Mahara Wayman [00:00:05]:
Welcome to the art of badassery where I explore what it takes to live life on your own terms. Break free from the status quo and unleash your inner badass. Whether you're a rebel at heart or simply seeking inspiration to step outside your comfort zone, this podcast is for you. I'm your host, Mahara Wayman and each week I dive into the stories, insights and strategies of those who have mastered the art of badassery and are living life to the fullest. They smile when no one is looking. Welcome to the art of badassery podcast. My name is Mahara, and I'm really excited to introduce you to Natalie McCabe, a practical visionary with 30 years of teaching experience and 15 years as a single parent. Natalie has navigated countless parenting challenges on her own and has turned those experiences into her book, sink or swim parenting, where she shares personal stories and practical strategies for raising children.
Mahara Wayman [00:01:06]:
She also founded an after school program and ran a successful kinder music franchise. Now Natalie focuses on 1 on 1 coaching, helping parents navigate co parenting and divorce. Her story is not just her own, but it's also a survival guide for others. No wonder she's a guest on my show today. Natalie, welcome. So excited to have you.
Natalie McCabe [00:01:27]:
Thank you, Mahara. Thank you. I'm excited to be here.
Mahara Wayman [00:01:29]:
One of the things I often open my show with is, so how come you're badass?
Natalie McCabe [00:01:36]:
Well, I've realized now that I've been pretty badass throughout my life. I lost my parents at a young age, and that kind of catapulted me into kind of growing up before the rest of my peers and developed an awful lot of resilience in me. So after my marriage split and my children were very young, I was navigating single parenting in my home community, and there was a lot of challenges there. I had no child care. So I just said, well, maybe I'll create some child care so my children can be with me every day after school. And so that's how my after school program started, and it's been a lovely amazing experience. It's still running and 75 families. And, you know, it that really helped me navigate some challenges for sure, and I knew nothing about it.
Natalie McCabe [00:02:25]:
I you know, it was just kind of this idea, like, oh, what's into child care? And so it was a big learning curve, but I guess I went through it when, you know, blissful ignorance kind of let me just learn the steps along the way about how to become a business owner and accounting and all of the things that go with it. So I'm really glad that I had that resilience to to push through and do that. And then as my own children were growing up, I also became so interested in early child brain development and all of the aspects of it and how my children learned. So that kind of grew into Kinder Music, which is a music and movement program for babies and toddlers. And every activity that, we teach in kinder music is based on early child brain development, cognitive, social skills, emotional regulation, all of those things. So that was an amazing gift of joy, joy, joy every weekend. Just my face would hurt at the end of the weekend because it's so much fun and so much joy. And, you know, all throughout those years, also continued to teach here and there different contracts and terms.
Natalie McCabe [00:03:31]:
And so that's, you know, an awful lot to navigate as a single mom. It wasn't easy. I made mistakes. Not a perfect parent. You know? There is no such thing as a perfect parent, but all of that life experience is now kind of combined into coaching parents because I realized after so many years in the schools that, you know, the kids and I are have our relationship. We're working well, but the parents are still at a loss at home. They're struggling. They're they don't know where to go for the right advice because, honestly, there is no right perfect advice where that's gonna cookie cutter fit every family.
Natalie McCabe [00:04:09]:
Every child is different. Every parent is different. So I've really embraced, and I'm enjoying helping parents 1 on 1 with coaching.
Mahara Wayman [00:04:17]:
So, so good. And as a parent myself, I know how much it's needed because they don't teach us this. Right? I I didn't learn. I mean, I learned in a way, I learned from because I emulated my mother and I was very fortunate. I I I have have amazing parents. My father's passed on. My mother's still with us. But before we jump into the challenge of parenting, when you think back on your early life, and I'm sorry for your loss.
Mahara Wayman [00:04:41]:
It you know, it's hard that's a big that's a lot to navigate as a young person. Absolutely. The resilience that you were forced to develop at an early age, can you share with us an example of how that resilience supported you years later when you were again faced with some challenges? I'm just trying to draw the connection between the the childhood experiences and Yeah. Perhaps young adult or mid adult experiences.
Natalie McCabe [00:05:08]:
Well, I realized at a young age that the most important thing in life is your relationships with people. And, you know, when you're taking your last breath, and I was with my parents when they did, so that really put that piece into focus for me. And then I realized that I had some great relationships in my life, but inherently, I had to depend on myself. Right? It all came down to and I had to dig down deep and find that strength and resilience in me because no one was gonna do it for me. Right? So I had to find the tools, find my spirituality, quiet my mind, meditation, just all of those things that encompass self care to keep going when it got really, really tough. Right? When, you know, you're on the bathroom floor and you're crying, like, you know, the to the to that strength of my faith, it brought me back and said, well, you know, let's just keep going here because no one's gonna do it for you. And you I wanted to build what I could the best I could for my children because, like you, my parents were amazing. They were wonderful and taught me a lot, and I wanted to give that to my children.
Natalie McCabe [00:06:17]:
So
Mahara Wayman [00:06:18]:
So so good. It's been a recurring theme recently, actually, is this recognition that being a badass. A really big component of being badass is understanding that you have the power to create the life you
Natalie McCabe [00:06:32]:
want. Absolutely.
Mahara Wayman [00:06:33]:
It it starts with you. It starts with us. And I know that when we're in the throes of of a challenging situation or desperation or despair or just grief, it can sometimes be very hard to see that. But I I really love that you highlighted this need to just recognize the relationship I have with myself has to come first. It has relationships are. That's what, you know, right now, create relationships. But when the relationship we have with ourself is damaged or fragile for whatever reason, because life happens, then that's a great place to start if you wanna feel like a badass. So absolutely.
Mahara Wayman [00:07:15]:
Thank you for sharing that. What made you go into teaching?
Natalie McCabe [00:07:20]:
I really became interested in teaching at a quite a young age, actually. I was 14, and I was taking dance classes, tap, jazz, and ballet. And I was offered to become a, you know, a student teacher in the classes, and I just loved helping the little ones with their tying their shoes and doing their little plies and their pointing of their toes. So I started that at 14, and so I was ready to go to university at 18, and I was still teaching dance. And I thought, you know, this is the path that I really it feels good to me. And I had the most amazing training at the university here in my province. Back then, it was a combined bachelor of education and undergraduate degree. So my experience in my 4 years of education, I was in the classroom all the time, like, so much more practical experience than most education programs have.
Natalie McCabe [00:08:11]:
So that really had me stepping out as very confident in in what I was doing as a teacher. And it's been just so rewarding over the years to just see the light bulbs go on and develop these wonderful relationships with these amazing, amazing kids. It's it's it's so much fun. Because one thing about kids is, you know, they know when you're being authentic. You know, you can't just walk in and try to pretend you're someone else. It's not gonna work. Right? And so that's part of the joy of the job is that I get to I get to walk in every day and be who I am, and they understand and know and respect that. And I see them for who they are, and we develop these wonderful relationships and generally have a good time.
Mahara Wayman [00:08:55]:
Do you think that being with children because I appreciate and understand what you're saying that they see the real you. That that has allowed you to to become even more badass and more comfortable in your authenticity as you year after year after year?
Natalie McCabe [00:09:10]:
Absolutely. Absolutely. Because I I see the difference, right, of when when I'm authentic and when I'm being funny and I'm up in the front and I'm because you have to be an entertainer nowadays in these classrooms with these elementary school kids. It's, you know, it has changed a lot over the last 30 years. You know? But just to see the joy in their faces and to hear them crack jokes and, you know, you get to know each child so well for their personality. You know, the ones you can crack jokes with and, you know, you build them up and you see their strengths and and you you really just develop that caring relationship because we spend, you know, 5, 6 hours a day together. So it's amazing.
Mahara Wayman [00:09:48]:
What's one thing that you know you've these children have taught you?
Natalie McCabe [00:09:52]:
They've taught me so much. They've they've taught me how to be resilient. They've taught me how to be how to embrace mistakes, and I it's kinda reciprocal. I teach them the same thing. That that authenticity piece for sure. Just just how to love and how to care for others and be gentle, with my with themselves and with others around them. There's just there's so much. You know?
Mahara Wayman [00:10:22]:
Would you also say then let me jump in here. Would you also say in your journey, part of your badassery has been your willingness to learn from your kids or to learn from life around you?
Natalie McCabe [00:10:34]:
Absolutely. That is so important. It's any teacher that says they know everything, nobody knows everything, learn so much from these little people. You know? They they all have their own unique qualities and strengths and talents, and, you know, I would definitely would tap into them, you know, especially in the older elementary grades. You know? I had my tech adviser. You know? If I didn't know how to just do Ben, come here. Help me with this. Right? Again, full authenticity.
Natalie McCabe [00:11:02]:
Like, I don't know how to do this. You're more techie than me at this. Come help me with this. And, you know, they yeah. They're just it's amazing.
Mahara Wayman [00:11:12]:
Alright. So take us thank you for sharing that, by the way. I agree. When we give our children when we really see our children and invite them to sort of step up or step into their greatness, magic happens.
Natalie McCabe [00:11:23]:
Yes. And seeing their greatness. That, you know, is a big piece of it. Each child has their own unique greatness. Whether it's being a wonderful friend, whether it is an amazing knowledge of science, or if it is a great way to tell creative stories, or the one that's joking around all the time, always has the quick wit. Every single child on the planet has these amazing, amazing strengths, and I that's one thing I'd want parents to focus on is focus on your child's strengths because every child
Mahara Wayman [00:11:52]:
has them. So, so good. Speaking of parents and the challenge of parenting, can you categorize some of what you're seeing after years of doing this as being the biggest buckets of opportunity for us as parents when it comes to children and perhaps include ages that would correspond to that?
Natalie McCabe [00:12:08]:
So most of the parents I work with, one of the things that is kind of a common theme is self care. Not in the way of bubble baths and going to the spa. You know? Self care of asking for help, setting boundaries, taking some time for yourself every single solitary day, whether that's 10 minutes or 15 or an hour. I know it's difficult for parents. They're busy. They're overwhelmed. They have all of these things on their plate, but we do know that taking that time for yourself shows that you believe yourself to be worthy. And I say to parents, how are is your child gonna learn how to treat themselves well and feel themselves worthy if they don't see you doing that? It does make you a better parent just by giving that time to yourself, then you can go interaction into interactions that may be challenging with more of a sense of peace and calmness that we also want to model for our children.
Natalie McCabe [00:13:06]:
You know, I think, for all of the age groups, I mean, I've used some of the same strategies with my toddlers when they were teens. I think kind of the biggest underlying one is that emotional intelligence piece, that emotional regulation piece. So parents need to look at how they're responding or reacting to situations and then be very observant of their child when they're having a difficult time and they're unable to regulate their emotions. It's so important for us to be aware of what's happening, kinda look at the bigger picture when those challenging situations are happening and not just running, oh, they're just trying to get on my nerves. No. They're having a hard time. Right? And so is it are they hungry? Are they thirsty? Do they need sleep? It you know, there's so many myriad of reasons why these things could be happening and it's really important that we kinda maintain our our composure in order to model for them and co regulate with them. You know as I've been working through this and you know I'm in groups online and different things and I'm seeing all these issues whether it be co parent communication or whether it be toddlers tantrums whether it be too much screen time, that underlying piece is that emotional intelligence piece.
Natalie McCabe [00:14:23]:
Right?
Mahara Wayman [00:14:23]:
I think it's taken us so long to to understand that. And would you even feel that most of us are at that point of understanding emotional intelligence? I'll be quite frank. Let me just jump in. That's a new term for me, new in the last and I'm in my late fifties. So why has it taken us so long to recognize the child for us?
Natalie McCabe [00:14:44]:
Well, because it's generational. You know? We have grown up with this is how people are treated, and it's people are just, you know, getting angry and screaming and spanking and, oh, you'll be fine. The new brain science is showing that this is not fine, that this causes changes in the brain and in the nervous system of people, not just children, but children are more deeply affected by it. So, you know, it's difficult to change if you're not even aware. Right? So it's the the piece of getting that awareness out there about how important this is for children and for parents and then having those tools out there to that can work for all different families in their unique situation. There's a lot of amazing tools out there, but if a parent doesn't even know that this is a thing, right, they're not gonna go look for those tools. So, I mean, I guess it's part of something that I wanna do as I, you know, work with parents and put myself out there more so on social media is to get that message out there that this is an underlying piece of almost every problem or challenge that parents are having. Right?
Mahara Wayman [00:15:52]:
I remember, you know, my girls are in their early twenties. And when I got into coaching and and sort of really began to study, interactions and judgment and blame and limiting beliefs and that whole spectrum of of introspection. And I was sharing it with my girls. They both said to me, how come we're only just hearing about how come we didn't study this in school? Like how come and I'm like, that's a really good question. Mhmm. So why do you think first of all, is it in school now? Is there any semblance of this level of conversation or teaching or support in our high school or elementary school right now?
Natalie McCabe [00:16:31]:
I think it's it's beginning. I I think, you know, the higher ups in administration are seeing that social and emotional learning are a really big piece. Unfortunately, the school boards are very data driven, and they wanna see numerical evidence of reading levels increasing and math scores increasing, those sort of things. So the there is more of a focus on the academic skills, unfortunately, because I'm a big big believer, and I've seen it throughout my career. If a child is not able to regulate, they're not able to learn anything. You can have the greatest lessons on the face of the planet, but that social and emotional piece is critical. I mean, I used to put, mindfulness. I used to instead of meditation, I call it mindfulness in the classroom.
Natalie McCabe [00:17:19]:
You know, I saw a huge difference in these kids over a year of doing meditation and doing, you know, positive affirmations. But when a teacher is responsible for, you know, just for literacy alone for grades 4, 5, and 6 here in my province in Canada, the curriculum document is 600 pages long. And we have a 185 days to teach all, you know, of those curriculum outcomes. And that's just literacy. You know?
Mahara Wayman [00:17:46]:
Jump in here, though. Just let me jump in here. And can you explain to a deep dive on your comment or your understanding of to regulate? I understand what you mean by that, but but in the audience that may not have heard that term, what do you mean when you say children need to learn to regulate?
Natalie McCabe [00:18:02]:
So they need to learn how to calm their bodies. They need to learn how to calm their breathing and all all of the cells of their body. And this tricky part of this is is that every child may do that differently. So that's why the unique strategies you know, that's why I'm into the coaching because, you know, you could be given a tip sheet on here's how to help your child relax their mind and relax their body, and it might not work. Some children in order to regulate, they need to move their muscles and they need to push hard on things, and that helps their nervous system relax. Other children, a quiet calming space and a coloring book may work. You know, I've worked with children that really had a lot of trouble regulating, and I would put together, like, a calm down box that they'd have an activity for each one of their senses to help that whole body calm down. So they'd have something to look at, something to squeeze, something to breathe, something to smell, every every sense.
Natalie McCabe [00:19:05]:
Right? So, you know, it's it's a trial and error thing, but in order for so what coregulation means is when they're having this incredible temper tantrum outburst that you're just like, woah. Words aren't gonna work, so we take all words out because they're not able their prefrontal cortex is not getting any of that information. So in order to coregulate is just your sense of nearness and maybe a few words of, you know, I see you're having a hard time. Let's just modeling some breathing. There's all kinds of fun breathing techniques. You know? One child I had, gave him a gave him a juice box in the middle of a tantrum, and that helped him regulate his breathing because he had to drink. Right? So, you know, it's it's trial and error for sure because every child is unique. But once they're able to do that, that becomes they're building those neural pathways in their brain.
Natalie McCabe [00:20:01]:
Right? Those ones that are calming and not the ones that are I'm gonna fight or flight, you know, because those if we let kids continue to be dysregulated, continue to have tantrums, well, they're building neural pathways on that end as well. So then they're gonna be more easily reactive. Right? And it the same goes for adults.
Mahara Wayman [00:20:22]:
It sounds and, you know, I can sit back here where my kids are grown, but I have to say, if I were a young parent or thinking about having kids now, I'd be scared shitless. What do I do I have to wait for the tantrum to then introduce opportunities to to regulate? Is there something that we can do right from the get go to create a space or an atmosphere within the home?
Natalie McCabe [00:20:46]:
Absolutely. Let's talk about that. Because
Mahara Wayman [00:20:48]:
I think that make the missing piece is understanding that everything we do in our children's lives right from the minute they're born, maybe even from from
Natalie McCabe [00:20:57]:
It actually does begin in utero. It absolutely begins in utero. What can we do? So in utero, mom being calm, mom not being stressed, mom eating the right food. You know, the baby does feel all those that stress and energy. So and, of course, after they're born, taking care of all of their needs, building that secure attachment is huge. If people are wanna read up on attachment theory, I won't go into all of that now, but, you know, having that secure attachment. Also really important, those routines and those rituals. The young children know and feel safe when they know what is happening next.
Natalie McCabe [00:21:40]:
So having those little bedtime routines and practicing having quiet time and calm time. Right? So they get they understand that this is comfortable. This is this feels good. Even I mean, the tantrums are gonna happen, but if you start from day 1 building those times and rituals and routines in there, then it's gonna be familiar, and those tantrums aren't gonna be, you know, as bad because they'll have some of those tools, right, to work with. And it doesn't stop. You know? It it because they are growing and changing all the time, our little ones. So you may get something that works really good when your little one's 3 and then they turn 5 and they're like, you know, they're throwing a chair. It's like, okay.
Natalie McCabe [00:22:23]:
We have to again, we have to go back and have to observe. Okay. What's happening here? What are the environmental things? Is it screen time that is then jumping in? Right? Because the screen time, I'm never gonna tell a parent to get rid of screen time altogether. Everybody has to do their own thing and depending on what they value. However, children under the age of 5 need to learn emotional regulation skills and need to learn social skills, and screens, unfortunately, are unable to teach those things. They need human interaction to do that and to to build resiliency, critical thinking, how to solve problems, to build that stamina because our brain is a muscle, right, to build that stamina of doing challenging things. You know? Not we can't just do everything for our kids or, you know, that is literally taking away their self esteem. So as they go through yeah.
Natalie McCabe [00:23:14]:
Go ahead.
Mahara Wayman [00:23:15]:
This is really interesting because I know that I lived through that parenting phase where we felt we had to do everything and make it easy. I didn't do that very well, though. But also, we got caught into this idea of they've gotta do all of these major activities. Kept them away from sort of the family unit, like the close unit of, you know, eating making dinner together and sitting down and eating. It was like rush rush to get to the soccer field or rush rush to go to dance. Yeah. I did it. Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:23:45]:
I did it too. I was so glad when they stopped being interested. I'm like, oh, thank God I could take a break. Yeah. Didn't have a level of guilt because I saw the other parents were still doing all of the stuff.
Natalie McCabe [00:23:56]:
Mhmm. Yeah. I mean, it really it goes with your unique child. But, I mean, even if they if they wanna be in 3 or 4 activities, I would you have to look at your whole family and your dynamic. 3 or 4 is too much. You know? That's just taxing. Then there's schoolwork. And, again, that family time, I think, is a big piece that people are missing, that doing chores together, that cooking together, cleaning together, being looking at your family as a team.
Natalie McCabe [00:24:23]:
Like, you know, that that that we're all here working together, and we're making it better for everyone through this. The the the activities, yep, they're great. They teach lots of great things, but I'll give you a little example. I was teaching about positive affirmations in a 3 grade 3, 4 classroom. And so at the beginning, we did a talking circle where I handed out the stick. You know, let's talk say one thing good about yourself. And I hadn't taught them anything about affirmations yet. I just wanted to say see what they knew.
Natalie McCabe [00:24:53]:
And so I said, just say I am and then follow-up with a word that tells me something positive about you. Well,
Mahara Wayman [00:25:01]:
half of
Natalie McCabe [00:25:01]:
the children passed the stick and had nothing to say.
Mahara Wayman [00:25:04]:
Oh, no, Natalie.
Natalie McCabe [00:25:05]:
These I know. It's my heart dropped. And then the other ones that did speak, they said, I'm good at soccer. I am good at art. And so these children are were looking outside of themselves for their inherent worth, and that is a piece my jaw was on the floor. I was like, wow. Right? How did this happen? They come into the world feeling worthy. Right? Their parents love them.
Natalie McCabe [00:25:34]:
I know that. Right? But it's a a piece of the conversation that's missing to talk to children about, wow, you're such a kind friend. You're such a, you know, helpful person. You're you know, those qualities that we know they have need to be expressed to them so that it becomes part of their inner world and their inner talk when they think about themselves and they take that time to say, yeah. I am a good person. Yeah. I I can overcome challenges really well or I am funny. Right? We want those our kids to have that positive self talk of worthiness.
Mahara Wayman [00:26:10]:
It reminds me years ago, I think Oprah showed a clip of a young father talking to his daughter in the mirror, and she was and it went viral. And she was saying things and she must have been, honestly, like, 3 or 4 just learning to like, you're beautiful. You're so pretty. You're so nice. I'm so like, it was just so adorable, but it got I I think it went viral because, first of all, it was sweet. It was fun to watch, but then it really struck a chord in, wow. That's important. That is so important.
Mahara Wayman [00:26:43]:
How wonderful that this is happening. This young this young dad knew enough to do this, but it also highlighted how perhaps little the rest of the world does it. Mhmm.
Natalie McCabe [00:26:54]:
Because it was something for
Mahara Wayman [00:26:55]:
us to see it. It was like,
Natalie McCabe [00:26:56]:
mom I really wanna jump in here and say to parents, don't feel guilty, please. We feel guilty about everything. So stop that. You know, don't feel guilty that, oh, I should be doing this. There are no shoulds. You know? Again, going back to if you're taking care of yourself and you have all these positive things about yourself going through your mind, then it's gonna naturally go over to your child and we're have those fun conversations, those fun affirmations, letting them know, you know, who they are. It's never too late to start. Our brains are constantly changing and malleable.
Natalie McCabe [00:27:30]:
You've heard of neuroplasticity. So, you know, I don't want any parent listening to think, oh, man. I should be doing this or I should have done that or beating themselves up. Please don't do that. There's no such thing as a perfect parent. You love your kid. You're doing the best you can. You know? And learning more information is just shows that you are a good parent, that you're interested.
Mahara Wayman [00:27:50]:
I wanna highlight what you just said, which is it's never too late. And I totally agree with you. It is never too late to recognize an opportunity. And, you know, if the minute you say to yourself, damn, I should have done this differently. Just take a deep breath and go, wait a second. I could do it differently. What could I do differently? Yeah. Just change the narrative a little bit.
Mahara Wayman [00:28:09]:
Change the story. That's the coach in me coming out.
Natalie McCabe [00:28:11]:
Yeah. For sure.
Mahara Wayman [00:28:12]:
It is easy to succumb to the guilt and go, well, it's too late now. They're already 15. They already hate me. Or they already already acting out so much. I don't know what to do. I just have to the best I can do is just step away and have and cross my fingers. But what I'm hearing from you is it's not too late to intervene and show how much you
Natalie McCabe [00:28:32]:
care. Absolutely. It never is. I mean, especially, you know, with the teen years, it's less about control, and it's more about connection. You know? Really diving in, connecting with them. I mean, I don't know if I've met a student at any age that wouldn't sit down raptly listening to me tell a story about myself. Something that happened in my world, in my life when I was young, they're all ears. And that's one just one of the myriad ways you can build connection with your team.
Natalie McCabe [00:29:04]:
Right? No. You don't have to tell them all the crazy stuff you did when you were a teenager. That's awesome. Alright. But, you know, and connecting with them over what they're interested in. It's a video game or it's a book they're reading or their friends, their sports, just just being interested in building that connection. Because, obviously, when they get to the teenage years, you want them to have that intrinsic motivation to kinda do things themselves. Now we have to keep in mind their prefrontal cortex is not fully developed yet, so sometimes they need help.
Natalie McCabe [00:29:33]:
But there's 3 components in building that intrinsic motivation. One of them is autonomy. They have to be seen to be having some control. And do you see how this goes with the toddlers too?
Mahara Wayman [00:29:44]:
Yeah.
Natalie McCabe [00:29:44]:
Right? We always give our toddlers choices. Right? So, I mean, some of these strategies will go work for all the years of parenting. The second piece of intrinsic motivation is that feeling of competence that I I I am able to do this. And the 3rd component is that loving relationship piece that they know that they're accepted and seen and understood for who they are and what their strengths are. Right? So, you know, it's never it's never too late. It's never too late.
Mahara Wayman [00:30:13]:
So, so good. And I'll be honest. It sounds easy to say. I recall
Natalie McCabe [00:30:20]:
Hard as hell.
Mahara Wayman [00:30:20]:
It's hard as hell. I
Natalie McCabe [00:30:22]:
It's hard as hell. Yes. It is.
Mahara Wayman [00:30:24]:
Parenting is the hardest job in
Natalie McCabe [00:30:25]:
the world, and we have Absolutely. No question. No question. Because it's all encompassing. It's 365. You're worried about food that's put going into their mouths. You're worried about their relationships at school, their behavior, their academics. I mean, it's absolutely overwhelming.
Natalie McCabe [00:30:41]:
It and, you know, it it feels impossible sometimes to juggle all of those things. And so one of the things I do with my coaching is I help parents. Let's prioritize. Right? What are the most important things? What are the things you value? And, I mean, I'm sure you're aware of this with your coaching as well. Once we make a change in one of those cogs, really, and shine it up really, really well, families are living systems. It will affect positively other aspects of the family, and those small gains will build to come to a a transfer formation of some sort. Right? So, you know, it's about being compassionate and gentle with yourself and knowing that this is the hardest job in the world, and you're just doing the best you can. And depending on the the parents' value and what is most important to them, that's why, you know, I think the coaching is so valuable because it is it's unique and tailored for that family.
Natalie McCabe [00:31:39]:
Right?
Mahara Wayman [00:31:40]:
So, so powerful. I know when I was growing up, the things that I loved most were when I got to sit on either my mom or my dad's lap as a very little girl. And it would look right in my eyes. And I remember I just felt I don't know. I don't I'm sure I couldn't have described it as a young person, but now through adult eyes, I think I felt safe and I felt seen. It just felt so loved that daddy was looking right at me and talking to me. Like, see. Right? I'm 1 of 4.
Mahara Wayman [00:32:12]:
I'm the youngest of 4. Mhmm. No. I did make an effort with my children that they always be seen, But it was sometimes tough, you know, dropping them off at babysitters, trying to make ends meet. There's no denying that there's so much pressure in the world today for parents just to put food on the table. You and I Absolutely. I feel very fortunate to live in Canada, but you know what? We're going through some tough times. And I think often I think, how do how do people make it with only one income? How are families putting decent food on the table in COVID when half half the world isn't working? Like, how are we making so okay, guys.
Mahara Wayman [00:32:49]:
It's tough to be a parent no matter where you are in the world, but there are some things that we can do as parents to in enrich the lives of our children. And Natalie has got some great tips. Talk about, if you wouldn't mind, your books that you've written.
Natalie McCabe [00:33:07]:
Okay. So there's just one out right now. Well, it's not even out. It's still at the editors. Okay. To be published probably early 2/25. It's called sink or swim parenting. Go from surviving to thriving, from toddlers to teens.
Natalie McCabe [00:33:20]:
And, basically, it's like a teaching memoir where I share my personal stories of struggle and triumph and guilt and shame and what I did well and what I didn't. And it's filled with each chapter with, you know, just some really simple practical tips that can help parents along their journey. So I wanted to highlight, you know, the things that emotional intelligence piece, the brain science behind it, routines and rituals, social skills, food, technology, you know, self care, all of those pieces that parents are struggling with, kind of like the one stop shop. You know, I wanted to make it an easy read. I don't use a lot of jargon, teacher read jargon. Like, parents, they barely have time to read a book. So, you know, I said I wanted this to be just really simple with some reflective exercises at the end of each chapter just to help parents, you know, build their confidence in in what they're doing in their parenting.
Mahara Wayman [00:34:14]:
So so good. Now I wanted to dive into this a side piece here on how it felt for you, badass teacher that you are, to make the decision to write a book because that's a big deal. We're just talking about
Natalie McCabe [00:34:28]:
now? It's for you. Absolutely. So that started, though, when my children were in babies. So when I left my ex, they were 18 months 3 years old, and we spent a whole lot of time together alone. And as an educator and always wanting to learn, I would, like, almost study them just like I I was the scientist with the notepad watch and say, okay. How did they learn this? How you know, what's going through their mind right now? How are they processing that? Like, it was just so interesting to me. So I did that's when I started researching about early child brain development. And so that's when my original notes were taken for this book.
Natalie McCabe [00:35:03]:
And it has just taken me we're working and running businesses and just not, you know, having the time to sit down and actually focus. Now my children are 18 and 20. So over the last year or 2, I have had the time now to sit down and and and I actually took out that original brainstorm. And, you know, that's kinda and I just started writing.
Mahara Wayman [00:35:27]:
So I gotta ask, when you tar started taking those notes 12 years ago or whatever 15 years ago, was it because you knew you'd write a book at some point, or was it just was it just the educator you knew that was just so fascinated?
Natalie McCabe [00:35:39]:
It was a definite combination. I knew I felt then that I that this isn't this is important information that I wanna get out there to the world. I knew then that, yep, this is gonna come out in some way, shape, or form somehow because it's so important, and it's so interesting, and it's not mainstream knowledge. People, you know, like you say, even about the emotional intelligence is relatively new. So, you know, I just I knew the and I saw, you know, the importance of it as I taught in the classroom over the years and just seeing, you know, kids that had certain skills and kids that didn't. Keep always thinking to myself, oh, this child had these skills. I could, you know, see more of this beautiful, bright, wonderful, calm individual than I'm seeing right now.
Mahara Wayman [00:36:24]:
Right? Another another component of being a badass folks is listening to that voice that says something means something is important to you. And totally badass to hang on to it for all these years and just know. So I Yeah.
Natalie McCabe [00:36:40]:
I never threw it out.
Mahara Wayman [00:36:41]:
I wanna I really wanna call that out is and for all of us, if there is something that really fills your cup, pay attention to it. This could be the reason you're here. That could be the reason you're here, whether it's to share the knowledge or to just develop the knowledge. You know, they're we're all here for a reason. And we all, as you mentioned earlier, every child, every person born has a gift to the world. And how they if and how they choose to show it is, you know, very unique. But totally badass to see it, recognize it, and file it away, and then be aware of the time, the right time to act on it. Okay.
Mahara Wayman [00:37:20]:
So you've decided to put everything together. And how long had did it take you to actually write the book, if I may ask?
Natalie McCabe [00:37:27]:
I would say not long, but not that long. It was over the course of 2 years, but what I found I needed to do was do this, like, writer's retreat thing for myself. Like, I I went and rented an Airbnb in the woods, in summertime, totally by myself, no Wi Fi, just and just that was my job, to just sit and write. And then I did that again in the middle of the winter in a snowstorm, rented a cabin that had a fireplace, and I lit the candles, put the music on. And, boy, I think I knocked off 5 chapters that week.
Mahara Wayman [00:38:01]:
That's badass.
Natalie McCabe [00:38:03]:
Right? Like, that was just that's what worked for me. In the in the interim, though, I would I did get into a practice of in the morning, just sitting down and just writing for 30 minutes with no, no nothing about the outcome or that this is gonna be anything, just just writing, just kind of verbal diarrhea on the page. Some of those things made it into the book, others didn't. Right? It it was with no expectation. It just it just got the the brain flow happening. So yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:38:36]:
So, so good. Well, can't wait to see the book when it comes out. Will there be an audio version? Because as you
Natalie McCabe [00:38:42]:
said Of course. That's right. Yes. The definite audio version. And I'm I'm I'm gonna narrate it myself because I've I've listened to some of these books that are being narrated by AI, and I'm like, oh, no.
Mahara Wayman [00:38:52]:
Mm-mm.
Natalie McCabe [00:38:53]:
No. We're not doing that. We're gonna have my voice I didn't narrating the book.
Mahara Wayman [00:38:57]:
I didn't know books were being narrate narrated by AI. Some of them are. Yep.
Natalie McCabe [00:39:02]:
I I could tell. And they can even take the original author's voice if they do enough voice samples. Right? And then AI will then narrate the book. But I I could tell the difference in some of them that I read. Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:39:17]:
So when I, that seems a bit soulless for me. I really believe in energy and there is energy in my words. There's energy in your words and you know, we bring a certain Interesting.
Natalie McCabe [00:39:31]:
AI's not gonna be able to tell my stories as well as me. You know? Especially the funny ones.
Mahara Wayman [00:39:36]:
Yeah. I mean, let's be real. Awesome.
Natalie McCabe [00:39:38]:
Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:39:38]:
So how tell us a little bit about your business. How can people reach out to you? Of course, I'll have stuff in the notes to show you. Yeah. For sure. Just a little bit about your 1 on 1 practice, what that looks like and how people can, of course, reach out to you with questions. Yeah. For
Natalie McCabe [00:39:52]:
sure. So I always like to start by talking about what parent coaching is and what it's not. Okay. Everybody knows what a life coach is. Everybody knows what a business coach is. But I find when some people hear parent coach, they think, oh, super nanny. She's gonna come to my house and tell me what to do. That's not what we do.
Natalie McCabe [00:40:09]:
That's not what we do. We base we're based on the parents' strengths. Each uniques family's challenges, each uniques family's values, the temperaments of the children. You know, every situation is so super unique, so there is no cookie cutter approach, and I do not tell you what to do. Do I have a lot of strategies, tips, tricks? Absolutely. But I don't offer those until I first build on the parents' strengths, know their values, and we go kinda through a process of what's most important to them and work on that goal. And then when I do offer strategies, it's by invitation only. Only the parent knows if this is gonna work for them in their current situation or not.
Natalie McCabe [00:40:52]:
So it's, really, it's a cocreative situation where we're both working together to come up with solutions for whatever issues that are happening. So it's not it's not coercive. It's not me saying, well, you have to do this and you have to have bedtime at this and no. No. Every family is different. It's it's not my place to say you should be putting your child to bed at this time or you should do this. There's there's no shoulds. Let's work on your individual problem and let me offer, you know, some solutions and invite you to try them.
Natalie McCabe [00:41:24]:
And things the transformation happens over those little steps. Right? Those little steps, the cog in the wheel, the whole family system starts to see changes, and it's so much fun. I really enjoy I really enjoy the coaching.
Mahara Wayman [00:41:38]:
Oh, good.
Natalie McCabe [00:41:39]:
So people can find me at my website is just nataliemccabe.com. K. I'm on Instagram, natalie McCabe official, and I have a Facebook personal page, natalie McCabe, and a business page, Natalie McCabe parent coaching. And over the next year, I'll be moving into doing some group coaching, and I'll be offering workshops for parents on resilience and growth mindset and anger transformation. So there there's a lot of things happening, and I just wanna build and help and give the value that that parents need.
Mahara Wayman [00:42:14]:
Natalie, it's so needed in our world today, and I wanna thank you. I wanna thank you on behalf of all of the kids that you've already touched and help parents and for the future families that you have to be supported and helped by your by your coaching and all of your wisdom. I know how tough it is to be a parent. I know Me too. That it never stops. I remember when I was when my kids were young, I remember thinking, I just need to get them through school. I just need to get them through, you know, grade school. And then it was, I just god, I just need to get them through or I need to get through their high school.
Mahara Wayman [00:42:49]:
And then they're on their own now. They're in university or they're they don't even live in the house. Whoopee. And people never goes away. No. The need to help and support and the drama. You think drama life is always, you know, dramatic for you. It's doubly so I think for our children because of the world we live in today.
Mahara Wayman [00:43:07]:
So Absolutely. I wanna thank you so much for for sharing your story with us and your wisdom and, of course, your incredible badassery. And again, thank you for your dedication to to children and parents so that we can create a happier place. Right?
Natalie McCabe [00:43:20]:
Thank you, Mahara. Well, it's fun, so it's easy. It doesn't feel like work. That's what I like about it.
Mahara Wayman [00:43:27]:
But being badass is doing what you love. Right?
Natalie McCabe [00:43:29]:
Yes. Do what you love. So, you know, I can I I just wanted to add cause we were talking about that earlier about following your passion? I want that for all of our children too. They all of our children are badass. And if given the opportunity to follow their passion, and I don't care if it's underwater basket weaving, Whatever it is, let them, you know, explore that. Give them some time to that passion because our world needs all our little badass kids too.
Mahara Wayman [00:43:59]:
Mhmm. Good call out. This has been the art of badassery. My name is Mahara Wayman. I'll see you next week. Have a fantastic week, everyone. Take care. Thanks for tuning in to another badass episode.
Mahara Wayman [00:44:13]:
Your support means the world to me. So if you enjoyed what you heard today, don't forget to like, share, and rate the episode on your favorite podcast platform. Your feedback keeps the badassery flowing. And, hey, if you're ready to unleash your inner badass and conquer whatever life throws your way, Why not book a complimentary badass breakthrough session? Just click the link in the show notes to schedule your session, and let's kick some serious butt together. Until next time, stay fearless, stay fabulous, and, of course, stay badass. This is Mahara signing off.
