Mahara Wayman [00:00:05]:
Welcome to the art of badassery where I explore what it takes to live life on your own terms. Break free from the status quo and unleash your inner badass. Whether you're a rebel at heart or simply seeking inspiration to step outside your comfort zone, this podcast is for you. I'm your host, Mahara Wayman and each week I dive into the stories, insights and strategies of those who have mastered the art of badassery and are living life to the fullest. They smile when no one is looking. Welcome to the art of badassery. I'm Mahara, and I'm so excited to introduce you to my guest. Her name is DeDee Kai, and she's a dynamic coach who's passionate about making a difference in the world just like her grandfather.
Mahara Wayman [00:00:54]:
Born in Vietnam and raised in Northern Virginia and the DC area, DeDee's always dreamed of inspiring others through her work. Now living in Sarasota, Florida, DeDee runs a successful online coaching business and finds her happy place at the beach surrounded by nature. She's also an avid traveler who loves exploring the world with her family. Join us today as DeDee shares her journey from Vietnam to the US, her passion for helping others, and how she's living her dream making an impact every day. Let's discover why she's badass. DeDee, welcome to the show.
Dedee Cai [00:01:30]:
Oh my goodness. Thank you so much, Maher, for having me. I'm so honored and delighted to be here with you all. Thank you.
Mahara Wayman [00:01:37]:
My god. Let's I'm excited. Let's jump in. Sometimes I open the show with a really bold question, and I think I'll do that today. Why are you badass?
Dedee Cai [00:01:47]:
Oh my goodness. Well well, let's start with showing the audience, and I would like to share that, you know, from a third world country, I'm I'm really grateful to be here because I started with barely anything. If anything, nothing compared to anyone who was born in the States. Being in a 3rd world country and having the opportunity to work on myself and to be where I am today. 1st and foremost, without even hearing all the other details, that's crazy. Right? Like, creating something from nothing. Right? Don't have not having the financial support or anything like that, growing up or even when I was going through school and having to put myself through school, working full time and going to school full time, I would say deserve a medal for that one
Mahara Wayman [00:02:36]:
to start. Right? Sounds good. I I I totally agree with you. Tell me a bit about tell us a bit about your granddad. Yeah.
Dedee Cai [00:02:44]:
Oh my gosh. So my my granddad, he's a badass. I mean, I think I learned everything from that man. Well, he just basically ran away and took off at the age of 16 in the villages. Okay? Not Vietnam was already 3rd world, but he was in the villages. He was up in the mountains 4 hours away from the city. He took off at the age of 16 because he looked around and everyone wasn't doing anything with their lives. Right? Like, they were farming.
Dedee Cai [00:03:11]:
Not that farming was bad, but he just didn't see his future. He took off. I don't know what happens, but he landed in Europe somewhere, joined the military, fought, like, with the Germans, and all of the things, lived in France for 11 years, and then came back to Vietnam and, started serving the government prior to 1975, as an adviser, like, secret. No one knew about it. We only know because we're part of his family as an adviser to the previous president, yeah, to the to Vietnam. And, yeah, even the new president, the one that has actually conquered after 1975 and asked him to come work for him, but he never did. So that's just a little bit about who he was. He was an incredible speaker until he passed away at the age of 99.
Dedee Cai [00:04:04]:
He lived by himself. K? He took care of himself. He went shopping on foot. Like, I mean, even sometimes when I come by to visit him and I'm in the car and I said, grandpa, you wanna ride home? No. I'm gonna walk home. And the the man would have 2 bags. I would say groceries, but he refuses, right, to to get help because he could do it. So just I think having that role model growing up, I have no business, no reason not, you know, to succeed or to become better, you know, as just a person.
Mahara Wayman [00:04:36]:
So what did he actually tell you? Because there's 2 ways we can influence. Right? We can role model and people see how we behave, or we can be you know, people can actually hold us and tell us things. Yeah. So anything that your grandfather shared with you directly that has affected you and helped you to become a woman you are today?
Dedee Cai [00:04:55]:
Okay. So first and foremost, I'm a parent now. Right? Like, a lot of times we know we learn not from hearing, but from watching. And I learned everything I needed to know when it comes to self discipline, respect, and everything from watching him. Like, this man, literally, even for the years that I remember him, already retired. He would get up as if he's going to work. He would get up. He would have his morning routine.
Dedee Cai [00:05:23]:
He always is very big with learning. He would learn 3 different he would open 3 different dictionaries. It was Vietnamese, which is what we speak native, English, and French, because he lived in France for 13 years, and he would learn a new word every single day. Right? Up until the day he passed as part of his morning routine. Then he would have his coffee and he would change out to his day clothes. I teach my kids to do that. Like, we like, it's not acceptable to be in your pajamas, like, past a certain time in the morning. Like, I don't know.
Dedee Cai [00:05:57]:
I know most of us work from home, and we're like, okay. Let's not change. No. That is not acceptable. So that's that's routine and discipline. Always learning. And I just honestly learned everything I needed by just watching him really walking the walk. And, yeah, it was just through modeling.
Dedee Cai [00:06:15]:
He did all of that, just to name a few things.
Mahara Wayman [00:06:18]:
So, so good. So talk talk to us a little bit. How old were you when you arrived in the states?
Dedee Cai [00:06:25]:
I moved to the states when I was 12. So I was literally in the middle. We just finished the first half of fur, 5th grade, and then I, yeah, I I, started the second half of 5th grade here in the States.
Mahara Wayman [00:06:36]:
And did grandpa move with you?
Dedee Cai [00:06:38]:
Yes. He did. The one of the reasons why, our family had to move because he was involved with the prior presidency. After 12 years imprisoning him, we also had no place to go. And it was, I would say, underground ultimatum that our family had to leave. Okay. So, thankfully, at the time, my aunt was already here in the States, and she's already migrated and got married. So she kind of sponsored it, legally, and so that's how we came as residents.
Mahara Wayman [00:07:10]:
Okay. So as a 12 year old who was you know, there were some very serious political reasons why you had to immigrate to the States. What were some of the first things that you encountered where your where you felt that your badassery helped you?
Dedee Cai [00:07:28]:
Yeah. So I could tell you that things were very different. Right? Like, I know that English was my is, you know, is my second language. And just there were so many things that were coming at me in terms of, like, culture. This is preteen, and then I was in middle school. I was really awkward. But I remember that no matter what I heard, even there were talks about putting me back a grade because English was my second language. I, I spoke up for myself.
Dedee Cai [00:07:58]:
I said, you know, I should just start 5th grade or continue 5th grade. And if I if I need a support to be held back, then we do that. You know? Even even at that age, I I knew that I should just go with what feels good to me. So that I would say that was first thing. And then, secondly, I just threw my middle school and also high school. This is not too many people know about this, but I have enough credits by the time I was a senior in high school, and half of my day was vocational already because I didn't need to take any academic credits because I already have enough. So instead of staying back at school to finish complete high school, on paper, I was already 18. So I basically dropped out, if you wanna call it.
Dedee Cai [00:08:46]:
I think they probably still have my diploma if I really wanted it. I didn't care for it. I basically went left and enrolled myself in a junior college at 18. Because I was like, let's fast forward with this thing. So that's what I did. I just enrolled myself. I don't think my parents know. Even like, I think my mom finally, like, found out, but that's what I did.
Dedee Cai [00:09:07]:
Right? And that was just a couple of things that I did in my preteen and teenage years. But and then after that, I'm like I just said earlier, I basically worked full time and putting myself through full time and got student loans. I, of course, I was living at home with my parents, but I was doing everything myself. I got myself my tuition. I enrolled myself in junior college, finished there, and then transferred to a, you know, a George Mason University, which is a main college or a big college, and then I finished there, you know, all on my own.
Mahara Wayman [00:09:40]:
Alright. Totally badass. Like, I have to ask. You know, I've got kids that are my one child daughter's in university, and it was a whole different ballgame from high school. Right? It was quite quite different. What did you find was the biggest thing that you had to sort of wrap your head around or perhaps navigate differently than you were expecting when you went to college at such a young age or in the in the manner that you just described?
Dedee Cai [00:10:06]:
Yeah. You know, I I think my resilience or what I had learned, up until that point was independence. Right? Like, no one in college is ever gonna be like, Oh, it's DV kind in class. No. Like they are not going to roll call. You have to take yourself to class. You have to do the work. You have to do all of the things, and I think that's really the biggest shift, you know, for kids in high school going into college.
Dedee Cai [00:10:31]:
But the the for the fact that I have have been raised a certain way up until that point, that wasn't that big of a transition, but it was definitely something I noticed. Right? Where you just you just have to do the thing. And not only that, there are so many influences, and I say most are not good for you. And, again, if you don't have a strong backbone of how you erase, what you stand for, things like that, is you are going to be easily influenced. And usually, straight away from, you know, what what you really are meant to be. So
Mahara Wayman [00:11:02]:
So do you think sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. But do you think that your your impetus to jump into college right away was more based on how you were raised and any expectations, or the flip side of that, based more on what you saw for yourself and what you wanted for yourself? Because they they may not be the same. They're right they may be more on one side or the other. What do you think?
Dedee Cai [00:11:28]:
Yeah. So I I in reflection, you know, this is so great of a question because here's the thing. Like, you'll hear more of my story. Right? I honestly went to school, especially college, and I wanna fast forward to doing that and finishing that because I thought that was the plan, and it was the plan for me. Right? 3rd 1st generation immigrant, you go to school, you do well, and you get a job. So I was like, okay. Got it. Okay.
Dedee Cai [00:11:55]:
That was my expectation of me, especially the only child too. Right? I was the golden child. So, yes, I did that. Right? I did that. So it was both. It was because I want to so quickly be as independent as possible, then, of course, the other external was the pressure not pressure, but the expectation that, you know, it's it's a minimum standard, right, for our family to graduate college. So it was both.
Mahara Wayman [00:12:21]:
Thank you for sharing. And I I like your ex your explanation makes sense. What did you learn about yourself in college?
Dedee Cai [00:12:28]:
I didn't like school, to be honest. Okay. What did you say? Gosh. Oh my gosh. Like, I I was always that kid that was like, what's the better way of doing this? Like, right? What not in a way where for some people would describe it as, like, you know, always looking for shortcuts and things like that. But I always I have this mindset of what's the most efficient way? What is the fastest way to get there? Right? And how can you, like, in in business now I understand how can we optimize it? Or, you know, other ways people would say how can we hack it? You know? So I I could say that it was grueling. It was so tedious. It was like, I would say halfway through, I was like, what am I even doing here? You know? I was really struggling, especially with certain topic.
Dedee Cai [00:13:21]:
Then I was like, can you explain? I would always ask my professors, can you explain to me why this works in the real world? Especially, I forget which class. I mean, there were some business classes that were really super dry. We were just learning concepts, and I'm like, the the people actually try this because instinctively, I was like, this this can't just work. Right? Like, it doesn't make sense to me. And I I have to, you know, be honest. Like, most of the time, I was in that state of, like, this can't be it. Right? Like but, anyways, I was like, well, I'm halfway through. The least thing I could do is actually, like, learn how to read, write, and I don't know.
Dedee Cai [00:13:59]:
Like, I need to really pursue what it is I really want to. Unfortunately, towards the end, I wanna say 2 and a half, almost third way through college, I realized, you know what? I'm really fascinated with how people behave because how people operate. And, especially, I was bicultural. I'm still bicultural. Right? Like, I still have, practices that I still carry through with from the Vietnamese culture, the Asian culture, and then I'm very Americanized, Yeah. You know, when it comes to certain things. So I was like, I'm really fascinated, and I discovered psychology. And then I discovered cognitive psychology, and then I just basically dove into that.
Dedee Cai [00:14:38]:
Right? And so that's why I just completely transferred over and focused on psychology, and that's what what my transferred over and focused on psychology, and that's what what my degree is in. So cognitive, psychology. And so at least I figured it out almost at the end that that's what I was fascinated with. And interestingly, actually then I wanted to be a therapist. I was like, oh, I'm gonna fix everybody. You know? I'm gonna teach everybody to be so happy and fulfill all of the things of course, life happens. You know, that didn't happen. But there are more stories why this is all making sense and and that every single experience, really build character.
Dedee Cai [00:15:21]:
And then, you know, who we are now.
Mahara Wayman [00:15:22]:
So Well, they they absolutely do it if you let them. And I think, you know, bringing us back to this idea of being a badass, it is badass people to question.
Dedee Cai [00:15:33]:
Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:15:34]:
That earlier that you said, hey. It's gotta be a better way of doing this. Yeah. That's very badass. Right? Especially when you've got professors that are, you know, saying it's one way or the other. I gotta ask, though, what was their response when you kept asking? Hello? Can you prove this? Hello? What's the deal?
Dedee Cai [00:15:51]:
What kind of response did you get? Yeah. I didn't I they didn't have real answers for me. Right? Like, they didn't have real answers except this is how it has been done. I was like, what? And this how is this how we should continue doing things? You know, like, I have that in the back of my minds, but, you know, I I again, I was just, like, like, part of me is like, I should trust, right, this plan, because it it's apparently seems to work for some people. So why why I should continue trying it on and at least complete it. Right? Try to finish it and to see if it works for me, you know, or not. Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:16:33]:
So when you went when you dove into I call it the inner work, and you were con you were considering becoming a therapist, what did you discover about yourself? Because I'm just wondering if when you thought, wow, I wanna make everybody happy. If there was anything that triggered in you where you said, I wanna make me happy or whatever. Yeah.
Dedee Cai [00:16:59]:
So this is actually, rarely shared, and I love that you're you're going there. And, I had to really contemplate on adding this chapter into my book, which is The Overcomer here. How to overcome your fear to achieve your goals. And, I have to say that when I decided to when I started learning about psychology, when I started learning about, you know, and past experiences and, you know, how we are wired and that has everything to do with who we are in the present moment, and then also it contradicts who we're going to be in the future and things like that. I was like, you know what? In reflection, I don't think I had the best, you know, ideal, I would say, ideal childhood. Although, yeah, my grandfather, oh my gosh. Like, all of that. Like, I wouldn't be here without all of the things that he taught me, But at the same time, it was hard.
Dedee Cai [00:17:53]:
Right? Like, I grew up in scarcity. Right? Like, we didn't have enough. Right? We are always worried about a shoot dropping or something is gonna happen or, like, we're, like, in fear of our own safety and we had to escape to another country. And so but the biggest piece was I, I was sexually abused at 15, and it's all because I couldn't defend myself. And going through
Mahara Wayman [00:18:19]:
all of the abnormal psychology classes,
Dedee Cai [00:18:19]:
I was like, dude, I have a lot of classes, I was like, dude, I have a lot of healing to do here. Right? Because I was like, why didn't I stand up for myself? Why why didn't I, tell, you know, my partner at the time that I would, I didn't want it, you know, any of the interactions, you know, and and things like that. And and I just knew that first of the first and foremost, if I was hurt in that way, I'm sure there are other people that have been hurt that way. So I need to heal myself first. Right? So, honestly, secretly, wanting to be a therapist was to heal myself first. That was that was, like, the the moment where I was like, wow. There's there there's something to that. And I don't know.
Dedee Cai [00:19:06]:
I had this whole speculation of maybe all therapists had to go through certain things, and they really want to heal themselves first so no can they can help others. You know? Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:19:15]:
Thank you for for sharing that with us, and and I'm sorry that you went through that experience. It's
Dedee Cai [00:19:21]:
Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:19:22]:
I just wanna swear. Like, what the asshole? Like, seriously. But I really commend you for recognizing that there was a part of you that was hurt and a part of you just needed that little bit of extra healing and attention and recognition. And, again, for our listeners, guys, that's badass. Right? Being badass isn't about being the toughest bitch on the block, but recognizing your needs, whatever they are. Right? Mhmm. And it takes a lot of courage to have that level of reflection and then acceptance and aligned action. I talk about it all the time with my clients.
Mahara Wayman [00:19:58]:
You know, growth comes from acceptance, awareness, acceptance, and aligned action. And sometimes we're just not aware. Mhmm. Do you think, DeDee, that before you hit on cognitive or behavioral therapy or cognitive therapy or psychology, that part of you was looking for that?
Dedee Cai [00:20:19]:
Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. I I think my subconscious was just like especially if you hear my story. Right? Like, I was raised to stand up for myself. I was raised to be so disciplined. I was raised to be be so strong. Right? Like, consciously. And I think if anything, my whole system would just really right? Like, why didn't I speak up for myself? Like, why did I why didn't I defend, you know, myself? And so yeah.
Dedee Cai [00:20:48]:
It was, yeah, it was that it was that little voice that was telling me, like, you're you're you're better than this. Like, you're you can do so much more, and you can also overcome whatever it is, you know, that you have to heal through.
Mahara Wayman [00:21:02]:
Yeah. So, so good. And, you know, again, I speak about this a lot, and I've recognized it in myself as that little voice. Mhmm. And I'm not talking I'm not talking the storyteller that we all have in our heads. The one that very loudly says, oh, you suck. Right? I'm not talking about the limiting belief component of of our of our nature. I'm talking about that sort of gut instinct that Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:21:28]:
Niggle that tickle. Listen to it, people. That's your that's you like, listen to it. There's there's gold there. Did you have speaking of limiting stories, narratives, and and storytelling, did you have some limiting beliefs that you consciously now realize you had to navigate away from?
Dedee Cai [00:21:47]:
Oh my gosh. Absolutely. I still do. Right? Like, my password to my laptop is I am enough. Right? Right? Like, we're never arrived. Right? Like, right? Like, we're exactly where we need to be, but it's not we're never at the top of the mountain because there's a next mountain. Right?
Mahara Wayman [00:22:06]:
I think that's so yeah. Sorry. I just think it's so so important to so important to call out this understanding that being a badass or just being happy, it isn't about a certain thing, a certain level because life the minute you understand one thing, life's gonna throw you the next thing to understand. So what I've struggled with is having peace in the journey. I'm actually I'm curious if you understand what I mean by that is when I decided to, you know, heal myself and look inwards and become a coach and do all of that work, I had this crazy idea that I just needed to get there, and then everything was gonna magically fall into place. I would lose £50. I would become super strong when I went biking. You know, I would make a $1,000,000.
Mahara Wayman [00:22:52]:
Well, not even that. But there was this misunderstanding that I just needed to be this person, and then everything would fall into place. And I've learned now that that's actually not true, and that's okay. It doesn't mean that my life isn't wonderful and totally amazing
Dedee Cai [00:23:06]:
Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:23:07]:
Where I am. Have you experienced that as well, that initial desire for Nirvana? And then you did all the work, and you're like, but wait a second. I still got bills to pay. Whatever. I think I
Dedee Cai [00:23:18]:
got the spot. Yeah. So absolute right? Like, the first thing was, remember I shared that I follow the plan. So here's the backup of the story. Right? I follow the plan. I even rushed through the process, went to college earlier than I needed to, finished college, and then landed a good job, and I was sitting in a cubicle. Right? That was a rude awakening. At least for me, I was like, really? This square is what they call success? No.
Dedee Cai [00:23:50]:
Not my definition. Right? Like, did all the things. Did all the things. It was hard. College was 4 years for most. It was 6 years for me because I couldn't take full time classes. Right? Because I was working full time. Right? And so that was that wasn't it.
Dedee Cai [00:24:05]:
And so absolutely. So I have many, I would say, at least 2, right, stories where that happens. And then after that, I was like, no. This is this this cannot be. Like, this cannot be the rest of my future. And so I had an opportunity to start a family business with my mom as a business partner because she had salons business, which I helped out, like, in the back end for a couple of years. But by then, she was like, let's start a restaurant business. I was like, okay.
Dedee Cai [00:24:35]:
Sure. Because I was like, that's not the cubicle thing. That's not my scene. Let me go build my American dream. Woah. Having your own business, putting your life savings into this thing is the thing. Right? Like, it's the thing. Like, this is my golden dream.
Dedee Cai [00:24:50]:
This is this is how everything is going to pan out for me. And it was great. I mean, I definitely built I mean, mean, no business experience whatsoever. In fact, I resisted business for the whole entire time that my mom had salons. I was like, no, mom. I'm gonna go help people, you know, fix their minds and, like, build build a business or not a business, but I'm gonna work for someone and just help people be happy. So I wanted nothing to do with money. Okay? But I fell into it, and I was just like, I built everything from the ground up.
Dedee Cai [00:25:19]:
From getting the permits, for the building, from building like, putting all the walls in, getting the plumbing, the electricity, hiring the staff, marketing. Like, you name it. From a to z, I did it. Right? And three and a half years in, we were so famous. We were, like, that first Asian restaurant in this area, which is a little bit over suburban over, 45 minutes from the city. And we were full so famous, everyone knew us. And everyone that walks into that door or calls on the phone, I can just tell by their voice or by their faces, I know exactly what they want to order. They never have to tell me.
Dedee Cai [00:25:56]:
You know? They they they call and, like, hello, and I know who it is. And, we really created that community, and it was lovely. Right? Like, it was I was like, oh my gosh. This is what it's supposed to feel like. This is the American dream. And I was like, yeah. I've made it. Like, I think I found my my my passion and my purpose.
Dedee Cai [00:26:15]:
And, yeah, it was all great up until that point. And I remember, it was the summer of one of the years I was operating the restaurant. My fiance and husband now, we were in Venice. Right? The most beautiful place, the most romantic. It was kinda gray outside and sprinkling, and we didn't have umbrella. We had to walk around and buy an umbrella that was, like, €65. I don't know why it was €65 for an umbrella, but it was. But we didn't have a choice, and we did.
Dedee Cai [00:26:45]:
And we sat in the cutest cafe. I got my cappuccino and then my pastry, and then I just couldn't get into it. Right. Like he was trying so hard to have a conversation with me. And I was just, I was just so distracted. I just kept looking for my phone, like as if I'm waiting, waiting for something. And that was the moment I wanna realize, Oh my gosh. I was waiting for someone to call me from the restaurant.
Dedee Cai [00:27:12]:
That something was going to happen. And mind you, this whole entire time I was on the trip, that was always running in the back of my mind that this whole thing is gonna burn down. Right? Like, something is gonna happen. That was the moment when I was like, oh my gosh. This is not the American dream. This is this is an American nightmare because this is what I was trying to not be a part of. It's always sitting by the phone, always being controlled by something and, you know, especially my system at this point was so wired that something is bad is always gonna happen. Right? Because there's so much going on with the restaurant business and things like that.
Dedee Cai [00:27:52]:
So, honestly, again, right, when I thought I arrived. Oh, once again. No. In Venice, Italy, and I couldn't enjoy it. That is not arriving anywhere. Like, from the outside. Yes. Right? Like, from this society and things like that, that is not my ideal life.
Dedee Cai [00:28:13]:
So no. I can I can I can certainly say when you think that you've made it is the moment where you're like, wait, Did you?
Mahara Wayman [00:28:23]:
Have I really? What wow. Okay. So what did you do next when you got home?
Dedee Cai [00:28:31]:
Wow. I had to, work myself up, to truly remember I'm the only child, the golden child, and I do everything right. And that's why my mom even asked me to be her business partner with no prior business experience. So imagine that conversation. Mhmm. Right? At first, I had to get real with myself because I was, like, still in denial, honestly, for, like, the next couple of months. But I was like, it got worse and worse and worse and worse. So I was like, you know what? I have to speak up.
Dedee Cai [00:29:03]:
So I decided to talk to my mom and tell her how I really feel about this whole thing. And graciously, she said, honey, I wanted to build this thing for you. I was like, I need it. I don't need any of it. You know? No. I do do I want any of it right now? And she's like, okay. Let's not re let's not renew the lease. This is almost 5 years.
Dedee Cai [00:29:26]:
And by the time it was 5 years, yeah, we didn't resign. We sold the restaurant. And, yeah, that was that was my history for having a brick and mortar.
Mahara Wayman [00:29:35]:
Okay. So badass to recognize and not beat yourself up for that for that understanding. How great did it feel after you had that conversation with your mom?
Dedee Cai [00:29:47]:
Oh my gosh. It was I I had to I had to say I'm so grateful, and I truly, for for once, really felt unconditional love. Here's why. Remember, I did everything that was expected of me because I thought that if I did all of the things, I would be the good child, and that's how I earned my love. Right? Remember, we're talking most all the about men here. That's how I would earn my love for my mom. But when I told her and she didn't disown me,
Mahara Wayman [00:30:22]:
I was
Dedee Cai [00:30:22]:
like, wow. She really loves me. Right? Like and I was like, the and that's true love. That's unconditional love. Like, right? Like, you love your child no matter what happens. And not only that, we lost a lot of money from that business. I was also in personal debt to 2 of my good friends. 1,000 of dollars.
Dedee Cai [00:30:45]:
And, honestly, Mahara, I did not know how I was gonna pay it off, but I had to make that choice because my life was falling apart. I was dating my boyfriend then. I didn't see him and and we were getting married. Remember, I was on vacation. I couldn't be into it. So that was unfair to him. That was unfair to me. And I I I was no I was not in a capacity to serve anybody.
Mahara Wayman [00:31:11]:
Yeah. I think that's one of the biggest things that I know that I've I don't it's not so much of a struggle. Well, I guess, yeah, it has been a struggle for me, was this understanding that I have to put my mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual needs first. You know, I fell into that trap of I just gotta work, get a good job, and make good money to pay the bills to create a life that I want my family to have. But, personally, as I was doing that, I was losing myself. So it does take it it can take a lot of guts and courage to say stop. I don't know how I'm gonna make this work, but I do know what I can't do anymore. I may not know what the steps forwards are, but I definitely am very clear on what I don't want more of in my life, and it's this level of stress or burnout.
Mahara Wayman [00:31:58]:
So I can definitely appreciate where you're where you're at with that. So take us through to the next phase. You quote you sell the business, and what do you do next?
Dedee Cai [00:32:09]:
Yeah. So that was May, Mother's Day. Congratulations. We don't have the business anymore. May 2013, and we were getting married. We set a date for July 7, 2013. And we were just I was just really excited. Like, we closed a chapter.
Dedee Cai [00:32:27]:
We're starting a new chapter, just 2 almost 2 more months into our wedding day. Like, it's honestly, I have to say, the best time of my life. The best time of my life. Freedom. Right? From the business, I was taking care of myself. I was, you know, really focused on taking care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and I was on a high. I mean, my life was perfect. Right? And it was just tidying all of the little details for the wedding and etcetera and things like that.
Dedee Cai [00:33:01]:
And, yeah, we were getting married, and I was like, you know, let's get married first, and then we'll see what happens. And I was gonna take my time with figuring out the rest, but we have the wedding to to figure out, so we're gonna do that. And it was great. You know, I have 6 bridesmaids, and, you know, one of my of course, one of them is my best friend, and we were really excited. And, yeah, we were just going through all of the details. And I remember, it was my heart is pounding as as I'm anticipating, like, the the next details is that, you know, we we're we're everything is so perfect. Right? And I was like, I have, like, little glimpse and moments of, like, is this even real? Like, is this is this real for me? Right? And what if something happens? And I'm like, what would ever happen? Right? Like, what what could happen that would change anything? And I was like, we're getting married. That's nothing nothing else is gonna happen.
Dedee Cai [00:33:57]:
Remember, I was wired for many years. Right? For many, many years since I was 15. Right? Since that incident to be always in a place where I felt unsafe. Right? Like, that something's gonna happen. And that's what I still was feeling after even stepping away from the restaurant. And, of course, it was we were getting married within the 10 days. Right? It was Monday when I got a call from, my my best friend's boyfriend. At the time, I was like, hey.
Dedee Cai [00:34:27]:
Have you seen Tatiana? You know, I haven't seen her since, Monday morning after after she left because we spent the weekend together. And I saw her Sunday morning before she went off to go see her boyfriend. And, he's like, oh, it's Monday. She was supposed she's a teacher. It's Monday. She's supposed to be, in at school teaching. Have you have you heard from her? I was like, no. You know, I I was I was, I had coffee with her.
Dedee Cai [00:34:54]:
She's fine. She said she was going off to see you. No. I I haven't heard from her. And she's like he's like, okay. Yeah. Let me know if you hear from her and, you know, let let me know. I'm like, okay.
Dedee Cai [00:35:05]:
And 48 hours later, I got a phone call from him almost exact same time. I picked up the phone. I don't know for whatever reason before I picked up the phone, I couldn't breathe. Like, I felt tight in my chest. Like, there was something that was going like, something as if I'm going to expect something terrible. And sure enough, he was on the other line. And he said, they found her.
Mahara Wayman [00:35:37]:
So sorry.
Dedee Cai [00:35:40]:
That was exactly a week before our wedding. So we buried her July 4th. Our wedding was July 7th.
Mahara Wayman [00:35:52]:
Oh, honey. WTF, life can be so so sad and challenging.
Dedee Cai [00:36:04]:
But see, here's the thing. Who has to die so you can live? Right? It's one of those moments where you're like, oh my gosh. Life is so precious. I just saw her. I just saw her. What happened? Right? I knew she shared that she was suffering from depression and anxiety, and it's just it wouldn't go away. And I even recommended her, you know, one of my mentors at the time who was a long time therapist. Long story short, she was supposed to be turning a corner, all of
Mahara Wayman [00:36:35]:
the
Dedee Cai [00:36:35]:
things. But the second part to that well, first and foremost, I vowed to myself that nobody ever has to go through what I went through that week. That was the first promise to myself. And secondly, what I also discovered and realized is I was suffering from the same in silence. That I was doing everything you heard from the outside. Running a restaurant, traveling, doing all of those things to stay busy. Just so that way, I don't have to be in the dark places. Right?
Mahara Wayman [00:37:13]:
Yeah. I you know, I don't know about you, but I need to take a breath because someone so much so much is coming at me, not not really from not so much from our conversation, but just in general, this understanding that a a few things. Number 1, our friends, our loved ones, even the people that we may not get along with, I believe that everyone has made a pact to help us learn a lesson in this lifetime. 100%. I recently read a I was reading the story. I'm an avid reader, and the character one of characters, very similar to to your your friend, chose to leave. And her best friend was furious and was desperate. It's a it's a fantasy, fairy story.
Mahara Wayman [00:37:56]:
She was desperate to turn back time and have her stay. And the soul, when she re when she brought her back to life, was so not angry, but was so lost because the soul had decided, no. No. This is my decision. This is what this is what I wanna do, and felt completely displaced when she came back to life. So a little bit of a tangent, but understanding that sometimes in life, there is no understanding for the pain. Yeah. I think is is is a lesson in badassery.
Mahara Wayman [00:38:32]:
Right?
Dedee Cai [00:38:33]:
And guess what? I channeled my grief and started a coaching business.
Mahara Wayman [00:38:43]:
But she helped you navigate your way here to where you are today.
Dedee Cai [00:38:48]:
And losing her, having to overcome my own stuff made me realize I was like, this is what I'm meant to do. Right? I was trying to figure it out. Right? I was trying to figure it out all of these years. Right? And here I am. This is the answer that I need. And that's exactly it. And but then, I was like, wait. But who am I who am I to coach? I'm, like, broken, you know, on the inside.
Dedee Cai [00:39:17]:
Right? I was like, who you like, there's no way. I I have to heal first. So, basically, the first step was taking care of myself on a physical level. So that's how I start exercising. I start meditating. I start doing yoga, which led me into holistic health coaching, etcetera, and things like that. With always that thought in the back of my mind, it was like, dude, like this, I I want to be some kind of, like, a mental, you know, doctor or helper, but I wasn't going to medical school yet. But because of the holiness health coaching program, I realized this is what I can do.
Dedee Cai [00:39:51]:
And so that's how it it really started, for me. So, yes, I lost her in 2013. I launched my business in 2015, couple years after.
Mahara Wayman [00:40:02]:
Wow. Okay. It's also badass to take your pain and turn it into something good for the world, people. Just saying. Right? Not all of us wanna do that or are able to do that, but when you are able to, it's such a gift because just like DeDee's just like you're sharing, it's like, wow. My biggest pain has the potential to turn into my biggest gain, I guess, or or my gift. Thank you for sharing that with us. Okay.
Mahara Wayman [00:40:31]:
So you started your coaching business in 2015. Where are you today with that?
Dedee Cai [00:40:36]:
Oh my goodness. So long story short, I'll give you the shorter version of the rest of the story and the evolution of us is that, yes, I started coaching, but what was really interesting is I didn't have the confidence to really sell and pitch my holistic, you know, coaching program because I was like, I'm new. Not only that, I was also told to charge a certain rate that didn't make any sense to me. Right? I was just like, really? Just because I was new, that's how little I should charge. That that doesn't feel right. But I was like, wait. But I have a lot of business experience, especially building brick and mortars and starting things from scratch. How about I just teach people how to start businesses? So, basically, that's what I start pitching, and I landed my first three clients in 2 weeks.
Dedee Cai [00:41:19]:
And they were like, yes. Teach me how to start my own businesses. And that's how I fell into business development and coaching initially.
Mahara Wayman [00:41:26]:
There you go.
Dedee Cai [00:41:27]:
Yeah. And then it was great, you know, 5 years in. I was working with so many clients, getting them from 0 to 6 figures fairly quickly, etcetera, and things like that. But then I realized that there was a pattern for all of the entrepreneurs. There was, like, the ups and downs or, like, stagnation and things like that. I was trying to figure out, like, wait. This is the strategy. Why why are you not applying it? Or what is what is what is the hang up here? Like, why can't this project be completed? Like, we talked about this and you committed to it.
Dedee Cai [00:41:57]:
Like, what is going on? And when we dug deeper, what we realized was not the strategy. Right? It was not, like, the strategy is working. But, you know, with any strategy, it needs implementation, right, and action behind it for it to work. And what we all realize, especially for me as a coach as well, as much as I teach them strategy, I also have to equip them with the having the right tools to remove all the mental barriers that's stopping them from doing what they need to do. And I was like, woah. This is what I need to really focus on. Right? Coming full circle. Right? Full circle.
Dedee Cai [00:42:32]:
The reason why I was where I was, how the business was going really well because I focused on myself. Right? I focused on myself physically and then became really emotionally strong, and then I was on it with mental, and then I added the spiritual piece into my business too. And every single thing that I do or decide to do in my business, I wasn't being intentional. I was being I had to make sure I was guided to doing the thing. And so I was like, we need to take care of the 80%, which is when I discovered by digging deeper that is mindset. 80% is mindset, Yikes. 20% is strategy. So at fit to profit, that's what we do.
Dedee Cai [00:43:09]:
Right? We have a program, right now, brand new, so I don't really specifically have a name for it just yet. So stay tuned. You'd be surprised and excited for, but it's essentially covering all of those areas. We get to help you as an entrepreneur to build yourself up physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, and last but not least, financially so that you can run a successful business. So it's not like any other program that you've seen out there. This is brand new. You probably know already you can get little piece here and here and here and buying everything separately, but there isn't anything like it. Right? And so that's who we are at fit to profit.
Dedee Cai [00:43:46]:
And I really truly believe also from my story that until I actually focus on myself and felt worthy enough to be successful was when everything starts changing for me. So what we focus on is to help women entrepreneurs build relentless and shakable confidence and feel worthy enough to be profitable. That's who we are.
Mahara Wayman [00:44:09]:
Damn. Mic drop. Okay. So much juiciness in there, but, really, the number one thing that I wanna call out for for our listeners is this idea of feeling worthy. It starts with us. If we because just like you said, DeDee, if we don't feel worthy, then we're gonna find ways to fuck it up.
Dedee Cai [00:44:27]:
Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:44:28]:
We're gonna find ways to keep ourselves small. And part of being badass really is recognizing our worth. And I say it all the time, hand on heart. Just say it out loud. I'm worth I'm worthy. Right? I'm worth a good life. I'm worth a a great partner. I'm worth a fulfilling career.
Mahara Wayman [00:44:47]:
I'm worth as much ice cream as I can handle in a week. Yeah.
Dedee Cai [00:44:50]:
I say that to you. Own it. You. Got a
Mahara Wayman [00:44:52]:
lot of ice cream.
Dedee Cai [00:44:54]:
Oh, wait.
Mahara Wayman [00:44:56]:
If I may be so bold, what I'm what I've heard now, 45 minutes into this really amazing interview is no matter what people see on the outside Mhmm. There is always a story underneath. And I wanna thank you, DeDee, for sharing the underneath story because the outside version was like, holy shit. This chick is from day 1. She's a badass. Right? All of this stuff moving, happening. But when, you know, when we got to when we got to some of the deeper stuff, we you shared with us so vulnerably and courageously that there were things going on. And when we choose to sit and listen and recognize those things, that's when growth happens.
Mahara Wayman [00:45:39]:
When we choose to question and get curious about why we feel a certain way, why am I sitting in Venice and looking at my phone instead of the guy I'm in love with, that's not something's not right there. Why? When we get curious, then we find the answers, and the answers are within. So, guys, if you wanna be badass, if you don't think you're badass today, just sit quietly for a minute. Put your hand on your heart and ask yourself the tough question and see where those where those answers lead you because I guarantee it's going to be to a place of opportunity for you. DeDee, tell us a little bit more about your book. You showed it really briefly. Is it already available for purchase?
Dedee Cai [00:46:18]:
Yes, ma'am. Yes. It is on Amazon now. The overcomer, conquer your fear to achieve your goals. So, yes, it has my, dramatic story, in chapter 13. As the last chapter I decided to add into, of course, the book too, I would have been a coward, right, for trying to teach from my experience and things like that without adding that. But ultimately, it's a book of just stories that I went through, from various, experiences building my businesses and also other stories of entrepreneurs that I came across, and some interviews, things like that. Just to show you that, you know, fear is inevitable.
Dedee Cai [00:47:02]:
Right? Like, but it's really I also have even a tattoo here too. I don't know if you can see it, but it says fear not. It's basically going after it. Right? Like, with faith rather than fear. And even if you don't have to be spiritual or religious or anything for for to have faith, but it's could just truly be faith in yourself. Right? That you're going to make it through. So, yeah, that's that's the book, and you get to know me really well in that book, if you haven't already from listening to this interview.
Mahara Wayman [00:47:32]:
Fantastic. Well, thank you so much for sharing your morning with us today, DeDee. I really appreciate it. Guys, check the show notes. Everything that you need to know about DeDee and her business and her book will be in the show notes. We look forward to hearing from you some feedback on this episode. Let's know what you thought about our conversation. My name is Mahara.
Mahara Wayman [00:47:50]:
This has been the Art of Badassery. Special shout out and thank you to my guest today, DeDee Kai, for being so open with us on her journey. Thanks, everyone. We'll see you next week.
Dedee Cai [00:48:01]:
Thank you.
Mahara Wayman [00:48:03]:
Thanks for tuning in to another badass episode. Your support means the world to me. So if you enjoyed what you heard today, don't forget to like, share, and rate the episode on your favorite podcast platform. Your feedback keeps the badassery flowing. And, hey, if you're ready to unleash your inner badass and conquer whatever life throws your way, why not book a complimentary badass breakthrough session? Just click the link in the show notes to schedule your session, and let's kick some serious butt together. Until next time, stay fearless, stay fabulous, and, of course, stay badass. This is Mahara signing off.
