Mahara Wayman [00:00:05]:
Welcome to the art of badassery where I explore what it takes to live life on your own terms. Break free from the status quo and unleash your inner badass. Whether you're a rebel at heart or simply seeking inspiration to step outside your comfort zone, this podcast is for you. I'm your host, Mahara Wayman. And each week, I dive into the stories, insights, and strategies of those who've mastered the art of badassery and are living life to the fullest. They smile when no one is lucky. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Badassery podcast. I'm your host, Mahara Wayman, and my guest today epitomizes resilience, authenticity, and, of course, she dares to be herself.
Mahara Wayman [00:00:54]:
Growing up, her life was a captivating blend of drama and trauma, Yet her unwavering trust in herself and a solid foundation provided by her grandparents allowed her to show up as her true self. Hailing from the Greater Grand Rapids area in Michigan, Rebecca Thomas is not just a life coach. She's more than a life coach. Rebecca specializes in working with women aged 30 to 50 who've navigated the professional world and are now on a journey of self discovery. She helps them reclaim the missing piece in their lives, themselves. Rebecca empowers these women to break free from their mental confines, Step out of their comfort zones and dive back into the richness of their lives. Her philosophy in life is as vibrant as her personality, just you wait. She believes in being present, cherishes quality time as her love language, and finds fulfillment through connections both with herself and with others.
Mahara Wayman [00:01:51]:
Her zest for life is evident in her love for the outdoors from leisurely walks with meditative moments with bees, Paddle boarding and deep existential conversations with friends and her son. She's also a perpetual learner with a passion for understanding human behavior. Self help books, podcasts, and articles are her constant companions as she embarks on a lifelong quest for knowledge. Her journey from a nonconformist to a thriving life coach is a testament to her really extraordinary story. I'm so excited to have her on the podcast today to share her insights and her wisdom. So without further ado, buckle up, and let's dive into this Really inspiring conversation with Rebecca. Welcome to the show.
Rebecca Thomas [00:02:37]:
Thank you. I'm so excited to have this conversation.
Mahara Wayman [00:02:40]:
Me 2. We, we laugh a lot, folks. Just so you know, before I hit the record button, we just started talking and laughing, and finally I said, oh, we have to actually press the record button. So we are both life coaches. I am really interested to go back a bit. If we can start with One of the first times that you realized that there was more to life than what you were experiencing.
Rebecca Thomas [00:03:07]:
So The first time I really remember that, and the thing that basically put everything on this trajectory of, like, Growth mindset and becoming more myself and just thinking bigger and being more present was right before I turned 30. So I had my son when I was in my late twenties, and it was about that time, like, the wheels started turning, but nothing was really clicking yet. And I was starting to think about The kinds of things that I wanted to perpetuate in our family, what cycles I wanted to break what I thought was and wasn't okay to normalize with him and future generations in our family. So I really started to think about them, but but it was right about before my 30th birthday when things really started to hit, and I really started to sit with What was and wasn't okay for me moving forward and having those conversations with, at the time, my boyfriend, which happened to be my son's father, and really questioning and starting to set higher standards for myself moving forward.
Mahara Wayman [00:04:18]:
I'm very impressed because when I was in my late twenties, early thirties, I was just hanging on by
Rebecca Thomas [00:04:23]:
a thread. Like, I was Oh, I was still hanging on by a harassment. But it never occurred to me. What I
Mahara Wayman [00:04:28]:
mean is it never occurred to me to question.
Rebecca Thomas [00:04:31]:
I would want them having
Mahara Wayman [00:04:32]:
my children then, just getting into a relationship, and I really thought I had all my shit together.
Rebecca Thomas [00:04:40]:
Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:04:41]:
It's not I'm now in my late fifties, And I look back and go
Rebecca Thomas [00:04:46]:
Right. Perspective. So
Mahara Wayman [00:04:49]:
but I think that's I think that's wonderful. What were one of the first things? What were one of some of the clues that Mhmm. Made you to sit up and think? And the reason I asked this question is that I know that a lot of a lot of our listeners may not recognize that they too are in a place where they Mhmm. Questioning themselves. So what were some of the clues that you had in your life that it was time to do this?
Rebecca Thomas [00:05:10]:
Yeah. There were a couple of big things. One of the things you know, I mentioned my son's father at the time, and we never had a good relationship. We were together for almost 7 years. It was completely toxic, very dramatic, definitely a reflection of who I was at the time. And One of the big things, like I said, was reflecting on what I wanted to normalize for my son moving forward. So how is it okay to be in relationship. What does that look like from the man's point of view? What does that look like from the woman's point of view? How does it how is it okay to be treated? How is it not okay to be treated? And what kinds of actions and experiences are we going to allow or set boundaries at? And so I really started to think about that, and that was one of the things.
Rebecca Thomas [00:05:53]:
But The other thing was very much still going back to what I wanted to normalize for my son. Like, he was definitely the key to all of this. Growing up in our households, emotions were not normalized. So we didn't talk about things. There were some very passive aggressive behaviors. There was definitely a Bottlenecking of emotions, and then they would erupt or implode. And so reflecting on that piece too, I was very intentional and knew from early years for my son, that I did not want to continue down that path, That one of the things that I was going to do come hell or high water was break that cycle, at least in our vein of the family, And normalize those emotions, be able to have conversations, and start getting comfortable with being uncomfortable and allowing that To be okay. You can be uncomfortable.
Rebecca Thomas [00:06:54]:
You can have big feelings, and that doesn't mean that I've done something wrong. Sometimes it does, but you can communicate that to me and vice versa. So just really being intentional about wanting to create that shift in our family was another key thing that really started showing up for me.
Mahara Wayman [00:07:13]:
That's so cool. And, you know, this idea of being intentional, It's very powerful. 2 things that you said that I think I wanna go a little bit deeper on, this idea of setting boundaries because so many clients are afraid to set boundaries. So that's 1. And the second thing is this idea that it is okay to be uncomfortable. And when we get comfortable with those emotions that up until now have made us felt icky. Mhmm. More comfortable we get with that feeling, the easier it is to navigate away from them.
Mahara Wayman [00:07:45]:
And it it's a it's a paradox for some people because they're like, no. No. No. You don't understand. I don't want to feel that. And I say to them, no. No. No.
Mahara Wayman [00:07:54]:
You don't understand. It's okay to feel them. Don't have to be afraid of your emotions. So I think it's beautiful that you had this recognition so young in your life. So hats off to you. But going to this idea of setting boundaries, what were some of the boundaries that you first Set for yourself when you decided I'm gonna I'm gonna draw a line in the sand. Can you
Rebecca Thomas [00:08:18]:
some of the things that really come to mind, and I Don't know if I remember any specific ones that that really started to take effect back then, but some some experiences that I remember. So I ended up breaking up with my my son's father right after I turned 30, I think. No. It had to be a a little bit after that. But after right before I turned 30, when all those wheels started turning, I really started getting curious, Started to have some conversation with him and was being met with answers that just didn't sit right with me. So I was really starting to pay attention to that. So it's some red flags that were coming up that were symbols of the boundaries that I needed to set. Those are things that I remember.
Rebecca Thomas [00:09:05]:
I can also remember when I did end up breaking up with my son's father, there was this period of time prior to that, Communication in general was very dramatic. It was very elevated. It was not healthy, not good. And so on the other side of that, that's definitely one of the boundaries I started setting was how I would be spoken to, What kind of access somebody had to me and paying attention to how that affected how I showed up and and my energy, but also what was Triggering for me, and instead of trying to deny that or push through that, really starting to honor the boundaries that would Push me outside of my integrity. And then what were some other things? Not I think this was more a boundary with myself, but not holding on to the experiences that happened to me prior to that and and refusing to hold on to that guilt and shame that creates the stigma around those really unhealthy dynamics. So those are some of the the really beginning stages that I can remember of Paying attention to and starting to set new boundaries with myself.
Mahara Wayman [00:10:25]:
I think those are amazing. And what I love about boundaries, and and this comes up quite a bit in my work, is this understanding that when you set a boundary, it's a gift for 2 people, for you and for the other person or the other company or the other group. Mhmm. You're making it really clear how exactly what they need to do for you to like them. And when I make it when you think about it that simply, it's like, no. No. No. Don't be upset.
Mahara Wayman [00:10:51]:
I just wanna I'm gonna tell you exactly What to do to have my respect. Exactly what to say to make me speak back to you in a nice Mhmm. And, You know, if you don't wanna step up, you don't have to, but I'm just making it really clear. It's hard, though. Right? It can be really hard to set those boundaries. Yeah. I mean, So many people today, women especially, think
Rebecca Thomas [00:11:16]:
Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:11:17]:
I would rather you like me than me be happy.
Rebecca Thomas [00:11:21]:
Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:11:22]:
I would rather feel that you that I'm worthy of your attention than feel than feel worthy, almost. Right? Mhmm. Mhmm. Interesting. How was
Rebecca Thomas [00:11:33]:
Go ahead. Was it meant when you when you treat the
Mahara Wayman [00:11:36]:
well, I
Rebecca Thomas [00:11:37]:
Oh my gosh. Not well at all. Not well at all. And I it very like, it was near a very new process to me. Right? Not only just a new process, but also it's really interesting. Okay. Let's let's describe it this way. Have you ever heard of a Newton's a Newton's Cradle?
Mahara Wayman [00:11:55]:
No. I don't think so.
Rebecca Thomas [00:11:57]:
Okay. So it's the tabletop game where there's actually game, where there's usually about 5 balls that are suspended from a tower, kind of. And when you pull one back and you drop it, it falls back on the other one and they back and forth. So when I think about originally setting those boundaries and especially the process of setting boundaries and doing so many other things now, That's what I always refer to because I think if you're not I think a lot of us either assume or are in denial about what the boundary setting process looks like. It's not just a one and done. I said the thing, and now it's Your job to honor what I said, but in in it's actually the fact that once we set the boundary, it's our job to reinforce that. And it is our responsibility to hold that standard and then also honor How we engage based on what we said we would do and not undermine ourselves. So when we talk about that Newton's cradle, I always talk about the fact that when you're setting the boundary, like, you're the one pulling back 1st ball, and you're the one that drops it.
Rebecca Thomas [00:13:03]:
And then it swings all the way over to the other side, the other party, and they swing it back. There's this pushback generally and not always because they're being malicious. Less less times is it actually them intending to be a malicious, and more often it's Just human nature. Right? This is not our comfort zone. This is not what what we do. This is not where we're familiar. So they push that boundary back, But then you push it again, and it keeps going back and forth until finally you find your new center. So the boundary setting in and of itself is a whole process.
Rebecca Thomas [00:13:36]:
Sometimes it's really fast. Some it's really slow, and sometimes somebody falls off a cliff because they just they will not meet your standard, and you can't allow them to you engaging or vice versa. So that's how I talk about it a lot. And then another way that I talk about boundaries, which I heard this I think it was last summer, and it was just so profound to me was, like, we talk a lot about how boundaries are what tell me What I prefer, what versus what you prefer, or where you end and where I begin. But last year, I was listening to Carolyn Mace, and she was talking about the fact that boundaries are actually what helps us to operate from our integrity. So when we talk about showing up as our best self and operating from our integrity, Foundries are the way that we stay in our integrity. Those are the things that tell us, like, they inform well, not inform. They reinforce our capacity, What we're willing to or not tolerate, they give us self respect, which is something not in those words, but that you were talking about a minute ago where I have to be able to respect myself first.
Rebecca Thomas [00:14:42]:
And if I'm not if I'm not making other people or asking other people to respect me. I mean, how can I do that if I'm not respecting myself? So I think that's a big piece of it too.
Mahara Wayman [00:14:57]:
That's so interesting. What I love about what you're saying is this recognition that core values will be reflected in our boundaries. Mhmm. Many times, though, we haven't Really sat down to figure out what our core values are, and it's one of the first things that I do with my clients in in the same of of getting clarity. Right? Like, who you are and what what what's important to you. Yeah. The other thing that comes to mind with boundaries is, you know, up until now, I think there's been this big People make a big brouhaha over setting boundaries. Ugh.
Mahara Wayman [00:15:33]:
You know? She has to set boundaries as if it's a negative thing.
Rebecca Thomas [00:15:37]:
And if you
Mahara Wayman [00:15:38]:
to distraction, it's like, oh my god. I'm just telling you. I'm just making it clear who I am and who I expect you to be in my presence. And if you don't like it, then fine. But it's a bad thing to set a boundary. I love that you brought up that setting it is just the beginning, people. Mhmm. Just, you know, the minute you can set a gazillion boundaries that are beautiful.
Mahara Wayman [00:16:01]:
But if it falls, if if it just crashes and you crumble the minute it's challenged, Something's not you know, there's some work to do. Mhmm. Mhmm. Your point, you never stop Checking, fixing, you know, tweaking it a little Adjusting. Mhmm. Asking yourself, Wow. Isn't it interesting? I'm willing to drop that boundary for that, you know, that person. Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:16:26]:
Not willing to drop it for that person. So what I what I often end up Speaking and saying to my clients is, this can be a beautiful opportunity for growth, is looking at not only the boundary that you set, How you feel when you said it? Because sometimes we're like, I'm gonna get you. Like, I'm just gonna you know, I'm gonna be like the goddess warrior. And there's a lot of emotion there. I'm like, okay. That's interesting. We need to talk about that.
Rebecca Thomas [00:16:51]:
Uh-huh.
Mahara Wayman [00:16:52]:
Times we said it I think we often sometimes set boundaries Just because we think that's what the other person is going to agree to.
Rebecca Thomas [00:17:00]:
It's not what we need.
Mahara Wayman [00:17:02]:
We're just doing something to to keep the peace. The whole idea of of setting boundaries, it's so integral to our personal growth and our definition of Who we want to be. That I mean, it could be months months of work and conversation. Love that you mentioned boundaries. What's the deal with our discomfort with discomfort? Like, where did that come from? Is it from the cradle where the minute the baby cries, we're like, oh my god.
Rebecca Thomas [00:17:34]:
Man. It's so many things. Right. First of all, I'm super curious. Where are you based out of?
Mahara Wayman [00:17:38]:
Oh, I'm in, Alberta, Canada.
Rebecca Thomas [00:17:41]:
Okay. So you're not that far away. So I think, I mean, it's definitely layered. Right? It's got to do with family. It's got to do with society, all the other cultures that we're entangled in on a daily basis and throughout our lives. But I think the biggest thing, like, when I think about where it came from, especially for me and from my own experience, it's very tied to the church. It's very tied to sucking it up, doing the right saying, overextending yourself, self sacrificing, Which it just it sends this message of I don't matter. Like, I have to you have to matter more than I do versus I have to fill my cup so I can fill more cups, and I think that's the part that really gets missed.
Rebecca Thomas [00:18:38]:
And then there's so many other people or other pieces like people pleasing and caregiving and, Again, tying back to the church, saviorism. So it's that perpetuate perpetuation of, victim mentality Because oh, you poor thing. God bless you. Bless your heart. Like, let me save you. And I think part of the discomfort comes from Trying to fix it and make it better and overextending ourselves versus Acknowledging where we stand with things, acknowledging how we feel about things, and then getting comfortable being uncomfortable, but then passing on the permission for other people to feel their feelings 2.
Mahara Wayman [00:19:19]:
I think the permission is a huge thing, and, you know, all I could think about as you were talking now is me as a mom. And I think all moms have done this. You know, your child, for example, falls down, scrapes their their knee, and starts to fall.
Rebecca Thomas [00:19:31]:
You
Mahara Wayman [00:19:31]:
say, oh, sweetheart, it's okay. You're okay. Don't cry.
Rebecca Thomas [00:19:34]:
Uh-huh.
Mahara Wayman [00:19:35]:
Versus, Oh my god. That's gotta hurt. Sweetheart. It's okay. Let them Uh-huh. And and sort of let them cry. Rights. The fact that it's okay that they're feeling this way.
Mahara Wayman [00:19:47]:
So nobody said it was easy reading. At least I hope they don't because really
Rebecca Thomas [00:19:53]:
I mean, they can say it, but whoever's gonna prove that one, good luck.
Mahara Wayman [00:19:56]:
That's not it's just not there. But I do think It is, it's so important that we give ourselves and those around us permission to feel their feelings.
Rebecca Thomas [00:20:07]:
Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:20:08]:
I truly believe that the only way to change your relationship with a bad memory, for example, is to feel the feeling and some love about
Rebecca Thomas [00:20:18]:
it.
Mahara Wayman [00:20:18]:
Mhmm. But give yourself permission to yeah. I am sad. Yeah. I am. Mhmm. Yes. I feel I don't even know what I'm feeling.
Mahara Wayman [00:20:25]:
I just Wanna sit here and cry and eat chocolate all day. Mhmm. Whatever it is that you're feeling, it's okay. You're a human being. You're allowed to feel it.
Rebecca Thomas [00:20:32]:
Right.
Mahara Wayman [00:20:33]:
This idea of Giving yourself a recognizing that that's how you feel and then going, okay. I I felt enough now. I'm ready to put that in a bomb. I'm ready to put that away, Or I'm ready to, move on to something else is it's so powerful. Mhmm. Yes. Interesting. Okay.
Mahara Wayman [00:20:53]:
So You, in your in your early thirties, began to quit. You set some boundaries. You had a big breakup with or you had a breakup with the father son. Can Can I ask what were you doing for a living then?
Rebecca Thomas [00:21:07]:
So I was actually in hospitality. I was waitressing, bartending, and then in management positions for almost 20 years up until 10 years ago. Yeah. About 10 years ago. So that's that's what I was actually doing at the time.
Mahara Wayman [00:21:24]:
Alrighty. And correct me if I'm wrong, you said to yourself, you know what? There's gotta be more to life than this. I'm going to start reading self help books and listen to podcasts. I'm gonna figure my shit out and Uh-huh. Some great boundaries and and be the best mom I can for my son. When did you realize that that all translated into life coaching? Because life coaching is pretty new to me, and I
Rebecca Thomas [00:21:49]:
Oh, yeah. No. There's like I've got a whole I can plot Every single point of that out looking back, and part of that's because I'm just, like, hyperawareness is one side of a coin for me. So when I was in my thirties, broke up with my son's father, not too long after that, reframed My dating, because when I was looking at my past relationship experience, what was the what was the common denominator? Me. So I started looking into, You know, how I could date differently because I wanted to I wanted to shift how I did that because I wasn't doing it in a way that It was okay okay for me anymore. So I really started digging into there was an online dating coach, and I just digested a ton of his free material, and that was what really started to shift, like, my personal value, my self worth, the standards, being Able to, oh, keep my integrity and making sure that I was showing up for myself, but also, requiring other people to show up for me in the same capacity. So while that was happened, ended up Dating again once I once I shifted all that for myself. And I did an amazing job because that the guy that I found was amazing.
Rebecca Thomas [00:23:05]:
And in the meantime, had also started, helping with I had a brother at the time that was quadriplegic, and so I was actually driving back and forth from about an hour to here to come see him every week. He ended up passing away in 2013, so 10 years ago. And then exactly 1 year to the day, the amazing relationship that I found, he passed away. So there was this huge chapter of grief, and my brother plays a huge part in all of this because he was kind of looking back The first domino that fell in how I see my life coaching evolving and getting to the where I am now because when he passed away, he left me his house. So that's how I ended up in Grand Rapids. And so he passed away, left me his house. My son and I moved here, and then And, my boyfriend at the time, like I said, I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life with him. He passed away, and it was after he passed away.
Rebecca Thomas [00:24:01]:
And because of all the work that I had done, I was sitting there, and all of a sudden, I have this deep immense grief and personal loss. But all of a sudden, my confidant, my best friend, the person that I reached out to and vice versa several times a day was just gone. And so and after I started to I mean, I was grieving very deeply for a long time when he passed away, but it was Once I started realizing that the only way I was going to get what I couldn't get from him anymore was to give it to myself was when I really started to like, not only can I see, looking back, that that's how I ended up becoming who I am, But that's also the, like, the 2nd domino that fell that helped me realize that if I wanted these things, I was gonna have to do it for myself? And so that's where a lot of the work started happening. Because of his passing, I ended up turning my job, which When I moved after my brother passed away, I actually ended up going into email marketing because I applied for all the jobs I didn't think I could get, and that's where I landed. And so when when the boyfriend passed away, that actually turned into a work from home salary position.
Mahara Wayman [00:25:16]:
So we're gonna take a short break right now, but I'll be back with my guest within 60 seconds. Ladies, unlock your inner badass and transform your life with my monthly subscription workshop. For just $47 a month, you'll have exclusive access to work closely with me, Mahara Wayman, as we dive deep into all things badass from personal development to conquering your goals. Imagine waking up every day of confidence, purpose, and a Smile that radiates your newfound strength. Take advantage of this badass opportunity and join us today at www.mindfulnesswithmahara.com, and start your journey toward a happier, more confident you. Smile when no one is looking. You've earned it.
Rebecca Thomas [00:26:06]:
So to tie this all together, in my brother's house, Working home, salary possession, started to try to figure out, like, how can I supplement my income, and so I started doing Airbnb out of my house while doing Personal development at the same time, started to recognize how good I was for holding space with other people and also Being able to empower them? So listening to their conversations, hearing what they say said, helping them feel seen and validated, But then challenging the perspective just enough that when they left, you could tell that there was this little light bulb in the back going, I can do something about this. And then heard the term life coach at the same time, listening to a podcast, and the rest was kinda
Mahara Wayman [00:26:47]:
history. Wow. 1st off, I'm sorry for your loss.
Rebecca Thomas [00:26:55]:
Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:26:56]:
But on the other hand, I also wanna say That your brother and that very special boyfriend, man, they were here for a reason. Oh, yeah. They were such gifts gifts Mhmm. For you. Mhmm. That's that's pretty special. So you decided to be a life coach.
Rebecca Thomas [00:27:16]:
Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:27:17]:
And I'm curious what your friends and family said about that because, you know, guys, really, it's still pretty new. I mean Uh-huh. You know, we talk when I when I was, you know, contemplating this line of work, I actually didn't even think of it as I didn't use the term life coach. I thought There's these people that motivate others and and help. I mean, I came from a coaching world, but it wasn't the life coach. I I came from the wellness industry. But I'm curious, though, you know, 10 years ago, what were your friends and family saying? Like
Rebecca Thomas [00:27:52]:
Yeah. So as far as the life coaching piece, like, All of the things that I talked about getting me to the point of being a life coach, that elapsed over several years. And so I've been a coach now for four and a half years formally, but I've been doing it informally for more than 20 years. Just oldest of 7, 5 younger sisters, leadership management positions. And the only reason I'm a leader is because I go first. So that's that's the difference. But when I decided to go into life coaching, first of all, it's really interesting because because my family knows me well enough, and I've been consistent with this throughout my life that I am not looking for permission. So when I have something I'm going to do and combine that with the fact that I'm incredibly stubborn, once I get an idea in my head, it doesn't matter if I have to feel forward.
Rebecca Thomas [00:28:50]:
I'm gonna either learn the lesson or nail it or both, And they just know that about me. So there wasn't a lot of Discontent with that I with what I was doing, there was definitely with with some of the parents, there was definitely some of this very worrisome. Somehow you're gonna make it work, and I'm very comfortable being uncomfortable. So I don't have to have all the answers, which some people can't wrap their heads around. Sometimes it works out. Sometimes it doesn't, but that's just who I am. And so there was definitely some pushback and some concern there, but not so much that they were trying to dissuade me. And it's so funny because I can remember having a conversation with my grandparents and my grandpa at the time.
Rebecca Thomas [00:29:33]:
I was probably about a year, year and a half in, and I was trying to Explain to him what I did and the term life coach. Like, he'd never heard it. And I remember him sitting there, and he's like, so you're like a financial advisor, and I was just like, what? Where did you get that from? But also, like, there's nothing else I can really say to you that's gonna help you Understand what I do. So, yeah, they were pretty accepting because that's just how I've always been. Like, I know who I am. It's gonna work out. I'm gonna be fine. I know that no matter what.
Rebecca Thomas [00:30:07]:
I trust myself. I trust the process. Trust the universe. So I'll be okay, and That's all that
Mahara Wayman [00:30:13]:
matters. That's so beautiful. I love grandma. Thank you.
Rebecca Thomas [00:30:17]:
My nanosubizer. That's so hilarious. No,
Mahara Wayman [00:30:21]:
Actually, what is it you do again, sweetheart? Don't worry.
Rebecca Thomas [00:30:24]:
Don't worry, grandpa.
Mahara Wayman [00:30:26]:
Uh-huh. Awesome. I noticed in the bio that you sent or the information that sent me. You talked about or that you've recently created corporate training called content milestones.
Rebecca Thomas [00:30:35]:
Yes. Tell us about that. Yeah. So I was reading reading a book recently, and one of the things that I was talking about was the fact that a lot of the goals that we set personally are actually corporate styles corporate style goals. And when they said that, they were saying, you know, corporate style gold mean they're arbitrary. It's a random number, and then there are no milestones plotted throughout the process for several things. And so I really got thinking about that, and I've also been wanting to work more with teams. I've never had any corporate experience, and I haven't Conformed in every any area of my life, so I feel like that gives me an edge and a unique perspective to go in and approach things from an angle that I feel like resonates more than it used to, like a very holistic approach to things.
Rebecca Thomas [00:31:29]:
And so what I was really intentional When I built this was making sure that the individuals that are responsible for these goals in corporate spaces are being considered As in, like, what are their core values? Why is this why is this goal important to them? Because a lot of times, the goals that are being set are being set by somebody who's reading the sports and so far removed that they don't understand those dynamics. And so I really wanted to be intentional about bridging that gap, but then also being able to create These conscious milestones that would allow for more personal invest investment, more personal motivation, pause for celebration because celebration is that so much of what we do, and we glaze past that so often, but then higher accountability and then also being able to recognize, success or progress throughout the entire goal achieving process even when it's not something that you can measure. So when it's not something that come on a report. So that's how that that came to be.
Mahara Wayman [00:32:30]:
Oh, I love that. I just did a presentation In in my world called cultivating cultivating your CEO mindset. And one of the
Rebecca Thomas [00:32:38]:
things that
Mahara Wayman [00:32:39]:
I touch on Well, I didn't touch on it. We did a deep dive on it. Was this understanding that, you know, to have a CEO mindset, It really does require that when we set goals, we realize we recognize the importance of alignment with the value of the company. Mhmm. And we we are aware of all of the different things that have to happen And may not happen in the end to that goal, and how to course correct and and have some resilience and some some movement
Rebecca Thomas [00:33:15]:
Mhmm. As
Mahara Wayman [00:33:15]:
we're going for those goals. So oh, I'm I'm excited. And what I what I was thinking as you were talking about it I mean, it's you know, it says corporate training, but really, peeps, Can you hear that this would be great for any anybody?
Rebecca Thomas [00:33:26]:
Oh, yeah. It's definitely tailored for individuals as well. I yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:33:30]:
Yeah. No. And I think one of the biggest challenges I know that I have. Well, vulnerability peeps people is, I still struggle with separating success with The dollar figure. Right? They'll think that Mhmm. Goal needs to be there needs to be a money aspect to the goal. Mhmm.
Rebecca Thomas [00:33:50]:
And
Mahara Wayman [00:33:51]:
if not, then it's just an that's just an wouldn't it be nice if, but really the goal
Rebecca Thomas [00:33:54]:
Right.
Mahara Wayman [00:33:55]:
Bills. It would be nice if I felt good along the way, but really the goal is to pay the mortgage. Right. If I if I learned something along the way, but the goal is to pay the mortgage.
Rebecca Thomas [00:34:03]:
Right.
Mahara Wayman [00:34:04]:
I think it's something that it's we've been ingrained with this. Oh, yeah. Right? Like, you know Yeah. Get a good job and and and do really well and get the bonus and and, you know, Yeah. Be a good citizen, pay off your mortgage Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Or you die, hopefully.
Rebecca Thomas [00:34:21]:
Right.
Mahara Wayman [00:34:22]:
It can be overwhelming, especially for entrepreneurs, which is why That's the niche that
Rebecca Thomas [00:34:27]:
Well, I think it's really important too because, like, it like you were saying, it's so easy to write off Things, again, that don't show up on a report. Right? Like, it's easy to claim those things with numbers because a number is something you can see, and it's very black and white. It's either, you know, $1,000,000 or it's not? There is no confusion about what it is. But I think where we really do ourselves a disservice and where I definitely am being intentional about doing my shifting this, but also can see a shift is the fact that those quote, unquote soft skills, those are the things that free up valuable time and energy that can be better used and help us be more efficient and help us qualify better goals if we better understand, like, what's the why behind the why behind the why of the goal versus just picking this random number. And when you can harness your time and energy in that way, you can usually do so much more in all areas of your life and you feel better.
Mahara Wayman [00:35:29]:
Amen. Amen. I love it. So talk to us a little bit about these women between 30 and 50. Is that
Rebecca Thomas [00:35:37]:
Yeah. So I, like you said before in the intro, work with women who are 30 to 50 something, who have been in the corporate space, May have even been building families, and they're on the other side of that taking an audit of their life and realizing that, like you said, the one key thing missing is them. And I think that happens a lot of times because either we've been sold a lie or we fell for it, and we go through all these steps of Creating what we think is going to feel fulfilling and is going to give us success without determining for ourselves what success actually looks like and what it means. And so on the other side of that, while they're taking this life audit and realizing that they're not in their lives, what I help them do is get out of their heads, Get out of their houses, get out of their businesses, and get back into their lives. So what that centers around is Going back to that boundaries piece of setting very healthy boundaries that allow them to show up as the best best version of themselves, It really takes some time to shift that self worth piece because that's definitely a huge piece of it. It's that Caregiving, overextending, very maternal way of I take care of everybody else before I take care of myself, but we are starting to realize, like, I don't have as much time left as I used to, and priorities are shifting, and I'm not getting any younger. And this stuff is really important to me, so putting you And your life is key for creating that fulfillment and happiness and joy and ease that you have been sacrificing for so long that you can carry through the rest of your life and being really intentional about that. So we do that through movement.
Rebecca Thomas [00:37:16]:
We do that through the coaching piece, which happens in the movement, Building more presence. Going back to that boundaries piece again, one of the things I talk about is that boundaries that keep us in our integrity are actually the thing that segue into that deepening self trust, Which in turn develops your self confidence, which in turn allows you to be more authentic too. So that's a huge piece of everything that we do.
Mahara Wayman [00:37:40]:
Oh my god. I love it. Very clear tied into what how I go with my license and the type of conversations that I have with my clients. Mhmm. Share with with us any big ahas that came as a surprise to you because, I'll be Transparent. When I started this work, I was so excited about everything that I was learning. I kinda thought Mhmm. I know my stuff.
Mahara Wayman [00:38:04]:
Like, this is inter this is cool. Like, yeah, it makes sense to me. And And then something happened, and I'm like, oh my god. I don't know a damn thing. I'm a Oh,
Rebecca Thomas [00:38:11]:
okay.
Mahara Wayman [00:38:12]:
So I'm curious if that happened to you along the along the way.
Rebecca Thomas [00:38:15]:
So that specifically did not, but I think that goes back to, like, that stubborn streak I've always had where I'm gonna fail forward. And, also, I'm very much a person very much a person, and I've been like this for a while now that I don't have any expectations. Like, that was the piece Where when I had to relearn from myself, like, how to be my own confidant, how to breathe self love into myself, how to be the listener for myself, and then develop those tendencies for every everybody around me while keep while still honoring my integrity. It just it became obvious to me that I couldn't do that and have expectations around it. So that's part of the holding space piece is allowing other people to show up as elves. But I also had a brilliant business coach in the beginning that I hired before I knew what I was doing or before I thought I knew what what I was doing, who also really helped me reverse engineer everything in my coaching business Around how accessible I wanted to be, how much time I was willing to put on the front end
Mahara Wayman [00:39:22]:
and the back end of
Rebecca Thomas [00:39:23]:
my business, but then how much Space I needed in my life for myself to show up as my best self. So friends, family, time with myself, and that's a huge part of where I of who I And so she definitely saved me 5 years by helping me do that and then also really helping me hone in my my pricing that reflected all of those things for me too. And so that has left what I love to call a room for a lot of magic. So when you combine the space in my life for all the things, doing things very intentionally, and then, Yeah. I forgot the other thing already. When you combine those things, there's just a lot of room for magic and a lot of room to show up in the most beautiful way, and give other per other people permission to show up as them best their best selves too.
Mahara Wayman [00:40:13]:
Oh, so beautiful. What I'm hearing as well, which I think is worth talking about mentioning Yeah. Is this under this idea that I was was a little shocked when you said I don't have expectations for myself, and I my initial question was, what the hell? How can you not have expectations?
Rebecca Thomas [00:40:28]:
Doesn't mean I don't have objectives.
Mahara Wayman [00:40:30]:
Right. Well, that's the thing. And I that's the part of it. It doesn't mean that you don't have objectives. But what I think it really does mean is that Mhmm. The less expectations we have, the more trust we have that the universe Mhmm. Yes. And I think that's a really important lesson For any badass wannabes out there, you do not have to have all the answers.
Mahara Wayman [00:40:54]:
You really don't because we are here to learn.
Rebecca Thomas [00:40:58]:
Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:40:58]:
Yeah.
Rebecca Thomas [00:40:58]:
We'll not only learn, but be supported and support each other too. So Yeah. I used to I don't think this was an an any of the information I shared with you before, but I used to be a former mean girl. Like, I was Super mean, super guarded. Oh, yes. Like, I could give you names and they would confirm. But On the other side of that with that no expectations piece and that trust piece, like, one of the reasons I started shifting in that approach was because I got of being an island, but the person that was perpetuating an island was me because I kept everybody at arm's length. And so it was really doing the work to understand What it was that was keeping me there and then putting down the drawbridge first and then filling in the mow and then opening up the gates And allowing people to show up for me just as much as I showed up for them because that's how we find value, especially as women.
Rebecca Thomas [00:41:50]:
And so it was really doing that work And being able to trust not only myself, but not also not feel like I have to have all the answers. I have to control everything that's happening. I have to know Every single step from a to z, that would be terrifying. But in being able to trust that what needed to show up would show up when it was supposed to and that I would have the awareness to see that opportunity or that resource or that person for what it was in the in the moment. And when you think that things have to look a certain way and you don't trust them, that's the magic you lose out on.
Mahara Wayman [00:42:26]:
Such an important lesson, and it's, I'm still working on it. Mhmm. I have been, most of my life, very aware of my fortune and very aware of, you know, I've I've I think there was a time when I used the word serendipitous quite a bit, you know, had a serendipitous life. Uh-huh. Now I I use different terminology. I'm like, I'm listening, lord. Right? Mhmm. I'm listening.
Mahara Wayman [00:42:51]:
And I I've learned that if There's some hard challenging lessons for us as humans. And if we don't learn it one way, We are gonna be given multiple opportunities to learn it until we do.
Rebecca Thomas [00:43:04]:
Oh, yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:43:05]:
So there's no point in running away from your shit because it's gonna come back and bite you.
Rebecca Thomas [00:43:09]:
Exactly. Meg, you're right in the face. This is why we're here.
Mahara Wayman [00:43:13]:
And there's so many beautiful components and opportunities to learn. And, You know, so when you make when you make a quote mistake, and I'm that's in air quotes people. Yeah.
Rebecca Thomas [00:43:22]:
I agree.
Mahara Wayman [00:43:23]:
It actually isn't a mistake if you learn from it. The minute you learn from it Stops being a mistake. It was just a great opportunity.
Rebecca Thomas [00:43:29]:
Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:43:30]:
There are so many opportunities to say, I need help.
Rebecca Thomas [00:43:35]:
Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:43:36]:
And the minute you can say I need help to someone, first of all, you're giving them a beautiful opportunity to report you, and and often, it's just that they look you in the face and go, what's going on? Mhmm. Right? They don't have to solve your problem, but we, as human beings, Desperately want to connect, and we wanna feel seen and heard. And it's part of being a badass is that you not only have the ability To feel seen and heard because of your demeanor and the boundaries that you set and the language that you use, but you were willing to be that for someone else.
Rebecca Thomas [00:44:09]:
Mhmm. You know,
Mahara Wayman [00:44:10]:
I think yeah. It's a beautiful gift that we have as humans when we can just stop, breathe, Look at a stranger, smile at them, and and make their day.
Rebecca Thomas [00:44:22]:
Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:44:23]:
Badass to me is when you're willing to Yeah. Not enough To wish a stranger a nice day even if it's just Yeah. I know. Little bit of a digress there. But, oh my goodness, this has been really a very A lovely conversation. And
Rebecca Thomas [00:44:36]:
Same. Same.
Mahara Wayman [00:44:37]:
Suspect we could we could keep going on and on. But first of all, Guys listening, check the show notes. Lots of ways that you can connect with Rebecca. And, I'm curious though. If you were to Leave our audience with your 3 top tips for feeling badass. What would it what do you do on a regular basis to remind yourself of your badassery.
Rebecca Thomas [00:45:01]:
Oh, man. I mean, just trust it first and foremost. K. Like, trust it scared even. I I do things scared all of The time I don't think most people realize how many things that I do scared. Like, if I type out a message or an email or something something I'm not as familiar with. I will always write out the thing, maybe give it one glance over, but then send it without being overly critical or perfect about it. So that's one of the things I do.
Rebecca Thomas [00:45:29]:
I think another couple of things that I practice on myself first, but now I really work with My clients would say all the time. So one of them is, be kind to my friend. And I think that makes People are badass when they start to implement that because in the beginning, like, it's really hard to be kind to ourselves. Right? Like, we've talked a little bit about that inner dialogue and how that can really chip away at us. And the biggest difference this is Brene Brown information, but the biggest difference between self esteem and grounded confidence is how often that we give the the person with the mic, the inner critic, that microphone and how invested we are in the criticism Where when we can learn to actually step away from that and trust and ignore it and take the mic back, that's where we really start to build grounded confidence. So when I say be Be kind to my friend. A lot of times, I see women who are not kind to themselves. And you can call them out on it, and they'll say, I know.
Rebecca Thomas [00:46:27]:
I know. But when you're saying it like that, no. You don't. No. You don't. Or maybe you do, but you're not gonna do anything about it. And so I think when we say it that way, we very much like, we take back the narrative, and we reframe it until We can actually know that I need to be kind to myself. So that's one of the things that I say a lot.
Rebecca Thomas [00:46:51]:
Thanks. And then 3. That's
Mahara Wayman [00:46:53]:
Yeah. What? The third1? Number 3?
Rebecca Thomas [00:46:56]:
Yeah. Yeah. The third1 is something you were saying a minute ago. And another thing that I love to say And I feel like it's just so badass is a lot of times, whether it's something good or something more challenging, we can say, what did I do to deserve this? And so what I do is I actually cross out the word deserve, and I write this up all the time. And I've got graphics around it, and we put it writing, but we we cross out the word deserve deserve, and we say, what did I do to receive this? So when it Comes to whether you're receiving something good, whether it's help or connection or a resource or just presence or whatever that looks like, Are you actually allowing that thing in? Because there's so many good things that we do not allow in, and so we talk about that. But on the other side of that, Some personal accountability combined with boundaries as, obviously, there's things that can happen to us that are not optimal, that are Hard that are challenging, even traumatic sometimes. And saying, what did I do to receive this? Doesn't mean that you're responsible for that thing, but are there boundaries that you can set in place that can help you recognize where your integrity is being compromised and make sure that going Forward. That's not the case, that you're not compromising yourself.
Mahara Wayman [00:48:14]:
Beautiful. Okay. So I'm just gonna repeat these for you folks. Yeah. 3 keys that Rebecca recognizes help her to be badass on a regular basis, trust. Trust yourself even if it even if you're feeling a little scared, trust. Number 2, be kind, not only to others, but be kind to yourself. And number 3, if you can recognize that life happens for you, not to you.
Mahara Wayman [00:48:41]:
And I know that's a big one. But instead of saying, oh my god, what did I do to deserve this? Say, wow. What did I do to receive this? Because life happens for me. There's a lesson here. If it's uncomfortable, you can go back to the trusting and be kind when you have to experience something That makes you question, what did I do to receive this? Does that make sense? Did I did I read to me.
Rebecca Thomas [00:49:05]:
The phrase there. Yeah. Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:49:07]:
Rebecca, this has been an absolute delight. Thank you so much for spending some time with us today. I've loved every second of our conversation. Folks listening, Please give us some feedback. Share this episode with anybody that you think would benefit from listening to this conversation. And, of course, check out the show notes so that you can connect with Rebecca directly. My name is Mahara. This has been the art of badassery, and I will see you guys next time.
Mahara Wayman [00:49:41]:
Take care. Thank you for tuning in to the Art of Badassery. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and gained valuable insights to help unleash your inner badass. If you found this podcast helpful, Please leave a rating or review on your favorite platform. Your feedback not only helps me improve the show, but it also helps others like yourself discover the podcast. Until next time, keep embracing your authenticity and living life on your terms. Here's to you.
