Mahara Wayman [00:00:05]:
Welcome to the art of badassery where I explore what it takes to live life on your own terms, break free from the status quo, and unleash your inner badass. Whether you're a rebel at heart or simply seeking inspiration to step outside your comfort zone, this podcast is for you. I'm your host Mahara Wayman and each week I dive into the stories, insights, and strategies of those who've mastered the art of badassery and are living life to the fullest. They smile when no one is lucky.
Mahara Wayman [00:00:42]:
Welcome to the Art of Badassesry podcast. I'm your host, Mahara Wayman. And today, I have a very cool guest joining me. Her name is Asia Rutledge. Raised in Queens, New York and Atlanta, Asia lived through the music scene's rise in both cities. She achieved her dream of working as an executive at Atlanta Records, but shifted her path after 911. Bold moves have marked Asia's journey, homeschooling her son, selling her house, transitioning from office manager to business system analyst, leaving corporate to become an entrepreneur, and traveling Mexico before settling in Puerto Vallarta. Now as a self alignment and trauma coach, Asia helps women reconnect with themselves through wellness and trauma healing.
Mahara Wayman [00:01:27]:
Her unique story and experiences make her a powerful guide and speaker and, of course, a total badass. Asia, welcome to the show. I'm so excited to have you here.
Aja Rutledge [00:01:37]:
Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here.
Mahara Wayman [00:01:41]:
So let's go back to the beginning. The dream was originally to be in the music industry?
Aja Rutledge [00:01:46]:
Yeah. As a kid, you know, I was, like, 10 in Queens and, like, would listen to the radio. And it's back in the day when they had the tape recorder, and you would put in the tape and press record. And so I'd be recording, you know, DJ Red Alert on Friday nights and hear all the new songs. And so, yeah, as a kid, that was everything to me. So I didn't have any other plan. That was the plan.
Mahara Wayman [00:02:10]:
That was the plan.
Aja Rutledge [00:02:10]:
My family thought I was nuts.
Mahara Wayman [00:02:14]:
That's great. I mean, of course. Right? But what did that look like for you? Did you study music? Did you study the music industry before getting in with Atlantic?
Aja Rutledge [00:02:25]:
No. Oh, I mean, that's not how the industry worked at the time. Right? Like, at the time, the industry, like, specifically, like, hip hop was pretty new. There was no direct way in. So, no. It was literally just you know, I'm not a big fan of the word, but it was just manifesting. I just knew this is what I wanted to do. I knew that this was what lights me up.
Aja Rutledge [00:02:53]:
You know, I was engrossed with music. Like, I, paid attention to the release dates of every I knew the release dates of every album for the next month to come. I was buying every album every Tuesday when albums would come out. I'd go home and read the covers of the CD booklet from front to back. I knew the names of all the producers. I knew the names of the writers. I knew right? So, like, there was no traditional schooling, but I was engrossed in it. And then, I'm from the same neighborhood as LL Cool J and Run DMC, so just always being immersed in that and hearing them and hearing about them.
Aja Rutledge [00:03:36]:
And then when I moved to Atlanta, I just not purposely, but I and I feel like this is how life happens when you set your mind on a thing. I fell in line with friends who also were very into music. And, you know, around 18, we all just some got signed to the Face Records. Other brothers started working at other record studios. Like, we all just kind of moved into that. But through our whole teenage years, that was just what we did. We'd hang out at the studio. We'd make music.
Aja Rutledge [00:04:09]:
We'd go to concerts. We it wasn't like a I'm trying to learn this music thing. You know? It was just what we were doing, but all of us were on the same trajectory, and I didn't seek these people out for that reason. It just happened to be that way. And but I I found that in many things in my life that when you set your mind on something, it the synchronicity, like, you line up with the right people, you line up in the right places. So that was, like, the first experience I've had with that.
Mahara Wayman [00:04:41]:
So why do you dislike the word manifestation?
Aja Rutledge [00:04:44]:
It's just not I'm not, like, I'm not woo woo. Like, it has to be sciency for me to believe it and then move over. So, so the way my understanding of manifest of manifestation is it's it's actually very science based. It's very energetic. It's very, so it's just it's just it's just a thing for me. Because I think a lot of people get a misunderstanding. I think people take manifestation and they think, oh, I just think this thing and I believe this thing, and it's that's all you do. And that's it's that's not it.
Aja Rutledge [00:05:16]:
And so I think people don't get a clear understanding. It just seems very, like, fantasy. You don't have to do much, and that's not really that's not really the case.
Mahara Wayman [00:05:27]:
Fair enough. So recognizing that it was always on your mind
Aja Rutledge [00:05:33]:
Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:05:33]:
You actually did do things. You immersed yourself in in the culture, and everything that you could, you you sort of jumped in it. What what was the gap between hanging out with your friends as a teenager and making hanging out at the studio and actually becoming employed? What happened in between those times?
Aja Rutledge [00:05:54]:
That's a good question. What happened between those time? I went I went to college because in my family, that's what you do. There was no exception. So I would go to college. I went to college, and I felt like I had no reason to be there because I knew what I wanted to do. And like I said, at that time, this was not, like, a degree thing. And so I'm like, this isn't gonna help me get to where I wanna get to. So I went to college.
Aja Rutledge [00:06:17]:
I did the things. I went through the motions, but I also flunked out because I would just stop going to class. And at the same time, like I said, things were happening for my friends. They were meeting people. Some of my friends got signed to a record label, and so in that, you know, we still did what we did, and I went to school, and I did all the things. And then I remember one day a friend of mine said, hey. I know this, person that works at Def Jam, and they're looking for, somebody to work with one of their artists. You want me to throw your name in the hat? She said, sure.
Aja Rutledge [00:06:52]:
I met with the people who I got the job the next day. So it's just yeah. That's I just kept living my life. Right? I kept doing what I was supposed to do, but also doing what I wanted to do, staying in connection with the people I wanted to stay in connection with and, and be able to do that. So I didn't start at Atlantic Records. Right? I started in, like, some local studios in Atlanta, and, like, you know, one thing leads to another. So when I got to Atlantic Records, that was, like, my 4th job in the industry. But, you know, starting where you are, starting at home, when people say, hey.
Aja Rutledge [00:07:29]:
Somebody needs this job. You wanna do it? Say, yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:07:34]:
So how long were you in the business?
Aja Rutledge [00:07:37]:
I would say 5 years because when 9:11 happened, I was like yeah. And I had been seeing some stuff in the business that was really making me question if this was where I wanted to be because the values were not lining up with my values. And I was seeing things that was really weird around women. A lot of stuff that has come out recently, that and, you know, I was seeing it back then. Nobody was talking about it. It was just kinda like, this is what you do. And I was like, yeah. This is not what I'm gonna do.
Aja Rutledge [00:08:07]:
And then, 911 happened, and I was like, well, maybe this is the out because this doesn't feel good.
Mahara Wayman [00:08:14]:
Okay. Was it hard to sort of say goodbye to that dream and walk away from it?
Aja Rutledge [00:08:18]:
I will say this. If it was, like, a decision that didn't have, a catapult around 911, yes, it probably would have been incredibly hard. But, oh, but 911, like, overrode, like, anything because I was literally in Manhattan on that day, stuck in Manhattan. So that was like it just trumped everything. Right? It was like Yeah. Yeah. I'm getting out of here. Like, I don't I don't I don't want any parts of this.
Aja Rutledge [00:08:47]:
And so it just overshadowed, you know, any feelings I had about it. And then when I came back home, it was like, okay, let's figure out what we're gonna do now. But if if it was, like, just me trying to just make the decision, which I had been thinking about before, but not acting on making a decision and then came to that, yeah, I'm sure it would have been pretty difficult. And I definitely had times in my life moving forward where I looked back and, like, maybe I shouldn't have left. Maybe I was, like, you know, just too reactive, and maybe if I had stayed, you know, things would have panned out different. So I've definitely thought about it, but in that time, it was just it was all about 911. Like, yeah. I'm not here for this.
Mahara Wayman [00:09:29]:
Fair enough. So what do you think you learned about yourself during that time when you worked in the music industry?
Aja Rutledge [00:09:36]:
Yeah. I learned to believe in myself. I learned that, no matter what other people think and what other people say about you, like, if your belief about what you want is strong enough, and if your belief is going to drive you to see through what you're desiring, then, like, you just gotta stick with the belief that you have about yourself because people are gonna say all kinds of things. People are gonna think you're crazy. And the minute that what you've been saying for so long starts to come to fruition, like, people change their tune immediately. Like, I remember, overhearing one of my aunts saying because, you know, when when I was in school and I dropped out and they some of them would act like I didn't drop out. Like, they'd still be like, so how's school? I told you I haven't been in school for, like, 3 semesters. Right? Stop asking me this, you know.
Aja Rutledge [00:10:32]:
And then, like, when it seemed like, oh, like, Asia's actually, like, working with real people. Like, Asia's actually going to the Grammys. Like, oh, this is what's happening. Then it's like, Asia might be the 1st millionaire in the family. Like, Asia like like, the tune completely changed. Right? And so what I learned in that was, like, if you believe in something and you know that you can do a thing and you have the passion for it, you it doesn't matter what anybody else is saying that you have to stick with your belief about yourself. And, of course, do the work with it, but don't let those people deter you, because they can't decide what happens. Only you decide what happens.
Aja Rutledge [00:11:11]:
Right? And so I learned that and I learned that, like, the power of unwavering, being steadfast in something. Like, not having any doubt about anything. Right? Like, I did not have a plan b. And I know people talk all the time about, like, you have a plan a, you have a plan b. I had no plan b. To me, plan b would have been doubting that plan a was going to work. Right? And so it wasn't even, like, conscious that, like, no. I'm not gonna get a plan b because of this.
Aja Rutledge [00:11:44]:
It was just this is it. Like, it it it was so unconscious, but it was so, like, there's nothing else I want. This is it. I don't care if y'all tell me to go to school for this. I don't care if you tell this is what I want. And so I learned, like, the power of having that relentless belief about what you want. It does things. It does things in the world.
Aja Rutledge [00:12:13]:
It does things in the universe. It does things in molecules, in energy, and it's powerful. But so many times, it's hard for people to get to that place of doubt of, like, it doesn't matter what anybody says to you. You're like, yeah. Okay. Whatever. And then you just keep going.
Mahara Wayman [00:12:33]:
It sounds amazing, and I totally understand what you're saying, and I I believe the same thing. I'm curious, though. You went to school when you didn't want to. That wasn't part of the belief. So what was it at that time that allowed you to go, okay. Fine. I'll just do what you want me to do, and I'll put I'll leave this on the side for now. Because I'm hearing 2 different stories.
Mahara Wayman [00:12:55]:
Right? You always had this belief, and yet something happened to make you wanna go to school. Or
Aja Rutledge [00:13:00]:
No. No. So you can't take things out of context. Right? So you have to keep things in context. So what we're talking about is my internal thoughts, my internal beliefs, my internal actions. Now put me in context of my family. That's incredibly traditional. That the only thing my grandfather talks about is how all his kids went to college and now they're professionals.
Aja Rutledge [00:13:21]:
That the only thing they talk about is that you are going to college. It's not if you go to college. It's not do you want to go to college. They don't even ask you. You just know that's what's happening. So when I'm going to college, it's not that I wanted to go. It's this is completely what's expected of me, and I have not at that age, like, I was a teenager. I was 19, 20.
Aja Rutledge [00:13:45]:
I have not gained the the resilience and the healing within myself to be able to put up boundaries and say, this is not what I wanna do. This is not the path I wanna take. This is so I'm doing what I'm doing in parallel to doing what they are telling me I'm supposed to be doing. Right? And so I'm not giving up my dream, but I'm also not trying to deal with combating them. It's just this and and to be honest, I don't even think it was conscious. It was just I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm a teenager. I'm 19.
Aja Rutledge [00:14:20]:
This is what they say you do. This is what I'm doing. Even though I was fully aware I hate doing this. This school sucks every day. Like, I don't like sitting in these lecture halls. Right? And that's why I dropped out. Like, I eventually I did. Like, I did things in my own way, but I didn't have the the ability at the time to stand up and say these things to them.
Aja Rutledge [00:14:42]:
And so it was like, okay, I'm going to do what I'm supposed to do, but then when I realized like, I absolutely actually hate this. And so it wasn't like withdrawing, it was just, I'm just not going anymore. And then when they say, you know, how's school? Oh, yeah. I'm not in school anymore. And but then at the same time, it was I also have this job now. So you can't say, well, what are you doing? You're just sitting around. No. I have this job.
Aja Rutledge [00:15:09]:
Right? And so it would you and so the context is important because now as an adult, I can say so many things, you know, since I've healed and done the work that I just didn't have the ability to even have the words for at 19 years old. Even though I still had my own dreams and desires and was determined to do it, I was just trying to make it work in the in the in the environment that I that I knew and what was expected of me.
Mahara Wayman [00:15:40]:
Fair enough. And, you know, thank you for for clarifying that. And truth is, no one said it was easy to be badass. Right?
Aja Rutledge [00:15:46]:
No. It's not easy. It's hard.
Mahara Wayman [00:15:49]:
It's hard work. And, you know, it's I think it's really it's a great reminder that when we're young, we're learning. Mhmm. And it is possible to have a dream and be steadfast in the dream, but also to go along with what you're used to and what's expected of you. So thanks for thanks for highlighting that. When you did drop out, got another job, started telling your family, what was their view of that other than the ones that didn't even wanna believe it? Like, did they think you were nuts? Were they angry? Were they like, let's watch. Let's sit back and watch, or all the all of the above?
Aja Rutledge [00:16:24]:
No. They sat they just sat back and watched because it was a it was a real job. I was getting actually paid. I have places to go every day. And and what helped validate it was I I never I was never working for people that you've never heard of. I was all like, from day 1, I was always working from people that you heard on the radio. Or maybe they were producers, so they weren't the singers, but you heard their songs on the radio. And so for them, that was validating.
Aja Rutledge [00:16:53]:
Like, well, this might actually be a thing because they're actually hearing these people's work. It's not like, I don't know who she's talking about. This person like, you know, this is really weird. So it I think that gave it whatever they needed because I don't know what they needed. Right? But I think that gave it whatever they needed to just kinda back off and leave me alone, because it was a job. I was getting paid, and you were seeing what you were seeing the fruits of the labor. Right? You could add it was tangible to them. It wasn't, you know, me sitting in my friend's basement, you know, and we're and we're which those are all very valid too, but that's not my story.
Aja Rutledge [00:17:34]:
And so to them, I guess that gave it validity and they just I'm not gonna say they loved it. Right? It wasn't until I, like, literally worked at Atlantic. No. It was before Atlantic, but I was working for a major artist and that, that's when they, you know, they really started jumping on the bandwagon, but they didn't give me grief, before that because it was like, well, she's actually working, and she's actually making money. Like, I was making a lot of money for a 20 year old. Right? And so it was like, well, she's moved out. She's bought a truck. She's doing like, she must be doing something.
Aja Rutledge [00:18:12]:
So
Mahara Wayman [00:18:13]:
And you were happy. Right? You were happy.
Aja Rutledge [00:18:15]:
I was having a ball.
Mahara Wayman [00:18:16]:
Okay. So 911 hit. I'm glad you're having a ball. 911 hit. You that that's that's it. You're on to something else. Yeah. Take us through the next few years in your career.
Aja Rutledge [00:18:29]:
I went to, I I moved back to Atlanta, and I just got, like, a office administrative job because in high school, I had taken, like, a office administrative class. So it was like, I was good at office skills. I knew I knew that could always be a fallback for me. So I did that, and then I was like, I'd never finished my degree. Right? And so that is a thing in my family. It doesn't matter, like, what your what your path is. And so I was like, you know, I think I wanna finish my degree. And but I had because of my experience, I was very clear that I could not go to the traditional school.
Aja Rutledge [00:19:10]:
I could not sit in lecture halls. I had gained that understanding of myself that this is not the way I need to go to school. And so I was very clear that whatever school I went to, it needed to be hands on from day 1. Like, usually you wait till you junior, senior. They need to start me touching the things at 1st year. Right? And so actually I found a school in Chicago. I decided I I remember having this whole conversation with myself about, do I go to school for the music industry? Because I kind of just did that on my own. Right? So is that, like, a waste of money, or would it be helpful? And so I was, like, toying with going to school and actually getting degree in music business.
Aja Rutledge [00:19:49]:
And then I I write. I I'm a writer. I've always written, and I really like TV. And so I was like, you know, maybe I get a degree in television writing. And, like, that sounds fun. And so I found a school that from day 1, you walk in the door and you're doing things. And they, you know, very, very artsy, and so they had degrees in television writing. And so I was like, that's what we're gonna do.
Aja Rutledge [00:20:18]:
So I went to Chicago. I was a late student. I was about 25, 26 when I was finishing school. I finished 2 years, and then they had a program we could go out to LA and work on studio lots out in LA. And so I did that, and, when I was out there, I was trying to get a job because I was like, if I get a job out here, I'll stay. But I was older. Right? And so, like, you have a different mindset when you're older than, like, when you're doing these things as, like, 18. And so what I could not grasp in my head was, like, people are living with, like, 6 or 7 people to make this happen.
Aja Rutledge [00:20:52]:
Like, I had lived by myself. I had done my own thing. You know, I'm like, I don't think I'm gonna be okay, like, living with 7 people to, like, do this thing out here. And, I'll never forget. I almost got a job on Everybody Hate Chris. It was, like, just like, it was brand new. Nobody knew who the show was. And she was like, it was just this person just had this one thing over you.
Aja Rutledge [00:21:13]:
Like, otherwise, I swear we would've hired you. And, and that was like that was my thing. That was my decision. If I get this job, I'm starting. If I don't get this job, I'm not staying. And so I went back home to Atlanta, and and that was the next few years. So then I just kinda went traditional corporate. I ended up getting pregnant, so it was like, let's figure out how to make money steadily.
Aja Rutledge [00:21:36]:
So that led me into corporate administrative office manager type stuff, and that really was, like, a joy killer.
Mahara Wayman [00:21:47]:
That was not the thing.
Aja Rutledge [00:21:49]:
That was not the thing.
Mahara Wayman [00:21:52]:
When did you when did you decide to go it on your own?
Aja Rutledge [00:21:58]:
That was a we've skipped some stuff, but I decided to go on my own. I have been working as a, like, a business systems analyst, HCM lead, depending on what the job was. And I have been working from home. I have been slowly working from home. This is before working from home was a thing. Like, I had been always working in tech companies, and so they were always trying to be, you know, forward moving. And so I started at one company where, like, we'd work from home one day a week. And then I moved to another job where it was like, we'll only come in, you know, 2 days a week.
Aja Rutledge [00:22:29]:
So I have progressively gotten jobs where it's like you just work from home. And my, final job, I was completely remote. And, by the time I had my son, he was, like, you know, in kindergarten or something. And so I needed to be remote. I was a single mom. You know? He had appointments for doctors and stuff. It was like, I can't come into an office and manage all of this. And so, they got a new CEO, and the new CEO decided that she hated work from home.
Aja Rutledge [00:23:01]:
And so she decided everybody needed to come into the office. And so they told me, you know, start looking for a different role that you can come do in the office. And I was like, yeah. I'm a just need you to give me my severance package. And I remember, like, my manager, a month later, he was like, have you looked at any roles that you want? And I was like, well, I told you to, like, get my severance package together. And he was like, yeah. I thought you were just kidding. And I was like, no.
Aja Rutledge [00:23:29]:
I'm not coming into the office. And so that was my final, like I can't do this corporate thing anymore because the minute one person's mind changes, you're like it changes my whole life. I can't I can't do that. So they gave me a severance package, and that was the the end of my corporate days. And I had made sure not to go back because it's easy to go into what you know even if you hate it. Right? And so I was like, I don't want to go back to this. And I had been wanting to dye my hair purple for, like, a really long time. And so, when I ended that job, I went to my hairstylist and I was like, let's do it.
Aja Rutledge [00:24:11]:
And she's like, are you sure? I'm like, yep. Because if I start to get the you know, if I start to feel that whole desperation and I start to try to go back to a corporate job, I want something that's gonna keep me from doing that. And if I show up with purple hair, they're going to be like, hell no. I don't care how great she is. So let's do it. So that was my, like, push of we're done with this. We are not doing this again.
Mahara Wayman [00:24:34]:
Oh my god. You are so badass. Most people would just talk themselves try to talk themselves out of it. But I'm curious, though. Where did you find the strength? You're a single mom, and, you know, that's a big decision to turn your back on the security, what you know. As you said, it could be hard. But where did you find the strength to do that?
Aja Rutledge [00:24:55]:
There was a few things. It didn't feel secure to me because this was, like, my 3rd layoff. And so it was like, people keep acting like corporate America is, like, so secure, but this is the 3rd time I've been laid off. Like, this does not feel secure to me. So that was the first thing. It there was no security for me in corporate America. I didn't feel that sense of it. And then the other thing was I literally, I've, you know, since learned, like, I'm highly sensitive, I'm autistic, all these things.
Aja Rutledge [00:25:21]:
So I literally felt like a piece of me died every day I walked into this corporate environment. And I learned that like other people, they don't like it, but they don't feel like they're dying every day. Right? Like, they they may not enjoy it, but they can work it out. But me, I literally felt like it was literally chipping my soul away every single day. And I just you know, I remember, like, I would sit with my son, and we'd sit at dinner, and I remember I was trying to teach him conversation because he's autistic too. So I would try to teach him how, like, how the flow of conversation. And so the way we would practice was he would he'd learn to ask me, like, how was work? How did you feel at work? You know? And so when he'd asked me this, every time he asked me this, I would I could tell, like, my whole demeanor, like, shifted down, and I was never happy. And it was, like, it was alright.
Aja Rutledge [00:26:14]:
It was okay. And I just hit a point of, like, is it okay to keep every time he asked me how was work, I just, like, completely downgrade into this awful feeling, and he can see it. Like, he can see all of this. He knows this. Even if I'm not saying it to him, I don't wanna keep showing that to him. So it was like the combination of those two things, and it was like, yeah. No. I want to be able to when he asked me how it's work, I can say, it was great.
Aja Rutledge [00:26:43]:
I was so excited. I had fun doing this or I or it might have been hard, but I still really enjoyed what I was doing. You know? I just wanted the dynamic of that conversation to change, which ultimately meant I wanted to feel differently in the work I did, but that was the thing that, like, really that was the tangible thing that I could see that was like, I don't want this to continue. So between me not feeling secure in corporate because of being laid off so many times, and then this conversation with my child just I could see it, and he could see it. It was like, yeah. I can't keep doing this. So those were the pushes. And then, like I said, I got a severance, and so it was like, hey.
Aja Rutledge [00:27:21]:
I've got some cushion here. Let's just call it a day. I don't like it anyway.
Mahara Wayman [00:27:27]:
So so good. And, you know, I've heard from other from other guests and my own experience as well because I've got 2 children. I there have been times in my life when I've looked back on them and interactions I've had with them, and I realized that they're not only am I here to help raise them, but they are here to help me learn lessons.
Aja Rutledge [00:27:48]:
Yep.
Mahara Wayman [00:27:48]:
If you're it you know, when I was when I was open to it, both my children have been instrumental in helping me learn things. And it's it's kinda humbling when we allow that, and we realize that, you know what? It's we are in this together. Right?
Aja Rutledge [00:28:06]:
Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:28:06]:
And Yep. I I felt I remember feeling so blessed that I was willing to hear the message that Yeah. They both times that they've been trying to tell me things. So so so good. How old do you how old is your son today?
Aja Rutledge [00:28:19]:
He's 17 today. What? Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:28:23]:
You don't have a 17 year old. Yeah.
Aja Rutledge [00:28:25]:
He's a big guy.
Mahara Wayman [00:28:27]:
That's fantastic. So Yeah. What are some of the I I know there's more that you're gonna share with us, but up until this point, you've you've definitely demonstrated badassery throughout your life. You've made tough choices Mhmm. But you've kept moving forward. What are some of the biggest things that you felt that you were gonna take into the next phase of your life? Because you've gone through so much already, and you're still a young woman.
Aja Rutledge [00:28:51]:
Yeah. I mean, in that period, also, I had started doing a lot of, like, my own healing. Right? Like, I started, I I started using boundaries. I had learned what boundaries were, and I started using boundaries. And I remember during that period, I had started telling my mother no. And, watching the ramifications of the impact of me telling my mother no and, like, what that actually meant for our relationship and what kind of relationship we actually did not have when I decided to say, like, no. I'm not doing this for you. No.
Aja Rutledge [00:29:23]:
I'm not doing that. And so, I really started grappling with that kind of stuff, and that made me realize I had such an interesting journey because I always say I I I had the gift and the curse. Like, how many people get their dream job at 19? Right? So I always call it a gift and a curse because I felt what it felt like to have, like, the ultimate dream job, to have work not feel like work, to, you know, to just be invigorated every day doing exactly what you want to do at 19. Right? And so now I moved into these environments where I absolutely hate it. It literally feels like it's killing me. And I so I would have these conversations with myself, like, what did I have then that I don't have now? Like, what allowed me to do that then that I'm struggling to do this now? Right? So I would have these thoughts. And so to answer your question, some of the things that I consciously took with me because of the work I have done with myself and the conversations I have been having, I had realized that I had started letting other people if they said, oh, that was a silly idea, I'd say, oh, you're right. Forget it.
Aja Rutledge [00:30:41]:
Right? So I had started realizing that I had moved into that, or I don't wanna say moved into that because I think that was always a part of me, especially given my childhood trauma. But I think I didn't have something more powerful to override me being like, oh, you're right. Never mind. Right? And so what I decided I was consciously moving into forward with was, what do I feel about my life and sticking with that. And I can take other people's input, but it's not going to change my whole trajectory if I don't agree with it or I don't believe it. I can invite it into the conversation, but it is not the driver. My voice, my desire is the the driver. And then the other thing that I really, really took into with me was, how do I want to feel? How do I want to feel when I wake up? How do I want to feel when I'm working with a client? How do I want to feel when I'm with my son? How do I want to feel in my day? So that led me to what values are important to me, what things are critical for me to have, and I realized autonomy is critical for me to have.
Aja Rutledge [00:32:00]:
Right? And, like so those things I carried forward. And then like you said, you know, I had a really unique experience of being like a child who just kind of knew things? Clairvoyance. I don't know. I just kinda knew things. And I had a parent who, like, based on what you just said, was very adamantly against learning from me as her child. And so I had that experience as a child of, like, knowing things, seeing things, and then seeing a parent completely ignore the lessons I could have offered her that would have improved her and my life, and, like, watch her trajectory go down this road where you could have, like, picked a different choice because I said the thing, but you chose to disregard it. And so for me, I had always been very, very clear that, like, kids know things and kids are here to teach you things. And so I'm not going to ignore my kid and things he says even if I don't really understand it at the time.
Aja Rutledge [00:33:08]:
And so being very clear as we were moving forward, about what he sees, what he believes, what he feels, and, like, incorporating that into life, and also, like, is there a lesson for me in this? So I think those are some really key conscious things that I was moving forward with.
Mahara Wayman [00:33:27]:
Not only key, but very powerful. You know, I think many of us struggle to even slow down enough to ask ourselves, what am I feeling right now? We're so many of us are on autopilot and, like, you know, myself as well for many, many years. But I really appreciate what you're bringing to this conversation. It's understanding that while as a child, you're very intuitive, you still have to learn the lesson. You still have to operate within the confines in the context of a 10 year old, 12 year old, 13 year old, 14 year old, 15 year old. But there does come a time when you can take full autonomy and and full authority on your life and make some choices. Where you're at now is you're doing the work. Mhmm.
Mahara Wayman [00:34:12]:
You're learning to set boundaries. And by the way, peeps, those of you that are listening are not quite clear what we mean by that. Here's the thing. You gotta teach the world your worth by first acknowledging it, and we do that by setting boundaries that are very clear. And it's a gift. Right? I say this to my clients all the time. When you set a clear boundary, it's a total gift not only for you, but for the person or the people because you're making it so easy for them to like you. Yep.
Mahara Wayman [00:34:39]:
For you to like them. Right? You're like, I'm making it so easy for you. If you do this, you're in my good books. If you don't do this, you're not in my good book. You get to choose. No. You know? So big lesson to learn. So once you started setting boundaries, what happened next? Did anything did you begin to look at the world slightly differently? Did the world treat you back treat you differently the more you set these boundaries?
Aja Rutledge [00:35:05]:
Well, I wouldn't say the world because, at that time at that time, I was very caught up in my traumatic relationship with my mother. And so I wasn't even looking at the world. It was just, what is going on with her? Right? And so for my boundaries, it really wasn't even pushed out to anybody else. It was really just directed to my mom at that time. And so, like, an example I can give you is my I have very much younger sisters. I have sisters that are 20 22 years younger than me. So at the time when I had my son, he was in daycare, I had really young sisters. And so my mother would do stuff where, like, I'm picking up my son from daycare and then she'd say, hey can you get the girls from soccer, I can't make it, I have something to do.
Aja Rutledge [00:35:59]:
And I would say yes and then I would get them from soccer, I would take them home, I would get them dinner but in the meantime my son's routine is now jacked up. He's now thrown off his routine. When we're getting home, he's crying, he's tired, and I have to deal with the ramifications at the same time. My mom is happy. She's got everything she wants. Her kids are in bed. They're fed. It's all good.
Aja Rutledge [00:36:22]:
And I'm, like, mad and living through hell now because my autistic child who needs his routine is thrown off his routine. Right? And so I remember, like, a simple thing. Like, one day she called me, hey. Can you give the girls? Nope. Can't do it. And that was, like, the first time, like, me and my child's needs are more important. Did you like, I have my own family now, and I have to care for my child's needs. And what happened, you say, you know, how did the world respond? My mom kinda stopped talking to me.
Aja Rutledge [00:36:54]:
Like, I learned that she really only called me when she needed something. She really didn't have a relationship with me. She really didn't, like, care how I was doing as a person. That's never why she was calling me. She was only calling me because I could do things for her. And when I started saying, no. I'm not doing this for you. I got to see the truth of what the relationship was.
Aja Rutledge [00:37:16]:
And so that was very hurtful that, you know, that that was a lot to process. But in that time it was just I didn't even start pushing boundaries out to other people, it was more of just like, wow, look what's happening when I just put boundaries in place with my mother. Right? Like, this is kind of wild. So it took a while to start using them with other people because I didn't get a good response. Right? It didn't feel good. It was a good response. Now I look back, but at that time, it didn't feel good. It didn't feel like, look at you using your boundaries.
Aja Rutledge [00:37:50]:
Right? Like that's that's not what happened. And so, I had to work through, you know, a lot of that stuff and I had to work through like, if a person doesn't respect that you have your own thing and you, it's okay. Right? Like, now you know clearly where you stand with them. But at that time, I didn't I didn't have that language. I didn't know those things. So, no, I didn't it didn't encourage me to, like, push them out again onto other people and all that. It wasn't like a loving, yes. Look at this.
Aja Rutledge [00:38:18]:
It it you know, my journey has been very difficult. And so but I was determined. Like, I I had started to learn that I get to feel in my life the way I need to feel in my life, and my son gets to have the things he needs, and other people's needs don't override that. And so even if I'm terrified because I was the first few times to, like, no to say no. It wasn't easy. You know? Even if I'm terrified, what we need and what we deserve is more important. And so what it did start to do was give me the courage to say because that was the first time I started saying, hey. I have needs too, and they matter.
Aja Rutledge [00:39:01]:
I had never done that before, really. Right? Not in that way. And so, like I said, you know, I went I was working music, but I still went to school. It wasn't like, hey. No. This is not what I wanna do. I wanna do that. Right? Like, I didn't I didn't do that kind of thing.
Aja Rutledge [00:39:16]:
So this was the first time I started to be like, yeah. No. My needs matter sometimes over yours, and that's gonna be okay. And if you don't like it, that's okay too. And so that is what I started taking for me across, like, the board with other people. I started to be like, what are my needs in this situation? Yeah. And how am I gonna make sure that those get met too, not just trying to help other people and trying to meet other people's needs? So it didn't fully push out the boundaries, but it did start this internal conversation around, like, what does this start to look like with other people when I have needs too?
Mahara Wayman [00:39:55]:
What a great realization that first of all, that you have needs. We all have them. So many of us struggle with with acknowledging that even to ourselves, much less to other people. So first of all, I just wanna say, you know, I really commend you for the courage that it takes to navigate an intimate relationship that is disappointing and hurtful on all of those things that you've experienced. That definitely takes bad after it. It definitely takes courage. But, really, what I'm hearing is all along, you have there's been some part of you that recognized your greatness and recognized your your the fact that you matter. And little by little, you began to hear that voice and listen to it and act on it more and more.
Mahara Wayman [00:40:37]:
Tell us about what you're doing today because, first, I know that you help women, but you've obviously gone through a lot of work yourself to understand, and now you're doing it you're you're giving back to the community as it were.
Aja Rutledge [00:40:55]:
I do wanna say, you know, it's funny, what you say. I never really thought about it in that way, but I I will never forget. I remember being 16, I think. And I remember, like, my mom saying something crazy to me, and I remember making me feel a certain way. And I said to her, you know, I must be destined for greatness because there's no way in hell God will put me through all of this not to be destined for greatness and I walked out the room. And I don't know where that came from, but I've never forgot that I said that. And I because I just remember like this is hell. This is all completely hell And, like, I don't know why I would be going through this if I'm not gonna be, like, this some miraculous amazing thing at the end of the day.
Aja Rutledge [00:41:39]:
Right? And I remember, like, she did not like that I said that, but I did have that belief. Like, I was sincere in saying that. Right? And so somewhere, like you said, I always had this underlying belief no matter if it was super buried or not, but it was there. And so, yeah, what you're saying is accurate. What am I doing now? Well, now I I believe healing is a lifetime experience. I don't think you ever get to a stop, you know, a stop point and like, hey. It's done. And so for me, I'm personally still continuing my healing.
Aja Rutledge [00:42:13]:
It's so amazing, the layers that, you know, you think you've done a thing and then, like, what brings stuff back up. But in that context, also, I because I have done the last 4 years have been intense, intense trauma healing. And so in the last year and a half, I would say, I've started to have the capacity again to, like, learn other things and help other people. And so I, went ahead. I'm, like, fanatically re like, I'm a research fanatic. If I don't understand something, it has to I have to make it make sense. And so that's when I'd, like, dig into my research, and I will go nuts, literally. And so I always joke that, like, I have a PhD in autism because when my son was little and he got diagnosed with autism, I spent, like, 7 years, like, every night from 10 to 3, like, just studying autism.
Aja Rutledge [00:43:15]:
And so now I joke that I have a PhD in trauma because I basically did the same thing for the last 4 years. And then I decided, I would go ahead and get a certification because people like to see letters behind your name. And then also maybe there's something I didn't learn, or maybe there's dots that I didn't connect. Right? So I went and got my certification in trauma recovery. And what I learned through my journey, this is not from the certifications, from my journey, is that sincere true trauma recovery, if you're doing the work, is a journey into yourself, and it's a journey back to aligning with who you actually are. Because trauma separates you from who you are, from your needs, from your wants, from your likes, from your desires. You're you're manipulating your entire self to adjust to these parameters that the environment or people or what have you have put around you, and then you take that and continue it because you think that's who you are or how you should maneuver this situation even though it's not helping you at any in any way. And so I found that it's actually like a really true spiritual journey back into alignment with who you actually are.
Aja Rutledge [00:44:38]:
And so I help people to do that because I find that so many women are living lives that are not actually the lives they want to be living. And I find a lot of it starts, you know, especially women because we're taught to be good girls. Right? And what does being a good girl mean? Right? And it means you silence yourself. It means you placate. You do right? All these things that really strip you of who you are and your humanity. And so learning to try to be a good girl and be accepted, you are detaching from yourself and you are you don't really know who you are anymore. And so helping women to get back to that place so that they can actually, like, enjoy the life they live and they can actually learn to walk forward in self alignment. Because I think when you can walk in self alignment, then it's not difficult to use boundaries.
Aja Rutledge [00:45:34]:
It's not difficult to say what you need. It's not difficult to identify a person and say, this person is just not a good match for me. Doesn't make them a bad person, but they're not a good match for me, and I'm not gonna try to make this fit. Right? Like, it's when you're in alignment with yourself and you're clear around who you are and what you need and what's important to you and also that you deserve. Right? You deserve to be seen. You deserve to be accepted and understood, and you are not going to, like, twist and taint that for other people just so you can fit into their box, then you move in the world in a completely different way. And the other thing is, like I said, I am a research nut. So when you are out of alignment for yourself, it is also actually very harmful.
Aja Rutledge [00:46:28]:
There are actually biological things happening in your body that are leading to disease. And so, you know, one of the things I started doing with myself when I was, like, hesitant to either say a thing or keep my mouth shut when I really wanted to say a thing, I'd remind myself, this is taking me out of alignment with myself, and what's the physical effect of this? It might not show up today, but it might show up in a month. And am I willing to deal with that? Right? And so I teach women about how to get how to understand that on a biological level and a, trauma and a spiritual level, and so that they can walk in alignment whether they change their whole life or not. Right? Like, you can you can do the same thing and it's still be different because, internally, it's different. Yeah. Yeah.
Mahara Wayman [00:47:22]:
It's also good. I I loved I loved how you explained this this understanding that life gets easier when we are ourselves, when we stop hiding, when we stop pretending. I you know, we talk about this quite a bit. As coaches, I'm sure you do as well, this idea that we're we wear a mask for lots of reasons. But when we are when we become when we give ourselves permission to take the mask off and really investigate who we are and and step back to that beautiful essence of ourselves, life gets easier. Whether you to your point, whether you do the same stuff or not is not necessarily the question. It's how we feel as we move through life. It's how we feel as we introduce ourselves to people.
Mahara Wayman [00:48:04]:
It's how we feel when we have a challenge. And I think there's a misunderstanding that when we when people go on a journey of personal discovery, it's all sunshine and roses. Bullshit. It's work. And tough things still happen. But the more aligned we are, the less it can the less it actually hurts. The more we can navigate it with ease and grace rather than fear and trepidation. Thank you for sharing that with us, and and and thank you for sharing your journey.
Mahara Wayman [00:48:36]:
Bottom line is we are blessed to be here. Yeah. And if we're not happy with how we are feeling, we can question it. In fact, from 1 badass, from 2 badasses to everybody listening, please question it. If you don't it's not good to feel good, just take a breath and say, okay. How what exactly am I feeling, and how do I wanna feel? I really appreciate you sharing your journey with us today. If you're interested, of course, you are. Check the show notes because everything that she has to offer, I'm gonna include in the show notes.
Mahara Wayman [00:49:05]:
Because if you are hurting, if anything that that my guest, Asia, has shared resonated with you, please reach out to her. Ask for help. Do some research because it is possible to walk through life feeling graceful and easeful and loved because you absolutely that is your right. Asia, any last minute or last few tips for our listeners on how to feel bad off on a regular basis?
Aja Rutledge [00:49:34]:
Yeah. You know, something I would say is that, there was a period in my life that I never thought I'd be here. And when I say here, I don't mean physically. I mean, internally. I mean, the contentness that I feel, the the lack of concern that I have when I express my needs and that if somebody doesn't like it, whatever. Right? Just the love that I have for myself and the way I move now, and the way I express what I need. And I I I never I never thought I would have been here. And because my life, you know, from a child, from babyhood, I was just trauma, trauma, trauma.
Aja Rutledge [00:50:21]:
Right? And so I was very depressed, negative thinking, just and that's just how your brain works. It's not that you're doing it on purpose. Right? So what I would say is if if I can do this, I promise you anybody can do this. And the biggest thing I would say about being a badass is just you know what you want. And I think being a badass is not knowing, but it's having the courage to put it first. And no matter what's going on, right, we've talked about, like, ways to do it while you're still doing what you're supposed to do and all this thing, but having the courage to just, like, I'm just gonna put this first and go after this and being able to sit with that. So all of us have these things we want, desire, need, you know, dreams, and then we just, like, no. You know, maybe another time.
Aja Rutledge [00:51:24]:
And I would say, maybe you just start doing little things every day to make that thing start to happen and see what happens.
Mahara Wayman [00:51:34]:
Oh, so good. Asia, thank you so much. I hope you have an amazing week, and thanks everyone for joining us today on the show. Of course, I'll see you next week with another episode of the art of bad assry. My name is Mahara. This has been my guest, Asia. We'll see you soon. Take care.
Mahara Wayman [00:51:49]:
Take care. Thanks for tuning in to another badass episode. Your support means the world to me. So if you enjoyed what you heard today, don't forget to like, share, and rate the episode on your favorite podcast platform. Your feedback keeps the badassery flowing. And, hey, if you're ready to unleash your inner badass and conquer whatever life throws your way, why not book a complimentary badass breakthrough session? Just click the link in the show notes to schedule your session, and let's kick some serious butt together. Until next time, stay fearless, stay fabulous, and of course, stay badass. This is Mahara signing off.
