initially. If you're on this hamster wheel burnout momentum, slowing down can be really challenging. And so I think having an accountability partner of where you're actually not doing, if your pattern is doing, and that's what leads to sort of your cycle that gets you out of yourself, then choose an accountability partner, a friend, your lover, whoever, a coach. If you feel like hiring one, I agree with you. I think everyone could use a coach. Just like in professional athletes, they don't become professionals because they did it themselves. They hired a professional coach to help them. Same thing in our world. I mean, it's the weirdest thing that we think we're supposed to do life by ourselves or that we're supposed to live life the way our parents taught us. It's like, wait a second, if we're the evolution of them, how are they supposed to know what's going to be helpful? For me, just doesn't make sense. And so for me, it's really honor your truth and speak your truth. But in order to even hear our truth, sometimes we just first need to slow down. And it was the hardest thing for me to do. Definitely getting from four jobs to no job. I sat in the bathtub and my mind was racing, and I just couldn't wait to get out because I couldn't sit in stillness. So honor the discomfort of slowing down and prioritize yourself because it will always serve others around you, the people you love. The truth is actually so much easier to hear. It's so much more palatable. And you'll be shocked at how well people receive your truth if it's direct. And I don't mean harsh. I just mean the truth without any guilt, shame, blame, all the things we tend to attach, we try to explain around our truth instead of just speaking our truth.
Mahara Wayman [00:51:43]:
I love that. And it's so interesting because, oh, my God, the pressure we put on ourselves. I can't tell you the amount of times that I've had these amazing arguments in my head with my husband. He hasn't said a word, and I'm at him going, I can't you what? Really? And poor guy, I haven't even opened up my mouth. But I have spun a story. And in my work, I refer to it as, what's the story you're telling? And often we tell stories that just aren't our truth. The truth is I don't feel like cooking dinner tonight. The truth is I'm exhausted, or the truth is I just want ice cream. But I would never say that. Well, I say that now because I'm, you know but years ago, I would have made a story around it like, oh, I'm not that hungry. Whatever.
Ralitza Spassova [00:52:32]:
Yes. And you know what the funny I just want to say one thing about that. The funny part is in that moment when you honor your truth, he probably didn't want to eat what you cooked anyways. He probably also wanted to go out for sushi or whatever it was you were craving. I feel like when we honor our truth, it always serves the other person as well. If I'm too tired to go to a meeting, and I would never have canceled a meeting in the past, or if I'm running behind and I'm ten minutes late and I'm going to message, before, I would have almost killed myself to get there on time. Now I know that if I'm in this process and this is my truth, it's going to serve the other person. I haven't had a single moment where I've either had to cancel a meeting or I've been running late or something comes up and I won't be able to make it to an event. Turns out all the people are better served by that truth. Oh, I'm also running late, but I didn't want to say anything. Oh, you know what? That frees up my day so much. Thank you. Or I didn't feel like eating that either tonight. Let's go out. Great. It's always serving what I love so.
Mahara Wayman [00:53:31]:
Much about this, and I like how this conversation has gone a little sideways, but what I love about this and what I think is so powerful is when we speak our truth, and it doesn't have to be, I don't want to be a doctor. I want to be a teacher. It can be I don't want to do dishes, whatever the truth is, we are telling the universe how to treat us, and it all ties into setting boundaries. So it's one of the first things that I work on with my clients, is let's get about who you are, what you want, what you don't want, because the universe brings us everything is energy. And if we keep putting out the truth that I love to cook or I love to, whatever, that's what I'm going to get more of. But it's not really what I want because I'm not being honest. So I don't quite know how we got on this topic, but all of the things that I've heard you say that have helped you grow into this badass woman can be summed up, I think, in a couple of ways. Number one, listen to you. Your gut. Your gut will always know the truth. Prioritize your self care. So if you're listening to your gut and it says, I'm hungry, I'm tired, whatever, listen and do it, because you always serve when you put yourself first. It's not selfish to put yourself first. It's smart. I actually made a quote about that, and I said, be smarty pants today and put yourself first. Right?
Ralitza Spassova [00:55:01]:
I love that.
Mahara Wayman [00:55:02]:
The other thing that I heard you say was trust. Not only trust in the universe, trust in community. So trust in your friends, trust in yourself, and give yourself permission to experience the discomfort of discovering your relationship with that trust. That sounds like a big one, and it is. But it doesn't have to hurt. It doesn't have to hurt. Giving yourself permission to change your relationship with anything, including yourself or your memories. It doesn't have to hurt. Have I left anything out?
Ralitza Spassova [00:55:40]:
I love that. The last point about trusting and our memories. I think that the one thing that has served me and really serves my clients is looking back at things that have happened for you rather than as a victim, that life has happened to you or that it hasn't served you in some way. And it's true some people have gone through some pretty bad shit, myself included. I've had my traumatic experiences where I didn't know how I was going to get out of that moment, but it happened. And now, looking back, instead of feeling like a victim poor me, that had happened to me or allowing it to keep me stuck, it's truly honoring our resilience. It's truly honoring that this thing that happened, it somehow served me. It showed me my strength. It showed me that I can do the thing when I decide right. It pushed me to limits that I didn't think were possible, of suffering, of sadness, of losing myself. I went through a major depressive episode, potentially even had a psychotic break at one point. And in that moment, did I love it? No, obviously not. But I also know what people go through now when those things happen. And I also know that it was a moment to recreate myself. It was an invitation to get closer to my truth. It happened because of a major self rejection. And I feel like those are moments when we look back, we attract everything. Like you just said, if you walk in your truth, you will attract that. If you walk in your untruth, if you're committed. I ask people, what are you committing to? Really quick. There was a man we met on the path to our magical synchronistic weekend, but we met a man named Andrew, and he said, I want to meet a woman who can do it all. But it's so hard. It's so hard to find a woman like that while he's sitting in front of me and my friend. True, he was 2030 years older than us, but he was sitting in front of me and my friend. Who are we're? Both these women who love to go camping, love to get dirty, love to do the fun things, mountain biking, I'll do it all. And I can put on an evening gown the next day and own the room with him as a power couple. Right. And so he's sitting in front of two of us, telling us how hard it is to find women like that in this world. And we're looking at each other like, really, you're committed to your suffering. Like, you're making this harder for yourself than it has to be. And I think we have to be really careful about the stories that we tell ourselves about how hard something is, about how hard we must work to earn, about how marriage is suffering. It doesn't have to be. But our society is so committed to the ball and chain story instead of the co, creative, collaborative beauty that happens in this kind of love relationship. I think we choose a lot of suffering for ourselves. And so that's, I think, the last point to make that be very careful of the story that you're committing to and even in your past, looking at it as a gift rather than a curse.
Mahara Wayman [00:59:07]:
Yeah, thank you for bringing that up. I'm reminded of another guest that shared, and we all end up talking about it. And I think as badass as we talk about it a lot is we can do hard things. We can do hard things, but we don't have to let the hard thing define us in a bad way. We can choose to let it define us in a moving forward, stepping into our greatness way. Oh, I learned how to do this. I stepped up. Oh, I learned how to say no to this. I feel great about myself. I learned how to stand with my head tall in a room full of people that all have degrees and I don't, for example. I'm just pulling stuff out of the air. But really, so much of being a badass is being authentic. And as a spiritual. Being, having a human existence, that typically means a shitload of work, and that's okay.
Ralitza Spassova [01:00:04]:
Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [01:00:05]:
People that are listening, it is okay that you've had a tough day. It is okay that you've got some challenges or struggles because you can find your way out. You can look at it as, okay, I'm going to let this be. This will be the last time I feel this way. Is it easy?
Ralitza Spassova [01:00:22]:
Usually?
Mahara Wayman [01:00:23]:
No. It takes some work. The first thing it takes, though, and I have said this before on this podcast, the first thing it takes is hand on heart and an acknowledgment that you matter. So when we can put our hand on our chest and know and say fully from our gut that we are important and we matter, that's like giving us ourselves permission to feel whatever it is. And I'm telling you this when you say that you will bring into your world the people that you need, that are going to help you to get to where you want to go, whether it's emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically. Thank you again for bringing your wisdom, your joy, your vulnerability to my show today. And for those of you that are listening, check out the show notes. I will have all the different ways that you can connect with her and to her, shout out earlier if what she said resonated with you, please reach out to her because this girl is magic and she's going to make waves in her community. So thank you again and those of you that joined appreciate all of your support. Share this podcast with your friends and let's get everybody talking about how beautiful it is to be badass. My name is Mahara Wayman. Thanks for joining us. We'll see you next week. Thank you for tuning in to The Art of Badassery. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and gained valuable insights to help unleash your inner badass. If you found this podcast helpful, please leave a rating or review on your favorite platform. Your feedback not only helps me improve the show, but it also helps others like your yourself. Discover the podcast. Until next time, keep embracing your authenticity and living life on your terms. Here's to.
