Mahara Wayman [00:00:00]:
Welcome to another captivating episode of the Art of Badassery podcast. I'm your host, Mahara Wayman. And today, I have the privilege of sitting down with a remarkable guest who has an inspiring story. Her name is Sam Leeson. Born in the early seventies, Sam's journey is a testament to the power of resilience and the discovery of one's true calling. But what makes her story remarkable is her unconventional path, which changed lives and empowered countless others. Her turning point came after the traumatic birth of her eldest child following an agonizing 10 weeks on bed rest. During this challenging period, she decided to explore the world of labor and birth support, something she'd only heard about in passing during her pregnancy.
Mahara Wayman [00:00:49]:
In the mid nineties with unwavering determination, she sought out the program, completed the necessary courses, and emerged as a certified doula. In December of 1998, Sam attended her 1st birth in the role of labor support, and something truly remarkable happened. She returned from that life changing event with an unshakable certainty. She had found her true calling to empower individuals and families to embrace the journey of birthing their babies with confidence, strength, and self assurance. Now since that pivotal moment, Sam has had the incredible honor of being present at the birth of over 500 babies. Her impact extends beyond these life altering moments though. She's also shared her wisdom and guidance with over 10,000 people through prenatal education classes. She loves traveling the world with her wife in their free time.
Mahara Wayman [00:01:44]:
She's also known for hosting amazing dinner parties that bring friends closer and provide opportunities for meaningful connections. Today, we're gonna delve into the life and experiences of this extraordinary individual. So grab your favorite drink, get your headphones on, and let's welcome our incredible guest, Sam, to the art of badassery podcast. Welcome. I'm so happy to have you here today.
Sam Leeson [00:02:08]:
Thank you so much. With an introduction like that, I feel like I need a crown.
Mahara Wayman [00:02:12]:
Oh, man. I'm gonna send you 1 in the mail. It's very special to have your story said back to you. And I'm noticing that with this work that I do on the podcast. Mhmm. Almost everyone has said that. Oh, wow. That's me? I'm like, yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:02:26]:
That's you. You're pretty cool. So
Sam Leeson [00:02:29]:
It is. It's touching, and it's it's powerful. It's powerful to hear your life reflected back because it's your life. Right? You live it day after day after day after day. And it's kind of like when Somebody looks at you when you have a small child and and they haven't seen you for a while and they say, wow. Your child's getting so big. And you think, well, I've lived it every day. I guess they're bigger.
Sam Leeson [00:02:51]:
I guess my life has been pretty cool. And I know I know I feel like it must have been pretty cool for me, but when you start talking about it, I'm thinking, yeah. It's alright.
Mahara Wayman [00:03:01]:
Well, it's so interesting that you say that because I think so much of what we do, we take for granted. Of course, I graduated high school. Of course, I have friends. Of course, I'm you know, I've had great experiences or shitty experiences. That just makes me human, but who wants to talk about it? And yet to your point, really, that's what makes us so badass is that we can recognize okay. You know what? That's really special. Mhmm, that's really special. So I'm glad I'm glad that you're feeling that way.
Mahara Wayman [00:03:34]:
I would love to go back to sort of the beginning. So I have 2 kids. I didn't have a difficult labor. And when I read that in your bio as I was writing it and taking the information you gave me, my my gut's kinda crunched up like this, and I thought, holy shit. 10 weeks of bed rest? What the well, where was your mind your head your headspace at that time?
Sam Leeson [00:04:00]:
My headspace was Well, it my headpiece was in a lot of places. For one thing I had been told when I was about 18 or 19 that I probably couldn't have kids. I was diagnosed with having what's called idiopathic chronic hypertension, meaning I have high blood pressure All the time, but they don't know why. And I was really young for for that kind of a diagnosis. And they were worried that if I got pregnant, would that perhaps Impact my own health and well-being. So when I conceived, I was really excited. I really, really wanted to be a parent And to birth a child myself. And everything was going smoothly and wonderfully.
Sam Leeson [00:04:42]:
And then around 28 weeks or so, it was sort of determined that my blood pressure that had been fairly well in check was just not staying where my care team was with. And so in an effort to make sure that the pregnancy was safe, I was to then be on bed rest. What I don't think any of us kind of took into consideration at the time was the fact that I had just moved from London, Ontario to Georgetown, Ontario. And I knew nobody. And we lived in an apartment. We didn't have a lot of money. We were the 1st floor concrete all around us. So we had the bunny ears on the TV, and we got, like, 2 channels, But we couldn't afford to have cable.
Sam Leeson [00:05:31]:
And I was just thinking, what have I done? What have I done? I'm stuck in this spot In bed. My excitement was when my partner would come home and take me for a drive because then I wasn't doing anything, but I was at least change of scenery. And once a month, I would go out to a La Leche League meeting so that I could learn how to feed my baby from my body when my baby finally arrived. So it was a long 10 weeks, but totally worth it. Totally worth it. I mean, I would do anything to have my first child again Even though it was a kind of a crappy labor and birth.
Mahara Wayman [00:06:09]:
But what I'm hearing, and I I we talk I talk about this a lot on the show is we can do hard things.
Sam Leeson [00:06:16]:
Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:06:17]:
We can do hard things. And often, we don't realize how hard they are until we look on it because in the moment, we're just getting through the day. You know? I'm just putting 1 foot in front of the other, getting through the day. You say jump. I say how high. I jump that high, then I lay down or whatever the case may be. Mhmm. So you've you've had your 1st baby, and you're thinking that experience warrants more of my attention.
Sam Leeson [00:06:40]:
Yes. A lot of my a lot of my thinking when I was going into having my first child was very much rooted in the fact that I was a women's studies student in university. I had worked as a standardized patient with the women's health program at the University of Western Ontario, so I was teaching 2nd year med students How to do pelvic exams? I I knew the female reproductive system. I knew my body. I knew what it was supposed to be able to do. And so I had decisions that I had made in my head, and I had a mental birth plan. And this was probably my biggest obstacle to start whole journey was that I I wrote it in my head as a plan instead of a wish list. And plans are concrete, and they are rigid, and they don't Leave a lot of room for exploring other possibilities that may present to us as we need to deviate along our paths.
Sam Leeson [00:07:39]:
And so I was going to go into labor on my own. I was going to have an unmedicated birth. I was going to feed my baby from my body. There would be no episiotomy or cesarean section. These were all decisions I had firmly made. And then I spent 10 weeks on bed rest only to be told that the doctor felt like it was safest to induce me At 40 weeks, so not super early, or not you know, lots of people get induced at 37 or 38 weeks. So I felt grateful that My baby was probably ready to come or closer to ready to come. And then, so I would be induced in the morning.
Sam Leeson [00:08:22]:
And then because an epidural's side effect or one of many of the side effects of an epidural is to cause a drop in blood pressure, I was going to have to have an epidural, and I was super upset about that because it didn't feel like I was given a choice. And so I accepted the epidural. Didn't didn't have a choice. My labor was extremely fast as is not uncommon with someone with high blood pressure at the level mine was at. So From the time they started the induction around 8 o'clock in the morning or 9 o'clock in the morning, my child was born just before 3 in the afternoon, very fast for a first baby. And, he was vacuum extracted because he didn't respond well to the medications in my system, Which is, again, not uncommon, but it just felt like so many variables played into me just not having a voice In my own birth process, I do remember at one point telling the obstetrician that was there that if He did not have my consent at any point to do an episiotomy. I thought if this is the only thing that I have any control over, then this I will control. And he looked at me kind of funny and, consented that he wouldn't do an or an episiotomy, but But, yeah, that was it was a lot of, decisions taken out of my hands at the time.
Sam Leeson [00:09:47]:
I did, through absolute perseverance, Succeed in feeding my baby from my body. And and that sort of gave me the gift to know that I had the power to choose what path I was going to be taking. And then I thought I need to help other people learn how to have their own voice during the labor process. And I had heard this word, doula, passed around in my prenatal classes, And I didn't really know much about it. It wasn't like you could just Google something at the time. In fact, I think I probably had to Yahoo something at the time because it's been over 25 years. But I I looked it up, and I got a tiny bit of information, talked to a few people, and found a place that I could do my certification. So With a 6 month old in tow, I went to complete my certification, as a as a labor support person or as a birth doula, And then things sort of blossom from there.
Sam Leeson [00:10:48]:
As you say, my first birth as a labor support provider was December 21st 1998. So that child will be 25 very soon. It's just mind numbing.
Mahara Wayman [00:11:01]:
What a great story. And, you know, you you highlight you highlighted a couple things that I think are worth talking about, doing a bit of a deeper dive. This understanding or this feeling that we choose we choose a plan because it makes us feel in control. And yet the reality is the minute that plan goes askew, we feel out of control. And it sort of it's like you get on this hamster wheel of what came first, the chicken or the egg. You know? Is it the plan or the falling through of the plan? Like, what exactly is the problem here? But I I mean, it's such an it's such a an opportunity for growth to just from the beginning, we change our outlook and don't even use the word plan. And you you saw it's a wish list. And I was kinda laughing as you said, I'm going to do this.
Mahara Wayman [00:11:50]:
I'm going to do that. I'm going to do this, because all I heard was my voice as a young teen, as a young woman saying, I'm going to marry George Clooney. No. I'm gonna marry George Clooney. I don't even fucking funny, but I was gonna you know? And I I I joke about it, but it can it can be to our detriment that we don't recognize it, we actually don't know what's best. It would be nice, but, really, universe often has bigger or better plans for us. So what a learning opportunity for you. When did you realize that you could make this that you could make a difference? Because I think there's a point when we go, oh, I'm really interested in this.
Mahara Wayman [00:12:29]:
Well, that's kinda cool. Yeah. That's kinda cool. But then we step into our greatness and go, woah. I am meant to do this, and I can make a difference. Do you remember exactly if if you have that memory of that happening?
Sam Leeson [00:12:43]:
I don't I can't necessarily pinpoint a date or time other than the fact that when I came home from that first birth, I had an overwhelming feeling like I made a difference in someone's experience. This was not that birthing parent's 1st birth. It was their 2nd. So they had an older child at home, and they looked at me when they were when their child was on the outside of their body and they're snuggling their newborn baby. And they said, I couldn't have done this Without you, and I and I thought, well, you woulda had to if I wasn't here, but that's beside the point. Thank you for having that kind of a faith in me and believing that what I did for you in this moment was really that impactful. And so I came home from that birth determined to make that my life goal, and I didn't look back. I I offered my services for free to people.
Sam Leeson [00:13:34]:
I pounded the pavement. I talked To everybody I could talk to, I sat in the midwifery clinic and and got to know the midwives in town. And I really just let it become everything that I was about. I was became very involved in La Leche League where I have got to know other young parents. And it wasn't so that I could attend their birth, but more so that I could learn through them what their experience had been like and what they wished would had been different for them so that I had this base of knowledge to draw upon the next time I went to a birth. And each time I went to a birth, I brought something new home with me about about how that parent birthed their child. And I'm going to say that after hundreds of births, I still get that. I was at a birth, Although I'm theoretically retired, air quotes, retired, because, you know, being over 50 and attending births, it's a lot.
Sam Leeson [00:14:32]:
They're long and they're physical. But a friend of mine had a baby just a month ago, and I came home from that birth Learning new things about the whole journey as well. And it it just never ever stops. It never gets old. It's never doll, I will say that when my job is good, it doesn't get better. When my job is bad, it doesn't get worse. And And I've had all of the spectrum of experiences like that. And I think that's just made me a more Well rounded individual in terms of how I offer the kind of care and support that I offer.
Mahara Wayman [00:15:12]:
I think that's really important to understand that there are bad days or tough days, right, in all life. But I'm just curious, Sam, before we go any further, would you mind explaining the difference between midwife and doula?
Sam Leeson [00:15:25]:
Absolutely.
Mahara Wayman [00:15:26]:
I think we I think our listeners need to know that.
Sam Leeson [00:15:29]:
I think you're probably right because I'll I still get asked that question all the time after doing this for so many years, as a doula, I don't do anything physical. What I like to tell or medical. I like to say that I work from the waist up, and your midwife works from the waist down. So I don't do any vaginal exams. I don't listen to baby's heart rate. I don't do anything medicalized about the well-being and the and the focus and the production of the whole Pregnancy, labor, birth, newborn journey. I do all of the physical support, emotional support, and informational support. So I Give the people who are having the babies the opportunity to learn as much about the journey and about themselves as they possibly can so that they can set themselves up to have the experience that they would like to have.
Mahara Wayman [00:16:21]:
That sounds magical.
Sam Leeson [00:16:25]:
It it is for me. I can't speak for my for my clients, but it is absolutely magical. Every time I have the opportunity to Be present when a new human being comes into this world is it's absolutely awe inspiring.
Mahara Wayman [00:16:41]:
Do you know, are there many or any male doulas?
Sam Leeson [00:16:48]:
There are. I don't Personally, no any, but I know that there are male doulas. I know that there are people who are assigned male at birth Who are doulas? And I also know trans men who are doulas. So I don't work alongside any of them, especially since, for the most part, I'm retired. But I I am familiar with there being a few, but not a lot.
Mahara Wayman [00:17:12]:
Yeah. And, of course, the only reason I ask or the reason I ask is it just occurred to me that for centuries, women have supported women in in the birthing process. And I'm just looking at the world how it is today, it just I just it just occurred to me, wow. I wonder if there are any men and if that energy is different. Well, it must it I'm sure it's just because everybody has their own energy, but it was just a question. I just thought I just thought I'd ask.
Sam Leeson [00:17:41]:
No. No. And I don't I don't know enough about anyone who has birthed with a male doula to be able to say how the energy is different, To be able to ask those kinds of questions, I'm sure I mean, the energy I have as someone who's 50 plus years old is very different than a 30 year old who's starting out and and working as a labor support provider because I have different life experiences all the way around. Right?
Mahara Wayman [00:18:06]:
Right. Of course. So what are some of the surprises that you learned about yourself as you went on this journey of being a doula, if any?
Sam Leeson [00:18:18]:
I'd certainly, I learned about how I wanted to present myself to my children, what kinds of life lessons I wanted them to learn about empowering. I I birthed 2 male children. And so I wanted them to be able to understand what it's like for someone to birth a baby. They would never get that opportunity. They may parent a child themselves Someday, but I wanted them from infancy to just know the whole thing to the point where when my eldest was 3 years old, we went to a birthday part not a birthday party, a, baby shower for somebody I went to high school with. And he walked up and he said, is the baby going to come out your Volva or your stomach? And she's like, oh, my vulva? Like, she just was so confused. But it's just I've given I hope that I've given them the tools to understand about how to be respectful and empowering of the people around them who do different things with their bodies than than they can do for themselves. So I think it's it's taught me how to be the parent I wanted to be and parent the way I wanted to parent.
Sam Leeson [00:19:39]:
It's taught me to respect myself and the work that I do and put value on it. When I hear people say to me that That they couldn't have done it without me. I obviously know that they could have, but to say those words to me means that my presence meant something to them, And I don't take that lightly. It's a it's a huge honor. And so I I but I give myself permission to accept that And to say thank you and not not deflect. And that's hard to do. It's especially because I've been conditioned since a child to when somebody said gives you a compliment To say oh, no. No.
Sam Leeson [00:20:14]:
No. No. No. No. No. They they don't say it because they're just empty words. They say it because they mean it. And so I can embrace.
Sam Leeson [00:20:22]:
I'm allowed to embrace the fact that they're giving me a compliment, and that makes me grateful.
Mahara Wayman [00:20:28]:
Did you have to work with that work on that, though? Because to your point, yeah, we grew up being told to sort of negate a compliment and just poo poo it away and, oh, that's fine and not accept it. And I'm just wondering if you I have to work at that. I remember distinctly getting called on the carpet by my friend who tried who was complimenting me and I you know? And she she gave me shit for us. She's like, I forgot Sydney. Can't you just say thank you? And I'm like, okay. And even though I said the words thank you, I didn't feel it. I was embarrassed, nervous, concerned like, all of these emotions going on inside. So I'm just curious how difficult it was for you to learn that, that when your client said, oh my god.
Mahara Wayman [00:21:09]:
I couldn't have done this without you, that you didn't question. You just said I'm so you're welcome.
Sam Leeson [00:21:15]:
Yeah. It took me years. I mean, I've been doing this for over 25 years. It took me years years To get to that point, I think what I needed to hear, and I and it's sad that I needed this kind of validation, but I needed to hear The midwives and the OBs that I worked with giving me space to do the work that I was doing And recognizing the value of the work that I was doing as well as the birthing parents being grateful. And all of these things combined made me think, I I guess I am I guess I am doing something beneficial for people, and it's it's okay. It's still uncomfortable. It's still uncomfortable. When somebody pays me a compliment About about doing baby work, it's still uncomfortable.
Sam Leeson [00:22:00]:
I'm like, oh, thank you. But I but I see that. I take it, and I appreciate it, and I value it. But I but I think you never get away from your conditioning about those Kinds of things, but it but it makes me far less uncomfortable now than it did years ago. And I and I do have to say, probably only in the last 5 years have I said, I am an expert in my field. I have done what I've done to get me to where I am, that there are young doulas who've mentored with me. There are families that reach out to me years later to talk to me about parenting. Now they're teens and tweens and those kinds of things.
Sam Leeson [00:22:37]:
There are some things that I have done to give me the power to be able to say unequivocally, I am an expert in my field. I work with an with a chiropractor every single day. And if one of our patients comes in the office and they're Expecting even if they're just you know, they just found out. He he has the respect for me as a person and as a professional to step back and say, I'll help you with your adjustments, but anything pregnancy baby related, your best go to is Sam. She's an expert in her field. And when I hear other professionals Call me an expert too. Then I'm I'm like, I am. You're right.
Sam Leeson [00:23:17]:
I own that.
Mahara Wayman [00:23:18]:
So beautiful. People, that's been badass. And what well, I wanna point out because you said something something that I can really relate to, which is I look for the other professionals to validate my my work Mhmm. As well as the parent. And what I and, you know, part of being badass is this understanding that while the outside validation is great, when you know it, you know it, and when you you can accept it. And what I've learned is that when I once I've accepted something, the rest of the world sees it naturally. I don't have to shove it down their throat because I just exude that level of confidence and happiness and energy. Now there have been times when I'm in another space, and people are very complimentary.
Mahara Wayman [00:24:05]:
And I'm like, what? Are you even talking to me? I didn't even hear you talk to me. Like, I'm just so unconnected. I'm so not present. Doesn't happen so much anymore because of all the work that I do. But I think it's really important that you that we all pat ourselves on the back when we can say, hey. It's great that you liked it. But, really, it's me that matters, and I fucking loved it. If you liked it, I loved it.
Mahara Wayman [00:24:27]:
Right? You think it's great, I know it's amazing. You think good at what I do, I'm actually exceptional. So and it's not it's not about tooting your own horn or having an inflated ego. I think it's really about being able to trust, surrender, and accept. Right? You trust that we're in the right space. You know, surrender to plans to having to pivot. Right? Surrender to what's meant to be and knowing that you are equipped to handle and pivot in the motion. Right? And to really accept that we are meant for greatness.
Mahara Wayman [00:24:59]:
Right? We're meant for greatness. And when I say greatness peeps, I don't mean being on stage. I don't mean, you know, earning a $1,000,000, I don't mean fame. I mean the greatness of stepping into our calling, whether it's to be a bookstore owner, a life coach, a doula, it you know, whatever it is, we're here for a reason. Yeah. Okay. So you've mentioned a couple times, I'm sort of retired, and I don't believe you. So let's talk about what you're doing now.
Sam Leeson [00:25:31]:
So from the physical attending of births, I, for the most part, these days, when I'm asked to attend a birth, sort of refer out to other people that I know are exceptional doulas that work in my community that I can refer to when clients want them. But I have friends and family who If they ask me, I'm always going to say yes. And they know that they don't have to worry about whether or not I'm not attending births anymore. And and there's an extra privilege in being able to choose when I'm on call, when I'm off call. It's it's a lot to be on call, and I was on call for the better part of 20 years. And so to have that opportunity to to now pick and choose without meaning to make that sound so elitist, I don't mean that. I'd simply mean that I can now give my time to other things. About 8 or 10 years ago, a friend of mine, an amazing, wonderful midwife friend of mine reached out to me and said, are you doing work specifically For the 2 s LGBTQIA plus community.
Sam Leeson [00:26:46]:
And I said, no. I don't I don't differentiate necessarily. Why? And she said, Yep. Why not? And I went, that's a that's a pretty fair question. That's a pretty fair question. I am a part of the community, so why am I not Doing everything I can to make sure that members of my community know that they have someone in the community to support them. So what am I doing now? I am Helping meet with clients before they even start their fertility planning process and talk about what steps they want to take, how they're going to go through the journey, helping provide them with resources of information so that they can better understand what might work best for their family? Whether that's connecting them with a financial planner, whether it's connecting them with a fertility clinic, Whatever it is. Teaching them how to if it's, someone with a uterus, teaching them how to read their body's cues of ovulation every month, whatever it is, then connecting them with different resources throughout the whole journey and teaching them Classes and coaching them in their parenting journey, providing infant support, all of those kinds of things.
Sam Leeson [00:28:02]:
So I Still get to be very, very much involved in the world without necessarily standing in the labor and delivery room at the time that the baby Arrives in the world.
Mahara Wayman [00:28:14]:
Fair enough. What do you see is the biggest need in this field?
Sam Leeson [00:28:24]:
Specifically, as it relates to 2 s LGBTQIA plus commute the community, I think the biggest need is For them to feel safe. And I'm going to honestly say that if if this week has taught us anything in this country, that's huge. That's a huge part of it. I I started about a year ago, I started recording conversations with queer people. Some of them are professionals who help Create families with queer couples, whether it's a, you know, a chiropractor or a naturopath or an obstetrician or Fam financial planner, whatever it is, all of those people I spoke to are queer identifying. I also spoke with queer parents about their intentionally created families. I started documenting all of this because a friend of mine had said, why don't you have a baby show? Just a baby show for the 2 s LGBTQIA plus community. So I went to a baby show because it had been a while since I was pregnant.
Sam Leeson [00:29:30]:
You know? It had been a while. And I walked through, and I thought this isn't a baby show for my community necessarily. First of all, Only 1 vendor in the whole show had anything indicating that their spot was a safe space For someone who identifies as 2 s LGBTQIA plus. And I thought that's not okay. If I'm going to do a Show for my community, I need anybody participating to make sure it's unequivocal that they support. That's 1 piece. But the other is, and more importantly, we need to hear each other's stories because we don't get pregnant. We don't grow or start our families because we've had an extra glass of wine on a Saturday night.
Sam Leeson [00:30:22]:
It's always intentional. It's almost always expensive. It always involves somebody outside the dynamic of the couple if it's a couple that wants to conceive and create their family. And so I thought it a baby show needs to be more about The stories, then the vendors giving me free coupons for diapers that I still didn't need. And So I I thought, okay. That's what I'm gonna do. But it was the tail end of well, the tail end of that part of COVID. And I didn't think that people were necessarily still be lining up to come to an in person event like that.
Sam Leeson [00:31:03]:
So I recorded them all and put them all on my website and said, Have a listen. Anybody who wants the information, have a listen. And then last May, I thought, oh, pride month is coming. I should take all those Conversations and start putting them out as a podcast every every Thursday because I want people who want the information to have it. My you know, one of my taglines is just providing the answers to questions you didn't even know you had. Because if you haven't been there yet, you don't know what you don't know. Right? Whether and and that's and that's relevant to anything we do in life, but especially about Family creation. And how do I decide about who my donor's gonna be? Will it be somebody I know? Is it somebody I don't know? How do I ask somebody if they if I want somebody that I know? Then what are their legal rights? What steps should we be taking? Oh, better call a fertility Surrogacy lawyer, that kind of thing.
Sam Leeson [00:32:01]:
So it's been eye opening. It's been amazing to hear people's stories. I'm so grateful that People are willing to share their stories either about the work that they do or about how they created their family and just Make that accessible to people who really truly are still feeling like, oh, I I wonder if we can have a family day. Because that's a big question in our community. Like, how how do I do it? I mean, I know I wanna be a parent, but but how?
Mahara Wayman [00:32:33]:
I am blown away by the scope of the of the possibility Mhmm. You're saying. And I'm really humbled to be having this conversation with you because, you know, for so many years, we didn't talk about it.
Sam Leeson [00:32:48]:
Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:32:48]:
And it was and I my I think even today, there is this question of I would assume that there could be many people that are like, do I even deserve that happiness?
Sam Leeson [00:33:03]:
Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:33:04]:
My whole country if if a good portion of my country thinks that I'm in the wrong or I'm a freak. How do I stand up and say that I want this dream. And I'm getting kind of emotional about it because I just I I'm with you. Like, oh my god. This is worth talking about. This is a conversation that we need to have every single day and and yesterday. Right? Mhmm. Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:33:30]:
So it's not only about your right as a human being. It's not only about the beauty of life. It's about it's more than that. Right? It's the possibility of a life where we don't judge anymore, where we just look at everything through the lens of love. And I know that's gonna that's tough for some people, and it's saying that show. Right? If this if that's how you're thinking, then this isn't your show, and you're probably not listening. But I wanna say thank you for stepping into that because that's not an easy that's not an easy avenue to step into. That's not an easy place to step into and speak up.
Mahara Wayman [00:34:06]:
So I really applaud you for doing that, and I wanna know how I can help. Seriously.
Sam Leeson [00:34:14]:
Fair thank you. First of all, thank you because you want to know how to help. One of the ways to help is when you hear someone's story, share it. When you can tell someone that you are there for them, tell them. During, pride month about whether or not the Pride month about whether or not the Catholic school system would fly the pride flag at the schools. And the board said no. And the school said, screw you. We're gonna do it anyway.
Sam Leeson [00:34:58]:
And a lot of schools did. And the teachers were putting flags in windows. But there was a lot of hate spewed, and there's there's always there's always a lot of hate spewed. And so I went out and I bought a whole bunch of wind rainbow window decals. And I handed them out to all the people that I knew, straight, gay, whatever, questioning, it didn't matter to me if you were willing to put a a deckle in your window to let People know that your home or your business is safe. Just little things like that go a long way. You know, I have Somebody walked by our clinic, and I've had them come in and say, I saw the rainbow in the window, and thank you. And and and and and I'm gonna say, of course.
Sam Leeson [00:35:50]:
You you're welcome here. You're safe here. And And it feels like a simple thing, but it's enormous when you don't know. I can walk down the street. I'm very straight passing. Nobody knows except on the days when I wear my flag across my shirt or what have you. Nobody knows looking at me necessarily that I'm That I'm part of the queer community, I am proudly out and proud. I have a flag in the back of my my vehicle window and but I'm But I I want people to know they're safe with me, and that isn't something that's written everywhere because how often have you heard people's stories about I was terrified to tell my parents because I thought they might kick me out or my parents kicked me out because I came out to them.
Sam Leeson [00:36:38]:
They loved me until they didn't. You know? It's not right. It's not right. And so what can you do? You can just keep sharing stories.
Mahara Wayman [00:36:52]:
I again, I'm gonna say thank you. And to to the people listening, pay this is really important. What Sam said about it doesn't have to be a big gesture. You know, smiling at someone it's a hue it's little easy to do, and it has lifelong repercussions.
Sam Leeson [00:37:15]:
Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:37:15]:
Looking somebody in the eye when you're talking to them Mhmm. Is so powerful and such a gift. Listening to somebody's story, even if you don't agree with it, to just listen, because when you say I'm listening and you look them in the eye, that person realizes that in that moment, they really matter, and that's all we want. Whether you're straight, bi, gay, trans, like, whatever regardless of what your sexual preference is any of that, as human beings, we wanna know that we matter. And so it's a small things that that matter that count. So I'm gonna challenge all of you that are listening today or whenever you listen whenever you're listening to this, ask yourself, what can I do today to let the world know or to let this person or that group know or my neighbor know that I see them and that they matter? It is incredibly fulfilling Mhmm. To lead your life, to live your life through the lens of love and acceptance. I'm not saying it's easy, but it is fulfilling.
Mahara Wayman [00:38:28]:
Yes, ma'am.
Sam Leeson [00:38:28]:
Absolutely. You learn so many things that you didn't even know you wanted to learn When you give yourself the opportunity to pause and listen, and listen to learn, not listen to respond.
Mahara Wayman [00:38:43]:
Beautiful, beautiful distinction. And when I studied, I took a course in communications once, and I googled something. And this came up, you know, the definition of true communication. It's it's it's listening to understand Mhmm. Not listening to respond. And I you know, I'm a trained facilitator, and that's one of the first things that we were taught. And it was tough at first because I'm like, no. No.
Mahara Wayman [00:39:04]:
No. I wanna have the right answer. When I'm when I'm leading the group, I wanna make sure that they know that I know my shit. Finally, my teacher was like, okay. Could you just stop? You don't know your shit. Just sit quietly and listen to what they have to say, and let them lead you because you never know where that conversation is gonna go. And it was really beautiful because in that moment, I learned the power of the pause, it's okay to be quiet. And it's also okay to give somebody permission to tell you more, which was my go to phrase for years.
Mahara Wayman [00:39:35]:
It's like, tell me more about that, because I actually don't understand where you're going with this, I'm not even following you, but I'm gonna try. So can you tell me more? Make it really simple. Speak to me like I'm an idiot because I'm not following. Of course, course, I never said all of that, but that's often what I was thinking because I was like, I don't get where this is going. Mhmm. But I I think I digressed a little bit there into my into my past career. But Oh, good.
Sam Leeson [00:39:56]:
It's
Mahara Wayman [00:39:56]:
pretty powerful to know that, as human beings, we just want to we wanna tell our story. And what I think is really also important is as we listen to other stories, we learn so much about ourselves.
Sam Leeson [00:40:10]:
Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:40:10]:
We learn where our judgments lay. Because when people talk, we have a we you know, often, we'll have a reaction, whether it's Visceral. But but it's visceral. Right? And it's that's so interesting. And once I gave myself permission to listen to my body when it has that type of reaction, oh my god. I learned so much. I didn't always like what I learned, but, yeah, your personal journeys are not always the funniest. But, wow, the freedom that comes from going, okay.
Mahara Wayman [00:40:42]:
When this person says that, I wanna punch their lights out. That's interesting. I'm not gonna do it, but that's interesting. Why do I
Sam Leeson [00:40:49]:
Yeah. Yeah. Why is that my response?
Mahara Wayman [00:40:52]:
Yeah. Why is that my response? And and not to be not to give myself shit for that, but just to go, that's interesting. Wow. Curious. More and more curious. And then if necessary, forgive yourself for it. Well, I forgive myself for that belief because what I know in my work with my clients and myself is that most, if not all of our judgments today come from a belief that we that that came about when we were very young. And Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:41:16]:
Since I understood that, you know what? When I'm 678, the brain just doesn't can't compute. So it sees this, and the 3rd time it sees it, it makes a connection. That connection may not be correct. So it's like, hey. That doesn't work for me anymore. I really did go off on a side tangent, so I'm gonna stop that now. I have a question for you.
Sam Leeson [00:41:35]:
Yes. I have an answer.
Mahara Wayman [00:41:37]:
You will have an answer, I'm sure. What is your definition of a badass?
Sam Leeson [00:41:43]:
Oh, that's a good question. I think my Definition of a badass is an individual who respects the world around them, But does everything in their power to make sure that they're making the world a better pay place no matter the cost, Whether it's personal cost, physical cost, emotional cost, I think you have to be willing to put your discomfort aside sometimes To push that needle forward so that we can continually grow as a species to be a better place. And and I think that for me, that's what a badass is. That you're just doing what you can to make this world a better place, and you're not unapologetic about it. People don't like it. As long as you're doing what you what you can from your heart and without any malintent, Then I think that makes you a badass.
Mahara Wayman [00:42:45]:
I agree. That was a fantastic definition. And as for I'm very visual. So as you were speaking, I really I could see that the it's the it's the end result. We are all part of the we are part we are we are the world. I'll go back to the Michael Jackson song, but we are the world. And when we can accept that we do make a difference in the world, one one voice at a time, then it becomes kind of exciting to put the collective voice ahead of the individual. Because as a collective voice is hurting.
Mahara Wayman [00:43:24]:
And we need to, you know, we need to to to solve that or to put a it's like a salve on a wound. I agree it is badass to think of the the collective and and to step out of our comfort zone. And to to sort of address that and to stand up. And to me, what I'm also thinking is it's being badass allows us to question the boundaries that we put put on ourselves. Right? What what are the boundaries? What are your boundaries? Are they inclusive, or are they inclusive? Are they exclusive? Right. Very small change in in word, but very powerful diff I need a drink. Very powerful distinction between the 2 words. I'm so sorry.
Sam Leeson [00:44:10]:
It was
Mahara Wayman [00:44:10]:
bopping at me the whole time that even before I hit record, I got to chuckling like a madwoman. So I think I think it's probably that I wrap this conversation up. But I just wanna be very clear. Today, you you've got your own podcast, and you go on to year 3, I believe.
Sam Leeson [00:44:29]:
I have 2 podcasts. So year 3 starts for Boobs, Buds, and Brains About women's health and wellness and the and I'm partway through season 1 of Becoming Baby Ready. So some of the work I do is Only 2 s LGBTQIA related, and the boos, buds, and brains is for anyone who calls themselves a woman or has a uterus. So That's what I do most of the time.
Mahara Wayman [00:44:57]:
Beautiful. Guys, check the show notes because, of course, I'm gonna have all the different ways that you can connect with Sam and learn more about this amazing woman and life that she's created for herself. If you have any questions about how you can make a difference in your world and would like to support Sam in her efforts. Please please please reach out to her because this is important work that she is doing, and we are all part of the solution. Regardless of where you stand on any of the issues, we are all part of the solution. Sam, it has been an absolute delight. Loved chatting with you. Listeners, I hope you enjoyed our conversation.
Mahara Wayman [00:45:37]:
Please DM me. Reach out to Sam. Know that we are on our journey to make the world a more conversational place because stories matter, yours included, and have an amazing week. I will see you next week on the art of badassery. My name is Mahara. Have an amazing time. Have an amazing
