Mahara Wayman [00:00:05]:
Welcome to the art of badassery where I explore what it takes to live life on your own terms, break free from the status quo, and unleash your inner badass. Whether you're a rebel at heart or simply seeking inspiration to step outside your comfort zone, this podcast is for you. I'm your host, Mahara Wayman. And each week, I dive into the stories, insights, and strategies of those who've mastered the art of badassery and are living life to the fullest. They smile when no one is lucky.
Mahara Wayman [00:00:41]:
Welcome to the art of badassery. I'm your host, Mahara Wayman. And today, I am chatting with badass Kimberly Jarman. Kimberly grew up in a small town in Oklahoma where she pursued her dream of becoming a doctor before shifting her focus to counseling. She holds both a bachelor's and a master's degree in counseling. Now back in her home state, Kimberly runs her successful business and enjoys a really beautiful life with her wonderful husband and a lively household of Get This 4 cats, 2 dogs, and 3 goats. No wonder she's on the show. Welcome, Kimberly.
Mahara Wayman [00:01:15]:
I'm looking forward to our chat today.
Kimberly Jarman [00:01:17]:
Hey, Mahara. I'm so happy to be here.
Mahara Wayman [00:01:19]:
So when I put a call out looking for guests for my show, you were one of the first two to apply. I gotta ask, why are you badass? Let's just get it straight from you.
Kimberly Jarman [00:01:31]:
Let's just go for it. Right? I am my badass. I feel like I am resilient as fuck, man. Okay. I do.
Mahara Wayman [00:01:41]:
That's a good start. Tell us more.
Kimberly Jarman [00:01:44]:
It's just like, you know, the human experience. One of my first coaches taught me the human experience is 5050. It's 50% good, and it's 50% shitty. And I feel like my journey has already fulfilled its 50% shitty. Okay. Right. It's just like overcoming adversity after overcoming adversity. And a lot of the adversity, realizing now from where I'm at now, is like, I created it.
Mahara Wayman [00:02:11]:
Oh, that's big. Not now. I'm not gonna let that comment pass without without questioning and or asking for some from clarification. First of all, can you share with us one of the examples of drama or challenges, and then explain why you think now that you actually created it?
Kimberly Jarman [00:02:31]:
Okay. Let's choose one of them. Okay. Like, one of the bigger ones is, I struggled with depression for a for a very long time. I my first period was when I was 13, and I remember I started dealing with, like, depression and suicide ideation starting then. Right? Kind of, like just kind of went on with life. A lot of people were like, oh, it's just being an angsty teen, and then, you know, I get in my twenties, and I go to grad school, and I start therapy. I go through all these therapists over 10 years.
Kimberly Jarman [00:03:11]:
Like, I had, like, 8, 6, 6 of them. And then we hit 2016, January of 2016. I am 35 years old, and I'm spending in PTSD from all these events, and end up in a psych hospital for suicide. And so I will tell you how I created that because that was the question you asked. I I grew up in an environment, in a culture, in a family system where fixed mindset was taught. It was just I don't know if you guys have heard about the book by doctor Carol Dweck, mindset. So I was taught, like, Michael Jordan was born special. He was gonna go to the NBA no matter what and that people were just born special, and then there was people that weren't.
Kimberly Jarman [00:04:04]:
And I wasn't one of them. I was just average, and I wasn't ever gonna I was just gonna be average. Right? And, like, me feeling average, and I really took on that belief, So I didn't try to be great. I didn't try to I I wasn't I didn't try to take the AP classes or, like, go to the big schools. I just thought I was averagely intelligent, and I felt invisible a lot. And, and because of that and that that kind of fixed mindset that I wasn't born to be special, and, life happened, and fixed mindset really feeds into victim mindset. So I found myself, like, believing a lot, like, that I had no control or power over my life that, like, God did and other people did. So I surrendered my power a lot and, like, stayed in this victim mindset and stayed in the fixed mindset, which just created more and more depression for me, right, and more and more hopelessness for me, which led me to, like, the thought that was, like, nothing's ever going to change.
Kimberly Jarman [00:05:09]:
And for me, when that thought comes in, nothing's ever gonna change, It's like a direct superhigh highway to suicide ideation. And because I've struggled with that so long for so long, like, of course, I have a plan. Of course, I have means. Right? Like, of course, like, that like, I I was high risk for actually executing.
Mahara Wayman [00:05:31]:
And,
Kimberly Jarman [00:05:32]:
so I can see very clearly now, like, because of my mindset and how I was raised and the paradigms I was raised in, I I created that.
Mahara Wayman [00:05:40]:
1st of all, thank you for sharing, and I'm sorry that you had a a lifetime of of this mindset. Would you mind just quickly explaining the difference between a fixed and a growth mindset? Because many of our listeners, my listeners, may not have read Carol Dweck's book. Yeah. So, yeah, just brief overview, the difference between the 2.
Kimberly Jarman [00:06:00]:
Yeah. Fixed mindset is very you're either born special or you're not. Very black and white thinking. Growth mindset believes that it's acquired skills, and it takes reps. Right? Like, for Michael Jordan to be as good as Michael Jordan was is because he put hours of practice in, owning those skills, and that we can become anything we want by putting the reps in, by practicing it. Right? Like, possibility is limitless. Versus fixed mindset, the possibilities are very, extremely limited to very few.
Mahara Wayman [00:06:39]:
And this is as good as it gets.
Kimberly Jarman [00:06:41]:
This is good as it gets.
Mahara Wayman [00:06:42]:
Versus, wow. I have the world at my fingertips.
Kimberly Jarman [00:06:46]:
Yes.
Mahara Wayman [00:06:46]:
Okay. Alright. Great great explanation. So how did you go from a fixed mindset, suicide ideations, struggle, drama, one thing after another to, what? There's a different way for me?
Kimberly Jarman [00:07:04]:
Yeah. I remember very clearly, like, when I got out of the psych hospital, 2 things. I I got 2 things from that terrible experience. I wasn't as depressed as I thought I was. And then the second was that no one was coming to save me. No human, no god, no one. If I wanted a different life, it was completely on Kim, and it was up to her to take responsibility for her life and change it, which was basically, essentially, me taking back my power. 35 years of feeling powerless and me finally claiming power, like, claiming laying claim to my own power.
Kimberly Jarman [00:07:45]:
Like, this is all on me. It's my responsibility. If I want a different life, like, I'm never going back to the psych hospital, period. And, b, like, I know that I don't have the I don't like to use the word courage, but I don't know of any other word maybe you could offer. But, like, I had the thought, I don't have the courage to actually pull the trigger on that gun. So my only other option is to change my life.
Mahara Wayman [00:08:11]:
K. I'm gonna thank you. And I just wanna take a moment here to recognize what an incredible profound realization that was. And it sounds like that was the start of your badassery. Yeah. Putting your hand on heart going, hey, I'm all there is, and that's okay because I got this. Right? It is it is within my power. This idea of of giving away our power comes up a lot in the work that I do with my clients.
Mahara Wayman [00:08:40]:
Would you mind sharing an an example of what that looks like? Because there may be many listeners that are like, I don't get that. What do you mean give away your power? Like, what the hell? What's for what's that translate to in real life? So what are some examples that you can share with us of when you now know that you were giving away your power?
Kimberly Jarman [00:08:58]:
Yeah. Like, no boundaries. K. Right? Like, not having any boundaries. Like, feeling you know, dating guys that you didn't wanna date, but you don't wanna hurt their feelings. Right? Not saying no when you really wanna say no, but you're too afraid of hurting other people's feelings. Letting other people make decisions for your life. Well, you should go to school here, or you should do this there, or, like, I wanna my first husband pursue his dreams, and I just was like, okay.
Kimberly Jarman [00:09:29]:
Like, we'll go after your dreams and me not, like, no. I'm done doing this. Like, it's my turn. Right? And really just letting other people make decisions for you.
Mahara Wayman [00:09:41]:
Would you equate then this feeling of powerlessness to a feeling of worthlessness?
Kimberly Jarman [00:09:49]:
You know, I didn't realize that until recently because I've been I've always been a very confident woman. Like, I am confident. Always have been. Right? But to have the words around, like, self worth, I I just never had a lot of self worth. I just felt there was always this need for me to prove my worth. Like, I'll go get rich and famous, and I'll show y'all. I I'll prove to y'all that I am worth something, and I'll prove to you that none of you voted for me to be most likely to succeed. I'll prove to you that I am most successful.
Kimberly Jarman [00:10:22]:
And recently, I learned, like, oh, that all comes from not seeing my own self worth, not seeing myself as valuable.
Mahara Wayman [00:10:29]:
I think it's one of the biggest challenges that in in in life, truthfully, because it's it's not something that we talk about. You know, I've raised 2 children, and I'd like to think that I did a really great job with them. But even within that, now that I'm doing the work that I'm doing, I can sit back and go, okay. Did I consciously decide to reinforce their worth, or did I just take it for granted that they would feel loved because I love them in the best way that I could? Because there is a distinction. Mhmm. And I think that, you know, as women, especially, we need to be very aware of our internal dialogue because that will tell us a lot about our level of worth, you know, where we are on the on the, I guess, the ratings of self worth. And so very, very important distinction. So thank you for sharing that.
Mahara Wayman [00:11:23]:
Okay. So you came out of the psych ward recognizing it's me or nothing. Like, I got this. And I do wanna just refer back to your comment or question about whether it took courage to not pull the trigger. You're right. I'm not sure. Courage may not be the first word that comes to light. But all I can say is I'm glad that whatever it was that you needed to make that decision, that you found it.
Mahara Wayman [00:11:49]:
Yeah. And maybe it was more a case of you found yourself. And that didn't that thought does not align with the real you.
Kimberly Jarman [00:11:59]:
Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:12:00]:
So whatever the word the English word is in to in this lifetime that you would use to say that. Bottom line is, I'm thankful that you found that within you and that you recognize that there was a disconnect, that that was not meant that wasn't really you. So Yeah. Yeah. I think, you
Kimberly Jarman [00:12:14]:
know, if we put words to it, it's like my soul. Like, there's a difference between my brain and me and then my soul, and I think it was my soul. Like, this isn't our soul's journey. It's not time.
Mahara Wayman [00:12:26]:
Yeah. That's that's not your your role. Okay. Good stuff. So what was the first thing that you did? You've come out, you recognize that there's more. What did you do next? I mean, was it a trip to Dairy Queen to celebrate, which is what I would do? Or was it something deeper than that? Why are you laughing?
Kimberly Jarman [00:12:42]:
I mean, girl, I am a badass. Right? So, like, I'm gonna like, I'm extreme. I'm gonna do, like, extreme things. So I get out. That would have been in January. I'm working in a job that I don't I knew I did not wanna be in higher ed. Like, I'd already been in higher ed for 9 years. I did not wanna be in it.
Kimberly Jarman [00:13:02]:
My dream was to go and own a CrossFit gym. That was my dream that I'd been dreaming about for years. So here we are in January. I get out. I go back into higher ed because that was where I was working at. Right? We roll into May, and I had a boss that was like I mean, keep in mind, I'm still, like, dealing with PTSD, so things are triggering pretty easily. She's, like, losing her mind yelling at my only coworker. There's only 2 of us.
Kimberly Jarman [00:13:29]:
She's, like, yelling at him. I go report her to HR. They're They're like, okay. We're gonna suspend her. They suspend her for supposedly 6 weeks. She comes back to work after 2 weeks. And I look over the air at him, and I'm like, dude, just quit. Like, you want a different career? Like, it was 9 o'clock in the morning.
Kimberly Jarman [00:13:47]:
I was like, just quit. And, like, he takes me up on it and starts, like, packing his box up. And I'm like, oh, fuck. Like, if he leaves, it's just me here with her. And, like, that that fear, I'm like, okay. And so I start packing my box up, and then we hold point for each other. Like, I watch to make sure she's not looking. He goes sneaks his stuff in the car.
Kimberly Jarman [00:14:10]:
I go sneak my stuff in the car. I write up the letters of resignation. I march them to HR. And at 10 AM in the morning, we drive off. And I don't know who told her that we quit, but her only two employees quit. So, yeah, there's my first move.
Mahara Wayman [00:14:28]:
Wow. Alright. Total badass move. How did you feel driving away?
Kimberly Jarman [00:14:33]:
Still empowered. I was like, mic drop moment. Kim is telling the world I'm not playing by your fucking rules anymore. You tell me to, like, give 2 weeks notice? No. This is what I need to do for me, and I'm out of here. And I also knew, like, I'm burning the bridge. Like, you can't go get another higher edger while you quit. Like so I was like, what am I gonna do? Right? Like, I'm single.
Kimberly Jarman [00:14:57]:
I'm newly divorced. Like, I quit this job. Like, what am I gonna do? And I was like, I'm going for it. Like, I'm just gonna write an email, send it to my gym owner at my gym, and I'm gonna tell him, like, I have money, and I'll buy you out half, partner. And so I did that, and he responded back, like, oh, you can just buy the whole thing.
Mahara Wayman [00:15:18]:
So I did. Okay. I can't even keep up with this. This is this is amazing. What were you telling yourself as you made this these momentous decisions and declarations? And I wanna say that, you know, I think my listeners will know this this comment because I I do talk about it quite a bit is we need to acknowledge our worth first in order for the world to recognize it. We can't expect the world to treat us as empowered, intelligent, loving, accepting women if we do not believe it of ourselves. So I totally love that you're doing this, but I'm curious. What was the dialogue? Like, what you, you know, what was the chant if there was a chant, or was it a song?
Kimberly Jarman [00:15:59]:
I think that what motivated me was no one's coming to save me. Right? Like, I've already hit rock bottom in my life. Like, there was no like, I have nothing to lose. Like, there is no worse that you can get than that in my mind. Right? There was nothing to lose at that point. I'm like, I have nothing to lose. So I'm gonna live my life for me, and I'm I'm gonna do things I wanna do, and I'm not playing by all their rules anymore because all their rules this was this you're asking me what my thoughts were. All their rules is what ended my
Mahara Wayman [00:16:28]:
ass up in the psych hospital, and I'm
Kimberly Jarman [00:16:28]:
done with their rules. I'm gonna live on my hospital, and I'm done with their rules. I'm gonna live on my rules. And I think that was the chance. I was like, okay. And I was that was the most proudest I've ever been in my life, driving off away from higher ed. Because it was the first time in my life that I made a decision for me, and I did not care about what other people thought or their consequences of it. So so powerful.
Mahara Wayman [00:16:49]:
Of course, all I'm thinking now is, okay, but what did her family think? If you if that's 30 30 odd years of being raised in a in a group, you know, in a family that thought a certain way. But what what was the reaction of those that that were loving you and and
Kimberly Jarman [00:17:09]:
seeing watching this happen? I had a thought. They already think I'm crazy. I already have a stack of paperwork from a psych hospital that claims that I am. Like, they already think I'm crazy. Like, who cares? Who cares what they think about me at this point? Like, I don't care. How did they they did. I think they did think I was, like, because I was I got a divorce, and I moved home with my parents. So I was living with my parents.
Kimberly Jarman [00:17:35]:
My parents were actually the ones that drove me and dropped me off at the psych hospital. So, like, they already knew, like, this woman is unhinged a little bit. Right? And then for me to quit, it's like, this is on par. This is on par for her.
Mahara Wayman [00:17:50]:
Were they supportive of your of your badassery? Of your Yeah. Taking your power back or did it I'm just curious if it created a different energy within the family unit. Oh, for sure. Yeah. So how did how did they navigate that? Or how did you navigate that?
Kimberly Jarman [00:18:05]:
I the way I interpret it I mean, you would have to ask them personally, the way I interpret it. Right? Is it I think that they they were a little bit more leery. They were afraid. Like, is this gonna happen again? I think it was probably pretty devastating for them to have to drop their daughter off at a psych hospital for suicide. Right? So I think they were a little bit, like, we don't we don't know what walking on eggshells. We don't know what to do. We're just gonna try to be as supportive as we possibly can be because this is also foreign for us, and we don't know what to do with it. And their coping skill is kind of like just kinda look the other way.
Mahara Wayman [00:18:48]:
Oh, boy. I think you nailed it on the head for many of us. That is our coping mechanism is to just ignore. And, you know, a lot of us now know that that just doesn't work anymore. Right? That that that just does not that's got yeah. It doesn't work. Okay. So you bought the gym.
Mahara Wayman [00:19:05]:
Holy hell. And how was that experience? Because I'm guessing that sometimes when we fulfill our dreams or we go after our dreams well, I can speak from experience. It's not as easy as I thought it was gonna be. So I'm curious how it was for you. You wanted the dream. You bought the gym. What next?
Kimberly Jarman [00:19:28]:
Maybe that's a universal experience.
Mahara Wayman [00:19:31]:
Alright. Tell us about it.
Kimberly Jarman [00:19:33]:
Yes. So, gosh, I've been dreaming about that for years. I love CrossFit. Right? That was I I I started CrossFit in 2012. I'd been coaching for years. This was 20 I bought it on my birthday. I signed the paperwork on my birthday, October 31, 2016. And I love coaching.
Kimberly Jarman [00:19:55]:
I loved programming. I knew 0 about being an entrepreneur. I was in higher ed. Right? Like, 0. And so that part got really difficult. I have a complicated relationship with my family, and I was living at home with them, and then I was running this business and having to learn sales and marketing. And I didn't have rejection resilience at that point. Right? Like, I hadn't found coaching yet.
Kimberly Jarman [00:20:25]:
So my mindset was starting to shift, but we were definitely not there yet. So every time an athlete would quit, it felt like they were breaking up with me, and it was devastating. So I was breaking even in the gym, and then if people would leave, I felt like I was being broke up with. And, like, that was just so hard. It was just so hard. It was it was sucking the fun out of CrossFit for me. K.
Mahara Wayman [00:20:52]:
Interesting term. I think you said rejection resilience. Mhmm. I've actually never heard it phrased that way before. But an important component of a growth mindset is developing resilience to rejection. Because, in fact, we don't necessarily look at it as as rejections. Like, it's not rejection of me. It's their choice, but what's the opportunity? So how long did it take you to really recognize that these quote rejections or whatever, they ended you know, if they quit the gym or didn't renew their membership, how long did it take you for to recognize it was a learning opportunity?
Kimberly Jarman [00:21:32]:
I would say 6 years later, I didn't. I didn't learn it in the gym. I just I ran it for 2 years, and I couldn't I couldn't handle it anymore, so I sold it. And I just I didn't learn it. It was just so personal. So yeah. So I sold the gym, and then I took the journey of, like, I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck. I just wanna learn how to be successful.
Kimberly Jarman [00:21:58]:
I obviously don't know how to be successful. You know, learn how to be successful. So I started reading a book, and that book, she said, you know, if you wanna be successful, you get a coach. I'd never heard of that. Googled it, found the Life Coach School podcast, listened to 2 episodes, and then signed up and studied underneath her for 2 years. And then I launched my coaching practice October 2020, and I think really, maybe 21, 22 is really where the skill like, developing the rejection resilience and not taking it personally started to click.
Mahara Wayman [00:22:35]:
Thank you for your honesty about that because I think it's a real and I fell victim to it as well. Because like you, I am a very confident woman. I've had I've been very blessed to have a great life. And it wasn't until I discovered, entrepreneurship and I began to study it and build my business, I took a course to be certified as a mastery method coach. It wasn't until that experience that I realized that I too desperately needed a coach. And I too had money stories, limiting beliefs, a narrative that just wasn't working for me and came from, like, not from my imagination because these experiences happened, but they came from a very young mind making assumptions about things that just weren't correct. And over I just kept them. I just kept thinking.
Mahara Wayman [00:23:26]:
So it's not an overnight, the minute you decide to go on a personal journey, you figure this shit out. It just that's just not true. And if anybody tells you otherwise, I would question that. That's just my point. Opinion.
Kimberly Jarman [00:23:38]:
Yeah. They're trying to sell you on something.
Mahara Wayman [00:23:40]:
Yeah. But, I mean, the human journey is fascinating. And especially when we decide to take control back and live as a badass. Right? That's what we're that's what we're here talking about. But that doesn't mean that it's not without its challenges. And we don't often I don't think, anyway, learn the lessons the first time around. What I can say from experience, and I she's laughing, so I think she knows where I'm going with this. Is if you don't learn it, the universe is gonna give you another opportunity.
Mahara Wayman [00:24:08]:
You've got I believe I have a bunch of spirit guides sitting back going, oh my god. My heart didn't get it. Okay. What are we gonna do now? Okay. Let's do let's put this in her path. And, oh my god, she missed the sign again. What What is it gonna take for that girl to figure out this lesson? So I feel that's that's how the universe works. But and I so I think it's important that we understand that just because we want to feel better, we want to feel badass or empowered, doesn't mean that we don't have to actually do the work and learn the lessons.
Kimberly Jarman [00:24:39]:
Oh, yeah. A 100%. Like, you gotta do the work.
Mahara Wayman [00:24:43]:
You gotta do the work. Sad but true. Well, not really sad because there's there's growth and beauty and and, you know, the human experience in doing the work. Okay. So you sold the gym
Kimberly Jarman [00:24:55]:
Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:24:55]:
And you got into coaching. Mhmm. Where you are today, what's the biggest lesson that you've learned about yourself?
Kimberly Jarman [00:25:03]:
I I'm learning to accept myself. I have fought against who I actually am for a very long time because the words that were used to describe me were aggressive, and, intense. That's usually the word. Like, oh, you're very intense. And I use those as, like, something bad. Right? And, like, seeing that no. Like, I am relentless. I am.
Kimberly Jarman [00:25:35]:
And when I want something, I am relentless, and my intensity is I am intensely caring and aggressively helpful. And, like, embracing those things about myself because that's what's gonna make me great. Like, the or when I say that, that's gonna create the success that I desire. How about that?
Mahara Wayman [00:25:52]:
Yeah. No. On powerful words and a nice distinction between the 2. And, you know, I I've often heard that what we perceive as being our weakest in actual fact is our can be our super weapon, our superpower if we look if we can sort of switch the lens on which we view that character. Because often when people, you know, people will say things about us, it's from their point of view. Yeah. And that point of view, you just don't know unless you're in their shoes or unless you get real clarity on it. And most of us don't bother to do that.
Mahara Wayman [00:26:26]:
We just we hear what people say. We interpret it, and away we go. How many of us stop and say, excuse me. I'm sorry. What did you mean by that? Because what I heard was you thought I suck. But I'm just curious. Is that really what you meant to say? I've actually tried that a couple times with my husband, and he's like, that's not what I said. What is wrong with you? And I'm like, it's okay.
Mahara Wayman [00:26:46]:
I'm on a journey. I'm figuring this shit out. Right. Right? Just checking. But Yeah. Yeah. You said something earlier that I wanna go back to, and hope I can remember exactly what you said. It was around this idea that we we make everything about ourselves in life.
Mahara Wayman [00:27:02]:
And one of the things that I'm learning on my personal journey, and some of my clients are as well, is life is never about you until you make it about you. Yeah. And that's a really hard one, I think, for for for me to to sort of wrap my head around because it's like, well, of course, it's about me. If my feelings get hurt, then of course it's fucking about me. Right. No. Actually, You're making it about you, and your feelings get hurt.
Kimberly Jarman [00:27:30]:
Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:27:30]:
You've gotta learn I need to learn to separate. So I'm wondering if that's a lesson that you're that you've experienced as well.
Kimberly Jarman [00:27:37]:
You know, when I own the gym, people would tell me, like, mentors or whatever, like, oh, it's it's business. It's not personal. You gotta stop taking these things personally. And, like, I'm a smart woman. I intellectually understood the words that they were saying. Right? I I just didn't know what that meant in action. Like, what that felt like. Right? And to be honest with you, like, I've I've heard it many a time until I started diving into my coaching business couldn't go any further.
Kimberly Jarman [00:28:11]:
And I figured out why is because I had to finally look at my trauma. Even though I had therapy all these years. Right? Like, I had to, like, look at it and, like, see the behavior patterns that it had created in me. And when I finally looked at that trauma and did the work for that and could see that it was, like, this little chem in here that was, like had these wounds. And so people that said and did things, it was coming through those wounds. Right? It was hitting on those wounds, and that's why everything's felt so personal. And so when I did the work to, like, really, like, heal that, then I had access to not taking things personal because I was more in control of my nervous system at that point. I was more aware of, like, oh, that's hitting on that wound, and this is coming from their wounds, and I know how to take care of this wound now.
Mahara Wayman [00:29:12]:
So so good. You mentioned you used the word trigger earlier. And I think what you're talking about right now is is is the recognition that things trigger in us wounds that haven't been healed. Yeah. And many of my listeners will recognize this idea of something triggers you. They may not you may not use that word, but you know when someone says something and all of a sudden your gut clenches and your you know, you get you just get really pissed off. That's an example of being triggered. And it's a beautiful opportunity for growth because when we feel ourselves with that clutch or whatever our instinctive reaction is, Instead of reacting like we've had in the past, either verbally or with our emotions or our thought patterns, it's a chance to go, okay.
Mahara Wayman [00:30:01]:
This is interesting. Okay. This is interesting. How come that behavior with that person is making me feel this way? And chances are there's a story behind that, and you may have to go layers deep. And what I often say to clients, and I, of course, say to myself regularly, because I'm really on this journey too, is, okay. What's next? What's underneath that? Mhmm. What's underneath that? And when you get to the point where there's nothing else underneath it, then you go, okay. Now let's talk about that.
Mahara Wayman [00:30:29]:
That's interesting. And where I'm at right now is when I get to the bottom bottom bottom, I usually just forgive myself. Is that okay? Alright. I was just a little girl when I made that assumption, or that just that's just not the truth anymore. It's not my truth. I don't need it. And I kinda forgive myself and move on. But it's interesting that we are given these the our body knows.
Mahara Wayman [00:30:54]:
We are given signals. And I think one way that we can really sit in our badassery is to listen to the signals. I'm not saying you need to understand them right away. You may need help. That's what both you and I are here doing now in our in our careers. But recognize the signal signals and get curious about it.
Kimberly Jarman [00:31:17]:
Yeah. I love that. Because, you know, being a I've always saw myself as a badass because I'm I'm tough. Right? And, like, I can take a beating and keep going. And part of that identity was I can just, like, keep moving forward. And I remember coach after coach after coach would tell me, like, you need to learn how to be compassionate to yourself. And I reached a point, I'm like, if one more fucking coach tells me to be compassionate to my myself, I swear to God I'm gonna burn this computer down. Because it just was not part of that badass identity that I had.
Kimberly Jarman [00:31:58]:
Right? Like, compassion wasn't compatible with that. Like, it was more like, I'm gonna go burn the house down type energy. Right? I will have vengeance. And when I learned self compassion and, like, how to have self compassion, I feel like I'm more of a badass now because of that weapon of self compassion, because that self compassion becomes compassion for the other humans as well.
Mahara Wayman [00:32:27]:
What a great call out. And I I'm so glad that you mentioned that. You know, when I first decided people know the story. When I first decided to use the word badass in my coaching as part of my copy, and then I started the created the podcast, The Art of Badass. Right? My mother-in-law, she was beside herself in a good way. She's like, what the hell are you calling that? Like, the art of badassery. She's like, I don't wanna be a badass. Like, what are you talking about? We had a great conversation around generational ideology and and language.
Mahara Wayman [00:33:00]:
And in from her generation, being a badass was bad. You were aggressive. You you took no b s. You may be violent. You know, it was this picture of some big muscle guy on a on a Harley. Right? And I just thought it really interesting because I've got teenage well, young women who for children, and my kids are in their twenties. And this generation, the word badass has a completely different connotation. And that's the one I was I was leaning in towards.
Mahara Wayman [00:33:30]:
But to your point, I can see that you had this idea that being badass meant tough. Get through anything. Keep going. Not gonna lock knock me down. But the the truth, I believe, and so do you now, is we are strongest when we are aligned with our true selves. And our higher self, our soul is very forgiving because we know we we are know we know it all. We understand the journey. We signed up for this journey.
Mahara Wayman [00:33:59]:
So it's it's a interesting juxtaposition, shall we say, of using the term badass, but actually being very soft and empathetic and forgiving on the inside at the same time. Cool. Yeah. Alright. So why else are you badass now that you have a you've you've a few years have gone by. You've grown in your personal development. You perhaps have a slightly different understanding of the term badass. What else is going on in your world that you can now say, okay.
Mahara Wayman [00:34:28]:
Yeah. No. I am I am supposed to be on that show.
Kimberly Jarman [00:34:34]:
That's a great question. I just feel like I am I am a happier human. I I never have been a human that felt at peace, and I've I'm calm. I feel at peace. Right? I'm happier. I'm not this up and down, which I used to be. I don't look for a savior to save me anymore. Like, I know that I am I'm the creator of my story.
Kimberly Jarman [00:35:02]:
Like, I may be cocreating with the universe, but I'm ultimately the captain of this ship. Right? And I just have so much more compassion and empathy for humanity. Because for a lot of my life, I I love animals, and I hated the humans. And to be able to be in a place of just to have so much compassion for both both form like, both forms of the mammals. Yeah. The humans and the animals. And to be so like, I feel like I'm actually a good human. Right? Like, I'm not one of those humans that, like, fight over the Internet on politics, or it only has to be my way.
Kimberly Jarman [00:35:45]:
And, like, my leadership style is very instead of this hierarchy, it's very I know I'm a leader, and I will lead, but I lead by surrounding myself with experts, and I empower them to use their expertise. I don't need to be the hierarchy expert. So I feel like that's what makes me a badass now is just this ability to be an an authentically good human for no ulterior reason.
Mahara Wayman [00:36:15]:
Feel like I want one of these, horns to blow when someone said something really amazing. Thank you for that. And I would absolutely agree. What struck me the most though in the last few minutes of your of your sharing was this recognition that it is badass to be happy. Yeah. Joy, I think, is underpins everything in our lives. And when we can surrender to being joyful and happy and a good human, Yeah. That's totally badass because it's not about what you do for a living.
Mahara Wayman [00:36:53]:
It's not about how much money you make, how good you look, how skinny you walk, any of that stuff. I believe that fulfillment in life is about being happy and being part of the human experience the best way that you can be. And what I found is as I release my need to be, quote, successful with x amount of clients and x amount of money in the bank, I am becoming happier. And then guess what? Bank the money in the bank is changing. The clients are growing. So it's interesting when you focus on just being rather than doing, life kinda gets easier. And that I'm still working on that. Believe me.
Mahara Wayman [00:37:33]:
I've been working, plugging away at my business for 3 years nonstop 247. And I am finally going, you know what? And I just wanna take a breath and really connect with me and have faith and surrender to the journey that it's all gonna work out. Because now I really, really understand that I'm connected to my purpose. Before, I didn't realize that's what I was. I just thought, oh, it'd be cool to do that. I wanna do that. Now I recognize, thankfully, that what I wanted to do 3 years ago actually is my purpose and I'm feeling more relaxed in that. Would you say that's where you are as well on your journey? Feeling very relaxed in your purpose and the efforts and the experience that you bring to the world.
Kimberly Jarman [00:38:17]:
Yeah. For sure. I think we it sounds like we started I started my coaching business October 2020. So we started around the same time. And, you know, like, our industry, there's a lot of opportunity, and there's a lot of mentors that are making 1,000,000 and 1,000,000 of dollars a year. Right? So that carrot is there. Right? And, like, not only, like coaching changed my life, and I felt like the model was, like, the secret to the universe that I had to share. Right? I had to be the canary in the coal mines.
Kimberly Jarman [00:38:49]:
Right? But, also, it was like that appeal. Like, this could be my opportunity to show all of them. Right? To get rich and famous, to show all these people that underdog me. Like, see? And then and I was. Like, the 1st 2 years, like, I created financially a full time business that could support me financially full time. Right? Which is I guess that's impressive. And then I got lost in that. Right? And it was like it all became about, well, I have to hit a 100 k, and I have to hit this.
Kimberly Jarman [00:39:21]:
Right? These are the markers in my industry, and I got COVID long haulers. So the combination of that drive and having me struggling with long COVID, year 3 year 3 of my business totally imploded. Absolutely. I grad I had all these clients, had a full roster of clients. I graduated all of them out, had none in the pipeline, didn't have any in the pipeline. My revenue cut absolutely in half. I ended the year with 0 clients, 0 revenue for over 6 months. And what it taught me was you're gonna be okay.
Kimberly Jarman [00:39:58]:
Fortunately, I have a husband that can financially take care of us. Right? So I get that privilege. Right? But it was the biggest lesson for me. It was like, yeah, the worst thing that could happen in business just happened to you, and you're still here, and it's totally fine. And your worthiness and your and your significance in this world still matters even though things have not gone how you thought they were gonna go. Right? And I think that's what brought me to the point now of, like, I'm just not attached to it anymore. Right? Like, I get to run my business from a very clean place of, I wanna help. I have lots of knowledge to help, and I don't need clients, and I don't need the money to tell me that I'm worthy and enough anymore.
Mahara Wayman [00:40:47]:
I definitely, I'm gonna go out and get one I don't know. Some sort of some sort of a noise maker. Because what you've just shared is powerful. And I think I'm almost there. I'll full disclosure, it's not that my business has ever taken off to where I thought it was. I was so naive. Oh my god. I laugh at it now.
Mahara Wayman [00:41:08]:
I just kinda went into it going well, of course, you know, I know my stuff. I'm really good at what I do and I'm just gonna put myself out there. And I did everything that I was told, and it just didn't transpire. And I kept saying, well, next month it will. Next month, it's gonna you know, the belief was incredibly strong. But what I needed to have happen was this recognition that my worth is not dependent on my bank account. My ability shines regardless of whether I am charging for it or I even execute on it. Whether I have a client or not, I'm still worthy of my dreams.
Mahara Wayman [00:41:41]:
And that has been, I think, one of the biggest and most toughest lessons for me. Because like all of us, we live in a society that says says success matters. No. No. No. Marry a good man, and he'll take care of you. Luckily, I cannot I mean, I have married a great man, but we were we've always been equals, which has been I've been very fortunate. But there's still this carrot of, oh, yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:42:04]:
You wanna make 6 figures. You know? And I laugh because I would I would answer these these calls for calls to actions that said, you know, if you're not making 10 k in your 1st 3 months, you need me. And I'm like, 10 k in my first 3 like, So very honest discussion that we're having, Kimberly, Kim. And I really appreciate it because so many of my peers and I are still stuck in that, misunderstanding that this is how we need to be to be considered successful.
Kimberly Jarman [00:42:40]:
It's a misunderstanding. This is also, like, in our industry, it is very much capitalized on.
Mahara Wayman [00:42:47]:
Oh, absolutely. Oh, absolutely. So when that happened at the end of last year and you recognize that, you know what? I'm actually okay. Did it change anything to the structure of your business, for example?
Kimberly Jarman [00:43:02]:
Oh, yeah. I burned it down.
Mahara Wayman [00:43:03]:
You burned. Okay. Hello. Here's another story. Another example of badassery. Recognize when something's not working and give yourself permission to burn it down and start again. Okay. Talk to us about that.
Kimberly Jarman [00:43:13]:
Yeah. My soul is really good at burning shit down.
Mahara Wayman [00:43:16]:
Yeah. Experience, that's why. You know?
Kimberly Jarman [00:43:19]:
Yeah. I mean yeah. So we enter I go into it's October last year. I'm talking with my nutrition and fitness coach. And I've had COVID for the 3rd time now. And I'm, like, 3 weeks struggling with it. And she looks at me, and she goes, how'd you take off for this? And I was like, why quit working out? She's like, do you quit work? I was like, no. She's like, you think this is what's drawing this out for you? And I was like, oh, I don't have any clients.
Kimberly Jarman [00:43:46]:
Like, what am I doing? I was like, fine. I'm gonna take a sabbatical. So I took a sabbatical, October, November, December of last year. Just like, I'm not gonna work. I'm not gonna do anything. Right? Like, we're done. And then I roll into January, and I'm like, that's like, during that time, I just realized, like, what am I doing? Like, I've created a job for myself where I'm just working on stuff that I don't it's not even moving the needle. I don't need clients.
Kimberly Jarman [00:44:14]:
I don't need the money. Right? Like, I I'm I'm wasting my health away. Like, my health is at the expense of this stuff. Like, what am I doing? And I was like, alright. I'm only gonna take clients when I want to, and I'm only taking ideal clients. I'm no longer just taking clients to take clients. Right? So I got really strict around, like, who I will take and who I won't take, and then how I was gonna do my coaching business. And I really I took a break away from the coaching industry.
Kimberly Jarman [00:44:49]:
I didn't have a coach. I didn't do any of the programs, and I allowed my head to have my own voice for once. And And so it was like, what do you want? How do you want to build this coaching business? What do you wanna focus on, and who do you wanna help? And we're no longer gonna sacrifice ourselves to help other people so we can have some money in the bank account and so we can feel like we're successful. We're just not gonna do that anymore.
Mahara Wayman [00:45:14]:
Total badassery. And I do think that takes courage. I'm not sure if you would use the word courage, but as I listen to you and as I put myself in your shoes because I'm kinda there myself, I'm gonna use the word courage because it feels a little scary to let go. It feels a little scary to say, I don't actually have the answers right now. And that's okay. I'm just gonna sit with it, pray, listen to myself. I loved what you said about listening, allowing your mind to talk your voice, not somebody else's. That was really powerful, by the way.
Mahara Wayman [00:45:47]:
Feel like it should be a t shirt. I'm not quite sure. So so good. So from January to now, what's the biggest change that you've seen not only in your mindset? You are a mental performance coach after all. But also in the reality of your business.
Kimberly Jarman [00:46:08]:
Yeah. I don't make myself do like, I don't make myself go post every day. Right? And I only like, I just launched a 30 day challenge, a 30 day biohacking challenge. Right? And so the rules in the coaching industry, maybe they're different. Otherwise, I don't know. The rules in the coaching industry is, like, you you talk about your niche, and you don't talk about anything else. You just talk about your niche. Right? Well, I'm a mental performance coach that focuses on neuroscience mindset, right, and biohacking the brain via hormones and neurotransmitters.
Kimberly Jarman [00:46:45]:
That's my niche. Right? I work with women only, so I drew the line in the sand of that. But I love biohacking. I'm trying to biohack my own body to heal it from long COVID. Right? So the rules would tell me not to talk about that stuff. Again, I said, fuck that. I wanna talk about biohacking. So I launched this 30 day biohacking challenge where I just invited people to come do it with me.
Kimberly Jarman [00:47:09]:
We're cold plunging. We're doing all sorts of, like, biohacking things to optimize health. Right? Again, the industry would even tell me not to do that. I get it. I'm like, I have 28 women in here. Right? And it's like, this is the first successful launch I've ever had in my coaching business. Because, usually, I'll have, like, 2 or 3, 5 people, and, like, I have 28 women paid to be in this container. Right? So it's just me building this like, I have a passion for biohacking.
Kimberly Jarman [00:47:41]:
I have a passion for human physiology. I also have a passion for neuroscience and mental health and, like, optimizing women's potential, helping them step into their full potential. And I want to do both, and I wanna talk about both. And I'm gonna figure out how to do it and make my business thrive that way.
Mahara Wayman [00:48:00]:
Shivers. I'm so excited for you.
Kimberly Jarman [00:48:02]:
I'm so excited. Did that answer your question?
Mahara Wayman [00:48:05]:
Yeah. No. Absolutely. Absolutely. It did answer my question. So, alright, what are some of the key things that you would share with with our audience today on feeling badass on a regular basis? Recognizing that many of us, if not all of us, have experienced some or all of what you've experienced.
Kimberly Jarman [00:48:24]:
Advice. You're gonna feel better at the end of the day when you make decisions for yourself. Right? When you have your own back. And when I say have your own back, what I mean is, like, you don't trash talk yourself, and you don't throw yourself under the bus. Right? And we don't people please people anymore. People pleasing, and from my world, is manipulation. I'm just trying to manipulate the other humans to feel something about me or think something about me, and I don't wanna do that. I don't like to be manipulated, and I don't wanna manipulate other people.
Kimberly Jarman [00:48:55]:
So am I I just I access courage to be honest and to be direct and to know have compassion for myself that I made the best decisions I could with what I knew. And if I'd had known better, I would have done better, but I didn't. And so I'm not gonna throw myself under the bus.
Mahara Wayman [00:49:15]:
So, so good. Oh my goodness. Thank you for that. I I really appreciated the introduction of, courage there. And I have never heard anybody draw a parallel between people pleasing and manipulation. You and I are gonna have to talk about that some more on another podcast because my mind just lit up with all the possibilities of where we could go with that with that statement. So I wanna thank you for that. Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:49:42]:
Kim, thank you for this for this chat. I've just loved hearing your story. As an entrepreneur, I really relate to a lot of what you've shared, and and thank you. It's kind of enriched me from not podcaster, but as a fellow coach and entrepreneur that's trying to figure out her way in this world. Folks, I hope you've enjoyed the show. Check out the show notes because all of Kimberly's contact information will be there and then some. My name is Mahara. This has been the art of badassery.
Mahara Wayman [00:50:11]:
Tune in next week when I chat with some other amazing woman about her badass experience. Take care, everyone. Thanks, Kim. Bye. Thanks for tuning in to another badass episode. Your support means the world to me. So if you enjoyed what you heard today, don't forget to like, share, and rate the episode on your favorite podcast platform. Your feedback keeps the badassery flowing.
Mahara Wayman [00:50:35]:
And, hey, if you're ready to unleash your inner badass and conquer whatever life throws your way, why not book a complimentary badass break through session? Just click the link in the show notes to schedule your session, and let's kick some serious butt together. Until next time, stay fearless, stay fabulous, and of course, stay badass. This is Mahara signing off.
