Mahara Wayman [00:00:05]:
Welcome to the art of badassery where I explore what it takes to live life on your own terms, break free from the status quo, and unleash your inner badass. Whether you're a rebel at heart or simply seeking inspiration to step outside your comfort zone, this podcast is for you. I'm your host, Mahara Wayman. And each week, I dive into the stories, insights, and strategies of those who've mastered the art of badassery and are living life to the fullest. They smile when no one is lucky. Before we get started, a quick note from our sponsor, mindfulness with Mahara. What if the struggles that you go through as a female entrepreneur are actually what make your dream business strong? What if doing the inner work is what finally moves your business forward? Ladies, are you feeling stuck, drained, and uncertain on your journey to business success? Let's shake things up a bit and dive into the real game changer, the inner work. As your fellow entrepreneur who's been through it all, I'm thrilled to invite you to my group program, build your best badass business.
Mahara Wayman [00:01:20]:
Listen up. This isn't your average group program. We're going all in because I know firsthand that to build a thriving business, you've got to conquer those internal battles first. No more brushing aside the inner work or ignoring that niggle of unease inside your belly. You've already put in the grind for your business. Now do the same for your growth and empowerment. So join me as we explore the transformative power of clarity, mindfulness, courage, assertiveness, and setting kick ass goals. Together, we'll shape your journey into the ultimate success story.
Mahara Wayman [00:01:59]:
So are you ready to unleash your inner badass? Click the links in the show notes to learn more and to book your free badass breakthrough session. Let's see if we're fit to work together and if my program is exactly what you've been looking for. I'm Mahara, your badass coach. Welcome to the art of badassery, everyone. I'm your host, Mahara Wayman. I'd like you to meet my guest, Mindy Lyons, a living testament to resilience and the embodiment of unstoppable determination. Emerging from the depths of depression and battling morbid obesity, she refused to be defined by her circumstances. Now despite facing toxic relationships and traumatic endings, Mindy forged ahead rewriting her narrative with unwavering courage.
Mahara Wayman [00:02:50]:
In Mindy's world, vulnerability is celebrated as a superpower, and authenticity is key to unlocking limitless possibilities. No wonder she's a guest, right? Whether captivating audiences on stage or through digital platforms, her infectious energy and magnetic presence command attention, leaving an indelible mark on all who encounter her. So join me in welcoming Mindy, a catalyst for change, a relentless champion for personal growth, and a reminder that the human spirit is truly unstoppable when fueled by resilience and determination. Welcome to the show, Mindy.
Mindi Lyons [00:03:29]:
Thank you so much. It's so surreal to hear all of that read to me. It's, there was a time where I would have never imagined that anybody would be saying anything like that about me or my story. So thank you so much for that beautiful welcome.
Mahara Wayman [00:03:42]:
You are so welcome. And I get that response often with my guests. Mhmm. So they may they write and, you know, you sent me this information, and I just put it all together a little bit differently. But, you know, I'm first of all, thank you for joining me, and I can't wait to delve into your story. Can we go back to a time you said I can't imagine a time when? When you were younger, what did you imagine your life would be like?
Mindi Lyons [00:04:07]:
Well, that's a really great question because I think when we're young, we're full of so many dreams and so many, possibilities and visions of our future, and I had a vision of my future that was very expansive. I'm I'm a visionary. I'm a dreamer. So I was someone who loved to sing. And I started singing when I was very young in church. And I I envisioned that I was gonna be all sorts of things. I wanted to be an Olympic ice skater. I wanted to be a professional recording artist.
Mindi Lyons [00:04:40]:
I wanted to be, a speaker. There were all sorts of different possibilities, and I wanted to have a, you know, one a beautiful relationship with someone, a very successful career, make lots of money, have the dream house, have the sports car, you know, all of those things. And my life definitely took a very dramatically different direction than what I had envisioned. So it's kind of one of those things where you start out with that, you know, innocent childhood, limitless possibilities, and then life happens, which is very different than what I had dreamed would happen.
Mahara Wayman [00:05:17]:
And, you know, I I hear that a lot from my guests, and I've experienced that myself. First of all, let's just embrace the beauty of childhood because it's that you had those dreams. Right? It really is wonderful that you saw that in yourself as a possibility. Can I ask what it was that what was the first step in the change where you went, oh, I've now taken a different path?
Mindi Lyons [00:05:41]:
Well, I was very much not happy with my circumstances as a child as a child, I did not have close relationships. We had a very, very hard life, which I'm sure a lot of people talk about things like that, but I oftentimes relate my growing up to be similar to a little house on the prairie episode. We didn't have running water, electricity. We lived way out in the mountains. There there was no there was no anything. I mean, you had to walk in and out if there was any sort of snow, almost a mile. It was like that, you know, cliche walk uphill both ways kind of thing. And, so it was not only hard wait to get out of my house.
Mindi Lyons [00:06:24]:
I wanted so much to be on my own and independent. I was looking into getting emancipated. I wanted to move out, you know, when I was 16. I'm very independent and very driven and ambitious, so I could not wait until I could get out of my house. So I also was very beat down. I was told that I was good for nothing. I'd never amount to anything. If anybody was ever stupid enough to marry me, that they'd guarantee a divorce within 5 years, I was told that I was a fat pig and just all kinds of, very berating, to me emotionally.
Mindi Lyons [00:07:05]:
It really beat me down. So I had a lot of it it was kind of an interesting combination because I had a lot of insecurity because of all of that that was, instilled in me and by people who, you know, we're we're trusting with the people who are closest to us in our lives. And so a lot of times when you're younger, you tend to incorporate as truth things that are told to you because you don't have the, the experience you haven't had the emotional capacity or emotional intelligence to really understand or be able to, decipher what is actual truth and what someone is just trying to project on you based off of their own views and whatever. So, you know, when it's people that are close to you, whether it's relatives or people peers or neighbors or whatever, and then you start to believe that about yourself, it chipped away at my self esteem, and yet, I also had this I I just have sort of a a rebelliousness, a a nonconformist sort of, personality. And so I I had this, like, refusal to believe that I was going to be, a statistic or that I was going to be, you know, just average. I I was never I was I was if there was a fear of mine, it was a fear of being average. I never wanted to be average. I never wanted to be mediocre.
Mindi Lyons [00:08:17]:
I always wanted to prove them wrong. You know, everything that was said about me, I'm gonna prove you wrong, and that was my attitude. So I think it started because I was very insecure, and I had met someone. I got married at a very early age, and it was an opportunity sort of an opportunity to get out of my house very quickly. I got married when I was 18. I had my first daughter when I was just barely when I turned 19. And then 2 years later, when I was 21, he ended up incarcerated. I was divorced for the first time at 21 years old, and it just completely shattered my world.
Mindi Lyons [00:08:54]:
So I feel like that, you know, what we were talking about with the childhood dreams and all of these, you know, limitless possibilities going from that to literally being a wife and a mother and a single parent, by the time I was 21 years old, it everything went topsy-turvy, you know, in in a very short period of time. For some women, this happens, you know, at least a little bit later, maybe their twenties or thirties or something. But for me, my first time as a single parent, I've been married twice, was when I was 21. So yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:09:24]:
Okay. I'm taking a deep breath for you. Because, you know, your determination to leave a a a childhood that didn't serve you is to be commended. And I can the way that you explained it, and I wanna thank you for being so open and and vulnerable with us and and our audience. The way you explained it made perfect sense. You allowed yourself to buy into the dream of love, marriage, and saw that as a way to help you get where you wanted to go. The disappointment and the disillusionment that you must have felt when it fell through, leaving you as a single mom at 21, which is still pretty darn young, must have been overwhelming. What did you do next? And what I mean by that is not only what did you do outside of your world, like, what exactly did you do, but what did you what happened on the inside? Because everything happens on the inside first, I think.
Mahara Wayman [00:10:21]:
So, you you know, I'm curious. What was it you said to yourself? Okay. Here I am. Now what?
Mindi Lyons [00:10:27]:
Yeah. So I'll I'll answer that and I feel like I have to get into a little bit of sort of what's what's happened over the next few years after that to really adequately answer that question. The immediate thing because of the circumstances, you know, of him being incarcerated, it was an extremely it's not just ending up a single parent There is so much humiliation attached to that and so much judgment and criticism because of the circumstances And then the humiliation of I moved back in with my parents because I needed to go back to work and I needed someone to be able to watch my daughter. And that was extremely humiliating because, you know, I was told that if I if anybody was stupid enough to marry me, they would guarantee a divorce within 5 years. And I remember making that joke. I guess you were right because look what happened. So it was very much like here I was setting out to prove you wrong, and then I am not only a divorced single mother at 21, but divorced from someone who turned out to be a criminal so to me it's just compounding the amount of self judgment and also judgment from other people, the criticism. It was tormenting to me and extremely humiliating as if my my own value of myself wasn't already low enough.
Mindi Lyons [00:11:50]:
I mean, it it definitely, decreased from that, because you tend to blame yourself and you you know, how did I do that and all of that. So but to fast forward, I was single for two and a half years, and I got married for the second time. And that marriage I don't really know how much to say about that, but that marriage turned out to be an extremely toxic situation, although it did not start out that way and that's something that I wanna point out because a lot of times women go through these relationships where other people will ask them or even make comments like oh, I could never I could I would never put up with that. How did you even stay? Why do you even stay and not my situation was so complex. Because people it turned out that I was married to a narcissistic sociopath, which I know that term gets thrown out very loosely and many times that term is misused. Whether I think it's misused unintentionally, not really knowing the true meaning behind it, but in every sense of the word, it was absolutely true in my case and those types of people with those types of mentalities and personalities, they are extremely skilled in the craft of manipulation with every single type of personality that's out there. And they tend to I know this sounds dramatic, but I'm just gonna be real. They tend to pray on on women who lack self confidence, who are people pleasers, women who have a very strong, empathy, who have a lot of kindness and compassion.
Mindi Lyons [00:13:32]:
And their prime targets for people who are like that because they're easier to control their and manipulate they're easier to and what I say, but when I say that I think a lot of times people associate. Overt negativity or almost like abuse direct abuse where it's condescending language physical abuse, you know, there's all sorts of different forms of it, but things can happen so slowly and in the way that is specific to you. So in my case and I don't know how much we wanna get into this, but I think it can help a lot of women. And I think a lot of women can be set free with a conversation like this because I wish I wish that I had known these things back then. Because over time, I was made to believe that I was crazy, that I was the problem, all the problem in our relationship was due to me. And and looking back, it's like, how could that ever have been my that is not me at all. You know, how could I ever have been someone that was so beat down, that was so completely. And and it was so slow and incremental in the tiniest, most subtle ways that you wouldn't even really be able to detect because you don't know that what is happening is actually a manipulative behavior controlling behavior, but it's done so overtly and it's done in a way that is specific to your personality.
Mindi Lyons [00:15:10]:
So for example, me, I'm someone that remember how I was talking about how I I was very insecure and lacked confidence, but at the same time, I'm kinda like, you know, I'm like a stubborn, don't tell me what to do type. Well, he knew that. He knew that I'm a stubborn, don't tell me what to do type. So trying to be someone who was, forceful with me or insulting in any way that's overtly obviously insulting, that did not work with me. I would put up a wall, I would defend myself, you know, so that didn't work. What what he found worked with me was any type of of behavior that that called out the sympathetic side of me. So there were a lot of qualities, a lot of things that would happen where I would need to show up in a compassionate way. You know, whether it was a physical pain situation or whether it was just something that happened with his business or something, it would be, you know, oh, I'm so sorry.
Mindi Lyons [00:16:10]:
How can I help? Or how can I make you feel better? How can I make things right? Or how can I whatever? Or if there was a problem, you know, let's say, in the relationship, it was it was done in a way that was it's almost hard to explain, but it was it was done in a way that was so difficult to really put your finger on because it's like is that you start to wonder is that really a problem was that was that okay was that not okay because it seems like it wasn't okay, but I know this is happening to a lot of people and so I don't know if that was you know you really second guess yourself because and I didn't have a lot of experience in relationships, so I didn't really know, but it was one of those things where there were where I I was under manipulative control through my kindness and my sympathy, that was a way for for example, when things got really bad, it came down to I'm suicidal and I'm going to, you know, he bought a gun and I'm gonna kill myself if so hard and he would disappear for periods of time and send me GPS coordinates about where to find the car. And, you know, it was things like that. And you know, it was things like that. And and so if he came back home, what he wanted was, you know, oh my gosh. You know? You're okay. You're fine. And then after that, it's like anything goes because you have all this compassion. Like, oh my gosh.
Mindi Lyons [00:17:24]:
You're like you're you're at the end of your rope. So I need to make sure that I mind my p's and q's. And so I'm, you know, on my best behavior. So if I'm not pushing you over the edge and I need to make sure that everything is exactly how you need it to be in order for your life to feel really good and, you know, those types of things. So, I didn't plan on going this in this direction, but I I feel like maybe there's something somebody that needs to hear this because, I am a very intelligent person. And after so to to kind of move things forward, this is why like I had to explain some of this because it doesn't give the full picture to answer to you what happened right after that first time, you know, 2 year two and a half years later, I went into my second marriage, which turned out to be even worse, but not from the beginning. It was a very, very slow fade. He was very much, you you know, people talk about love bombing.
Mindi Lyons [00:18:14]:
That was absolutely what was happening at the beginning of our relationship. And by the way, this was not somebody that was a complete stranger. My first husband, I met at church. He was a theology major. He had been a pastor. So, you know, this was this was not I'm not knocking people, meeting people online. I know people have all kinds of great relationships who have met people online, but my point is is that there is no way that I could have known that the people who I ended up with would have become the people that I ended up with and so this that my second husband was somebody you know our our sisters were best friends. Our families knew each other and so anyways during that relationship I slowly became a completely different version of myself.
Mindi Lyons [00:19:00]:
It's like the parts of myself that I really celebrated before, which were my, you know, even though I was insecure, I did have a level of, like I said, like, toughness and just wanting to prove and being an ambitious person being very driven and hardworking and going for my goals and I had all kinds of qualities. I have a great personality. I have a a loving heart. I had so many things that I loved about myself, but it's like the things that I loved about myself were starting to dissipate. And also just because the relationship itself was not it was a very, very difficult relationship. I got very depressed, extremely depressed to the point where I'm someone who's generally a very positive person. I can find the positive in almost anything, but I got to the point where I couldn't even imagine. And I have a very creative imagination, I could not imagine there being a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.
Mindi Lyons [00:19:54]:
People say, oh, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. And I'm like, I don't even, I can't even imagine there being a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm so depressed. I felt so hopeless. I felt like there wasn't a human in existence that could understand the level of pain that I was going through internally, externally because I gained so much weight. I was emotional eater, stress eater. So I got to almost £300 and it hurt physically just to be able to walk. I felt very humiliated because I had so many you know, my whole, like, upbringing when I was a kid, even though I wasn't a heavy kid, you know, I was teased about being fat or being a pig, and so I was already sensitive about that.
Mindi Lyons [00:20:30]:
And so I I did have suicidal thoughts. But at this point, I had 3 kids and my, husband at the time, my second husband had a stepson. So we had 4. 2 of them were slightly older. They're and then the younger 2 were babies, and they were about 10, 11 years apart. So we had 2 older ones, 22 babies in diapers, and I could barely pull myself out of bed. I didn't even wanna open the curtains. I mean, it was the most bleak depressing time.
Mindi Lyons [00:21:01]:
And, of course, I was told that I was the problem. Please get help. You know, you're causing our marriage to have all these issues, and your depression is is affecting all these different aspects of of our life. So, you know, it's like, he was so smart and always had the perfect answer to every single thing. If I even tried to argue, he would have the perfect comeback that I just couldn't I couldn't argue with. And then if I disagreed, I was wrong because his opinion was the right one. And you learn when there's so much, when it's so hostile, when you have that disagreeable you know, if you have a disagreement, you just learn to just not disagree because you don't wanna have to deal with the hostility that's on the other side of that. Plus, I have the kids to worry about, so I didn't want them to be seeing or experiencing a childhood that was tumultuous.
Mindi Lyons [00:21:52]:
So you wanna keep the peace in the family. You wanna mind your p's and q's and make sure that, you know even if you realize that oh crap, you know, this is the bed that I that I laid in you know like II made it and this is our circumstances and you don't feel like you have a way out of it so you conform. You know? And I I remember it switched from being, you know, where he was the victim, getting all my sympathy to where, I was going to all these therapists. I saw I was seeing 3 different therapists. They were trying me on all sorts of different medications, which I really didn't feel. I'm not against therapy or medication. I'm I'm definitely want to advocate. Do whatever is best for you and your circumstances, but they just weren't really helping me accept that the therapist, which is weird because therapists don't typically, you know, they typically just ask questions to help you find your own answers.
Mindi Lyons [00:22:40]:
You know? But they kinda could see what was happening. They could see that I was being very manipulated. And so they were starting to educate me on, you know, you're actually being gaslighted. You're which I I had never even heard that term before. And they started saying you know there's a lot of threats happening here. Most people do threats you know to just kind of be able to keep you in control or whatever So as I started to push back and as I started to not respond in the same way that I used to with the sympathy and I started to be more apathetic about the threats and just showing, okay. You know? I mean, you know, where I was just like, okay. Then that's where it turned into more of the force control.
Mindi Lyons [00:23:23]:
You know, there was a whole situation, me trying to get the gun out of the house. It turned into being a a huge, you know, huge situation. That was the first time I've ever feared for my life. And I was able to understand what women must feel like who are in those life threatening situations. So, I understand what that at least feels like now where you have to just do whatever you have to do to keep the peace. And, you know, you, you just, you have your kids and I was fearing. That there would be some sort of a, like, hostage suicide situation. So it's like, you know, if if I said something or if I did something wrong, you know, he was, by that time on, I think it was, can't remember.
Mindi Lyons [00:24:05]:
It was in the teens. It was, like, 13, 15 different medications, for psychosis and just different things. So it was it was a cocktail, let me tell you, of a lot of stuff going on. So I felt completely isolated. Are you wanting to say something?
Mahara Wayman [00:24:21]:
Hold up thought. We because you've you've shared a lot. And I
Mindi Lyons [00:24:23]:
I know. I know. I was just kind of on a roll.
Mahara Wayman [00:24:26]:
And I wanna say thank you for sharing that because you're right. There's I don't know the stats of domestic abuse, but it's outrageous. And what I heard you say quite eloquently was that you were also surprised that as somebody, a woman that is so intelligent and, you know, just so intelligent and and has so much wherewithal still succumb to this gaslighting narcissistic behavior. And I think it's really powerful to highlight that it's very, I think, often easy for us on the outside that have never experienced it to go, oh, for god's sakes. How could you not tell? Why would you like, how did so thank you for sharing that. Ladies and gentlemen listening, this type of behavior is insidious, and it is subtle. And the true nurse well, k. I can't I don't wanna speak as a like I'm a psychiatrist, but my understanding is that these type of people, they are so intelligent.
Mahara Wayman [00:25:32]:
As you said, he knew exactly how to get you. But what I what I think what I'd love to go where I'd love to go now is ask you, you know, what why do you think you brought this man into your life? What was it that you learned from this horrific experience? And by the way, how many years were you married to him?
Mindi Lyons [00:25:54]:
I was married somewhere between 11 12 years. By the time I between the time that I filed for divorce and when it was granted, it was about a year or so. I think it was a total of 12 years.
Mahara Wayman [00:26:04]:
So you spent 12 years in this incredibly abusive relationship.
Mindi Lyons [00:26:09]:
But it didn't feel that way for, you know, the entire time.
Mahara Wayman [00:26:13]:
Of course not. Of course. It was very subtle. And as you mentioned, you were love bombed at the beginning. Yep. But, you know, when you look back at it, now that you're on the other side of it Yeah. What was it that you do you think you were meant to learn from this?
Mindi Lyons [00:26:29]:
Well, for one thing thank you for asking that question. It it believe me. Is it okay if I kinda give a little bit more context to draw the picture for what I'm about to say? So to fast forward, this person that I was married to, the second person also ended up being a criminal. He is now serving a quite long prison sentence. And so that exposed me to a lot of criticism, judgment. I mean, I I already explained the first situation and how that was so horrifying to me. This one was multiple times more, horrifying. And so it really led me to have to do some of that self examination because, you know, you do tend to point the figure and say, you know, I made a mistake, or how did I not know? How did I how did this happen? And people are pointing the finger at me too even though everything that he did was a 100%.
Mindi Lyons [00:27:25]:
He's he's accountable for that. That had nothing to do with me. But when you're all of that, I'm still a person that was involved in this situation. I was a victim, you know, and I don't like that word because it sounds so disempowering, but things happen to me and my family that I was a victim of. And so I had to do this analysis, especially because this is my second time. How how is that possible that you can have be married to 2 people that end up in prison? And so I did even everybody was like, it's not your fault. You know, there were very critical people in me. I lost friends.
Mindi Lyons [00:28:17]:
I lost family members. Some people believed to, you know, complete lies that were spread about me that had nothing to do with the truth, and that's just gonna happen. That's part of it. But, you know, it's it's like I did do that self examination asking myself, okay. Let's look back here and let's see what were the commonalities. Right? I really had to do that deep dive into myself and that's hard. That's really hard to be that level of honest with yourself. Because like I said, even though I could have never known, one one was a family friend, one was a theology, you know, pastor, person that I met through church.
Mindi Lyons [00:28:55]:
So I could have never known that. However, it's like, okay, there are some similarities here. What are they? So as I started to look into that, what I discovered was a common theme, and I've already touched on this, but a common theme where I was very I guess, you could say naive. I was gullible. I was not you know, my my confidence and my my worthiness of myself had had been so degraded that I just didn't I didn't have that. You know, I remember going to the therapist and she's like, I want you to look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love yourself. And I laughed at her. I was like, that's never gonna happen.
Mindi Lyons [00:29:38]:
Because I truly even though I knew that I had good qualities about myself that I liked, I did not love myself. I hated parts of myself. And it was that that self parts of myself. And it was that that self hate, that lack of confidence, that, the okay. This is a beautiful quality to have, so I don't want to this is gonna sound negative, but it's a beautiful quality. I have an ability to see beauty in people, in almost anybody. And I like to believe the best about people. So I was shown red flags from the beginning, but I didn't see them as red flags.
Mindi Lyons [00:30:22]:
So I saw this as an opportunity to help someone. Both of them were in situations in their lives where they were struggling in certain areas that I knew that I could help with. And so I did have a little bit of that superhero complex, I guess you could call it, where I I felt I felt compassion, and they could sense that. And I had value that I felt like I could add to their lives to make it better. And I did, but it was misplaced. And and so it's like they took advantage of seeing someone who had a really beautiful heart, who was easy to manipulate. I was very, very smart, but I was also naive because now that I understand what I understand, I can see I can look at other people in relationships, and I can see red flags, like, miles away. And so some of those would be things like anytime okay.
Mindi Lyons [00:31:24]:
I feel like it's kind of hard to to draw specifics around this because I don't wanna I I don't want it to make it seem like every single person who has these qualities is a criminal or is you know, whatever happened in my situation. But as I've learned to understand what a healthy relationship looks like and a healthy woman, a healthy masculine man, what those qualities look like, they look very, very different from what from who I was at the time. I was not a a when I say healthy, I mean, like, mentally, confident, emotionally, you know, someone who has done the healing work in their lives and they're taking full responsibility for where they're at and all of those things. I I didn't I didn't even know about those things at that time. And the men that I had married were not, you know, were exhibiting behaviors of unhealthy, very red flag type behaviors. So men that or I shouldn't I shouldn't just say men. I'm not trying to I know men also go through this with women. So I'm in no way trying to single out men in this.
Mindi Lyons [00:32:32]:
There are many women who are doing these same things to men, and I think very similar things can apply depending on the situation. But, I guess what I'm gonna say is in my own situation, I'm not gonna even try to apply this to anybody else's situation, but in my own, there were certain patterns that I noticed between the 2 of them, like I said, where where there would be, okay. Here's here's a perfect example. I had just started dating, my second husband. And the situation with that, we didn't even live in the same city. I sang at a concert, I did a concert one time, and his aunt showed up to my concert, bought my CD, played it over the phone to him and was like, you need to meet Mindy again because it had been many years. I hadn't seen him in 15 years. And so he ended up needing to come through my state for something.
Mindi Lyons [00:33:22]:
And so we met up and we had a date and he was very intelligent. He was very self aware. He was very owning up to his misgivings, his mistake. He was very transparent. And, you know, he brought me brownies, I think. He brought me brownies the first time that we had a date, and it's like every woman loves chocolate. Right? So we had a really great conversation. And to be quite honest, I was not physically attracted.
Mindi Lyons [00:33:48]:
I thought the conversation was great, but from the very first date, I'd I and it's not like it's all about physical attraction, but from the very first date, it wasn't like this thing where I was feeling, oh my gosh. You know, this person is, like, my person, and I just fell in it wasn't like that. It was like, this was a great conversation. I loved the brownies. It felt fun to have someone kinda wine and dine me a little bit. But, you know, I I I felt like this wasn't the thing for me. But then we continued to stay in touch. He wanted to take me.
Mindi Lyons [00:34:19]:
He was like, oh, you mentioned that you like this other restaurant. So we went to that other restaurant. We had a second date, and it turned out great. We had all this great conversation, very high level conversation, very, in-depth. Like, I'm someone a a person of depth. I can't stand superficial stuff. So, you know, lots of that. So, anyway, it was like, we had I think he spent a month in in my town just taking me out almost every day and just spending all of this quality time.
Mindi Lyons [00:34:48]:
I met up with his parents again, which, like I said, our our families were friends when we were younger, so I my parents knew them really well. I had not gotten to know them really well, and I freaking loved his parents. My daughter, who was 4 at the time, they just welcomed her with open arms. They adored her. She adored them. And so I started to see I was like, oh, there's this integration that's happening. And I was like, my daughter really does I would love for her to be able to have, you know, this loving family and to be received with welcome arms. And so I started to second guess myself.
Mindi Lyons [00:35:21]:
If I was being too superficial, because I didn't have that. I wasn't feeling, you know, for lack of a better term, chemistry. I wasn't feeling chemistry, and I I just didn't see this being my end all, be all, but I was like, all these things were making sense, right? It made logical sense. And so the thing that I was gonna mention that was a very key thing for me when I was looking back was he finally went back to where he lived to he decided he was gonna move. He was like, you're it for me. I really want to be able to continue this relationship. And went back to where he lived in a different state and put his house up for sale. Anyway, so he called me one night from that state, and we had a conversation over the phone.
Mindi Lyons [00:36:15]:
And, again, I still wasn't feeling I was feeling the logical sense of it, but I wasn't feeling that that, emotional connection, physical connection, you know, like, I wasn't feeling any of that really. It it just wasn't I didn't have the attraction there, and I feel like both of those are really important. I'm just gonna say that the emotional and the physical. It's important to have chemistry in different ways. But he, at the end of the call, said that he loved me. I think that was the first time that he said that he loved me, and I was not feeling that. I just wasn't.
Mahara Wayman [00:36:51]:
No. I'm I gotta jump in here because I know that people listening are gonna are thinking the same thing. You are crazy intelligent. By your own admission, you were not feeling it. Why do you think you allowed it to proceed even though you weren't feeling it? Like, what was the what was the draw? What was the what was the reason behind you going, I'm just gonna ignore that part of me that knows that there isn't a great attraction? You said it sounded good, like on paper. This is this is the way what we look, but you still something inside you knew it wasn't right or it wasn't for you, but you still chose to go for it. What was it that made you go for it even though?
Mindi Lyons [00:37:35]:
Part of what he said then was was instrumental in that because when I didn't, I responded saying thank you, and he said thank you. And then he started to get emotional, started to sort of cry on the phone, and he I can't remember his exact words, but what was happening was he was saying he loved me. He wanted me to say that he that I loved him. I wasn't feeling very big about being truthful about what I say. And I wasn't gonna just tell him that because he wanted to hear it. I if I'm gonna say that to someone, I mean it with every fiber of my being. And I just wasn't feeling that way. And so but it started this crunchy thing between us where he was emotional.
Mindi Lyons [00:38:19]:
He was crying. I was feeling terrible. I was like, oh my gosh. You know? He did all these things, and he, you know, spent a month, you know, and and places and we had all these amazing times and and, you know, his parents are great for my daughter and what am I doing? Am I pushing something away that's actually could be good for us just because of something really superficial? Because I could see a lot of benefits that could be, you know, potentially for my daughter, because of the family, you know, the extra sides of the family. He also was he treated her very well. So it it was it was really that thing where I was there was guilt put on me because it's like, really? You know, I I love you and you're not gonna say you love me back. And so then it it I and this is so stupid because it's like, I didn't feel it. I should have just been honest about it, but I didn't feel at that point.
Mindi Lyons [00:39:16]:
I didn't have the self worth or the, I guess, guts or whatever to just be honest because I was worried about how he would react to my honesty. Not in an abusive way, but just the the disappointment, the sadness, the, you know, hurting someone. It was really about hurting someone. I didn't wanna be hurtful. And that alone oh my gosh. Women.
Mahara Wayman [00:39:43]:
Oh oh my gosh. Like, you know, no. It's That right there. That right there is a whole other podcast. But what I wanna say is, you know, you still have the dream. You've had a you've had a difficult first marriage. And, of course, you still have the dream that you're gonna meet this great guy. And but I I have to ask, did you ever fall in love with him, Julie?
Mindi Lyons [00:40:07]:
No. K.
Mahara Wayman [00:40:08]:
So he went 11 years and you never that just never happened.
Mindi Lyons [00:40:12]:
I mean, I said that I loved him, and I would say probably in some respects, there was elements of love, but I do know what that actually means, which at the time, I think I had a concept of what it meant, but but love at that time was more of a choice. It was more of a discipline than it was what I actually understand now to be authentic, real love, healthy love.
Mahara Wayman [00:40:39]:
So how did
Mindi Lyons [00:40:40]:
make sense?
Mahara Wayman [00:40:40]:
It does make sense. And thank you for sharing that. How did you turn this around? How did you go from being that young mom who knows that there's something not quite right, but you're gonna go for it anyway because the dream the pull of this dream of happiness with a great guy, it was so strong. You went for it. Somewhere along the line, you realized, wait a second. I am being I don't know the words, but I it's not you know, I've been told I'm being gaslighted and I don't feel good. Right? I'm not I'm not losing it. This is not right.
Mahara Wayman [00:41:11]:
How did you how did you get out of it?
Mindi Lyons [00:41:14]:
Well, I didn't feel like I could get out of it. We like I said, I got to the point where I was being more apathetic about the threats and the threats weren't when I say threats, it was more about, you know, getting on my sympathy side. But then when my sympathy started to wear thin, that's when it started turning into more of the actual threats. So that that became things like, if you ever even think that you're gonna divorce me, don't think that I'm gonna make it easy on you. You'll never be able to just take the kids and have a great life. I'm gonna make your life a living hell. And so and like I said, you know, he had the gun. He worked from home, and so he'd keep it on his desk.
Mindi Lyons [00:41:54]:
And, you know, he'd never, overtly said, you know, made any threats to me, but he would have it. It it felt like an intimidation thing for me, and he would have it handy. He would disappear, like I said, and say that he couldn't handle his life anymore and send me the GPS coordinates and stuff like that. So it was different threat. So I came to the realization where I was like, I I can't leave. I felt like I couldn't leave because I could not stand the idea of if I did divorce and we got, joint custody, I was very fearful because of what I had witnessed in how his character had seemed to just completely change from the person that I knew at the beginning to the person that I now knew. And I had children, so I was very fearful about them having any type of 1 on 1 time. But he's so brilliant.
Mindi Lyons [00:42:47]:
He's so smart. He's so good at being able you know, he had a prayer list of, like, 200 some people that he would text every day. He was good friends with the pastor. He was very involved in in many different ways, so a lot of people knew him. And there are so many women that are in situations like this, whether, you know, husbands or or significant others have positions of power or influence or who are very charismatic and where if you ever said something that people would think you're you're the idiot, and they wouldn't even believe you. So yeah. So, anyways, the decision really didn't end up being mine. I had come to the decision come to the realization that I didn't feel like I had a way out, and there were some people that said that I just decided that, I was done with it and that I made everything happen.
Mindi Lyons [00:43:31]:
But the fact of the matter was is that he had been having some criminal activity going on that I completely knew nothing about that was discovered. He was put in prison, so it wasn't a decision that was, it was kind of one of those things that was taken out of my hands. It wasn't that I left. He was put in prison, and I ended up a single parent overnight. And in some respects, that was enormously difficult. And in some respects, it's you know, some women have told me, well, that made it kind of easy for you because he just got, you know, taken out of out of the picture. And I can understand that point of view. It was not not easy at all, but at the same time, it's not one of those situations where, you know, I've had to co parent.
Mindi Lyons [00:44:20]:
I have no idea how that would have ever even happened if I had to co parent, for some of the reasons that I already stated.
Mahara Wayman [00:44:28]:
So he is you are divorced now?
Mindi Lyons [00:44:31]:
Oh, yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:44:31]:
What is the number one thing that you've learned about yourself?
Mindi Lyons [00:44:35]:
I'm a badass.
Mahara Wayman [00:44:37]:
That's a given.
Mindi Lyons [00:44:38]:
I am resilient. Yeah. I am stronger than I even realized. I mean, I know you said number 1, but I'm saying these things for the benefit of other women out there because I would have never thought that I would have been strong enough to go through what I went through in that circumstance throughout the entire marriage and everything that's happened since then. And while I would not wish that on myself or anyone else, I have become such I I love who I am. I am very confident. I'm very, I'm so much more wise, so much smarter. And one of the things that I love about myself is that I have not, you know, a lot of women could come from a situation like that and become very bitter and become very, cynical and have a lot of negativity towards men.
Mindi Lyons [00:45:26]:
I see a lot women who are in these, you know, bitch and moan groups about men and narcissism and gaslighting and there's all the buzzwords. You know? And I'm not trying to dismiss that because I know there are a lot of women who are who are going through those things. But I I one thing I love about myself is that I have maintained certainly I've had those feelings. I've been angry and I've been cynical and I've been bitter and I, so I'm, I'm feel your feelings. Right. Let yourself feel your feelings. However, I love that I I still see so much beauty in people. I am very transparent.
Mindi Lyons [00:46:01]:
I did not become jaded. I didn't you you know, now when I'm in the dating scene, it's not like I'm looking at everybody through a magnifying glass and and being like, oh, you know, what problems do you have? What I need to match everything that you're saying and make sure that I'm putting you through this huge scrutiny. Yes. I'm going to be wise. I'm going to be smart, and, you know, there are certain things that I'm gonna be kind of, you know, just mindful that that sympathy, that, you know, really sensitive soul part of you, if you're that type of person. And you can also be incredibly badass, confident, you can have strong boundaries, and you can maintain both. You don't have to be a bitch if you're having boundaries. You know? That doesn't make you a bitch, but if you're somebody who is someone who feels like you are, because you're holding a boundary, probably means that you're already somebody who's who's almost, like, on the opposite side of the pendulum where you're too people pleasing and, you know, too much trying to make people people happy.
Mindi Lyons [00:47:09]:
Because those types of people, they set up any kind of a boundary or say no to anything, and people either think they're being a bitch or they feel like they are a bitch because they're they're doing the thing that or they're not doing the thing that people want them to do or think they should do. And now I'm just like, you know what? I can just tell when I'm meant to do something and when I'm not to do some not meant to do something, and if it doesn't line up with what you want from me or whatever, oh, well. You know? And the people will flow out of my life if they're not meant to be there, and they will flow in my life if they're meant to be there, and I just trust that.
Mahara Wayman [00:47:39]:
So much good stuff here. I wanna I wanna pull out a few key things that I think are worth highlighting. Number 1, and this is something I talk with my clients about a lot, which is I love that you said feel your feelings. Not only is it not only is it imperative that we act that we feel our feelings, but I think it's imperative that we understand just because we feel it doesn't make it true. Right? Just because we feel lousy, beaten down, like all of these things that we feel, doesn't mean that we are lousy, beaten down, you know, an idiot, a softie, any of that stuff. Feelings are feelings. The prob the challenge that we have is that we especially when we feel the same thing over and over, we think that the feeling is the is. Right? If I feel like a like a whatever, I don't want I hate to use the word loser, but if I feel unworthy, then I am unworthy.
Mahara Wayman [00:48:36]:
Yeah. It's such a good distinction. It's such an important distinction. Feel your feelings, but and allow yourself to feel them. But do not if it doesn't serve you, do not attach your worth to those feelings. You know, I feel like a like a goofball because I couldn't well, guys, you you didn't hear it, but it took me 4 times to do the introduction. Because despite writing it and practicing it, I did it one time for Mindy just before I recorded, and then I couldn't record it without laughing. So I did feel great.
Mahara Wayman [00:49:07]:
But I'm not an idiot. Right? It just happens. I wanna highlight what you said there because that's so important for our listeners to to sort of recognize that no matter what type of relationship in you're in, if you're that you are in, if it leaves you feeling in any way less than, listen to that feeling and question it because you to know that you are never less than. You are never less than. But to trust your feelings because what I heard you say, Mindy, was you had many years where you just didn't trust what you were thinking and you're like, you know what? That's okay. I'm gonna go on. It's okay. You know, whatever.
Mindi Lyons [00:49:44]:
I learned to I learned to silence my gut. Yeah. And that's one of the big things.
Mahara Wayman [00:49:50]:
Your gut, man. Ladies and gentlemen, you know what's you know who you are inside. Yeah. Most of us forget and move away from that beautiful spiritual being because life is tough or it can be very tough, and we can find ourselves in situations that we think are proving that we're not enough.
Mindi Lyons [00:50:11]:
Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:50:12]:
So I want Mindy and I wanna remind you, you are well, my words, not hers. You are a beautiful child of the universe, no matter your circumstances, and you are enough. So if you are ever in a situation where you question that, especially if you are in a domestic abuse situation, please reach out. There are I don't know if I'll include any in my in my chat notes, but if you are worried about your mental or your physical health or those of your family for any sort of a reason, please reach out and ask for help. Mindy, did you reach out and ask for help, or did it come to you because of your husband being put in in jail?
Mindi Lyons [00:50:51]:
So the the criminal activity was revealed to me, and it was a situation where I had a decision to make whether I was actually going to do something about it. And for me, it was a no brainer. It was a situation that absolutely, from my perspective, needed to be handled. So I did have to report, and there were people that thought I was crazy. Even the social workers, the attorneys, everybody who was involved in that case ever since it got opened, thanked me and said there are so many women who would never, they just would never, we sit in here with women who refuse to deal with these situations because they're afraid of their loss of status. They're afraid because your income where is your income gonna go? I was a stay at home mom. I didn't have, you know, a job that I could continue to support ourselves with. So there were all of these logistical things that that would that did directly impact us.
Mindi Lyons [00:51:59]:
We were home when I say homeless, I wasn't on the street, but we did not have a house because of the circumstances. We had to move out of the house immediately. But it took me 2 days because, like I said, I was fearing the psychosis and the the mental instability on his end at this point was so concerning to me that I feared that if the children were there, they would be they would be held hostage. I had one situation where I was in something similar to that with him. That was the time that I I feared for my life, where he took one of the kids and wouldn't like, in his arms and would not he said, I'm I'm holding the baby until you basically get your act together. Like, I was the problem. So I knew that the kids needed to be out of the house until there was an awareness on his end that I knew what had what he had done. So it but it took 2 days because there was if the police officers would even believe what I was saying.
Mindi Lyons [00:53:01]:
I didn't know what kind of proof they would need. I didn't know what kind of proof I had at that time. And I also knew that we were being monitored. So I couldn't I couldn't make phone calls from my cell phone. I couldn't, I couldn't the GPS. I had to make sure that I was going all the normal places that we would normally go. He worked from home. So I couldn't just easily go and do whatever I needed to do while he was work because he'd be off on his 15 minute breaks.
Mindi Lyons [00:53:32]:
So it was extremely challenging. I'm telling you, I I mean, there was a presence with me during that time to have any level of what what do you do to be able to get your because it was a thing where how do I get all of my children out of the house and be safe and doing our same patterns, going the same places we would normally go, not using my phone for anything that could even be considered suspicious because he was he was hyper, hyper, hyper paranoid, always questioning everything, wondering where you were, what you had been doing, who were you talking to, monitoring the text messages, monitoring all of the social media accounts, listening on the devices. So it was an extreme situation. The day that I found out, I went to the library to try to make a phone call to some sort of a women's shelter. And I wanted to make an anonymous call, and I wanted to ask them I wanted to explain what I knew, and I wanted to ask them for advice about what I could do without, you know, incriminating myself. So I called the women's shelter, and it was, like, it was sometime in May. It was, like, around Labor Day or something, and and they said that everybody was off on the holiday, that they could offer me a safe place to stay for the night, but that they didn't have any social workers or anybody that they could recommend that I could talk to about my situation because it was a holiday. I mean, how unbelievable.
Mindi Lyons [00:54:57]:
So I told them having a safe place to sleep tonight doesn't help me because if I'm missing, not be home tonight. I'm trying to find a resolution to this today. I don't know what to do. And because I couldn't figure out what to do, I had to finally, I figured out that the best course of action was actually to go to the police. But again, I had to be able to get have all of my children out of the house before there was any level of suspicion. And that, like I said, it
Mahara Wayman [00:55:29]:
took 2 full days. I had
Mindi Lyons [00:55:29]:
to go back home, pretend like everything was exactly as it was, pretend that I had no knowledge of anything, same behaviors, not acting elite. Because if I even there was one thing that he noticed that I did that was minutely different than what I normally did and he questioned me on it. And so it was a very, very touchy situation and I know this is extreme. I know there are a lot of women who are not in situations that are this extreme, but for the women who are, I've had people come to me saying that they don't feel like they can get out because how will they how will they survive? How will they be able to make it financially? Where will they go? What will people think? I mean, believe me, I went through all of these scenarios in my head, but I promise you I promise you I promise you that there are endless resources that are available to you if you get yourself to a safe place. And I know they're gonna, you know, whoever is with you can give you all the things. I will find you. I will this. I will that.
Mindi Lyons [00:56:31]:
All the threats and all those things. And that can be extremely scary. I had those threats too. But when you get yourself into that situation where you have a safe place to go, which like I said, I had to go around, call on different phones, make sure I was going to the same places I would normally go to. Couldn't talk to anybody. I didn't even trust, you know, I didn't want to talk to anybody that I knew because I had no idea who he had relationships with, who were in my friend circle or my family circle. So I didn't even feel like I could talk to those people about anything. I'm telling you, this was like one of the most dark lonely seasons of my life.
Mindi Lyons [00:57:06]:
So but I'm here to say that there are resources. There are people who will bend over backwards to help you. There is a way even if you're telling yourself that there isn't or if anybody else is telling you that there isn't a way. There is a way, and I am living proof that you can absolutely come out of the worst hell hole of life, and you can rise above, and you can completely remake your life. I am a completely different person than who I was back then, and my life is not I I didn't just survive all of that. We're thriving. My kids are doing amazing. And, yeah, we've done therapy, and, yeah, we've done a lot of the healing work, but oh my gosh, guys.
Mindi Lyons [00:57:45]:
There are there's I if I could tell myself one thing back there back then, it's like, hang on one more day, one more day, one more day. I was suicidal. I thought about cutting myself because I that's the only way I could think of to release pain, you know, without hurting anybody else. And I just I I didn't know I literally did not know how I was gonna make it. I had no idea. Zero things in my mind about how I would make it. Okay. But here we are.
Mahara Wayman [00:58:08]:
Here we are. I'm I'm so glad that you're here to share your story. How long has it been since you went through this where your husband
Mindi Lyons [00:58:16]:
he was he was put in in 2016, so I'm terrible at math.
Mahara Wayman [00:58:20]:
Years. Yeah. It's been
Mindi Lyons [00:58:22]:
a minute.
Mahara Wayman [00:58:24]:
Okay. Can I ask what's the relationship like with your family today?
Mindi Lyons [00:58:30]:
My family that's interesting. One of my sisters completely disconnected from me. I love my family. I love my sister. I'm I'm fairly close to my to one of my sisters. It's kind of one of those things about perspectives. You know? People will take a certain perspective, and a lot of times what people think about you has everything to do with how they view life in general. So people can put things on you that have actually zero things to do with you.
Mindi Lyons [00:59:00]:
It's the lens that they choose to live life and view life, and I have learned from experience that people can make up absolute falsehoods about you or your life, and people can take it as truth. And they are absolutely convinced that it's truth, even though you know. I know my life. I know what I've lived. I know what's true and what's not true, but you cannot change what people want to believe. If they want to believe it, they're gonna believe it, and there's nothing you can do to make that happen. So I'm I'm not close, sadly, with, almost anybody in my family. My my parents, I love my parents, but there's just so many, I was I was raised very conservatively, and I'm not in any way in alignment with, the views that I was that I was raised with.
Mindi Lyons [00:59:49]:
So it's just it's just been tricky because it almost feels like we can't connect, on any level other than very superficial happy birthday. You know, I love you, that kind of thing. There's really no I haven't seen them in in many years.
Mahara Wayman [01:00:05]:
So let's talk about what you are doing today. So what is it that you do? Let's just be really clear so people know what it is that you're doing today and and how you feel about it.
Mindi Lyons [01:00:20]:
Well, there's a couple different responses to that. I unintentionally started a a branding business, so that's I support my family. I did not come come on these podcasts in order to promote my business or anything in specific. I don't have a book to promote or anything like that. The reason why I'm coming on podcast and starting to do interviews on different platforms is because as I mentioned earlier in this, interview, that dream, you know, there was this dream that was put on my heart from the time I was young where I could see myself on stages giving speeches and singing and writing books. And for decades people have told me you need to put your story out there, you need to write books, have your own show, and get on stage, and all those kinds of things. And it just didn't feel like the timing was there. I had been presented opportunities to be a recording artist multiple times, but the timing just wasn't lining up in terms of having a family and all of that.
Mindi Lyons [01:01:20]:
So very clearly, a few months ago, I'm very, in intuitively guided. I'm very spiritual. I I was raised very religious, I would say, and and I consider myself more on the spiritual side than than the religious side, but I'm very, very close in my in my spiritual connection. And that is how I navigate my life is completely through my spiritual guidance, my intuition, my gut instincts. And that was very clear that it is time for me to start sharing my story and to really bring these messages of hope and encouragement and support and women's empowerment to be able to share it for the sake of helping set other people free. There is a quote that says, sharing your story can be the key that unlocks someone else's prison. And I'm a very visual person, so when I think about that and I think about all of the shame of the things that I've been through and and I could beat myself up over it, or I could say, you know what? Those are all tools in my tool belt. I understand what it's like to be a single parent.
Mindi Lyons [01:02:22]:
I know what it's like to be in line at the food bank and selling plasma to be able to get I know what it's like to lose a child late in pregnancy. I know what it's like to have the shame of all these different, you know, things from, how I felt about my body and how I felt about, my relationships and my unworthiness. It's all tools that I now have where I can connect to so many people on a deep level. And because of my gift of empathy and compassion, it just makes it extraordinarily more so that way. And so now I'm just on a mission to be able to help not just women, humans in general. I freaking love human beings. And just to be able to help infuse whoever it is that happens to watch this or listen to it, to know to somehow be able to connect to your own innate worthiness, that your worthiness actually has zero things to do with anything that's on the external. It has nothing to do with your relationship status, has nothing to do with the amount of money that's in your bank account or whatever your career may be.
Mindi Lyons [01:03:20]:
Your worthiness just is, and it took me a long time to realize that, but there's nothing that's going to shake that. If you have degrees and you have money and whatever, that that is irrelevant when it comes to your worthiness. And I feel like the more people understand their worthiness, first of all, the more they're going to enjoy their quality of life, the more of this trauma and drama they can save themselves from. And it's just the most incredible thing to be able to share your story and to be able to you know, I talked about it being the key that can unlock someone else's prison. When I was on stage in my 20s and I was singing and I could look out into the audience and I could see, I could look into your eye. I don't even know where my eyes are landing in this camera, but I could look in someone's eye and I can see the point where it lands, where whatever I'm saying connects with you. I can see the twinkle of hope in your eye. I can see the tear that runs down your cheek.
Mindi Lyons [01:04:15]:
I can see that something changes, something was activated. And a lady came up to me after a concert and said she was she was going through something similar, and she didn't feel like she could tell anybody about it. And she said, hearing your story makes me feel like I'm not alone. And that I'm telling you, that was like I was determined at that point to share whatever, you know, transparently I needed to share and subject myself to whatever criticism and hate and judgment and whatever. If there's one person out there that I can share this stuff with that can make them feel less alone, it's a 1000% worth it. So that's my mission.
Mahara Wayman [01:04:52]:
Okay. You heard it here, folks. All joking aside, Mindy, I really, really want to just send you the biggest hug
Mindi Lyons [01:05:00]:
and Aw. Thank you.
Mahara Wayman [01:05:03]:
To tell your story. You went through a lot of stuff, but you are a beacon of hope and of light for anybody, whether you are married or not or just in a in a struggling relationship, or even if it's just life in general where you are beating yourself up, please listen to her words and just take a deep breath and know that you're loved. The mere fact that you are in this world with us makes, you know, that makes that makes a difference to you.
Mindi Lyons [01:05:34]:
You matter. You matter. You might not think that you do, but you absolutely do. There is a reason why you are here, and there is something that you have that only you can bring. It's your unique thumbprint on this world. The life that you're living is your own unique fingerprint on this life experience and only you. There's a purpose that only you can serve, and there's no pressure in it. Live your life.
Mindi Lyons [01:05:59]:
Enjoy your life. There's you you don't have to feel pressured, like, oh my god. I don't know what my purpose is. You know? You don't and you don't that's the thing is, like, I was about to say there are things that other people crave that you have, and that's tricky. Because if you're a people pleaser, I don't want you to get into that mode where you're like, oh, I have all these needs that I need to fulfill. No. No. No.
Mindi Lyons [01:06:20]:
No. Your purpose is gonna be something that just feels natural to you. That is, a beautiful expression of who you already are. And if you don't know what that is, that's totally okay. But absolutely, you are worthy without even if everything was stripped away, every hat that you wear, everything that you do, everything that you attach your value to, if all of that was stripped away, you would be no less worthy than you are right now.
Mahara Wayman [01:06:45]:
Great. Great idea around that. So, absolutely, we are worthy. We are worth it. And, really, I think that we are here in this world to we all have our own lessons to learn, but one of the things I am passionate about is understanding that we are one community. Doesn't matter where you're born, where you live now. I mean, you and I are in different countries. We are all, I think, spiritual beings having a human.
Mahara Wayman [01:07:12]:
As spiritual we got this. We know what's going on. We're totally in the know. But when we incarnate and and and choose to have a human life, then all different types of challenges come our way. But what I loved hearing in everything that you said, Mindy, was this undeniable belief in yourself, even when you didn't feel like it, it was there, right? There was something there and thank goodness everything has worked out in so much as you are sitting here looking beautiful, looking happy and healthy. You're doing a great job supporting your family. And the fact that you are willing to share your story with the world is powerful. So I wanna say thank you for doing that.
Mahara Wayman [01:07:53]:
Not everybody chooses to do that, but thank you for choosing to do that because your message matters, especially for women that are in an abusive situation. So please, you know, check out the show notes, connect with Mindy on all of the different platforms that she has. And if you've got any questions or any thoughts about this, you know, drop a note below in the show and and let us know what you're thinking. If you need help, ask for it because there's help out there. Whatever that looks like for you, just start the conversation because there are lots of men and women out there that really just wanna help you. We thank you for being on the show with us today. Love chatting with you. And, truthfully, I can come up with about another 4 other things that we'll talk about the time.
Mahara Wayman [01:08:36]:
So I'll be in touch, but
Mindi Lyons [01:08:38]:
Sounds good. Thank you so much for the honor of having me.
Mahara Wayman [01:08:41]:
It was my pleasure for sure. Enjoy your week, everyone, and I'll see you next week on the art of badassery. Till next time. Thanks for tuning in to another badass episode. Your means the world to me. So if you enjoyed what you heard today, don't forget to like, share, and rate the episode on your favorite podcast platform. Your feedback keeps the badassery flowing. And, hey, if you're ready to unleash your inner badass and conquer whatever life throws your way, why not book a complimentary badass breakthrough session? Just click the link in the show notes to schedule your session, and let's kick some serious butt together.
Mahara Wayman [01:09:18]:
Until next time, stay fearless, stay fabulous, and of course, stay badass. This is Mahara signing off.
