Mahara Wayman [00:00:05]:
Welcome to the art of badassery where I explore what it takes to live life on your own terms. Break free from the status quo and unleash your inner badass. Whether you're a rebel at heart or simply seeking inspiration to step outside your comfort zone, this podcast is for you. I'm your host, Mahara Wayman. And each week, I dive into the stories, insights, and strategies of those who've mastered the art of badassery and are living life to the fullest. They smile when no one is lucky. 2, 1. Welcome to the Art of Badassery.
Mahara Wayman [00:00:43]:
I'm Mahara Wayman. And today, I am beyond excited to introduce a truly remarkable guest whose journey from the vibrant streets of India to the eclectic landscape of Dubai and settling in the heart of Houston, Texas is nothing short of inspiring. She's not just a survivor, she's a thriver, turning the pages of her life story from a painful arranged marriage to a triumphant tale of self discovery. Originally hailing from India, our guest, Soni Pelti, spent her formative years in Dubai before embarking on a new chapter in the United States when she was 19. For the past 32 years, Houston, Texas has been the backdrop of her journey. From childhood dreams of playing a teacher to a successful IT career in the oil and gas industry, her life took a turn when she left her challenging 22 year marriage. She found the strength to break free and redefine her identity. Now at the heart of this transformative decision was her then 15 year old old son who catalyzed her courageous step forward to independence.
Mahara Wayman [00:01:49]:
Navigating the murky waters of divorce, Sony realized that external influences had shaped her identity for too long. Determined to reclaim it, she embarked on a profound healing journey, becoming a love and relationship coach. Her narrative embodies the true essence of being a badass, and that's why she's here today with us. Join us as we chat about her experiences, the challenges that she overcame, and, of course, the wisdom that she gained along the way. Soni, welcome to the show. I couldn't be happier to have this conversation.
Soni Pelty [00:02:25]:
Thank you, Mahara, for having me on your show. I am so thrilled to be here with you.
Mahara Wayman [00:02:29]:
Oh, I love that. I love that excitement. So there's so many things that caught my attention when I read your when I read your bio. And I I'm curious though, from a young age, you traveled. Mhmm. When you left India for Dubai, do you recall there being any great or change in how you saw yourself?
Soni Pelty [00:02:56]:
Honestly, I feel like when I look back at my life, I have very little remembrance of that time in my life, especially of my life in India, the first 10 years of my life. I just remember bits and pieces of my life, but nothing more than that.
Mahara Wayman [00:03:26]:
Okay. So And when when you when you moved to Dubai, did you start do you have great more memories of your time in Dubai as a little girl?
Soni Pelty [00:03:34]:
I I do. I do have more memories of my time in Dubai than I did of my time in India. The only thing I really remember was going to Dubai was so different. The Dubai that we experience today is not what it used to be in the eighties. And I got there in the winter of at 1981. And the summer of 1982 was my first summer in Dubai. And because a lot of people are immigrants there from other countries, it was a dead place. And all I remember was feeling lonely and just wanting to run away.
Mahara Wayman [00:04:22]:
Okay. So moving to Dubai was a bit dark. Not not the happening place. It there wasn't a lot going on at that time. You were there for the some formative years, though. What do you recall as being the really great component of living in Dubai?
Soni Pelty [00:04:40]:
Just the different kind of people I met from all over the world. I feel it, added richness to my life. So that was the first time I experienced different cultures.
Mahara Wayman [00:04:55]:
Mhmm.
Soni Pelty [00:04:56]:
And that was something that really lit me up. And some of my best friends were from countries that I would have never imagined living in India.
Mahara Wayman [00:05:10]:
Interesting. Interesting. So take us forward now. You are 19. What did the whole family move to the US, or was this part of your arranged marriage?
Soni Pelty [00:05:21]:
Yes. That was part part of my arranged marriage. And, as I was sharing with you earlier about, the feeling of, loneliness when I first got to Dubai because I did not know anybody. It was very quiet. There was no honking on the streets. It was just like pin drop silence. I'm like, oh my god. Where have I come? So no matter the life that I lived in Dubai, got the best education, met amazing people.
Soni Pelty [00:05:54]:
At the core of my being, like, the the life that I lived there, the 10 years of my life that I lived there, there was always this longing of running away, leaving Dubai and going someplace because I it never felt home. And the reason I share that is because at 19, when I moved to Houston, that was because of me getting married. My arranged marriage brought me here. And the reason I didn't resist at that time was this, oh, I'm getting to come to USA. Mhmm. My dad was very conservative. I lived a very sheltered and protected life. After I graduated from high school, there were no colleges in Dubai at that time.
Soni Pelty [00:06:51]:
I graduated college, high school in 1989, and I wanted to go to London or come to USA to study, to go to college. And my dad was very uncomfortable with that. He didn't want me to go to a foreign country or to any country, like, even to India to a place where I don't have family or didn't live with relatives.
Mahara Wayman [00:07:19]:
So you saw your your arranged marriage as a way out? Yes. And perhaps a way to something beautiful.
Soni Pelty [00:07:28]:
Yes.
Mahara Wayman [00:07:29]:
Okay. Well, I see from the notes that you sent me that all was not, you know, sugar and roses in your arranged marriage. Yes. Can you take us through some of the ahas of that experience that led you to say enough is enough? Wait a second. This is not this is not acceptable.
Soni Pelty [00:07:55]:
Yeah. So the first two weeks after I came to Houston was when I realized that my then husband had a very short temper, and he didn't have the best relationship with his parents, specifically his dad, especially his dad. And that was the first moment of shock because I never really spent time with him. We never really dated. Our families knew each other. His mom and my mom grew up at the same neighborhood in India, and him and I never got to spend time together. Even though we we saw each other within 10 days, we got ex engaged. And then he went to Houston, and I went to Dubai.
Soni Pelty [00:08:54]:
And there was a period of 6 months between us getting married, but that was all over phone. There was no texting back then either.
Mahara Wayman [00:09:06]:
Well and, you know, I I'm sitting here listening to what you're saying. We're almost we're of the same age, and I can't wrap my head around that. My children are 2025. And even the 25 year old, she's still my baby. Like, I can't I I'm I I just can't and I know it's a cultural thing. You grew up with it, and and half the world, you know, or good percentage of the world, that's that's normal for them. But when you take an arranged marriage into a culture that it is not normal, like the United States Right. It it I'm curious when you not only realized within the relationship, wow.
Mahara Wayman [00:09:49]:
This guy's got a temper. I'm not sure we're compatible. Maybe that's what I'm thinking. To, wow. Not only is this not so great, but it's not like everything else. Yes. How long for you to have had that realization that arranged marriages were not the way that Americans perhaps?
Soni Pelty [00:10:09]:
Well, I knew that that's not the way in America. I knew it was very cultural, yet I didn't expect the family who was living in America and who has lived most of their life outside of India. My ex husband was in born in India. He's never lived his life in India. He was from Ghana, West Africa. That's where he was born. He's Indian origin, but he was born in West Africa. So that was more of a shock to me that a family that has lived most their life in India and he who has never lived in India, they were so conservative and so bound to the traditional way of being, which is shifting in India now as well.
Mahara Wayman [00:11:01]:
Interesting. Okay. So you are young. You're a young newly married woman. You had dreams of being a teacher. You are now living in the States. I'm assuming well, I don't know. Did you go to university? Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:11:16]:
K?
Soni Pelty [00:11:17]:
Yes. So that was one of the criterias of my parents saying, okay. She's 19. We are happy for her to be married to your son, yet we want her to have an education and for her to study. So that was one of the conditions, if you may say so.
Mahara Wayman [00:11:34]:
Well, that's a great condition. I mean, you wanted it.
Soni Pelty [00:11:36]:
Yes. That too was challenged by his dad because he was not there when we first met, and he was not aware of it. Okay. So when I got to Houston and I applied to University of Houston for my undergraduate program, He was like, you don't need to study. I'm like, yes. I do. So that was a point of contention as well.
Mahara Wayman [00:12:06]:
Well, I I'm I'm giggling for those of you that aren't watching the video. I'm giggling because I'm like, okay. I just got a I just got a view of her badassery, And her face kinda lit up and, you know, the energy level went up, which was which is fun to see. But I'm curious. When you began to, assert yourself and, you know, step forward into your happiness and into your life, How did your husband at the time and perhaps even your family react to that?
Soni Pelty [00:12:38]:
At that time, my husband, he was very supportive. He did want me to go to school. Well, for the all of our married years, I was the primary breadwinner per se. He was he had his own business. He was part of the family business. So the family had a lot of money, yet the way they handled money was from a place of lack even though they had more than enough. And my job was looked upon as, oh, it'll be for health insurance. It will be for x, y, and z.
Soni Pelty [00:13:20]:
You know? So it was because they had a business, his income was more like, oh, let's just only draw so much so you don't go over the, tax bracket, which is we are already in a higher tax bracket because of my, the money that I was bringing in with my job. So So I never got this luxury of, like, just being, just enjoying. So he was very supportive to go back to your question. How did my family take it or how did he take it? He was very supportive.
Mahara Wayman [00:14:05]:
Okay. Now at some point, you got pregnant and you have your son?
Soni Pelty [00:14:11]:
Yes. And that was the most amazing and most beautiful thing. I did finish my, bachelor's in business administration. And so after 5 years of us being married, we had our son. And that was the most beautiful thing. I just wanna kind of take you back to the whole, like, piece where I realized it was not just his temper. He was addicted to porn as well, pornography. And that was a huge shock to me.
Soni Pelty [00:14:45]:
Like, right now, also, when I said those words, I had chills in my body because for a 19 year old girl to wake up at 2 AM in the morning and not find her husband in bed. And when I walked out, he's sitting in front of the TV watching porn.
Mahara Wayman [00:15:04]:
What did he say about it?
Soni Pelty [00:15:06]:
He was just, like, fumbling. Like, he's been caught doing something that he shouldn't have been. But what was going on for me in this moment was, like, am I not enough? Do I not matter? And why does he need all of this when he has me?
Mahara Wayman [00:15:27]:
Of course. It brings up such and I'm I I wanna say thank you. I that wasn't I I knew about that. I didn't touch on it because I wanted to leave it to you to bring to bring up. You know, pornography is well, I don't I don't know enough about it other than I have a visceral reaction, which is, ugh, ugh. Nobody wants to be a porn star. I don't think any woman wants to be a porn star. I can't speak for men.
Mahara Wayman [00:15:57]:
I don't think a woman wants that, And I see it as an as a a challenge. Like, really, it can be something very negative and very and be indicative of a much deeper problem. Did he get help for this, or was it considered a problem, or was it just No. Something some guy No.
Soni Pelty [00:16:16]:
This is how men are was what was told to me. This is how men are. And now I can say, no. That's not how men are.
Mahara Wayman [00:16:26]:
Yeah.
Soni Pelty [00:16:27]:
That's not how all men are.
Mahara Wayman [00:16:30]:
So was the pornography a running challenge a continuous challenge throughout your relationship? Yes. Throughout
Soni Pelty [00:16:35]:
our relationship. There were stacks and stacks of Playboy magazines, video tapes. I'm aging myself.
Mahara Wayman [00:16:47]:
I'm older than you, Sunny, just so you know. Okay. So you found yourself in a marriage, an arranged marriage, that while it had some I don't wanna say benefits, but while there were some good things that came out of it, obviously, you got to move to the states, you got a you got an education, you've got this beautiful son, you recognize that your husband was not someone that perhaps you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.
Soni Pelty [00:17:10]:
That's right. Yes.
Mahara Wayman [00:17:11]:
How far into the marriage before you came to that realization? Because I'm you were married for 22 years.
Soni Pelty [00:17:17]:
It's so 15 years into the marriage, I felt like I was done. And by then, we had our daughter as well. I did pick up the phone to call an attorney at that point. And just after the first conversation, I just backed off. Why? I didn't have the courage. I did not know what my life would look like. I didn't know if my friends would wanna be with me, be around me, my kids, the cultural aspect of the Indian culture, my family, just so many things. I feel, like I mentioned to you, my identity was defined by people around me.
Soni Pelty [00:18:11]:
I thought I loved myself, but where I sit today, I know I didn't love myself. I had low self worth, because there's no way I'm gonna tolerate what I tolerated back then. I will not tolerate that today.
Mahara Wayman [00:18:31]:
I think it's so interesting, and I I love I I appreciate that you that you bring this up. I think women, especially, we can have a glimpse of our unhappiness, but we can convince ourselves it's okay because it's, at least I have this. At least I have that. At least I have a home. At least I have friends.
Soni Pelty [00:18:54]:
Yes.
Mahara Wayman [00:18:54]:
And the fear of being without often overweighs the fear of staying put. Yeah. I'm curious just to hold that thought there. I'm I'm curious how what the time frame was from when you recognized I don't have the courage to I'm ready. I've got the courage.
Soni Pelty [00:19:11]:
How long it's 7 years.
Mahara Wayman [00:19:13]:
7 years. I'm ready. I just wanna take I just wanna take a deep breath, and I wanna say, wow. You those 7 years must have been tough, but I'm proud of you for acting for, you know, getting to that point.
Soni Pelty [00:19:29]:
Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:19:31]:
Talk to us a little bit about those 7 years.
Soni Pelty [00:19:35]:
So the reason it probably took me that long was the uncertainty of the unknown. Even though my situation was not good. I was in a toxic marriage. There was emotional abuse. There was some physical abuse by that point. I knew how to handle that. That was my normal. I was scared of not knowing what is there out there for me once I leave this marriage.
Soni Pelty [00:20:17]:
I don't know if I had the tools to handle my life. I did not know anything. So even though I was sick of being in that marriage, I was hurting so badly. My body was ailing.
Mahara Wayman [00:20:37]:
I had
Soni Pelty [00:20:39]:
several diseases that had taken over my body. I knew how to deal with it even though it was not good.
Mahara Wayman [00:20:53]:
Yeah. Well, it it it's so important that you say that because we we we find a way. Like, we are Yes. And we we make do. Like, I'll I'll just deal deal with this another day. I can handle this. I know this. I know this behavior.
Mahara Wayman [00:21:06]:
I know what to do to navigate this uncomfortable situation. So that went on for 7 years. But what, if I may ask, was the moment when you went, that's it. So we're gonna take a short break right now, but I'll be back with my guest within 60 seconds. Ladies, unlock your inner badass and transform your life with my monthly subscription workshop. For just $47 a month, you'll have exclusive access to work closely with me, Mahara Wayman, as we dive deep into all things badass from personal development to conquering your goals. Imagine waking up every day with confidence, purpose, and a smile that radiates your newfound strength. Take advantage of this badass opportunity and join us today at www.mindfulnesswithmahara dotcom and start your journey toward a happier, more confident you.
Mahara Wayman [00:22:05]:
Smile when no one is looking. You've earned it.
Soni Pelty [00:22:10]:
One of the times when, my son was in middle school, and he started saying, I think I'm just gonna go to the library and study. I don't know when you and dad are gonna start fighting again, and I just can't focus. So I'm just gonna go go ahead and go to the library and study there. That was the very first thing that happened. Then after one of our fights, I didn't see him, but I think he was standing outside the living room and just hearing us argue and fight. And after it was all said and done and my ex husband walked out, he came up to me and he I was sitting at the kitchen table. I re remember it so clearly. And he sat down next to me, and he told me, mom, why do you wanna stay with him if he doesn't respect you and doesn't treat you well? Why are you doing this to yourself? And that moment, that 15 year old boy, all of a sudden was this, oh my god, grown up man.
Soni Pelty [00:23:31]:
And this thing that I carried with me, this belief that I will be harming my kids or I'm staying in this marriage for the sake of my kids, that wasn't true. I could no longer use that to justify me staying in the marriage because I could see that it's hurting them. And another incident was we were in the car, and, my our daughter was sitting in the back seat. And he said something to me to which I was just getting ready to respond. And right away, my daughter jumped in. Mom, please don't say anything. You guys are going to get into a fight again. And that was the moment I realized that I'm sending a wrong message to both my kids.
Soni Pelty [00:24:28]:
I'm telling my son it's okay for a man to treat his wife however he wants. She's always gonna be there with him. And I'm telling my daughter that there is no way out for a woman. She has to be okay with however it is that she's treated. And that's not how I wanted my kids to live their life. That's not how I wanted them to think relationships. This is normal in relationships. And that's what led me to say enough is enough.
Soni Pelty [00:25:01]:
I want out now.
Mahara Wayman [00:25:04]:
Wow. I I'm I have the shivers because I I truly believe that our children, they are our angels. And when we allow ourselves to listen, especially when they're little, they say they say that the damndest things. Right?
Soni Pelty [00:25:23]:
Yes.
Mahara Wayman [00:25:23]:
But they are so intuitive. And I'm I'm blown away by the story, and I'm so glad that you listened to them. I'm so glad that that was the catalyst to for you to sort of step into your greatness because it does take courage. And, you know, not everybody is in, thankfully, a a a difficult marriage. But many of us have challenges in our life, whether it's with our relationships or with our work or with our, self loathing. You know, we many of us pretend. And I love your story because you're telling us that, you know what? I stopped pretending that it was okay. Yes.
Mahara Wayman [00:26:02]:
So you left your marriage, and did you leave your career at the same time? Because I I wanna move into your new career at a bit.
Soni Pelty [00:26:11]:
Yes. Yes. No. I didn't move into my new career at this at that time. I was still working for the oil and gas company, and the first couple of years were pretty crazy after I got divorced. It was not a bed of roses. I was 42 when we got divorced. And for the first time ever, in my forties, I stepped into the dating world not knowing how to handle that.
Soni Pelty [00:26:44]:
I'm like, oh my god. I'm 42. I've never dated. And throw in the mix online dating, all these apps and holy shit. What am I doing here?
Mahara Wayman [00:26:57]:
So I'm curious. I and I'm glad that we're laughing because the first part of the conversation would felt a little heavy. But so you're jumping to the to online dating. Were you, like, a kid in a candy store, or were you like Yes.
Soni Pelty [00:27:08]:
I was. You were? I'm like, yes. I'm like, wow. What is all of this? And yet, because I wasn't modeled what good relationships look like, I was all over the place. I went from one relationship to the next to the next. And after two and a half years or so of doing that, I'm like, this is not what I want for myself. I know I'm meant to be in a deep, loving relationship, and I know I want to be married again. And so I literally sat down and logged on to Google, and I looked up relationship coaches for myself.
Mahara Wayman [00:27:55]:
Oh, you good for you, girl. I love that.
Soni Pelty [00:27:59]:
I'm like, I am done with randomly trying different things, reading a little bit of blogs here, reading a book there. It's not getting me anywhere because, honestly, I needed to do some healing. I needed to, heal the trauma that I experienced from so many years, and it just didn't start from when I got married. Leading that constricted, restricted life that women or girls in India is normal for them. I had to undo so much. So I'm really happy that I embarked on my journey of healing, of growth, of self love. And It
Mahara Wayman [00:28:53]:
is a journey, isn't it? I mean, it's not
Soni Pelty [00:28:55]:
It's a journey, a never ending journey.
Mahara Wayman [00:29:00]:
Yeah. I I appreciate that you're that you're being honest about it. And when I talk to my clients, you know, sometimes they have wavered back and forth for months and or years before getting help.
Soni Pelty [00:29:14]:
Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:29:14]:
But especially today, there is so there are so many coaches. Mhmm. Very well trained therapists, counselors, coaches. You know? There's help if you are if you're needing it. And, you know, back then for you to have reached out for that is is brilliant. I am curious, and I think I know the answer, but I'm gonna ask anyway. How much of your healing included forgiveness?
Soni Pelty [00:29:41]:
A lot of it. Forgiveness came much later for me in the healing journey, though.
Mahara Wayman [00:29:48]:
Okay.
Soni Pelty [00:29:49]:
I had a lot of anger to process before I could even forgive.
Mahara Wayman [00:29:55]:
Yeah. I bring it up because it's it's a very strong component. It wasn't mine, and, I know it is in in my clients. And some people aren't ready to let go of that anger. Yeah. So it makes sense to me that you said you you know, it didn't come right away.
Soni Pelty [00:30:11]:
Right. Right. Of anger. Yeah. And I had to forgive myself first.
Mahara Wayman [00:30:16]:
Oh, that's part of the I think that's part of the hard that's maybe even the hardest because Yes. I don't know about you, but for me, I spent you know, I had a lifetime of putting myself down Mhmm. For no real reason. I mean, I'm not gonna go into my old childhood trauma. Whatever. It wasn't even trauma. It was just stuff. But I got used to behaving in a certain way that was very derogatory to myself.
Mahara Wayman [00:30:39]:
Mhmm. And it took years for me to realize it. I had best friends try to point it out to me as I was growing up, and I would just pooh pooh it away like, oh, whatever. I'm just being funny. Yeah. No big deal. And they're like and I know. I'm still best friends with one of these girls, and she's like, I watched you, Mahara.
Mahara Wayman [00:30:55]:
I watched you. And I'm just so glad that you're not there anymore because it was painful for my friends to listen to some of the stuff I was saying about me. So I think self forgiveness is a huge component of being a badass. Just folks, forgive yourself. It's part of being a badass. I'm telling you that right now. I love that you're laughing about this. So you went and you got a relationship coach?
Soni Pelty [00:31:17]:
Yes. And I, yeah, did a lot of work on me and learned the dynamics of relationships, of real relationships, healthy romantic relationships. And it wasn't easy breaking those old patterns of showing up in relationships, no boundaries, people pleasing, overgiving. I checked all those boxes. You know? And the way you show up in one area of your life is how you show up in every area of your life, and I was showing showing up that way even in my friendships. So not only did I heal my relationship, like, while I was dating, just romantic real relationship and attracting an amazing man several years into my healing. But my other relationships around me started to shift and change too. I was not overgiving in my friendships.
Mahara Wayman [00:32:23]:
Hear that a lot with my guests. And I think you're right. What we how we treat how we behave in one area of our life is how we behave in all the areas of our life. It's just whether we're willing to recognize it. And I do believe that when everybody that's on a journey of self discovery, the happier we are, the happier our our people are because they they feel it. They react to our energy, and they learn from us. Our children, excuse me, they our children learn from us and see us interact. So I'm curious.
Mahara Wayman [00:32:53]:
You you've got 2 children, a boy, and a girl? Yes. They supported your decision to leave the marriage. They could see how unhappy you were. Mhmm. And how were they watching you as you grew into yourself? Were they like, yeah. Go for it, mom. Or were was it a little bit were was it a little bit strange for them and a little bit of were they a little afraid of the new mom? Not afraid of. I didn't mean to say afraid of, but just recognizing that you're chain that you're growing and changing.
Mahara Wayman [00:33:23]:
Right. Right.
Soni Pelty [00:33:23]:
Right. It was it's it's been a beautiful journey, Maharaj, and just to watch my son. So when at the time when I started my healing journey, my son was already out of the house. He was in at college. But my daughter was at home with me, and she got to witness the transformation in me. And I have a beautiful story to share with you about that. We were sitting in our kitchen, on the kitchen counter, on the stool. I was sitting there, and I have this picture of the 3 of us, myself and my 2 kids on the counter.
Soni Pelty [00:33:59]:
And my daughter walked down the stairs, and she came to me, and she looked at me. And she said, you know, mom, that mom that is there in this picture and the mom who is sitting in front of me are 2 different people. You're so much stronger now. You don't spiral down every time dad says he is gonna stop paying for this. He's gonna take this away or he creates turmoil in your life. You don't spiral down as much as you used to. In that moment, I felt that that every dollar that I invest invested in my growth was realized, was worth it. It's priceless.
Soni Pelty [00:34:49]:
It's priceless. Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:34:52]:
It's priceless.
Soni Pelty [00:34:53]:
That will always stay with me. Now too when she talks to her therapist, she's like, I look up to my mom. And it just melts my heart that I could be this person for my kids, show them a different way of life that they wouldn't have gotten to experience had I not taken the step of leaving the marriage. Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:35:19]:
So courageous. You know, so much strength. And I just wanna applaud you for that because it's not easy. As you said earlier, where there's fear of the unknown. Yes. Raised in a in a in a society or in a in a family that showed you what it could be like. So, really, it was very much, yeah. I can see it being pretty scary.
Mahara Wayman [00:35:39]:
Yeah. So I wanna know how you went from being in the oil and gas industry to being a relationship love and relationship coach because they're actually quite far apart.
Soni Pelty [00:35:50]:
Yes. Aren't they? They are.
Mahara Wayman [00:35:52]:
They are. But I'm I'm I can't wait to hear.
Soni Pelty [00:35:55]:
Yeah. So it was my life's transformation story, what I learned, how it changed my life. I was called to show up and be of service to other women because, hey. I don't wanna keep this to myself. There's so many women who just live in mediocrity that this is the best it gets. There is nothing better out there. And when I discovered that there's so much out there, once we have the courage to step out of that mediocrity that we are living in? How could I keep that secret to myself? So that got me on my journey to be a love and relationship coach, and here I am.
Mahara Wayman [00:36:49]:
Okay. I gotta ask because I know our audience is is thinking because you mentioned a a beautiful relationship. Are you in a relationship today?
Soni Pelty [00:36:58]:
Yes. I am married, and I met my husband online on a dating site. And, so I met him 6 years after my divorce. And while I was already on my healing journey, dating several men, I went I dated, like, crazy. I went on some 300 some first dates before I met him.
Mahara Wayman [00:37:28]:
That's energy for 300 first dates.
Soni Pelty [00:37:31]:
You know, Namara, it was so therapeutic. I know people don't think of dating as therapy, but when you are going out and dating, you come across so many different situations, and they trigger you. Okay. And then that gives birth to more healing because we can do heal on our own, and we can only get so far. But when we are in the real world, in real situations, in real relationships, shit comes up for us, And that helps us heal while we are dating. So that was just, like, a blessing I feel for me. Oh my god. So I was ready for him to show up.
Mahara Wayman [00:38:18]:
I love your attitude. It's so you are such a badass. And I I, you know, I can see from your energy, he it was everything has worked out well for you. And I think you're right. When we open ourselves to the lesson. Mhmm. Give ourselves permission to sit with the uncomfortableness of being a human, then we can move past it. It's when it's when we dampen it down, pretend it's not there, ignore it Right.
Mahara Wayman [00:38:46]:
That builds up and builds up, and it becomes incredibly toxic. Right. Yay for you. You went on 300 first dates. You grew. You learned. You were determined. You met this amazing man.
Mahara Wayman [00:38:58]:
You're now remarried, and you are a love and relationship coach. What is what's the number one thing that you learned about yourself as a woman in her forties from this whole experience.
Soni Pelty [00:39:14]:
But we can have it all.
Mahara Wayman [00:39:18]:
I wanna break it to song. You know that song? I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan. K. Sorry, guys. I may have to cut that out, but we'll see. So you could have it all. I love it. Can you give us an example?
Soni Pelty [00:39:31]:
I meet so many women, especially, like, successful entrepreneurs, be whether they're in corporate, whether they are having their own businesses, just feel like if I have if I'm successful in one area of my life, I cannot be successful in another area. I can't have it all. And if I'm successful in work, I cannot be successful in love. And I say no. We can have it all. We get to have it all. We are meant to have it all. We are born to have it all.
Soni Pelty [00:40:11]:
Oh, I love that. It's our birthright.
Mahara Wayman [00:40:14]:
It is. It really is. And I'm so glad you said that. I I my kids both my children are girls, and they grew up with me telling them when I put them to bed, you are a child of the universe, and you have you have a right to be here. Yes. And despite being brought up with a very forward thinking mom and very open, my they still had challenges because that's that's life.
Soni Pelty [00:40:38]:
Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:40:38]:
But when we can reinforce that understanding in ourselves, life is different. You look at life through a different lens. It's a lens of acceptance. It's a lens of of abundance. Mhmm.
Soni Pelty [00:40:52]:
It's a
Mahara Wayman [00:40:52]:
lens of love, love for ourselves, love for, the opportunity. And, yeah, it's a beautiful thing. It's a beautiful thing. So talk to what do you as a love and relationship coach, do you do 1 on 1? Do you have group? What does your coaching look like? Is it in person over online?
Soni Pelty [00:41:11]:
Yeah. So, I do 1 on 1. I do on and off group coaching. Most of it is online. I have a few in person clients, not too many, but most of it is online. And I do have a podcast of my own as well.
Mahara Wayman [00:41:28]:
What's your podcast called?
Soni Pelty [00:41:31]:
I I try to share my wisdom in different ways.
Mahara Wayman [00:41:36]:
Oh my goodness. We are a lot alike, girlfriend. Just saying.
Soni Pelty [00:41:39]:
Yes. We are.
Mahara Wayman [00:41:40]:
Interesting, though. But all joking aside, when and I see this a lot with my friend my peers in coaching. But when we have found happiness and we found the way through
Soni Pelty [00:41:52]:
Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:41:52]:
Of us are called to just shout it from the rooftops. Yes. I'm fairly new to business, but I have been navigating what is the best way for me to communicate. And I haven't I don't know that I found the best way yet, but there are lots of ways for coaches or any anybody that's a heart has a heart centered business to share their truth. And the world needs us. Right? Yes. Needs us, whether it's on a podcast or, you know, in doing online coaching or in person coaching or writing a book. The world needs us.
Mahara Wayman [00:42:24]:
So I'm curious, though, as we start to wrap this up, what are 2 or 3 things that you do on a regular basis to fortify this amazing growth that you've had. So what do you do on a regular basis to to remind yourself or to do some self care around being a
Soni Pelty [00:42:43]:
badass? Spend alone time with myself. I really prioritize that. I'm in a beautiful relationship, and yet I feel that when we are disconnected from ourselves, we look externally to have our bucket filled. So I definitely make it a point to prioritize my time with myself and connect with myself.
Mahara Wayman [00:43:11]:
I love that. Number 1. Okay. What's another thing that you do?
Soni Pelty [00:43:14]:
I meditate. That's been a beautiful practice for me for a couple of years now, and that just helps me keeps me grounded. Something that I can always fall back on, And that kind of connects with my spiritual practice as well. I feel like I'm not alone. I'm never alone. So that's number 2.
Mahara Wayman [00:43:36]:
Is there a third one?
Soni Pelty [00:43:38]:
Yes. There is. 3rd one is, I guess, more of taking care of our relationship, me and my husband, regular date nights. So but for myself, it's those 2. And I guess even the date nights are kinda is kind of for myself as well. My love languages are physical touch and quality time, so that enhances me as well.
Mahara Wayman [00:44:02]:
Look at your smile. Love it. So I'm just gonna do a quick recap here. You were raised in a culture that believes in arranged marriages. You agreed to 1 with high hopes that this was gonna lead you to something better because you knew there was something more for you. Unfortunately, it didn't. But along the way, you learned about yourself and you really discovered your reservoir of courage and stamina and determination. You've raised 2 beautiful children that supported your move to leaving the marriage, and you have found your way into a career where you are sharing the wealth and the knowledge and the joy of putting yourself first and learning how to navigate, you know, this this thing called relationships, whether it's an intimate relationship or not.
Mahara Wayman [00:44:51]:
That's what humans do is we have relationships. Some of us suck at them. Some of us learn along the way how to be good at them. And I love that you are now doing this so wholeheartedly with this desire to share what you've learned. I am going to drop all of your information into our show notes because I want our listeners to connect with you, and I wanna tune in to your podcast. Is it just yourself, or do you have guests?
Soni Pelty [00:45:16]:
I have a lot of solo casts and a few guests. I am in the process of rebranding and recording season 3. And this season, I am inviting more guests in.
Mahara Wayman [00:45:27]:
Beautiful. I can't
Soni Pelty [00:45:28]:
I'm really excited about it, and I'm excited for us to chat again.
Mahara Wayman [00:45:32]:
We're gonna chat again. No. No. We're gonna chat again for sure. Thank you so much for joining us on the art of badassery today. I think this is you know, our guest today has really epitomized what it means to dig deep and question and seek answers. And I just want if there's any any of you listening that are struggling in a relationship, whether it's domestic abuse or a narcissist relationship or whatever, please take a breath and know that you're not alone and reach out for help because no no woman should have that experience, and there is help out there for you. Sony, thank you so much.
Mahara Wayman [00:46:14]:
Have an amazing rest of your day. And everyone, I'll see you next week on the art of badassery. My name is Mahara, and I have loved chatting with my guest today. We'll see you next week. Bye bye. Thank you for tuning in to the Art of Badassery. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and gained valuable insights to help unleash your inner badass. If you found this podcast helpful, please leave a rating or review on your favorite platform.
Mahara Wayman [00:46:44]:
Your feedback not only helps me improve the show, but it also helps others like yourself discover the podcast. Until next time, keep embracing your authenticity and living life on your terms. Here's to you.
