Mahara Wayman [00:00:05]:
Welcome to the art of badassery where I explore what it takes to live life on your own terms. Break free from the status quo and unleash your inner badass. Whether you're a rebel at heart or simply seeking inspiration to step outside your comfort zone, this podcast is for you. I'm your host, Mahara Wayman. And each week, I dive into the stories, insights, and strategies of those who've mastered the art of badassery and are living life to the fullest. They smile when no 1 is lucky. This episode is brought to you by empowered collaboration, increasing empowerment through motivation, collaboration, communication, and connection. Hey fierce women! Ready to break free from fears and embrace the confidence you've always wanted? Join me, your badass coach, and fellow coach, Jody Graham, for a transformative week at our Empower You Retreat in the breathtaking Mexican Riviera from January 16th to 23, 2025.
Mahara Wayman [00:01:13]:
Our 7 day program is designed to help women overcome self doubt and cultivate unshakable confidence, rejuvenate with sunrise meditation, empowering workshops, and soulful conversations. Your spouse or BFF can enjoy the nearby PGA golf course while you focus on growth. Click the link in the show notes to learn more. We'll see you there. And now back to the show. Welcome to the Art of Badassry podcast. Today, I have a truly inspiring guest with me in studio. Meet Abby Westgate, a former UK police sergeant who courageously left her dream career to start a transformative business called Healing Blue Hearts.
Mahara Wayman [00:01:55]:
Abby's coaching practice is dedicated to supporting emergency responders, helping them heal, reconnect, and really just elevate their lives by integrating somatic awareness and nervous system regulation techniques. You're gonna hear all about that. She guides her clients from stress, burnout, and disconnection to optimizing their energy and getting a more meaningful connection back in their life, their career, and their relationships. Currently training as a somatic breath work practitioner, Abby's excited to share this powerful practice with the world. So grab your favorite drink, get ready to be inspired by her really badass journey. Abby, welcome to the show.
Abbie Westgate [00:02:38]:
Hi, Mara. Thank you so much for having me. That was a, an amazing introduction. Thank you.
Mahara Wayman [00:02:42]:
You're an amazing girl. That's why you're on the show. Let's talk about it. Okay. Sure. When we first met, I was so, enamored by your sharing with me that you had been a cop in England. And I say this because I love cop shows, and I'm currently addicted to BritBox. My husband and I watch cop shows all the time.
Mahara Wayman [00:03:02]:
So III mean, obviously, TV is TV and reality is different, but can you take us back to what drew you to being a policewoman in the first place?
Abbie Westgate [00:03:12]:
Yeah. So we're going back around 15 years is when I first wanted to be in the police, and it wasn't something I hadn't initially thought of. But then I was on a training program, and there was a there was a police officer there on her training. And I remember she pulled me to the side and said, have you ever thought about joining the police? And I said, oh, no. Like, not for me. I came from a a background where everyone hated the police. So for me, that I'd never really thought about that at all. But it planted a bit of a seed.
Abbie Westgate [00:03:44]:
And I remember I went home that night, and I looked into it, and I was like, why have I never thought about this? Like, this seems amazing. I get to use a lot of my life experiences to help other people. And what I really wanted was to help people feel safe So I can remember late night journeys home on, we've got, like, a metro system, like a train, and just remember when the police would get on on the nighttime, I would just feel safe and relaxed. And I was like, that's what I want to give to the community. I want my presence to help people feel that safety that I felt just from, you know, the presence of a police officer. So that really kind of inspired me. However, we were at a point in our economy where there was austerity measures, and it took me about 8 years before they force started to recruit again. So in that time, I was undertaking jobs that I thought would be really good experience.
Abbie Westgate [00:04:42]:
I was learning to drive. I was getting my up. So it really was like a full journey of about 15 years, including the 6 year service. But there was that period before where I was, like, putting my heart and soul into preparing myself to this dream job that, like, I I just fell in love with.
Mahara Wayman [00:05:01]:
So I first of all, that is badass to have that level of determination to wait 8 years to be to have the opportunity to apply. But, you know, you mentioned that the it had never been on your radar to join the police. Police weren't really looked on with with happiness in your in your world. What was the response of your family and friends when you said, hey, ask us what? I want to join the cop. You know, I want to be a policewoman. What was their response?
Abbie Westgate [00:05:29]:
So they were actually really proud and loved, like, loved that. There was there were a few people who, like so I say my brothers who were still a little bit more embedded in the community that I grew up in who didn't see it as a positive and were like, oh, don't speak to me if you're gonna be a cop. Fully invested in it. And when I got to that point and, I landed the job and I was there, like, there was so many people that were celebrating that for me as well. So it was lovely.
Mahara Wayman [00:06:13]:
I love that story. That's great. But well, did it take any courage to actually because there's a level of excitement. Right? We have an excitement about something, but when you actually get into it, did there ever come a point where you thought, okay, I need to really dig deep and be courageous to do this because this is perhaps bigger than I thought, scarier than I thought. Any any of those thoughts go through your mind when you were training, for example?
Abbie Westgate [00:06:40]:
So there's a bit of a story. I'm pleased to ask this question because it actually feeds us nicely into my experience. So just before I was about to join, at that point, I was engaged. I'd landed my dream job. But just before I was about to join, I lost my mom, so my mom died suddenly. And so when I actually started the job, I always feel it was kind of over before it started because I went in with this huge bereavement. I didn't know anyone in that organization. They didn't have any support there.
Abbie Westgate [00:07:15]:
And I very quickly learned that I had to get my head down and get on with things. It wasn't the kind of environment that was gonna support me in my grief. So I suppressed a lot of my emotions to to be able to get through and survive, and that's why I often say it's kind of over before I decide because I paid down the line for that. That was kind of, like, the halfway point when that all came to a head. But I suppose that was the thing for me, and I found that because of my experience outside outside of the police. Like, when I was actually in the police, they served me so well, and then and, like, the job felt so natural, and dealing with people and incidents and, like, it just felt, like, so new big career where that that required a lot of commitment. And that kind of happening simultaneously. That was my challenge.
Mahara Wayman [00:08:14]:
Okay. Yeah. I can see the way you're describing it, and thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry that you lost your mom's. I can only imagine. But I can see that there is a necessity for a certain level of, I don't wanna say strength, but you mentioned I had to dampen down my bereavement to navigate the world of of being a policewoman. And I can see how that how that would be difficult after a while because this, you know, this stuff inside has to be dealt with. This is what you and I both do now as coaches.
Mahara Wayman [00:08:47]:
How long was it into your training or into your work that you realized this other stuff was really getting in the way?
Abbie Westgate [00:08:57]:
So what I noticed when I had start to suppress emotions and start to experience numbness and focusing more on mindset work and goals, that there was, like, a knock on effect on, like, other areas of my life. So, like, things were spinning out. So whilst I was trying to have all this control and work towards goals and just focus on getting through my training, Other things were happening. So I was engaged, and then that relationship ended. Then I was having other issues in future relationships that were starting to be the same pattern happening over and over again, which I was like, why is this happening? And the more I was trying to push and control and keep a lid on things and make things so restrictive, which was also a sign of the fact of how out of control I felt internally, the fact that I was so, like, trying to grasp onto my external world. But then I hit a point of burnout where my body was like, you've pushed me too far. Like, we are ill now. We're not gonna do any we're not doing this anymore.
Abbie Westgate [00:10:08]:
And at that point, I was physically ill, and then all the grief, everything I've been suppressing, all the emotions, all the pain just was like a volcano. It just, all at once, was like, here you go. Here's all the things that you've been avoiding. And by the way, you too poorly actually avoid this now. So here you go. That was, like, the real catalyst moment of change for me, like, around the it was about 2 years ago when that happened.
Mahara Wayman [00:10:36]:
So when that happened, what was the response of your peers at work? In other words, did the UK police system at that time have adequate support for you? Did they recognize what you were going through? Was it a concern to them?
Abbie Westgate [00:10:53]:
I think this is, like, the the bit that always makes me feel really sad because it was something that I'd, you know, given my all to, and I'd been a really high performer. Like, I've been promoted after 3 years and had a really good reputation. But when I got to this point where things had just kind of got too much and had, you know, came over that threshold, like and and some of the issues had started at work because I'd had a relationship at work that had gone wrong, and that had caused issues with some of my colleagues. So there was other dynamics going on as well. And then at this point where I'd had the health issues, there was there was an a small element of support, but, actually, there was a real lack of understanding as to what was actually going on. And I did have an experience where some colleagues turned against me. Like, they turned away from me, and there was a lot of rumors and and gossip and just to feel like I was alone in somewhere that I just given, like, my all to and it being, like, my dream. Like, to be in that moment where I felt so unseen and unsupported, and the feeling, like, that it was being viewed as more of a performance issue as opposed to the fact that, actually, I've just got all these, like, things going on in my life, and what I need is some support.
Abbie Westgate [00:12:17]:
That really hurt. That really hurt. And I think at that moment, that's when any of the dream was over for me because it was never gonna be the same. Like, I was never gonna have the same relationship. So despite I wasn't in a position to move on then because I I'm so unwell and had so much going on, but, like, my dream died, like, inside of me at that point.
Mahara Wayman [00:12:38]:
I'm I'm sure that a lot of our listeners can can relate to this idea of the dream dying. How did you resurrect it? Because you're sitting here with us today. Right? Mhmm. Was it that allowed you or get where did you get the energy or the impetus to keep going, to keep searching, to keep working, to keep dreaming.
Abbie Westgate [00:12:57]:
Yeah. I think thinking back on that time, that was, like, a real rock bottom moment and, like, a real crossroads moment of me thinking, do I at that point, I felt like, can I continue in this life? But when I was really questioning that decision, like, would I really call this, like, the end of my life? Can I really just leave things there? I suppose that really opened up the fact that there was part of me that I wanted to heal, but I wanted to heal properly. And I feel like I made that decision, like, I I made that decision, and then the path just kind of appeared in front of me. Like, that's the way I describe it. And then I didn't know at that time because it's like hindsight. You're like, wow. That led to that, and then that led to that. I just went with it.
Abbie Westgate [00:13:47]:
But it just kinda feels like there was this new path that opened up when I truly committed to, like, okay. I'm gonna do the healing work now. And I found somatic breath work, and I found it by accident. I thought it was a meditation class. I've been doing a lot of meditation. And then I had the breath work experience, the release of like, an emotional release, but without having to use the conscious mind, and it just blew me away. And I was like, hang on a minute. Like, what the hell just happened? I need to know more about this somatics thing.
Abbie Westgate [00:14:19]:
And it went from there, and the somatics led to working with the nervous system and working with a coach who specialized in trauma and somatics and the nervous system, and he taught me, like, all these tools and skills. And it gave me so much healing, but the more freedom that I got internally from the nervous system tools, like, the more I started to want freedom in my external life, but to also share the tools I had with other people like my colleagues. And that was where the first kind of dream in the the coaching business started to kinda come alive a little bit.
Mahara Wayman [00:14:56]:
So when you started, when you began to heal and began to appreciate and experience the power of somatic breath work, you were still working, You were still employed as a sergeant. Yeah. And were were you 1 of the first that you knew of to do this type of healing work outside of the job, or was it something that was talked about? Did your company did your group offer, you know, offer any sort of support in meditation? Like, was it talked about in the police force?
Abbie Westgate [00:15:26]:
So I would say that there was nothing like this, like, ever spoken about. And I think if I said the word healing in a police station, I would just have everyone, like, laughing at me. I think I remember I I'd said like I did yoga and meditation once and I'm like, the room was just like in hysterics. So I almost had this like double life of like doing all these healing modalities, but like in in quiet. I was doing it and I wasn't sharing it with anyone. And then I moved to police forces actually. I had to transfer to another police force and that was in itself a healing experience because I had a completely different experience. I had a different team.
Abbie Westgate [00:16:08]:
It was a breath of fresh air. And by that point, I'd really start to embody the tools and the the the the kind of techniques that I wanted to share. So when I went in there, I I shared about them more openly, and and I did start, like, talking to my colleagues about them. And I did an input, 1 day to a a group of senior managers, and it was great. However, there was a bit of conflict because it didn't want me to do it externally. So they didn't want me to have a business externally that showed myself as a police officer helping other police officers. Why? Because they felt like it was using my job for personal gain. And when I wanted to do it internally, there was issues around, well, you've implied to do this job, and we can't release you to go off and do x, y, and zed because we need you here.
Abbie Westgate [00:17:03]:
And then when I spoke to the well-being team, like, they had their own agenda. They are non police officers, and they've developed their own project of how they like, let's risk assess people's trauma, and they weren't open to any of this because they wanted to run with what they had. Even though this would have been a beautiful addition to what they were offering, it was just like, yeah, we're not, you know, we're not really open to any changes right now. But you can you can come and try from this project if you like. And I was like, nope. I'm maintaining the integrity of my own work, and it's completely different to, like, what you're doing. So I suppose it was, like, a lot of doors being closed around me and just I wanted just to see what I could do with it. And, like, I was like, I could always come back to Pearson, but I might not ever, like, be in this this opportunity to really get to run with this.
Abbie Westgate [00:17:52]:
And I think I just wanted to see as well, like, person that I could become, Like, can I talk about this experience that I've had in the police? Like, we're not allowed to really talk about the police outside of the police. So can I start becoming that person that gets the courage to share my experiences and tell people what it's really like, but also share from the heart? Because emotions aren't really spoken about in the police either. Like, the way I'm talking and speaking to you on this call, like, would never have any of these conversations in the police. So I think for years, I was, like, restricted in in this tiny little kind of it felt like a cage. I was really excited to see who I could become.
Mahara Wayman [00:18:34]:
Of course. And that's, I mean, that's kind of like the crux of being badass is being authentic enough and being courageous enough. The question, who do I wanna be? Who do I want to show up today in the world as? But when now that you are out of the police, can you easily pinpoint why the police was so and joining the police was so important to you for so many years? Like, what was it? And what I'm getting to is the difference between purpose and goals. Right? Was your purpose tied up? Like, what was the purpose? Because now you're not there anymore. Why did you choose that? Why did your subconscious go there Mhmm. So long?
Abbie Westgate [00:19:10]:
I was always drawn. It's it's 1 sentence. It's to use my experiences to help other people so then they aren't in vain. And what I realized that the police is just 1 vehicle that you can use to express that purpose. And in having my own business, I am still using my experiences to help others that they aren't in vain, and it's just in a different vehicle. And if that then takes a different direction, I can take my purpose and take it in any direction as long as it has that heart centered focus of using my experiences to help other people so that they aren't in vain.
Mahara Wayman [00:19:50]:
Beautiful. So what is the number 1 thing you learned about yourself as a policewoman?
Abbie Westgate [00:19:56]:
That's a really good question. There's a lot I could probably say. I think are you wanting from the actual being a policewoman or from my collective experience?
Mahara Wayman [00:20:06]:
Whatever comes to mind.
Abbie Westgate [00:20:08]:
So what I meant from my experience collectively was that my own limitations were actually the things that I've I've been playing out in my in my experience, and my experiences that I was facing actually helped me to confront my own limitations. So that I was and what I mean by that is that I was looking outside of me for permission to feel, to be myself. So when I joined the police, I was looking for permission. Like, is it okay to grieve? Is it okay to have emotions and feelings? Like, is it okay to to come as I am? And when that was a no, like, I retracted and buried myself away and tried to just fit in with what was around me, which is a clue that actually that was a limit within myself that I needed to learn how to give myself permission to feel, to hold my emotions, and to show up as my authentic self without permission for other people. And then when you do that, then it it it's like a double edged sword. Like, people then, like, accept you for who you are. But being in the police taught me that it was actually my own limitations that were causing a lot of my experience to happen. And then confronting them and working through them, they've given me, like, access to, like, a different side of myself and helped me call the ways that I could only have dreamt of, really.
Mahara Wayman [00:21:34]:
So and thank you for sharing that. When you think back on this, though, were there opportunities before the police, like where you could have done this, but you didn't recognize it? Because, you know, I firmly believe that if we have a lesson to learn, the universe will keep giving us those opportunities until we learn it. And I'm just I'm wondering if you now that you look back on your life, you're like, man, this sounds familiar. Wow. I remember back then that that could have been a potential opportunity for me to learn that. When you think back on your childhood in a teenager, for example, was there, was there that opportunity then, do you think?
Abbie Westgate [00:22:15]:
I think when I reflect back and think about my childhood and growing up, there was always like looking for that external permission to be myself, because I didn't feel safe enough in myself to be myself. So it was almost I was almost looking outside of me for permission, and that has caused a disconnect from my own authenticity. Like, the need to belong was driving me at the sacrifice of my own authenticity. And that would, like that that was coexisting simultaneously until it all came to a head, and I had to integrate those parts of me back together and give myself permission to actually find out who or what who I am as a person. And then the next step is to integrate that into the world and show up as yourself and show up authentically.
Mahara Wayman [00:23:11]:
So, so interesting that you say that. And I wanna, I wanna do a deep dive on that because I think it's something that we all struggle with, which is balancing the need to belong with who we are authentically. And there is no 1 set way to navigate that, and that's why it's called a personal journey. That's why, you know, that's why we are here, I think, in as human beings, you know, having this experience. But man, oh, man, it can really be tough. So my question, Abby, is this. What came first in your growth? Was it an a belief that you actually no longer needed to belong or was it, I'm okay with who I am? Because they're kind of 2 different ways of looking at it. Right? You can flip your middle finger at the world and go, I don't care that this is what the world expects of me.
Mahara Wayman [00:24:00]:
I don't need to be part of that. I don't you know, that's not my thing. Or it can be, I still wanna be a part of that, but I'm determined to find out who I am first.
Abbie Westgate [00:24:09]:
I think that's a really beautiful question. And what I found was from my the first police force I worked at and being in that situation where I really wanted to belong. And when you're in the place that your life depends on belonging, So authenticity will always be lost because you have this, like, inherent need to belong. And when I hit that really rock bottom moment and I realized how much effort I'd put into trying to belong and trying to kinda be part of a team and to create that community around myself and, like, how actually I felt like some people there was you know, when I asked you that, I felt like some people turned away from me at that point. And I was like, that has all been for nothing because when it really mattered, it didn't matter. So at that point, it was a real defining point of, like, so you now need to do what is true for you. You need to start taking those steps. And that was a really painstaking process.
Abbie Westgate [00:25:14]:
Like, I learned that if from whatever reason, like, things from your childhood, like, you have fear around being seen or being, like, authentic, like, the fear of visibility, like, walking into authenticity is almost like, why why would you wanna walk over glass, essentially? It's it's like, why would you wanna put yourself through that pain? But I since learned that, actually, that that is the path of our hearts. Like, authenticity is, in terms of emotions, like, the highest vibrational emotion. Like, we think it's love, but but it's actually authenticity. So, therefore, our default state as human beings is to be authentic. And I always feel like there's been an an inner conflict and inner pain that I haven't been able to be, like, truly myself, like, for my whole life until I switched over to, like, okay. Right. It's gonna hurt. It's gonna be uncomfortable.
Abbie Westgate [00:26:07]:
Like, yeah. Okay. Let's do it. And then I accepted that pain because I knew that it was almost soothing, like, that deeper pain of, like, I really wanna just be able to be myself and be accepted for who I am, but I just don't know how to be. So I'm gonna disconnect when I learn to integrate and, like, accept and say, right. Yeah. I'm going on this journey. Like, the pain was something that I chose to work through.
Mahara Wayman [00:26:33]:
Takes courage to do that. Yeah. I couldn't help but think as you were share talking that for many of us putting on a uniform is akin to, I don't want to say hiding, but it's like a it's like an instant belonging because the world perceives, for example, the world perceives a policeman to be a certain way. And when you step into that and put on that uniform or and whatever, it's like, yeah, I don't need to I don't need to really do anything right now because you already see you see something that's preconceived, for example. And I'm right? I'm I just wanna I wanna be this is how I wanna be seen, strong, smart, kick ass, you know, holder of justice. I can whatever comes to mind. But many of us, I think, you know, we can we can adopt that for reasons for personal reasons. I mean, joining the girl guides, you get a uniform, and I remember being so excited to be part of the girl guides because I wanted to be seen as that perfect little girl who could bake cookies.
Mahara Wayman [00:27:41]:
I can't bake cookies 50 years later. But I wanted the badges. I wanted to be seen as part of, as bigger than myself. And I remember thinking, everybody's doing it. This is what girls do to be sort of seen and accepted as, you know, this type of this type of little girl. So just just an observation that boy or boy, you don't mess around because going to the police, that's quite a persona to take on when the real work is to be completely opposite to that. Right?
Abbie Westgate [00:28:18]:
Yeah. I mean, I always say that I don't think that it's it was any coincidence that I chose a career that almost caused me to abandon my own identity almost because that's that was what was happening inside of me already. So there I was in in a an organization and career that was just continuing, like, my own unconscious patterns. Little did I know that that it was also be the thing that would make me confront them all.
Mahara Wayman [00:28:50]:
Well, that's what life is often about. Right? It's when we see those, when when we recognize the signs. Okay. So how many years were you in the force? 6. You were in the force for 6 years. You have made the courageous decision to leave the force and pursue work as a somatic healer. Talk to us a little bit about your journey between leaving and, I guess, starting your business.
Abbie Westgate [00:29:15]:
So I was already doing this work when I was still in the the police force. So I was working with clients, and what I do now is similar to what I was doing back in the police, but I have focused it down now to working with emergency services. So whilst I was in the police, I was working with a lot of a broader group of people, so just anyone interested in that type of work. But I really made the decision, like, I'm gonna put my hat in the ring here. I'm gonna talk to police officers about healing, and, hence, healing blue hearts. So the blue comes from in the UK, we refer to the emergency services as the blue light services. So I was like, that's really what's drawn me in. I wanna share these tools and these skills with the emergency services, like, in in terms of, like, support my colleagues and having that personal connection.
Abbie Westgate [00:30:08]:
But I think there's almost for that full circle philosophy in thinking about me joining the 4th in 2018 who just lost their mom and had all these internal, you know, challenges to overcome. So I really focus down. And within that, I start to look about, well, what is the transformation that I'm gonna offer police officers. Like, where are they now, and where do they want to be, and what I've really seen in my own experience and felt in my own experience, and from talking to police officers of this state of stress and burnout and disconnection. And I really resonate into that so much. And the 1 to move back into a place of essentially, I use these words. It won't be the words I used to describe, but that reconnecting back to their self and back to their emotions and to reclaim their energy levels. And relationships are a really key factor in that because the disconnection like, it follows you home.
Abbie Westgate [00:31:08]:
It's not just that work that you become detected disconnected. Sorry. Like, it follows you home and impacts every area of your life. I remember my point of disconnection. I thought there were parts of me that were lost forever, And I also thought I would never be in a relationship again because I didn't know how to love anymore. And it was just because I was so disconnected from my emotions. So it's that reconnection back to the self, back to the relationships, and just to really thrive and make the most out of the environment. And so I take them through right there's the 3 pillars in healing blue hearts, and it's to heal.
Abbie Westgate [00:31:43]:
So doing the healing work to I say it's like clearing the path for the future. So heal the past to clear the path for the future, And then reconnect back to the self, reconnect back to who you are as a person, connect back to your heart, and connect back to your body so that you can connect with who you are. You can connect with other people, and you can start having those relationships that you really truly desire again. And then from that point is when you can really then start to take those tools and skills and apply them into your life so you can have the growth and the developments. So whether that's to stay in the place and become a really good leader, or you move out of the place and, you use your your experiences again to go and help other people. Like, there's an element of, like, growth and transformation, you've got that underpinned healing work and foundational work that's gonna set you so well within that. And the tools and modalities I use is nervous system regulation that helps people to basically it gives you control over your internal state, and that helps you learn to move from a stressed state into a relaxed state. And that's what we're missing at the moment.
Abbie Westgate [00:32:53]:
Like, in the emergency services, there's high levels of stress and burnout, but we actually don't know how to move out of those states, so we get struck there. Then there's the somatic awareness, like reconnecting back to the body. And when you reconnect back to yourself, it helps you to, reconnect to other people. So that's the relational, element of the nervous system regulation. Gotta jump
Mahara Wayman [00:33:16]:
in here because I understand the lingo. I'm a coach. But Yeah. When you say reconnect to yourself, like, what the hell are you talking about? I'm going to come at you like, I feel like I have never heard this word before.
Abbie Westgate [00:33:28]:
Okay. Yeah. Well, thank you. Thank you for adding that clarifying question in. So we're living in a world where we are just living from the neck upwards from the mind, and everything is done from the mind here, overthinking, living in in the brain. What that does is that it disconnects us from everything that's happening down here in the body, also known as the soma. So if I say the word somatic, it just means of the body. And what I say to people is that we have more body than we actually do mind.
Abbie Westgate [00:33:58]:
And within the body, it's actually 4 times more powerful and more intelligent than the mind itself. So when we look at the physiology and the structure of the body, we have 80% afferent nerves running up and 20% efferent running down, meaning we've got 4 times the amount of information and data coming up to the brain than we have going down. But the issue is because we've only been taught to live from the mind upwards, we don't really know how to access that intelligence and that information. And what I've also learned is the way that we use our physiology is backwards, so we're so focused on neuroscience and mindset. But if we look at the way that the body actually works, we instinct first. We feel second and think last. So if we're relating only to the brain, we are missing 67% of the equation. And just to give you an example to put that into context, what I mean by that.
Abbie Westgate [00:34:54]:
If someone broke into our house in the middle of the night, we would have an instinctual reaction. It's gonna be fight, flight, freeze, or phone. We don't consciously think about that reaction. It happens automatically, instinctually. Because if it was up to the conscious mind, it would be too slow. So that happens instinctually. That then creates an emotion. It might be that we feel scared, we might feel angry, or we might feel courageous, like, right.
Abbie Westgate [00:35:19]:
I'm gonna go and confront them. Emotions have a lifespan of about 90 seconds, but it's actually the stories in the brain that keep an emotion going. And by the time we get to the story, I don't feel safe in my own house. Something bad's gonna happen to my kids x, y, and zed. And so how if we're only living from the mind upwards, we can see actually how much the equation that will actually listen, And that is the power of the reconnecting back to yourself and reconnecting back to your body is that it's you are essentially looking at yourself holistically instead of 1 dimension. It's just from the mind. You're reconnecting back to the the multidimensionality of, like, the human body and the human mind and working as 1. Okay.
Abbie Westgate [00:36:03]:
Great explanation.
Mahara Wayman [00:36:04]:
I love the visual. So does it does on a a simple layman's term, when you offer someone the advice to I'm going to help you reconnect, is the first thing that they need to do that I would need to do is just pay attention to what I'm feeling below the chin?
Abbie Westgate [00:36:24]:
Yeah. Okay.
Mahara Wayman [00:36:26]:
Yeah. Okay. So that makes sense. And, I'm glad that I'm glad that we've done a little bit of a dive on that. So what I'm hearing is that we have created stories, and I know this because, of course, I'm a coach. I'm a I'm a certified mastery method coach as well, so I understand somatics. But just to just to be very clear, we do feel things in our body first. There's instinct, gut instinct, whatever you wanna call it.
Mahara Wayman [00:36:50]:
That creates emotions, and the emotions then create a story, and the story gets stuck in our brain. And because we only out of, habit and how we are raised, because we tend to live in our brain only, we just live with the story, whether it's true or not. All the while stuff's going on in our body that's going, no. No. No. That's not actually no. That's not actually the story. Jesus.
Mahara Wayman [00:37:12]:
That's not the it's not the And that's what causes will cause us illness, discomfort, our nervous system to be offline. Is is that what I'm gathering from?
Abbie Westgate [00:37:28]:
Yeah. Yeah. I feel like I
Mahara Wayman [00:37:29]:
need to take a deep breath with that with that awareness. And, of course, I already know all this stuff, but still, when the more you hear it, especially the way that you described it, it is incredibly powerful. Okay. So today you are supporting first responders. What has the response been like?
Abbie Westgate [00:37:46]:
So it's it's taking a little bit of time from the basis that this is something that we have never heard of in the police or any other emergency service. We have been solely relying on the mindset work neck upwards neuroscience. And I think there's also a myth that if we stop feeling our emotions again, like, isn't that gonna be overwhelming in the place if every drop we go to is, like, full of emotions? And so there's actually within it, there's a there's an element of sharing story and giving people relatable scenarios and experiences and transformations of, like, what that actually means. So it's so this is an educational piece that comes first. But the more that I'm starting to work with people on a 1 to 1 basis, I did a master class the other week, and that got a really good response because they were like, like, when you say it like that, it makes complete sense. And there was loads of things that I didn't know about. So it's starting to get people aware that there's a different approach. But I suppose the the challenge is when we've done something a certain way for so long, and that's how we operate in, is to think about just solely on the level of the mind.
Abbie Westgate [00:39:13]:
It will take a little bit of time to be able to think, oh, what do you mean? Let's do some, like, body centered work, and, like, that sounds like something you do in a yoga studio, not in a police force. So so there's there's that just bridging the gap. I do think that we'll get there eventually, but it might just take a little bit of time.
Mahara Wayman [00:39:34]:
I just gotta say, wow. It takes courage. Well, sometimes it takes courage to get out of bed. Right? No word of a lie. I think we've all been there. But to consistently put your foot forward when the response isn't instantaneous or they're getting it or it's slow, that takes an that takes another whole level of courage, I think. And I just wanna say thank you. It is neat the work that you do is so needed, especially as it's focused on first responders.
Mahara Wayman [00:40:05]:
I have some friends. I know people here locally that that support first responders, coach them and and, you know, create a community for them. But it to your point, this is the beginning. You know, it's 2024 and we're it's still not talked about. My understanding, and you've just backed it up, is that it's not talked about that much in that area, and that's the area that needs it most. That's you know, those hats off, and god love the people that protect us and have to deal with such difficult traumatic situations every single day possibly of their working career. So I love that you're doing this. What, what is next for you in line? You've you've done a master class.
Mahara Wayman [00:40:45]:
You've got some 1 on 1 clients. What's next on the agenda for you?
Abbie Westgate [00:40:50]:
So I'm currently writ writing a book, and I'm about 2 thirds of the way of the first draft. And what I really wanted this to be was to make it accessible for anyone in in the place who just want to take a book and sit in their room and, like, look at it and learn about somatic nervous system without ever having to ask anyone off, to tell anyone that they're looking at it, just to to kind of be a tool that is available to anyone. Like, my dream would be for those coming into the police force to have access to it as, like, a a guide, and a tool. And I would love if recruits could come in and learn these tools and skills, but I'm just focusing on the book for now, and I'll see where that takes me. And I'm also in the stage of my breath work qualification where I'm about to do the practical assessments. So I'll be really starting to see how I can take that out. Like, I'd love to go in the police stations and, like, do a breath work class, But we'll see. We'll see how that goes.
Mahara Wayman [00:41:57]:
You need to you need to talk a little bit about breath work. I full disclosure, I have done a little bit of breath work, and I've never resonated with it. The first time I did that, I hyperventilated. I think I was just like the side I, I, it just didn't quite it didn't quite work for me. And I remember thinking, I wanna have that experience. I hear my my peers going, oh my god, that was, you know, euphoric and mind life altering. And I'm like, life altering. I'm coughing.
Mahara Wayman [00:42:25]:
I I'm out of breath. Like, what the fuck? What? So I would love stop laughing. I would love you to explain breath work for us because, again, it's a term that I'm familiar with, but some of my listeners may not be. So what what is it, and why do you find it so powerful?
Abbie Westgate [00:42:42]:
The style that I am training in, specifically, there's a lot of different styles of breath breathwork, is somatic breathwork. And as I said before, the word somatic just means basically means of the body. And it again comes back to the separation between the mind and the body that we're living in in society. We're living in our minds. We're very busy lives. We're overthinking. We're burned out. We're stressed.
Abbie Westgate [00:43:08]:
So the idea of breath work is to reconnect the mind back to the body using the breath so that they can work together instead of against each other. And then the power of the somatic breath work and the reason why I really see this as being so beneficial for the emergency services is that we hold a lot of stress and tension and distraught emotions within the body. And somatic breath work bypasses the conscious mind and helps to release those emotions from the body. So it helps us to express and release emotions, which then has a a natural, impact on our nervous system where it it can help us return to regulation. And then a consistent practice will help us to move the body from a stressed state into a relaxed state using the breath. So there's, like, a a long term benefit and for people to also know that the breath actually controls the nervous system. So everything that we've got to actually help us heal from stress and burnout and anxiety is actually within the body. In the same way that the body knows how to heal a cut and grow hair.
Abbie Westgate [00:44:28]:
Like, the breath controls the nervous system, and that's where we express our emotions and express our stress and anxiety and depression. Like, it's the vehicle to which can help us
Mahara Wayman [00:44:39]:
heal. So thank you for that explanation. It it made perfect sense to me. And all I could think about was, you know, we take our breath for granted. I take my breath for granted. And I, I know when I help my clients or even myself or my children to just calm down in a moment, like, the first thing I say is, guys, just breathe. My hand up, maybe you're the hand of your belly and just feel the breath going in. And it's you know, it is a way to very quickly calm your nervous system.
Mahara Wayman [00:45:05]:
But I have never, full disclosure, taken it much further than that. And now I'm excited. Now I'm like, okay, I want to do this. When you the the experience that I've had in the past when I was being being certified was breath work was always done while you were lying down, you know, and you could hear the t shirts through the air, through your, you know, headphones. But is it possible to have a breath work practice where you're sitting up or you're standing up? Does it have to be a laying down experience?
Abbie Westgate [00:45:37]:
No. So the breath work practice that I am being trained in, we have 3 journeys. So we have a daily journey, which is about 5 minutes, and you can do, like, kneeling, which I hang really nice. Then there's a a reset, which is about 20 minutes, and then there's a full journey, which is an hour. And the hour journeys are really good as a big system hero and a release. But actually little and often is, like, more powerful than, like, having these big journeys where you have these big releases all the time. So the actual I love that there's, like, versatility there to actually teach people to use it as a tool, like a daily tool that doesn't take very long, or, like, something that's in between. And then to maybe do a couple of the bigger, longer journeys at times where you have maybe more challenges going on or you want a bit more space to reconnect with yourself and take some time for yourself.
Abbie Westgate [00:46:39]:
And just to touch upon, like, your experience as well, like, everyone can have different expressions and different releases, but the depth of, like, understanding from the nervous system that the training that I've taken has given me is that sometimes if your nervous system is in more of a stressed state and you start doing active breathing, like, like, you are gonna take yourself up there quite quickly. And to be able to recognize that in someone and actually give them the opposite technique to connect them to the side of the nervous system that's gonna calm them down and relax them. So it's having, like, the discernment and the attunement to be able to see where people are at and to help and tailor them. That's gonna make people feel safe and to get a good experience without thinking, and every time I've got breath work, I'm gonna have a pun for a tap.
Mahara Wayman [00:47:28]:
Good call out for sure. And, you know, I tongue in cheek, I knew I wasn't giving it, you know, I wasn't, I didn't go into it with, oh, I'm so excited. It was like, oh, what is this crap? All right, fine. I'll lay down. You know, I'll, I'll do all this stuff. So, totally, I take ownership for that. Abby, thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. What are some things that you do for yourself that you wouldn't mind sharing with with our audience that 1 or 2 tips, maybe even 3 if you have them, that you know really help you stand in your authenticity, help you face the day.
Mahara Wayman [00:48:05]:
Do you have anything that you can share with us?
Abbie Westgate [00:48:08]:
Yes. So daily grounding, like, that daily breath practice that I do in the morning is like a system reset. Then I do a somatic awareness practice, and it only takes a few minutes. And anyone can do this. So if you close your eyes and just see what you're noticing in your body, so what are your physical sensations, then what are you what are you feeling? Like, what are your emotions? What is the story in your head, and are they connected? And then what's the 1 thing that I need to do? Like, what's my innermost need from that? So that's, like, a a daily, like, navigation and attunement piece of being able to work out how I'm actually feeling and what I need that day. And then the other thing that I like to do is it's a bit more of, like, the 1 that I think about what is the step that today that I'm a bit scared of taking. Like, what's the 1 thing I'm avoiding? And then I try and, like, push myself into doing that or take a step towards it so that I'm constantly kind of working towards that 1 thing that I'm avoiding that I know actually I get to the other side of. It's gonna open up a new layer of, like, freedom, growth, authenticity.
Abbie Westgate [00:49:25]:
So that's my 3 tips.
Mahara Wayman [00:49:27]:
So, so good and so, so juicy. And I really appreciate that you that you called out. Sometimes it's just 1 step closer to what you're avoiding. It is okay to feel fear about something. It is okay. Part of being human is recognizing and giving ourselves permission to to feel the feels. But when we take whenever we take action, I believe we're telling the universe, we're given a signals like, hey. I'm serious about this shit.
Mahara Wayman [00:49:54]:
I am serious. So this is what I can manage today. So 3 great tips, centering your body for for a little bit in the morning, and then ask, you know, do a little do a little scope. What am I feeling? Why am I feeling it? And what do I wanna do with that feel with that? And then, of course, take action, aligned action towards your goals. Thank you so much. Those are great tips. I'll make sure to drop all of the ways that you can connect with Abby in the show notes. I hope you have an amazing day, Abby, and please do keep in touch.
Mahara Wayman [00:50:27]:
We'd love to know more about when you get, when you finish with your somatic training and where where you're at in the world with your business. Abby, thank you so much for joining us today. Really appreciate your your story and your wisdom and insights. You are a total badass. Folks, check the show notes because I will drop all of the ways that you can connect with Abby. And when her book is ready, it'll be in the show notes too. No matter when that ends up happening, we would love to know more about healing blue hearts and how that goes for you. My name is Mahara.
Mahara Wayman [00:50:58]:
This has been the Art of Badassery. I will see you next week. Thanks again.
Abbie Westgate [00:51:03]:
Thank you so much. Take care.
Mahara Wayman [00:51:06]:
Thanks for tuning in to another badass episode. Your support means the world to me. So if you enjoyed what you heard today, don't forget to like, share, and rate the episode on your favorite podcast platform. Your feedback keeps the badassery flowing. And, hey, if you're ready to unleash your inner badass and conquer whatever life throws your way, why not book a complimentary badass breakthrough session? Just click the link in the show notes to schedule your session, and let's kick some serious butt together. Until next time, stay fearless, stay fabulous, and of course, stay badass. This is Mahara signing off.
