Mahara Wayman [00:00:05]:
Welcome to the art of badassery where I explore what it takes to live life on your own terms. Break free from the status quo and unleash your inner badass. Whether you're a rebel at heart or simply seeking inspiration to step outside your comfort zone, this podcast is for you. I'm your host Mahara Wayman and each week I dive into the stories, insights, and strategies of those who've mastered the art of badassery and are living life to the fullest. They smile when no one is looking. Welcome to the Art of Badassery podcast. I'm your host, Mahara Wayman, and I'm so excited today because I get to introduce you to Mary Laskivel, a powerhouse entrepreneur with a unique blend of creativity and healing. Mary is the owner of the Busybelle, a boutique email marketing.
Mahara Wayman [00:01:00]:
Mary is the owner of fuck me. Mary is the owner of the Busy Belle, a unique boutique email marketing and copywriting agency that helps businesses elevate their message. She's also the founder of the breath chamber, offering both online and in person breath work and healing experiences specifically designed for entrepreneurs. When she's not helping others to grow and heal, Mary leads an active, balanced life with her husband, their 2 daughters, and their loyal German shepherd, Otis. I am so excited to find out more about your badassery, Mary. So let's jump in. Welcome.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:01:36]:
Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited for our chat.
Mahara Wayman [00:01:39]:
Oh, no. We're going to have so much fun today. So sometimes I open the show by asking point blank my guests why you think you're badass. So let's talk there.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:01:50]:
I love it. And I I have kind of a funny response to it because I think my definition of badassery has changed over time. I I used to have a very external experience of badassery. You know? So, like, raising 2 daughters mostly by myself because my husband travels for work while also running 2 businesses and staying in shape and being fit and having this hot little body. I thought those things made me a badass. You know? But, like, trying to maintain all of that landed me in the hospital last year, and I had emergency gallbladder surgery. And so I had this really introspective moment of and almost an ego death of what badassery is. Right? Like, trying to hustle and trying to do what I see other entrepreneurs do and trying to emulate what all of the successful people do, is not what makes me badass.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:02:56]:
What makes me badass is being able to be who I truly want to be and feel I am, even if it's weird, even if it's rejected by others, if it makes me happy, that is badass as showing up, putting myself out there, taking the risks, even if it means I'm going to fail, even if it means I'm going to look stupid in front of everybody, that, in my opinion, is badass.
Mahara Wayman [00:03:27]:
Okay. The bells are ringing. I first of all, thank you for being so honest about your experience. I can relate to that so, so much. And quite frankly, I actually haven't hit some of the success markers that I think I need to to to call myself a badass. And I'm I'm having a bit of a rude awakening, peeps, those that follow me and know me. I'm not sure that I will ever do that because I'm beginning to recognize that the universe has bigger plans for me or different. And to your point, being able to to be okay with who I am is bad ass.
Mahara Wayman [00:04:06]:
Be open to the lessons of the universe in my opinion is bad ass. Is it easy? No, not always. You know, I want what I want now. Come on. I'm a great, I've got such an imagination. I'm so creative. I know exactly what I want my life to look like, but it's actually going to look a little bit differently. So okay.
Mahara Wayman [00:04:25]:
Hands up. How many of you in the audience are listening right now can relate to this idea of buying into the misunderstanding that we need to hustle and prove and have outside things to show the world that we matter. How many of you have felt that? I'm putting my hands up because I fell into that category. Mary, tell us about you said it landed you in the hospital. What did you mean
Mary Lasky Bell [00:04:50]:
by that? Well, first, let me just add to, like, I was just sort of processing this as we're having this conversation. If your badassery is based on these external things, that means somebody else can take your badassery away from you. If badass comes from inside, nobody can take that away no matter what happens. Right? But here's what happened. So, and I had, like, no symptoms whatsoever before I went to the hospital. It was the evening. I think it was October 17th last year. Put my kids to bed.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:05:32]:
I told my daughter, I was like, she was wanting to talk to me more and more and more. I was like, baby, I don't feel good. I need to go downstairs. My stomach hurts. And then I came downstairs and had the most awful gallbladder attack. I did not know that kind of pain, and just said to my husband, like, this is not this is different from anything else I've ever experienced. I gotta go to the hospital. And it was.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:05:59]:
It was my gallbladder. I had to have emergency surgery while I was there. And I tell people, I think the universe was trying to send me this message of slow down, rest more. You, you don't have to hustle. Like, I don't know why you're doing it that way, because that's not how it has to be done. And I feel like the universe was trying to teach me this lesson for a really long time with finances. You know, in business, there's ebb and flow. The money comes in.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:06:34]:
The money goes out. You hit a big month and you're like, yay, I'm going up. And then nothing comes in the next month. And you're like, what happened? I found that every time I was pushing really hard, pushing for clients, scrambling for clients, putting myself out there as much as I possibly could, asking for referrals, asking for business, making offers, push, push, push, drive, hustle, competing with other people, my business would hit a lull. Money would not come in. Nobody would hire me. It was like this very desperate energy. Right.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:07:12]:
And I would go, something is not working. I'm doing all the right things. I'm taking all the right steps and it's not coming in. So I'm gonna just like chill for a minute and find happiness in other things besides work and find worth in other things besides money. And that's when money would come in. People I was in masterminds with 2 years ago would DM me on Facebook and be like, hey, are you taking clients? Because I have somebody who needs you. I'm like, where are you people coming from? Somebody would reach out to me last minute and be like, hey, I need a quick copywriting project. It's 25100.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:07:50]:
Are you free? Yes. I'm free for that. So the universe was trying to show me for a long time with my money. Hey, when you sit back and relax, when you are calm, when you trust, when you just focus on relationships and family and taking care of yourself and resting, I will provide for you. When you get in this scramble mode, I'm going to step back because it seems like you really want to control this thing. So I'm going to let you just have at it, but you're not going to make the money. It's not going to happen. So it was like this ebb and flow.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:08:32]:
And I did not receive the message when it was having to do with my wallet. Right. So the universe was like, okay, Mare, I'm going to try and find a different way to send you this message because you don't get it. And I got sick and it was a huge wake up call because here I am like my whole why, the whole reason I'm in the online space, the whole reason I have 2 businesses, the whole reason I'm doing all of this is for my kids and to provide and support and contribute to my family. Right? And also to, you know, when you own your own business, you're supposed to be able to make your own schedule and have free time and not be working nights and not be working weekends and actually have that dedicated present time with your family. But when I was hustling my face off, I was like looking at my phone while I was trying to put my kids to sleep. Right? I was frustrated with them on the weekends because I had work to do, but now we gotta go do fun stuff. Are you kidding me? Like, Fun stuff.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:09:42]:
Yeah. Why? I have work to do. And it was just this wake up call of like, if that's your whole why, you're doing it wrong because now you're sick and you're in the hospital, and this could have been a lot worse. Right? So, like, I don't wanna be super morbid, but, like, if I die trying to hustle my face off, how does that serve my why? How does that serve my family? They are worse off if I am sick or dead. Right? So it just became this very clear, wow. It's not just that it doesn't work. It doesn't even align. It's not me.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:10:22]:
It's not who I am. Why have I been doing it this way? Well, because that's what I saw and that's what I thought I was supposed to do. I was living by the external and that is not what this is about.
Mahara Wayman [00:10:34]:
So, so true and such a difficult lesson for most, for many of us to learn. I I think, because I see it with with my clients. I'm not a business coach by any stretch. But one thing you said really struck, and that's the you used the word aligned. It's not aligned. And, really, that's the crux of being a badass is that we recognize who we are, and we're not afraid, embarrassed, or whatever to be that person, to say, you know what? I just wanna cuddle on the couch with ice cream and my kids. I wanna make a call. I don't wanna I don't wanna be on I don't wanna whatever.
Mahara Wayman [00:11:08]:
This is really what I want. And, really, it's it's an opportunity to reexamine your values, our values. What's really important to us? You know, when I came into this world, I highly doubt that baby me thought, oh, I gotta make a $1,000,000 in order to feel like a good person. You know, baby me was very attached to knowing who I was, you know, love, kindness, joy, grace, forgiveness, pizza, you know, laughing. Those type of things are what really they make memories. And I just am curious, though, why do you think it's so hard for us to embrace that? Why is it so hard for us to let just be ourselves and admit?
Mary Lasky Bell [00:11:52]:
Oh, there's a lot to unpack there. I think that I think that 2 things, like if we look at just the present moment and you as an adult, you think you don't know enough and you're just looking around for how to do this thing. Right? So as an immature new entrepreneur, I was just looking around at the leaders in front of me and the examples in front of me. And that's what they were all doing. They were all hustling. It was all do more, do more. There wasn't really this balance and rest. I was even told balance doesn't exist.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:12:35]:
I still hear people say that balance doesn't exist. That is factually a lie, factually a lie. I tell people, if you don't think balance exists, go take a yoga class. You'll see it exists. But then if we look at, I do think that we have these, rooted traumas, a lot of them stemming from childhood, then there's this, you know, like you have to start digging. When was I ridiculed or made fun of in front of everybody? You know, I can pinpoint mine. I think I was like in 8th grade, so it wasn't even tiny, tiny young, but 8th grade that's like pivotal years, right, and coming into our own identity and starting to separate a little bit from our parents and how much our parents love us and build us up and starting to rely more on our peers and our peers' reaction to us and whether they're inclusive or not. I remember I wore this new hair bow.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:13:41]:
I was so excited. My mom bought me this hair bow, and it was so cute. It was just, like, clipped in my hair, and it had, like, you know, the little bow and then the 2 ribbons hung down. I was so excited to wear it. And the most popular girl in school barked at me in front of the entire class, said that it made me look like a dog. Mortified. Mortified. That one pivotal moment made me afraid from that point on, whether I knew it or not, didn't really realize it until, you know, I'm like 40.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:14:15]:
That pivotal moment at 13 years old, I was afraid to be different. I was afraid to get put on the spot. I was afraid to be publicly rejected. I was afraid to be made fun of, which then pours into everything. As a business owner, you don't want to fail in public. Right? That's why social media is covered with, we call them the balcony bros,
Mahara Wayman [00:14:42]:
you know, but,
Mary Lasky Bell [00:14:43]:
like, views of your penthouse suite and the cars and the money and the Flash and the girls and the whatever, the beach, sitting on a laptop at the beach, it's all this very public display of success, and we hide our failures. We don't want anybody to see because in my case, and I'm assuming for a lot of people, there was something that made you afraid to fail in public, something that made you afraid to be made fun of or ridiculed in public. And you hear about, I know a lot of entrepreneurs, especially in the coaching industry or those who are becoming gurus, they're afraid of cancel culture. Right? So like, that's not very badass because, you know, like, again, it's the external giving you validation. And I think that that a lot of us are stuck in that needing external validation to to prove our worth. And so we're afraid to make mis mistakes. We're afraid to fail.
Mahara Wayman [00:15:51]:
To your point, first of all, I can really relate to that variance that you had. I had something similar, but I wasn't even in grade school. I was a young adult. I was a in my ear like, in my early twenties. I'll talk about that in a minute. But to your point, whenever we act whenever I act, I'm not gonna speak for the world, but when I act from a place of fear, it never works out for me. Yeah. Right? And I think that's a big difference is, first of all, recognizing that we are acting from fear versus from a place of love and acceptance.
Mahara Wayman [00:16:26]:
And I I know there are people listening that are like, what the fuck is she talking about? And all I will say to you guys is just be patient. You will get there. I don't know the answer to make it clear to people, but I do know that I've experienced that confusion. 1 minute well, for most of my life, I was confused. And then over time, I began to see the light and change. And then one day, I woke up and I'm like, oh my god. I get it. I don't have your point, I don't have to be that person.
Mahara Wayman [00:16:57]:
I can just be me even as an entrepreneur. In fact, I'm beginning to understand that being me is my secret sauce. Right? The art of that is all about discovering who we are and developing it. So we become masters at showing the world who we really are and accepting it. And it is a journey. So, yeah, I totally agree and understand this idea of fair can propel us. And to your point earlier, when you said it was masterful, did you guys catch it? She said, if we put basically, if we put our eggs in the basket of somebody in in the hands of someone else, like the outside world, then they've got control. The minute we do that, we give away our power.
Mahara Wayman [00:17:38]:
Yeah. Very hard to get it back. But I'll share with I'll share with the audience. I don't think I've I've shared this story. When I was in my early twenties, I worked, as a bartender on a boat, a little, a small sort of touristy boat. And I was told that the owners had made a comment about me. Owners were men. And they said, she's great to look at but doesn't have much upstairs.
Mahara Wayman [00:18:04]:
And it devastated me. I was about 21 maybe, maybe 22, and no word of a lie. From that moment on, I dreamed of being a business owner so I could show them that I was smart. And, you know, I still get a little emotional about it today. And it's also always affected the way that I felt about my looks. And I wanted to scream at people and say, give us a shit what I look like. These those are just genes from my mom and my dad, and I'm blessed. But see me.
Mahara Wayman [00:18:38]:
I just want you to see me. So it's been it's been an interesting thing because as an entrepreneur now, there are things about my business that I struggle with. And I'm like, I know I should spend more time figuring that out or thinking or understanding it, but I kind of shy away from it because there's still that story that while I'm good to look at, I'm not that this wise. And of course it's bullshit, right? Of course it is. But words really can be very powerful. And what I try to say to my clients today is absolutely words are powerful. So start to choose different words for yourself. I like that.
Mahara Wayman [00:19:16]:
You can do it. You can we collectively can rewrite our narrative. So deep breath. Can't believe I shared that. But, you know, that's what I
Mary Lasky Bell [00:19:25]:
love that. And like you just said, we can use our words to rewrite that. Right? And and rephrase what that is for us. That's a lot of work that I've done and that I help my clients do too, is like going back to that early 20 something, Mahara, going back to that 13 year old Mary, standing there with them and saying, I'm gonna oh, my gosh. I'm gonna get emotional just thinking about it. Going back to that place and saying, what do you need in this moment because I'm here with you? And actually listening to yourself. I just need somebody to make me feel like I'm not ugly or that I'm not smart. And you can say, yeah, those people are crazy.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:20:13]:
They're not happy with themselves. They don't feel good about their own brains. They're afraid they don't know enough. That's why they're telling you you're not smart enough, you know, or like the like this girl, the popular girl, her whole life, everybody's always focused on her looks. So she doesn't know how to compare anybody else except for by their looks. That's all she knows. It has nothing to do with you. And then give yourself a hug.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:20:41]:
Hug and hold them, let them cry it out. And we can go back and rewrite that history. We can go back and rewrite that experience. And then you come to present day and you're like, it's all of that message that you can give to yourself. I'm afraid to take this step. Okay. What do you need to hear? That their opinion doesn't matter. This is about you and your journey.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:21:04]:
This is about you and your decisions. This is about your kids. It has nothing to do with whether or not they like you. Your kids think you're a badass. Go show them how it's done. You know, like who cares if you fail? Show your kids what happens when you fail. Here's what happens when you make a mistake. Right? So we can go back to those moments.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:21:26]:
If we can become aware of them and actually be ready to confront them, we can go back to them and replay it out in a way that we would have rather it had gone down. We can go back and be like the mediator to that situation and reinterpret for our younger selves what happened. So it is not about you. They were here to share that message with you because it was a lesson you needed to learn. So what do you need in that moment? Okay, great. Here. Habit. I'll hug you.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:22:00]:
I'll hold you. I'll let you cry. I'll laugh with you. If you just want to laugh. Then we bring it back to present moment. How do I take this lesson and this love and start serving the world in the way that I am meant to uniquely and individually and in my own badass state? Not for what, I can't be everybody else. That's their job. I was put here to be my own unique badass self, so I gotta show up that way, period.
Mahara Wayman [00:22:27]:
Amen. So if you've never heard of it, I mean, what both of Mary and I are touching on is this idea of doing some inner child work. And I encourage you to be open to the idea that this isn't being hypnotized or anything woo woo or crazy. It's simply acknowledging that if there is a situation in your world today that is holding you back from happiness, it may have had its roots in a younger version of you. And, really, how I navigate this with clients is I talk about compassionate self forgiveness based on this idea that Mary touched on it, that our younger selves, we just had a misunderstanding. We weren't old enough to understand what was being said to us. You know, grade 8 Mary wasn't able to look at this girl and say, oh, yeah. She's just projecting her insecurities.
Mahara Wayman [00:23:25]:
Of course, she's not gonna know that. She's only in grade 8. Right? But it's important that we recognize that many of our limiting beliefs come from a misunderstanding. We just weren't smart enough. We just didn't have the brainpower to go, oh, yeah. Those are her insecurities. That's his fear coming coming through. We got nothing to do with me.
Mahara Wayman [00:23:45]:
Now that we're older, we can look at that and give ourselves whatever it is that we need in that moment. I wanna add to that though, Mary, this idea that I don't know where I heard it from, who particularly may have said it originally. Well, there's nothing original about what we're talking about. We've all been taught you know, personal growth is personal growth, and it's we may use slightly different terms. But one thing that's really stuck with me stuck with me recently is this idea, this understanding that nothing is about me until I choose to make it so. So and that's that can be a difficult one for me to wrap my head around and even for some of my clients to wrap my head around. But I've seen people have an experience and the person just smiles and it's I think of my dad because he used to say, whenever somebody pisses you off, sweetheart, just bless them and release them. And I'm adding to that that bless them and release them because it's not about you.
Mahara Wayman [00:24:43]:
They're the ones that have a challenge, have a have a sadness, have a rage, have a something. And, really, things I don't know if that resonates with you, but, really, until we make something about us, like, for example, you know, when I first started this journey, my cut, this was terrible. I was on a call with a potential client and, you know, I give away. I do complimentary sessions just to introduce myself and help somebody with something minor in the moment. And I had the session with someone and she asked what my rates were because I and I was pitching her. And, I told her my rates and she burst out laughing and said, oh my god. Are you kidding me? You seriously charged that? Like, who do you think you are? And she started laughing. I don't think she said, who do you think you are? I think I heard that, but I don't think she actually said that.
Mahara Wayman [00:25:32]:
But can you imagine? I was a brand new coach. I was devastated, and I must have looked like a deer in the headlights because I went, well, and I didn't have an answer for her. And it's taken me it took me almost 2 years to recognize that that comment had nothing to do with me. But I made it about me because the minute I heard it, I made it mean that I wasn't enough. Mhmm. And so I'm just God, I'm sharing a lot on this. Usually, I just get my clients, my guests.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:26:06]:
I have I have this effect on people.
Mahara Wayman [00:26:09]:
You have this effect on people. But here's the thing. It was a tough lesson, but I needed to learn it. All of the lessons that I'm having, I need to learn. We all need to learn them. And really, until I woke up to the fact that I chose to make it about me because it felt like I was that that was the right thing to do because that's all I knew, I was in the habit of making things about me. Once I realized that and I could change the narrative, I'm like, oh my gosh. That wasn't about me.
Mahara Wayman [00:26:35]:
That really wasn't about me. It became so clear. It became very clear. I said, but I can learn from that. I choose to learn from that. So so many lessons available to us when we decide to embrace our badassery. Assery. And, really, that's that's a cornerstone to, I think, living a happy life is recognizing it's okay to learn a lesson.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:26:58]:
Absolutely. Let me add to that too. You know, you're talking about interpreting that everything has to do with, you know, that that it's all about you. I also just recently learned that the part of our brain that interprets experiences as negative is 11 times faster than the part of our brain that experiences interactions as positive. So it's not even that, you know, like, yes, healing is important, and yes, this inner child work is important, and yes, all of this personal development is important to start peeling back these layers and start healing all of this I'm not enough stuff. But also just understand that the way our brains are wired, it's happening automatically in the background to just always constantly be interpreting things as negative. So if you can just catch them in the moment and pause and say, now, wait, I know that the part of my brain that interprets these things as negative is really quick. So let me just slow down and check that.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:28:05]:
Was that experience really negative or am I assigning it meaning that doesn't exist? And could there be a positive meaning there? Oh, there could be. I just made up a whole story in my head about what that experience meant, and it was really dark and negative and oh, poor me. And it wasn't even true. So like just knowing that has helped me slow down in the middle of an interaction and go, oh, my brain really wants to make this about me or, oh, my brain really wants to make this bad news or a negative outcome, but it's not. I'm just making that up.
Mahara Wayman [00:28:50]:
We are such storytellers. Oh, yeah. Such storytellers. One of the things that I that
Mary Lasky Bell [00:28:57]:
I,
Mahara Wayman [00:28:57]:
you know, understand better now is is one trick almost to to trick the brain, and that is the questions I don't know who made the original quote. I really should find out because I quote I refer to it all the time. But the quality of our I think it was Tony Robbins, actually. The quality of our life is determined by the quality of questions we ask of it and we ask of ourselves. And I know from experience that I've got that I got into the habit of asking questions that really did not serve me. For example, oh, my God. Why did I do that? I am such an idiot. The minute I asked why did I do that, my brain answers, well, because you don't know enough, because you don't trust yourself, because this isn't really for you, because who, you know, on and on and on versus okay.
Mahara Wayman [00:29:44]:
That was interesting. What can I learn from that? Brain's gonna answer that. Well, you can learn that x y z. So it's a very it's like a little trick to help us change the narrative is asking ourselves a better question. Right? Not I love that. Reinforce the negativity or reinforce the misunderstanding that you have about yourself, but will instead encourage you to see the possibility that was with that exists within yourself. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that this is easy because to your point, we do need to pause.
Mahara Wayman [00:30:21]:
And sometimes, I know for me at the beginning of this journey, when I finally understood the power of my breath and pausing, all I could do was pause and breathe. I couldn't do anything else because I didn't know what the next steps were. But I really believe and understand that growth really is a 3 step experience. There's awareness, acceptance, and then aligned action. Mhmm. And I
Mary Lasky Bell [00:30:46]:
I love that. In
Mahara Wayman [00:30:47]:
the moment, we can be in any one of those. But by far, the most important one, in my opinion, is the awareness. Because if you're not aware of the narrative in your head, if you're not aware of the story you're telling yourself or telling the world, then how can you change it?
Mary Lasky Bell [00:31:01]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:31:03]:
So talk to us about the breath work that you do. Did that when did that come into play, and how were you introduced to it?
Mary Lasky Bell [00:31:10]:
So here's like an this is another good example of how I failed at something and then was afraid to do it again. So I became a certified Reiki master teacher 15 years ago and started, breath work and meditation at that time as well and leading breath work and meditation. I started a business. I didn't know anything about business. I knew I was good at relationships and I was good at healing. I mean, that just, it was, that was a modality that was brought to me. Right. So like I can make people feel really good.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:31:51]:
And I was good at making those relationships and getting referrals and stuff like that. But I had no idea how to market myself, how to brand myself, how to sell myself. I didn't know anything about running a business. So I just like had this LLC and did my Reiki and led my meditations and drumming meditations and breathwork meditations and all this. But it didn't work out. I didn't make enough money. You know, it was like, okay, I gotta kind of let that go. And so then, because I interpreted that as a failure, I didn't want to have any kind of healing business again after that.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:32:30]:
I was like, Nope, I failed at that. I can't do that. Nope, that didn't work out for me. So that's, I can't do that. But then it just got so loud and, like, obnoxious, you know, like, why aren't you doing this? I need you to do this. And around the time it was before I, ended up in the hospital. It was earlier last year that one of my copywriting clients was a breathwork teacher. And I wrote a couple emails for her and stayed in touch with her, really liked the modality that she was teaching.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:33:10]:
And when I had the opportunity, I hired her as a mentor and went through her program and got certified in the breath work technique that she teaches. And it was just so incredible. And I found that as I was starting to discover, I need more balance, I need more rest. Hustling is not the way. There is another way. As I was starting to learn that lesson, I was using breath work daily to help me through all of that. And I just realized how impactful breath work is for entrepreneurs, whether we're about to go on stage or go have a, networking, go to a networking event, we need more confidence. There's a breath work technique for that.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:33:59]:
If we are feeling stressed and anxious, there's a breath work technique for that. If we're feeling out of balance because we're trying to raise a family and run a business and one of those things is not doing well and it's stressing us out, there's a technique for that. So I just found that there were all sorts of ways to incorporate breath work into my life as an entrepreneur and as a human that made business and life better, easier, more calm, more confident. I was able to make decisions with more clarity. All of the shiny objects disappeared because I was like, is that what I want? Yes. No. No. Okay.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:34:40]:
Is that what I want? Yes. That is what I want. And I, I just was like, more entrepreneurs need to experience this because the only, not the only, but I think the loudest, example in most the best example in most entrepreneurs' lives right now is the hustle culture. And I found another way. And so I was like, I gotta get loud and show them that there is another way because I know that there are more people like me who want to have the business, want to have the family, want to have it all, but don't want to hustle our faces off. We don't wanna work so hard that we get sick. We don't wanna have no boundaries. There are other entrepreneurs like that.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:35:24]:
So I just started sharing my own experience and got over the fear that if I had a breath work business, it was gonna fail because it failed before. I just had to get over that. And also it was like this trust of, hey, if it's this loud, it must be right. And also this confidence that like, well, if it fails again, so what? Doesn't mean anything. It doesn't say anything about me. If it fails, something else will come along. Like I've also just learned through experience to trust that everything is okay, even if it goes wrong. You know?
Mahara Wayman [00:36:04]:
Trust issues.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:36:06]:
Yeah. Yeah. And that's what I've been telling people lately is like, if we can start treating our experiences and our risk taking as just data collection. And I'm a data analyst. I have this nerdy background, got my PhD in sociology and I was a statistician. So like I have this really nerdy numbers background. So if we can start using our risk taking and our courage and our jumping off the edge of the cliff without a net type scenarios as just data collection, what was I hearing when I felt called to do that? What was I feeling in my body as I started to move towards that decision? Okay. Now, how did that decision turn out? Good? Bad? Okay.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:37:02]:
So then when I hear this voice in my head and I feel this sensation in my body, that turns out really good. When I hear this voice in my head, which is a little more fear based, and I feel this sensation in my body. It's a really yucky feeling in my stomach, and that doesn't turn out so well when I made that decision. Now I understand. So it's just collecting the data. Again, awareness has to be really key here. We have to be paying attention to these things. But if I'm just taking the risks and following the voice and the heart and collecting that data and analyzing it, then I'm starting to learn where my heart led decisions really are and where my fear based decisions really are.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:37:50]:
Mic drop. Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:37:53]:
Hold on. Mic drop. Okay. I'm going to invite you to just get kind of nerdy with us now because there's maybe some listeners that hear the word breath work and actually don't know what you're talking about. So would you just really simply explain not only what breath work looks like, but the science behind it. Like, what is it actually doing to our central nervous system? Like, why does it work?
Mary Lasky Bell [00:38:17]:
Yeah. So, one of the things I love about breath work is that it's the only involuntary process in the body that we can override and control for our own benefit. The brain is usually communicating with the central nervous system. How much I gotta breathe, how deep I have to breathe, how fast or slow I have to breathe, how much oxygen do I need to take in and out? The brain is constantly in charge of this whole ship. We can't, but we can come in and say, brain, take a break. I'm going to breathe faster now, or I'm going to breathe slower now, or I'm going to actually expand my belly when I breathe now, or I'm going to open my heart a little bit more, or I'm going to hold the breath for a second or minute if we're advanced. And the I'll tell you what, the brain gets very uncomfortable with this process. The brain wants to take back control.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:39:15]:
And so the brain gets really loud with the negative thoughts and the, the to do lists. I don't have time to slow down right now. Why are you trying to focus on breathing? You gotta go. Just go, go, go. That stuff comes in. I'm not doing this right. All the judgment comes in. I suck at breath work.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:39:34]:
Oh, I can't even do this. I can't concentrate. I'm not good at this. All of that stuff comes in, because the brain is trying to take back control. I even have, people who come into my classes that like, if you want to actually see what fight or flight mode looks like, practice a really intense breathwork technique because the brain does whatever it can to try and pull you out of it so that it can take back control. It does not like being out of control. But there's tons of benefits for us. We can slow down the heart.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:40:17]:
We can slow down blood flow. We can slow down the brain. We can activate different areas of the brain. We can get into deep theta brainwave states through breath work, where we can solve subconscious problems that are running in the background that we can't solve when we're fully conscious. We can reduce inflammation in the body. We can reduce pain. We can wake ourselves up and have more energy. We can quiet the mind and have focus and attention.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:41:00]:
There are so many benefits to overriding what the brain is used to doing. But you do end up in a little bit of a tug of war with the brain to try and take over over what's happening. But then like there's all different kinds of techniques. Some techniques are meant to be very calming and we do a lot of counting breaths. So like box breathing is a nice steady pace where we're inhaling, holding, exhaling, and holding. And we just go in a box with the same pace. So like a 4 count inhale, a 4 count hold, 4 count exhale, 4 count hold over and over again. This is really good for turning on parasympathetic nervous system, calming the mind, calming the brain, calming anxiety.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:41:55]:
I also like box breathing because it's so uniform that you, there's not a lot of thinking that has to happen. So you can get into deep meditative states and go down a thought trail that ends up leading to a solution to a problem you've been thinking about for weeks, but you just don't slow down enough to actually find the answer. And then we could do, you know, breath of fire, which is really quick, belly breathing through the mouth. And this gets us warm and it, activates energy in our body. So there's so many different techniques we could use for for different benefits, and there's just so much to dive into. But those are just some of the examples of, you know, how to manipulate the breath for benefits.
Mahara Wayman [00:42:46]:
Thank you for that explanation. You did a great job, and, you know, I needed it as well. I've done I've done breath work a few times. The first few times I did it, I did not like it. I hyperventilate. And afterwards, you know, other people in the group were like, oh my god. That was just life changing. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? Well, I just wanted to get up and listen to music.
Mahara Wayman [00:43:07]:
Like, I just it did not and then I I did some practice. I did deeper breath work with with 1 on 1 with someone, and it was amazingly beautiful. She was so gentle, and I really responded to the the breakup the the breakdown the the break in between. So the first half an hour was one way. The second half an hour was a slightly different way. And because a full hour of one way was too much for my system, I didn't I needed to ease into it. And to your point, I actually did experience some kind of wow, real part of the thing that we were doing was she was inviting me to figure out my my why. I it came very clearly and it was so exciting and so powerful.
Mahara Wayman [00:43:55]:
I thought I knew my why's, what I do for a living, but it was even more concise. I absolutely loved it. So if you if no if you're not familiar with breath work, check it out because the benefits far outweigh the the discomfort that you might feel, in my opinion. They did for me, and I'm definitely wanting to know more about it. So my goodness, we've talked we've touched on a lot today. How can people reach you?
Mary Lasky Bell [00:44:23]:
Yeah. So, you can follow me on any of the social media channels under Mary Lasky Bell. That's how you can find me. I would just say, you know, if you reach out to me, especially on Facebook, send me a DM so that I know where you found me because I get a lot of requests and I don't always accept them. So make sure I know where you came from so that we can actually connect. And then if you want to visit the breath chamber.comorbreathchamber.com, they'll both get you to the same place. That's where you can learn a little bit more about the online membership. I, I provide breath work, at events and masterminds too.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:45:01]:
So if coaches are hosting events or masterminds, you can hire me to do that there. And all of that info is there, and you can just join the email list and hang out. You'll get a, a free, breath work for abundance meditation when you sign up for the list. And then you can just kind of hang out and see what kinds of things I cover and talk about. And I'll share, you know, tips and ways to experience breath work with me as well.
Mahara Wayman [00:45:27]:
So, so good. Thank you for the offer for our, for our listeners. All right. Let's close out the show. I'd love you to share with our audience 3 tips to feeling badass on a regular basis.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:45:42]:
Oh, that's great. Let's see. I would say number 1, go ahead and put some blinders on and stop comparing yourself to everybody else. What looks and feels like bad ass to you does not have to look and feel like bad ass to anybody else. And what bad ass looks like out there is not how it has to look and feel to you. So just put your blinders on and just focus on yourself. Number 2, I would say practice positive self talk to yourself, hype yourself up. Just like I said, you know, if you need external validation for your badassery, that means anybody can take it away from you anytime.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:46:27]:
Same thing with this. Do not wait for other people to hype you up, and be your hype man or woman. Hype yourself up every day. Okay. Write yourself notes on the mirror, little love notes. And number 3, is collect that data. Go start taking some risks, do some scary things, fail, mess up, make mistakes, learn from it. And that builds confidence.
Mary Lasky Bell [00:46:56]:
Right. Which is very bad ass.
Mahara Wayman [00:47:01]:
Good. I love it. Thank you so much, Mary. This, oh my God. I really had fun today. This has been a great day. Me too. Thank you.
Mahara Wayman [00:47:09]:
I really appreciate your vulnerability in sharing your story with us because this is what being a badass is all about. It's embracing who we really are. So thank you, folks. Thanks for joining us today. Please check out the show notes because, of course, all of her information will be there as well if you didn't catch it during the broadcast. My name is Mahara. This has been the art of badass for you with my guest, Mary, and I'll see you next week. Take care.
Mahara Wayman [00:47:37]:
Thanks for tuning in to another badass episode. Your support means the world to me. So if you enjoyed what you heard today, don't forget to like, share, and rate the episode on your favorite podcast platform. Your feedback keeps the badassery flowing. And, hey, if you're ready to unleash your inner badass and conquer whatever life throws your way, why not book a complimentary badass breakthrough session? Just click the link in the show notes to schedule your session, and let's kick some serious butt together. Until next time, stay fearless, stay fabulous, and of course, stay badass. This is Mahara signing off.
