Mahara Wayman [00:00:05]:
Welcome to the art of badassery where I explore what it takes to live life on your own terms. Break free from the status quo and unleash your inner badass. Whether you're a rebel at heart or simply seeking inspiration to step outside your comfort zone, this podcast is for you. I'm your host, Mahara Wayman. And each week, I dive into the stories, insights, and strategies of those who've mastered the art of badassery and are living life to the fullest. They smile when no one is lucky. Welcome to the art of badassery, the podcast where I dive deep into the stories and journeys of truly extraordinary individuals who have mastered the art Of living life on their terms. I'm your host, Mahara Wayman.
Mahara Wayman [00:00:54]:
And today, man, I have a super cool guest. She embodies the essence of unapologetic self expression and empowerment. My guest today, Jessica Kazaniewski, is not your average achiever. At just 43 years old, she's already accomplished more than many do in their entire lifetime. So Are you sitting down? Jessica was unjustly institutionalized at 15 years old. She did get out 5 days later. He has a narcissist stepmother and an alcoholic father, and that experience prompted her to be emancipated from her parents at the age of 16. She married her first husband at 18 who, coincidentally, was also a narcissist and a alcoholic.
Mahara Wayman [00:01:39]:
That marriage lasted for 18 years. From a young age, though, she held aspirations that could only be described as a blend of the magnetic charm of Oprah Winfrey and the motivational prowess of Tony Robbins. In fact, her Her 8th grade yearbook predicted her future as a talk show host. Her journey took her from the vibrant streets of the northwest side of Chicago, where she graduated high school at 16, to the academic halls of the University of Illinois Chicago where she graduated at 20 with a degree in psychology. But that's just the beginning of her story. Now she finds herself on the southwest side of the Windy City where she's embarked on a new adventure pursuing her passion As a coach, while she's no stranger to working with clients in the business world, this recent leap into the world of personal transformation truly sets her on fire. She is a holistic empowerment coach specializing in childhood trauma. Her business is called Rise Beyond Your Roots, But her life isn't all about work and ambition.
Mahara Wayman [00:02:39]:
She knows how to have fun too. Whether it's rocking out at concerts, indulging in road trips that take her to the quirkiest and most charming spots or immersing herself in cultural events, she's done it all. So listeners, fasten your seatbelts. Get your favorite drink. Just relax because in this episode, we're going to uncover some of the secrets of her journey And the unrelenting pursuit of her dreams, the lessons that she's learned along the way, and the courage that she has relied on time and time again. So get inspired, get empowered, and be entertained as we explore the art of badassery with our guest, Jessica. Welcome to the show. Thank you
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:03:22]:
for having me, Mara. I'm so thrilled to be here. You are a wonderful host, honestly. People need to binge listen to your your, your podcast. It is phenomenal. Really.
Mahara Wayman [00:03:33]:
Okay. I did not pay for that, people. I
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:03:35]:
heard about You did not. I I've been, I've been binge listening. So you really are. You're an excellent interviewer, and you embody what you say.
Mahara Wayman [00:03:44]:
Well, thank you very That is graciously received. I was a little blown away because, folks, just so you know, I always my guests fill out a form, and one of the questions is, can you tell me a bit about yourself? What's your bio? And from that information, I quickly write an introduction. And I always start with that introduction, obviously, but I clear it with the with the guest. And Jessica said, well, that's interesting, but did tell you about this? Didn't I tell you about that? I should have had the recording button on because it's quite the story. So, Jessica, with your permission, I'd like to go back to your being A young woman, a teenager. Right? Sure. 15 years old. Can you talk to us about the situation you found yourself in and How you found the strength to fight it.
Mahara Wayman [00:04:27]:
What's that story?
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:04:28]:
So my parents, I will will rewind even a little bit further, Briefly, just to give you context. So my parents, I was the I was the product of a teenage pregnancy. My parents were both well, my My father was Catholic. My mother was Lutheran, but very much of, you know, you're gonna marry that girl, attitude. So they got married, which they should have never ever done. My father Would my they'd fight like cats and dogs and that's being kind. My father would go out and drink. My mother would cry, you know, carry on.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:04:56]:
She was also very she was, She's been diagnosed actually a bipolar narcissist. She beat me relentlessly while he was there, and then one day he left because he got my stepmother pregnant and because he had been having an affair with her, so he moved in with her. They consequently divorced. I boxed back and forth between both homes. It was I couldn't take her anymore. I go live with him for, you know, short periods at a time because I it was very well known by my stepmother that I was not welcome. She had a child from a previous marriage, and then they had my sister between them. And it was I was welcome, but not really.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:05:32]:
Like, little things even that she did was when she bought a new dining room set, she bought 4 chairs, and there was 5 of us. So, you know, But it was just like these and I know it sounds in but it's it was these little things of, like, you're not this is not your home. Well, after one particularly awful Right. And where my mother ripped my clothes off of me and proceeded to throw me down the stairs. I ran out of my house and ran to hit my father's house and I stayed there for 3 months And he had started, you know, having the conversation with his wife of, you know, we gotta figure out where she's gonna stay because she can't keep sleeping on the couch. And that's when I think she decided She, put a a stop to that. So she tried on me first. You know, don't you wanna go back to your mom and this and that, and I, of course, did not because out of the 2 evils, he was Slightly lesser.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:06:18]:
And, she then started working on him. I come to find out and say, hey. You know? She is she doesn't she's a threat to to my my little sister. She's a threat to her because in therapy, I had said to my father, You know, why is it that she gets a father and I don't get a father? You know, why why did you leave and go? So my stepmother had Turn that into she's a threat to me, she's a threat to your daughter. I convinced him, and he cannot stand up to a woman in his life. He has never stood up to his mother. He has never stood up to either of his wives. He has never stood up to me.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:06:51]:
I mean, he'll tell you to this day. She doesn't talk to me. She's mad at me. I'm really not. I just You you don't do what you're supposed to do as a father, so I'm kinda done with you. She worked behind the scenes. He found a psychiatrist that was there are a lot of good doctors, and there are a lot of really crappy And he was interested in keeping the insurance. My dad had good insurance that could've kept me in there for 30 days, so he said absolutely.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:07:15]:
You know, we'll we'll we'll bring her in. I was put on the floor. I was literally if you ask me, I was kidnapped. My father said we're gonna go for a ride. And we went and I sensed, like, my inner in my internal this visceral feeling that something was off. We pulled into this hospital that I had never seen before. He So we're just gonna go in there and talk, and I didn't leave. And so, of course, I tried calling my mother, and my mother called, and we hadn't spoken in 3 months.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:07:40]:
But she immediately called to try to get me out of there because she's a nurse and while she's not right in the head. She also knows that a lot of these especially state funded facilities are not great places. You know what I mean? So She called and they informed her that she was no longer the custodial parent because he had behind her back gone and got an emergency cussed, so he planned all of this. This was methodical. This was done on purpose. So then I had to take matters in my own hands, and she basically told me that. She said, I can't do anything to help you. So I called the 1800 number of which I was given in the packet of information that you're given when you're institutionalized.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:08:17]:
And they didn't wanna let me call, and I threw a fit at the risk of being thrown in a padded room, which I was twice because I threw a fit both times to for my rights. And I I called and I explained the situation to the lady, and the lady said, I'm gonna call, you know, the doctor. I'm gonna get to the bottom of this. Hang tight. In the meantime, they were giving me doses of Prozac that were enough to stun a cow, And that was the that was their goal is they were just trying to get me to shut up and go along with the program for 30 days, and then all of a sudden, I would I'd be miraculously healed and released, Which I didn't do. So I was hiding them under my tongue and spinning them out in the bathroom, and there was 1 nurse that would make you lift up your tongue. And one of the, patients Who is a a boy about my age, he he told me he goes, I know what you've been doing. She's gonna check under your tongue.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:09:09]:
You gotta swallow it. So I did, and then I went in the bathroom and made myself throw up because I knew what these pills were gonna do to me. They were gonna make me a zombie. When I was finally released, my mother and my aunt came to pick me up, and I went to my father's house for clothes. I didn't say a word to my stepmother. I barely said a word to him. Took my clothes, went to her house, and I I thought about suicide when I because I went, I can't deal with these people anymore. Their It's going to her was no better than being with him.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:09:41]:
And sorry. I get a little emotional still about that. And my friend who, Was a big we were both really big into, grunge rock and everything. She read Rolling Stone magazine, and it just so happened there was an article in there About, Alicia Silverstone getting emancipated, which is common practice among child actors so they can, you know, work around child labor laws. And she's like, you gotta try this. So I was desperate So I started calling all kinds of I called the state's attorney first because, you know, he's the state's attorney. Who who else are you gonna call? He hung up on me and told me to stop fighting with my mother. And then I went through the yellow pages, and and he didn't believe me, obviously.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:10:19]:
To be honest, he didn't even give me the opportunity to get that far in my story. And I kept calling lawyer after lawyer after lawyer and finally this one, she said you're either the the best liar or, You know, there's truth. So I went downtown met with her and she took my case pro bono. She even paid the filing fees. I mean, she was my angel And she served both my parents because she have to, and neither one showed up the day of court. And I was so nervous. I mean, I was Soaked. I was sweating through my clothes because I'm like, this guy holds my future because if things were bad after trying to divorce my parents, they were gonna get worse.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:10:53]:
So He said I believe you because neither one bothered to show up, and she showed proof that they were both, you know, handed papers. And so here I am at 16 with custody of myself and absolutely No idea what to do with myself. I had to show papers to college because I went to junior college first. I had to show papers to qualify for, like, the Pell Grants and stuff like that because they don't do it past 18, and then they still looked your parents' finances. Well, I had to prove, You know, I was emancipated, which they had never heard of before because I was the 1st miner in the state of Illinois on the books to do that. And then For all I know, I'm still the only minor. I have no I have no idea. And then same with the landlord when I rented an apartment, you know, I had to show hey, I can legally sign this lease.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:11:39]:
I had 2 Saw horses that you put wood on and a piece of plywood for a dining room table. I had my twin and on the floor from my bedroom I had nothing I had a black and white television that was in my bedroom and I was walking Two and a half miles to work every day and walking home and still trying to go to school and, you know, do all that and But it the piece that I had was worth it. Like, even not knowing how I was gonna pay my bills from day to day, it was just It was worth it. So yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:12:16]:
So first off, I'm sending you a big hug, and I'm just kinda gobsmacked, actually, because, really, what you said to me sounds like a movie story. And it's quite it it's shocking. But what I what I wanna highlight is that badassery, which is, of course, what what we're here to talk about, It comes in many forms, and I I think it's important to highlight that you were you were only 15. You were just a you were just a kid. Now granted, a part of you must have been a very old soul, you you know, because you had the wherewithal to stand up for yourself. But can you think back to A time where you just knew that's it. I it's me or nothing. And where that switch happened, where you decided or where you chose to Say, I'm gonna fight this.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:13:09]:
Which which one? The the institutionalization or the or just in general leaving them and and divorcing them?
Mahara Wayman [00:13:14]:
I think just in general because, you know, it's one thing to say, I'm gonna get out of this institution. I'm gonna I got a one eight hundred number. I'm on it. It's another thing to go, okay. Wait a second. I need a long term fix. And while I believe truly that the universe is always giving us the answers, the guts that it would have taken, I think, 15 year old to to say, oh, emancipation from my parents? I'm gonna investigate that. Like, that's even adults may not have the guts to investigate that.
Mahara Wayman [00:13:41]:
So I'm just Curious. Where did that fortitude come from?
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:13:44]:
Well, I I I remember the exact night actually because, I had been home, and I don't know if you I mean, I You've dealt with this on your on your podcast, I know, but a narcissist, they play the game really well. So my mom, when I came back, I was, you know, the best the world's greatest daughter, and she couldn't shower me with enough love and attention and affection. And then One day for no particular reason, it had its up, which I knew it was going to. I mean, I've been down this road with her before over various things, And she blew up at me, and she took a a wooden baseball bat that like, the the novelty ones that you get at, like, The cup well, I'm a cup fan. It it I got it, Wrigley Field. It it's a solid wooden bat, but it's about, I don't know, 2 feet long. And she cracked me over the face with it and broke my nose because I didn't vacuum when she was at work and woke me up like that. And I was bleeding, and then we had to go to the hospital.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:14:42]:
And, of course, I had to lie because I knew if I didn't, that, you know, child services was gonna get involved, and that's a whole another, you know, pardon my French, but shit show is that you don't wanna get involved. You know? And so I was like, the devil you know is better than the devil you don't. So She had me lie. I went and got my nose fixed and not able to breathe, crying hysterically When we got home, I just went I it's it's it's this or I'm gonna die here one way or another, either by choice or by her hand. I'm gonna die here. So I want you I have nothing to lose and potentially everything to gain. And I just started making those phone calls and begging people to talk to me, begging people to call me back, and finally someone listened. And she's I I wish I kept in touch with her, but she insisted that I I don't and just go live my life, and that would be the best gift to her.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:15:39]:
And, But she was she was this amazing woman and took pity on me. I don't know how to put it. She took pity on me because I was a pitiful. I really was. As strong as I was, I was still just I was so broken.
Mahara Wayman [00:15:52]:
I'm, again, gobsmacked. That's a ridiculous word, but I am So impressed that you had the wherewithal to sort of think this all through. And for those of you that may be wondering if you've never experienced it or you've needed it. Let me just reiterate. There are angels that walk among us. There are. And one of the most beautiful, traits of being a badass is asking for what you want. And I just wanna commend you and say, you know what? At 15, To hit bottom and know that you had to dig deep and ask for what you want, even beg for it, Takes a lot of courage, and I just I'm so glad that you did that.
Mahara Wayman [00:16:36]:
I'm so glad.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:16:37]:
Well, thank you. Thank you.
Mahara Wayman [00:16:38]:
Let's let's jump forward a little bit. You Left your mom Mhmm. Grown up 16. You graduated high school. You went to college, university. You met and married at a young age, had, I'm gonna guess, a not so healthy marriage, your first marriage?
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:16:57]:
Not at all. No. Mm-mm. He was not abusive, physically. Absolutely not. But he was about as verbally abusive as a human being can get. So
Mahara Wayman [00:17:07]:
You studied psychology. And what were you telling yourself through these 18 years of a bad marriage with a narcissist and an alcoholic after you'd fought so hard to leave it, to leave some to leave something like that.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:17:21]:
Yeah. And now you're choosing to be with it. No. That's a that's a valid question. When you come from a divorced home, especially when having studied psychology, and not just the the books I was given in school, I mean, I have dove into every If there is a a topic or or a technique or, you know, around trauma, man, I am there. I am reading it. I am taking it all in. I didn't wanna fail.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:17:44]:
I looked at my parents like they had failed in their marriages. My mom has been married multiple times. My father and his Wife have a nonexistent marriage, but it's on paper, but they aren't they aren't what I would define as marriage. And I didn't wanna be the cliche. I didn't want to fail at it. I didn't want to, look at myself in the mirror and go, yeah. You're you com you completed the cycle. Good job.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:18:09]:
You know, like, that was I didn't want to do that. And I held on to the hope that he would change, the hope that I was all the things That I would absolutely tell others not to do because it's never gonna happen, I did. Even in even in the midst of healing, I was absolutely and, I mean, he had bouts in the hospital from the drink. I mean, he was a a stone cold alcoholic and mean, And I just kept taking the abuse and harboring it and thinking I was somehow paying my penance, And then we were gonna have a healthy marriage. Like, he was gonna wake up one day and realize I was this wonderful person that he loves, and that never And I finally got the courage to just say, you know what? We hadn't been intimate in double digit years. We were living as roommates, and It was just I had more in the marriage. Like, at some point in time, I had realized that I'm staying in it just to say I succeeded, which sounds so stupid now that I'm saying it out loud. But at the time, it meant a lot to me.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:19:07]:
And I finally went, you know what? It's not fair to me. It's not fair to him To keep saying like you know? I mean, I hope he's happy. We we don't have children, so I don't speak to him, but I hope he's Happy. I hope you found someone that loves him and maybe maybe he went and got help. Maybe he changed for someone. I don't you know, I really do. I don't I'm not bitter about it because I'm as much to blame as he is. I stayed.
Mahara Wayman [00:19:32]:
So we're gonna take a short break right now, but I'll be back with my guest within 60 seconds. Ladies, unlock your inner badass and transform your life with my monthly subscription workshop. For just $47 a month, you'll have exclusive access to work closely with me, Mahara Wayman, as we dive deep into all things badass from personal development to conquering your goals. Imagine waking up every day with confidence, purpose, and a smile that radiates Your new found strength. Take advantage of this badass opportunity and join us today at www.mindfulness fulness with mahara.com, and start your journey toward a happier, more confident you. Smile when no one is looking. You've earned it. Isn't it interesting that you can be so observant and articulate and with all of your observations and and recognizing and and acknowledging and yet be so blind to something that's right in front of you.
Mahara Wayman [00:20:37]:
And and the reason I'm bringing this up is We can all benefit from looking inwards. Right? No matter how great your life is, we can all benefit from doing that. And Not to take away from all of the growth that you've done because I truly believe that when we are ready, miracles happen. When we're ready for it, We we see it. Like, the universe put in our way lots of opportunities for growth. Sometimes we see them. Sometimes we don't. And what I'm hearing is Despite the courageous acts that you had to do when you were a teenager, you were still just a little girl.
Mahara Wayman [00:21:11]:
Mhmm. Just a little
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:21:12]:
I just wanted to be loved. Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:21:14]:
Exactly. You just wanted to be loved. You wanted to feel safe. You'd almost like jumping from the fire into, like, another warm pan. Maybe not not not worse, but certainly not where you wanted to be or where you deserve to be. So it took a while for you to learn the lessons. Today, let's talk about where you're at today because you have remarried.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:21:35]:
Yes. Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:21:36]:
Talk to me about, if you wouldn't mind, If you were to compare the 2 the 2 marriages or the 2 lives, who you were then and who you are now.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:21:47]:
Oh, gosh. Like night and day. And I know that's that's cliche to say that, but they are nothing alike. He my husband now is I've never had a cheerleader before. I'm always the cheerleader. Whether personally or professionally, I'm the one that goes, you can do this. The you this is within your re absolutely. Who you know? Don't say you can't.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:22:09]:
Don't say, you you know, you're limited by this, that, or the other. Freaking do it. And I've never had anybody turn the tables and do that for me, and he is a 100%. He He thinks more of me than I do. He's the most he it's just we have such open communication. We are so loving with each other. We're passionate. He's he's wonderful.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:22:32]:
He wants to actually joined me in coaching when he he's right now in physical therapy, and it wasn't where his heart lied. And he wants to do, like, sports sports coaching, not the actual, like, on the field, but, like, psychology sports psychology coaching. He's wonderful. He's everything I prayed for When I was a little girl, like, I went, okay, god. You know what? You gave me 2 horrible parents. There better be some rectifying of this as I get older. And then I met my first husband. I was like, this is not what I ordered, and you know it.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:23:05]:
So I kept, like, holding out hope. Like, I also felt like I was being a bad Christian By, like, going against him and, you know, like, because I thought, okay. This is the man he gave me. Maybe it's my job to Help him. You know what I mean? And then we'll have this great marriage. So, like, there was a there was a whole lot going on there internally, and I went I finally realized, I went you know what? I'll make my peace with God. If I if I did commit sin by getting divorced, then I'll make my peace with him when I when I die.
Mahara Wayman [00:23:32]:
I want you to describe you versus the new you versus the old you. Like, what's the biggest difference?
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:23:40]:
I'm not afraid to do anything. I am not all those thoughts that go through, you know, that go through your head of, hey. Let me try this or let me do this or let me say this. I'm not afraid to do any of it. I have a whole lot of sass that lives inside of me, and and I I know. I have no problems expressing it. I have a lot of, controversial things in my front yard that aren't conducive to the neighborhood we live in. I'm very open and loving and free, and we don't live around people who are open and loving and free, and I don't care.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:24:15]:
And, I mean, our our house is like the bull's eye on the block and I don't care because I go, you know what? This is me. I don't care. I will be the 1st person to stand up for someone's rights. I will be the fur if you're being bullied, I'm there
Mahara Wayman [00:24:30]:
for you. If you're if you're down, I am there
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:24:31]:
for you, and and not even just friends and family, people I don't know. I I just met someone who's gonna be doing For, photographs for me and someone's in the hospital, my first instinct was, can I help? I've never actually met this woman, but that's just How I am, and it that would have been put down in my in my previous marriage. He would have been like, you know, you you belong to me. I'm the one you're supposed to be helping. To be able to live and fully express is amazing and not be afraid of any repercussions because of it.
Mahara Wayman [00:25:01]:
What I love about your story, not only that obviously, it's a story of resilience, but what I'm finding in my work Guys, I want you to pay really close attention to what I'm gonna say. When we give ourselves permission to be who we are and to feel the feelings, The anger, the rage, the love, the joy, the silliness, whatever. When we are authentic beings, it's like The world opens up, and it becomes truly light and magical, and we want to give. When we are hurting and angry and disillusioned and fearful, we close down, and we don't wanna do anything except get through the fucking day. But when we give ourselves permission and we do the work, because it all comes with work. Jessica didn't overnight become this Incredibly enlightened soul. She had to go through a lot of stuff, and we all do. But when we go through it and wake up on the other end going, okay.
Mahara Wayman [00:25:58]:
You know what? I am worthy of this life, and I wanna live it. One of the repercussions is that we tend to be really happy, and we wanna help other people. We wanna be of service and and smile and and And do things. So I'm not overly surprised, Jessica, but that's how you're describing yourself now, and it's a beautiful thing to be. So, you know, I say it quite often to my clients, Never underestimate the power of a smile. Right? When you smile at somebody and their eyes light up because, like, oh my god. Somebody sees me, and they don't know me. It's magical.
Mahara Wayman [00:26:31]:
It helps to it helps to cement our recognition that we matter. So I'm gonna challenge you guys to go out and smile at a stranger Today, after listening to this episode, because man, oh, man, it's powerful stuff. As human beings, we wanna feel connected to each other. So talk talk to us now about what you are doing. You've got this amazing coaching company. What do you love most about your work?
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:26:56]:
One of them is explain to people you can make the decision. It doesn't mean it's all gonna shift overnight, but you can make that decision of saying, I'm done living in the past. I'm done letting it control me. That doesn't mean you're gonna wake up tomorrow and everything's gonna miraculously be okay, And you're gonna know how to handle emotions that you were never allowed to express. It just means that you've made that shift. I am a big Beatles fan, and John Lennon was a a heroin addict, and he never went to rehab. He said I just decided. I was done.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:27:29]:
And he went through the physical detox, but when that was done, he said, I'm done. And and and it is that simple. It's not easy, but it's that simple. And when you when you start to frame it and people see that, they it's very empowering. At least I hope it is because that's that's how it's meant to be. And the other is when people start to see, especially in their relationships, that they're mirroring their parents. Not them, but everyone around them. I was in my twenties, and I realized that every female around me was my mother.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:28:01]:
And it was like, It the blood drained from my face. When I came to that epiphany, I was like, holy cow. Every single woman around me is her, And it's because you your brain wants to fix that relationship so badly, so it's gonna fix it with someone else, and then you can prove You talk about this a lot. You know? You you can prove you have the, the confirmation, the brain confirmation. So if I can fix this relationship, maybe I can fix relationship with my mom. Maybe I can fix that relationship with my dad, and, of course, it doesn't work.
Mahara Wayman [00:28:33]:
I just wanna jump in here and say the thing to recognize, Guys is most of this is very deep unconscious work. Don't consciously go through. Okay. I hated my 1st boyfriend, and I'm gonna I wanna everybody in the world that is just like him so I can figure out how to deal with him. That's we don't do that consciously. It's unconscious behavior that leads us going, but wait a second. Then you do it again, but wait a second. And part of the work that both Jessica and I do is we We hold up a mirror and and allow you to see the patterns that you're repeating.
Mahara Wayman [00:29:05]:
And the big question is not to not to copy doctor Phil, but Is that how's that working for you? When we recognize that things aren't working for us and we give ourselves permission to, as you said earlier, which I thought was really beautiful, Feel the feelings that we were never allowed to feel, then true true healing happens. So Thank you for sharing. You now work with adults specifically that have had childhood trauma?
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:29:32]:
Yes.
Mahara Wayman [00:29:32]:
Are there any specific modalities that you that you use regularly or do you have
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:29:38]:
Right now, it is I do mostly 1 on 1, so it's tailored to the individual but I I find that the secret sauce is self worth and self love and self-concept Because You don't even know. I can't tell you how many times I say, who are you? And the person just, like they don't they don't know how to answer that question. They'll give me what they do for a living Or if they're married or if they're a parent, you know, and I'm like, no. Those are all acts, and they are part of your identity. But Who are you? What is your core and they don't know because they were never allowed to develop that. And they don't I mean, like, I can teach you how to Set boundaries and maintain them, but if you don't believe you deserve to, you're not gonna do it. And that's that's the secret sauce. That's the that's the huge part of it all.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:30:23]:
And then once you start feeling worthy, then you start looking at all of your relationships. It starts to happen without even realizing that it's happening once you start to develop that.
Mahara Wayman [00:30:31]:
I agree. I see it I see it in I've seen it in myself. I certainly see it in my clients. And this is really interesting. I've I've seen it very clearly in my children. My children are grown up, 2025, one studying psychiatry psychology, excuse me, and has called me on the carpet for many things. It's good. But it really is amazing when, you know, human beings, we wanna be happy.
Mahara Wayman [00:30:58]:
Right? For the most part, I'd I'd not even gonna get into to the people that choose and really enjoy being miserable and mean and and violent and all of those things, but your average person really does wanna be happy. And when you give them the tools To get there? Wow. It's amazing. And sometimes it can be very simple, like, let's just talk about who you are. How do you describe yourself? And where I see it quite a bit in my work, Jessica, is when I ask people, what do you dream about? And they look at me blankly. Am I Mhmm. Dream. Like, okay.
Mahara Wayman [00:31:34]:
What could you dream about? And some for some people, it's like pulling teeth. They've never They've never had permission to dream for whatever reason. That's above your station. You don't know what you're talking about. You don't deserve that. How could you ever, You know, words like that. So while on the one hand, it's heartbreaking to have somebody stare at me in the face over Zoom going, I don't even know how to dream. It is so it is changeable.
Mahara Wayman [00:32:00]:
Like, you can you can give yourself permission to to do that, and it's so amazing. And then you get to the point where it's like, Oh my god. Can you stop talking about all of these dreams? Like, we gotta move on. Okay. Get it. You did not know the dream. I love it. Let's let's move on to another let's let's move on to something else.
Mahara Wayman [00:32:17]:
Alright. I wanna just do a a quick recap here. You had a pretty traumatic, horrible childhood. You 5 days institutionalized. You were sneaky enough to withstand the drugs. You made the call. You were insistent. You got out.
Mahara Wayman [00:32:33]:
You had a little bit of time with your mom. Again, you realized, wow. Pedal meets the metal. I gotta make a decision here. You emancipated yourself from your parents. You went to school, got got a degree, had a marriage, left the marriage, And now you're working first of all, now you're happily married with an amazing man who's your cheerleader, which I love. And you are doing this business which brings you such joy. What don't we know about you?
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:33:02]:
I believe in human design. It is, something that has actually helped me in in in ways that The trauma didn't answer certain questions. Like, I have, repelling and enveloping aura, and there is no one that's lukewarm about me. And I'm sure there will be people who are listening in this that are gonna either hate me for whatever reason or go, she's, you know, better than sliced bread. And that's that's Been my whole life, and it it's it's very isolating when you have no idea why people don't like you. And it's because I I stand up for and I've I've always been that way, like, where I always stand up for because probably because I didn't have the nerve even as a small child to stand up for myself Or the ability to, but I always stand up for people. So that knowing that, literally, that's just how god made me. And I went There's there's no there's no work that needs to be done.
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:33:53]:
This is just who I am, and I need I need to just, accept that. So human design has been huge for me, and it's something I recently have dove down the rabbit hole. On the fun side, I I I always wanted to be a a singer, and I sing, I I used to sing in school and I, used to sing in choir and I I still love it and I still would do it professionally in a heartbeat if I if I could. And I I always I'm I'm very socially and politically involved, which I know that your show doesn't dive into and I understand why, but, I'm very much, I fight the good fight, as I would say. You know, always helping out those who need it, you know, because tomorrow could be you. That's, like, my philosophy.
Mahara Wayman [00:34:31]:
I love that. I I wanna share a funny story. I used to be an entertainer, and I remember auditioning once. I I can't believe I've done the story, but I was auditioning for a local show in Vancouver, and I had to sing and dance. So I did a little tap dance. I had a cold. I remember I was dancing jazz dancing. I was doing fuertes, which is a a turnaround and your leg goes like this, and it felt like snot was flying out of my nose.
Mahara Wayman [00:34:56]:
I mean, I really wasn't well. Then I had to sing, and I sang a couple songs, nothing major. And I remember the producer, somebody there. He ended up he was a producer. He said, Yeah. That's fine. That's great. But could you sing something else? And I'm like, okay, thinking I don't even wanna be here.
Mahara Wayman [00:35:13]:
And he said, could you sing Memories from Cats? And all I could think of was a Barbara Streisand verse version, and I started laughing. I said, oh, for god's sakes. If I could sing that, I would hardly be auditioning for your little show. And I meant it quite seriously. Like, what do you think I am? Like, I can't sing that song. I'm fucking hard socks. And the whole panel cracked up. I didn't get the gig, obviously.
Mahara Wayman [00:35:34]:
But I remember thinking, okay. You know what? I think I'm done
Jessica Lynn Kazaniwskyj [00:35:36]:
with this. I don't think I should just
Mahara Wayman [00:35:40]:
find another way to pay the bills. But I love that you have found such joy in your in your world, Jessica, really, and I'm so I know I've just met you now, but I'm just so proud of the little girl that you were recognizing that you deserved more, And you were willing to ask for it. And for those of you listening, ask for what you need or what you want. You may be pleasantly surprised that the world will listen. Right. And that's what this podcast is all about is recognizing that you matter. Every single one of us matters even though we've done shitty things. Doesn't mean we don't matter.
Mahara Wayman [00:36:16]:
So please check out the show notes. I am gonna put ways to connect with Jessica, and she actually has, I'm a really cool workbook that you will have access to when you check out the show notes. My name is Mahara. This been the art of badass. Raydessica, we are gonna have to do this again because Oh, yes. I wanna dive in a little bit more into human design. There is a podcast episode where one of the guests Talks about human design and psych her psychedelic experience. And it was the 1st time I'd actually heard about human design, so I was fascinated.
Mahara Wayman [00:36:47]:
And it is it is a fascinating modality to to look into. But I wish you this amazing afternoon. Thank you again for joining us. Thank you for your support. Please share this episode or any episode with anyone that you think could do with a little bit of motivation, a little bit of sass Because they are badass. Just like you. We will see you next week on the art of badassery. Take care.
Mahara Wayman [00:37:18]:
Thank you for tuning in to the art of badassery. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and gained valuable insights to help unleash your inner badass. If you found this cast helpful. Please leave a rating or review on your favorite platform. Your feedback not only helps me improve the show, but it also helps others like yourself discover the Cask. Until next time, keep embracing your authenticity and living life on your terms. Here's to you.
